How To Approach A Girl At A Bar | The Ultimate Guide (updated 2021)

How To Approach A Girl At A Bar | The Ultimate Guide (updated 2021)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I will be outlining how to approach a girl at a bar. Specifically, I will give you a step-by-step guide to make this process ten times easier for you.

You will learn:

  • Essential ways to make an approach (that work)
  • How to make the location work for you (simple and effective)
  • A process of easily introducing yourself to a girl (rejection-proof)

Once you learn how to approach a girl at a bar you will find that your confidence with women will increase exponentially.

If you would like to learn how to approach and speak to women in all scenarios why not book onto one of our dating confidence courses? Watch our client reviews on YouTube here: Dating confidence course for men reviews:

Daygame dating course for men to regain confidence

How do you introduce yourself to a girl at a bar?

The first step to introducing yourself to a girl at a bar is to position yourself close enough to make starting a conversation as easy as possible.

What most guys do when they walk into a bar and see an attractive girl or a group of attractive women is stand or settle in a location far away from her.

They subsequently then have to think of a reason to retrace their steps to go and speak to the girl or group of girls.

This has the upcoming effects:

  • An increase in levels of tension, stress and anxiety at the thought of an obvious approach
  • It is off-putting to women if they feel you are trying to gain something
  • Women will be switched on to your intention from the outset

Getting proximity

One principal step in how to effectively approach a girl at a bar is to get proximity. In effect, this means you need to sit near enough to the girl to start a conversation.

The immediate advantage of this is that you avoid the stress and anxiety of having to make a conspicuous walk over to her.

Furthermore, there is no immediate pressure to start a conversation straight away. Your closer location means that you have time to start a conversation in as natural a way as possible.

Sitting nearby

As another option, if there are seats next to the girls you want to speak to you and your friends can settle yourselves nearby.

What you will find is that being close enough to start a conversation takes some of the strain off. You will feel more relaxed which will come across in your demeaner and attitude.

Indeed, getting physically close enough to the woman that you would like to speak to does the following:

  • Your confidence grows
  • It appears more natural to the girl/s that you approach
  • You feel more relaxed about making that first contact

I understand that the thought of approaching women in any scenario can be a frightening or stressful prospect. This is why I created the following infographic as a guide to help you.

You can read my beat the fear of approaching women related article for more information.

3 suggestions to overcome approach anxiety in meeting new women

Best way to meet a girl at a bar?

The best way to meet and approach a girl at a bar is to take notice of the surroundings and establish which areas receive a lot of foot traffic or is considered the most sociable area.

As an example, there are often high chairs around the bar area.

As you enter the bar you can get two or three seats for you and your friends.

Sitting by the bar

Alternatively, you can sit directly at the bar which is also a high traffic area as there will be a lot of people going to and from there to buy drinks.

What you will find is that being sat in such a good location makes it very easy to start a conversation with women at any point throughout the evening.

The bonus of this is that you can start a short conversation with a girl while she is getting a drink as a way of initiating contact.

Reengaging the conversation

When the girl is back at the bar later on to get another drink you can reengage her in conversation.

Being situated in an ideal sociable location makes it easier to relax and have fun. Also, it will not like you are forcing the situation.

Other added benefits of sitting at or near the bar:

  • It provides an opportunity for women to see you and come talk to you
  • Women are more willing to speak to you whilst waiting for a drink as it is a smaller investment
  • This visible location shows you having fun with your friends which demonstrates social intelligence

You will find that if women want to talk to you they will come to your area of the bar.

Indeed, if you and your friends are sat there having fun and you notice that the girls that you like are coming near you to order their drinks.

Girls getting proximity

In effect, they are getting proximity to you, which you can take as a good indicator of interest.

This all importantly serves to add to your growing confidence in initiating a conversation.

Below you will find an infographic with tips on how to instantly attract women which can be applied to any social setting including bars. You can read my how to attract women instantly guide for more information.

Three different ways to attract women instantly

How do you talk to a girl at a bar?

In my experience, there are three easy ways to talk to a girl at a bar. These are using your camera phone, asking her for her opinion and being a social butterfly.

Below you will find more detail on each of these methods.

Your camera phone

This is the simplest way to engage a girl in conversation. All you have to do is ask her to take a photograph of you.

It is easy and effective and also works in any social setting.

As soon as the girl has taken a photo, you can then look at the image that she has taken together. You can even tease her about the photo by acting like it is blurred or not appropriately in focus.

Often the girl will later come over and start talking to you. All without you having to do anything more as that initial contact has been made in an easy and natural way.

Remember that approaching a girl is simply that first part of starting a conversation.

You do not need to make it more complicated than that, so use the simplest and easiest way to make that happen.

Her opinion

When you are sat with your friends and you are talking about a topic like a new film as an example, you turn around and say:

“Excuse me, what do you think of this?”

This is a very easy way of initiating a spontaneous conversation. The reason is that you are asking for her opinion in a relaxed manner.

So if you are in a group conversation with an interesting topic and a girl happens to be close by, use it as a way of engaging her in the conversation.

Make sure that it is an authentic topic and a natural conversation, however. Indeed, if you try and fake this aspect, it will come across as fraudulent and women will pick up on this.

Social butterfly

If there is an attractive girl in the bar that a lot of people are speaking to and hitting on it can be difficult to approach and speak to her yourself.

One of the things you can do is to simply be sociable with everyone in the bar. This is particularly advantageous if you are a regular there.

By being a sociable butterfly and generally having a sociable outlook you increase your chances of meeting her through an introduction with someone that you have met there.

I would always advocate being a social butterfly as you meet so many more people.

And if you are meeting and talking to lots of people and having fun, guess what?

The girl that you like will see you having fun. She will see that you are someone with whom she would like to start a conversation with herself.

Take a moment and reflect on who is the more attractive individual:

  • The guy walking around the room chasing any girl who will let him talk to her
  • Or the guy sat down at the bar chilling, having fun, and talking to a lot of people

Consequently being a social butterfly is an extremely persuasive way of starting a conversation with a girl in a bar.

If you would like first-hand support on how to attract women in bars and clubs, then you can visit my live training page and see what courses we offer.

Model standing next to three ways outlining how to approach girls at a bar or a club


  • Get proximity. Don’t settle on a location far away as this only makes it harder to approach women. Instead, take the pressure off and settle on somewhere close by to the girl you like.
  • Make use of a high traffic area, such as the high chairs by the bar. You can initiate easy and natural conversations with women while they wait to be served.
  • Ask a girl to take a photograph of you on your camera phone as an easy way to make an introduction.
  • Spontaneously ask a girl her opinion. When you are having a fun or interesting group conversation turn around and naturally say “Excuse me, what do you think of this?
  • Be a social butterfly. Go out, have fun, talk to everyone. In doing this, you will find that women will want to come over and start a conversation with you.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is the bestselling author of An Education In (Online) Dating.

He has hosted over 1000 dating confidence courses in the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 courses conducted online.

Moreover, he is the head coach at Social Attraction and leads the team, training and courses.
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