Overcoming Approach Anxiety to Score a Date
Did you know that when it comes to social rejection, your brain actually processes a snub similar to the way it would a physical injury?
That means experiencing a failed interview, lost friendship, or other social exclusion isn’t that much different from breaking your arm. There’s a lengthy recovery process, the painful memory of the incident, and the fear to get back out there and try again. Sometimes, it can also lead to approach anxiety.
In a nutshell, this is the fear of going up to someone you find attractive and initiating an interaction.
While a previous denial is one catalyst for approach anxiety, the reality is that it can affect anyone. Yes, even someone who’s never been given the brush-off before.
Today, we’re breaking down approach anxiety and covering some key ways that men can overcome it and take the first step toward finding their future mate. Ready to get started? Let’s dive in!
Ready to get started? Let’s dive in!
Own (Don’t Fear) Approach Anxiety
Before you can work on overcoming your approach anxiety, you should recognize it for what it is, and remove the stigma attached to it.
Consider this — anxiety disorders are incredibly common. In fact, 40% of worldwide disability is attributed to them. In England alone, 6 million people suffer from them.
That means you’re not alone, and you’re not crazy.
It also means you’ve got a valid and important reason for staying seated, and it’s time to acknowledge it. You didn’t avoid the interaction because you weren’t feeling well, or she wasn’t looking at you, or you didn’t have the time.
Your hesitancy was attributed to approach anxiety. The sooner that’s realized, the sooner the path to overcoming it can begin.
Yet, along with this step, it’s important to understand that working on your recovery will take time. These emotions of self-doubt, nervousness, and fear weren’t created overnight. They won’t diminish that quickly either.
Yet, the good news is that with a little bit of practice, you can steadily build the confidence needed to take that first step.
Start Slow and Small
The cold turkey, rip-off-the-Band-Aid method to curbing approach anxiety? It’s to just go up to a woman you find attractive and try to struggle through the awkward and painful conversation.
Yet, that process can actually do more harm than good, resetting your initial anxieties back to their strongest starting point.
Rather, it’s better to build up your nerve slowly, and in small increments. Try approaching someone new in a familiar and comfortable setting. It doesn’t necessarily need to be someone you find attractive, but simply someone who is a stranger to you.
Try the clerk at the retail store. Someone in line behind you getting groceries. A new co-worker. All of these interactions require you to step out of your comfort zone and begin speaking first. This is one of the most critical steps to mitigating your approach anxiety.
To help you stay consistently in this mindset, try setting daily or even weekly “initial conversation” goals. Remember that these conversations don’t have to be long-winded. Just saying “hi” to someone in the hallway can count toward your quota.
The point is to dip your toes into the social water, and gently break the force that’s holding you back from speaking up. So take that first step, but you don’t have to make it a running leap.
Work on Building Confidence
As you work on approaching others, it can be difficult to succeed if you’re still weighed down by low self-esteem and confidence. After all, you’re opening yourself up to a sensitive and vulnerable interaction. We know that the fear of not being “enough” can be crippling.
So, an important step in overcoming approach anxiety is to re-examine your self-worth. Remind yourself of your value and importance.
What are some of the unique qualities you bring to the table?
What are some of your gifts and abilities that make you stand out?
What do you have to offer a potential date?
The more you focus on your positive qualities, the less likely you are to give credence to the doubt that will inevitably creep in.
It’s no secret that confidence is an attractive and desirable trait in the opposite sex. Thus, as you work to build yours, you’ll not only improve your inner mindfulness. You’ll also help position yourself as more comfortable and assured around women. You’ll also increase the likelihood that the conversation you begin will go in your favor.
Need a quick shot of confidence? Try changing your pose. Research shows that when people lift their head, lift their chest, and move up their arms, they feel more powerful and in control of their situation.
Focus on the Present
One of the calling cards of approach anxiety is to dwell on both past and future hurts.
This is easy to do in the dating world. Studies reveal that a negative event that has a social component attached to it can stick in our psyche longer. It can also get turned over in our mind more frequently than one that happens in private.
That’s why, as you sit frozen in fear, your mind is probably running a mile a minute. Questions such as “What if this goes as bad as the last interaction?” focus on the past. Ones such as “What if I approach her and she just walks away or laughs at me?” focus on future pain that hasn’t happened yet.
In both scenarios, your mind is fixated on an event that’s not presently occurring. To change this, try focusing solely on the present moment.
You’ve been practicing your on-the-spot conversations. You’re building up your confidence. There’s nothing to hold you back from taking that first step toward her — not even your own mind.
The Next Step: Training Your Heart and Mind
If you’re a single man in Europe looking to push through mental obstacles holding you back from finding the woman of your dreams, we’d love to help.
We’re a team of expert trainers that provides live training resources designed to help you build the skills and confidence necessary to boost attraction and build relationships.
Contact us today to get started!
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