How To Approach Women | The Ultimate Guide (with illustrations)

How To Approach Women | The Ultimate Guide (with illustrations)

How To Approach Women | The Ultimate Guide (with illustrations)

How To Approach Women | The Ultimate Guide (with illustrations)

How To Approach Women | The Ultimate Guide (with illustrations)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

Out of fear, we convert how to approach women into an abstraction; a thought we can entertain now and then or repress. It’s something which we view as terrifying or out of our reach. In reality, there is no such thing as a relationship with a woman without the first spoken word – this is a cast-iron fact.

If we are able to move past this blockade of trepidation then it has an immensely liberating effect in our lives, connecting us more physically and intimately with the women we desire. Proximity Is The Precursor

How to approach women - getting proximity

For many of the following strategies to work it’s important to make approaching women as easy as possible; one tool that we can use to do this is known as “getting proximity”. “Getting proximity” means moving physically close enough to a girl to start a conversation; this can be anything from 1.5- 3 metres away from her or her group.

By taking this small step it makes starting any new conversation appear more spontaneous, unplanned and natural. With proximity in place; here are the 9 tested-ways to approach women.


How To Approach Women #1: The Pulsating Point


When we think about approaching women we tend to imagine ourselves walking over to a girl and either being accepted or rejected. As an alternative, we can use our body language as a way of initiating contact.

How to approach women - the pulsating point
When we see an attractive lady we tend to feel a spike in our energy levels; we can harness this force by allowing it to flow into our arm, leading us to instantly point at the girl we like. Compared to other approaches, pointing also limits the chances of being rejected in front of the other members of our current social environment.

Exact Strategy

1. We get eye contact from a girl.
2. We point at her straight away.
3. We add in a playful smile.
4. If she engages us then you can signal her to join us, or we point on the floor halfway to meet her there instead.

Best Scenarios To Implement

This strategy is best used in evening social environments such as bars and nightclubs. We can also utilise this approach when we are walking around in the daytime as a fun game to see which women react to our playful approach.

Bonus strategy

When a girl responds by pointing back at us, we can pretend that we were, in fact, pointing at someone behind her – this is a great way to initiate flirting at the start of a relationship.


How To Approach Women #2: The Camera Angle


In today’s generation of selfies, groupies and Instagram it’s normal and natural to see men and women taking an array of photographs on a day to day basis. We can utilise this existing photo theme by asking women to take a picture of us as a way of initiating a conversation with her.

how to approach women - the camera angle
The camera angle can be used as a simple warm-up tool, a way of meeting women in all social situations and a go-to way of speaking to girls if we’re experiencing high levels of anxiety.

Exact Strategy

1. We hold our phone in our hand so it’s clear that we are about to ask someone to take a photograph.
2. We say “Excuse me” loudly and wait for the girl’s attention to focus on us; this may take 1-2 seconds.
3. When we have her gaze, we lift up our arm and say “Can you take a quick photo of me please.”

Best Scenarios To Implement

This approach works well on the street, in cafes and tourist locations; over time we’ve also found that it works well in any social setting including bars, nightclubs and even dance-floors.

Bonus Strategy

Whenever you see a girl you like taking a selfie or a groupie; why not approach her and offer to take the photo on her behalf. This happens all the time in a social situation and is a great way to meet new people in a friendly way.


How To Approach Women #3: The Social Revolution


Working as a team in social settings is a great strategy; it can save a lot of time, effort and energy as well as introducing a new and fun dynamic. When speaking to a girl on a night out why not challenge her to be your group’s “wing-girl”; all we have to do is ask her to introduce other groups of women to our social circle.

how to approach women - the social revolution
On the same note, we can also act as a “wing-man” within our crowd and introduce girls to the other members of our entourage – the value arrives when we have an effective group synergy.

Exact Strategy

1. Before we go to a social setting we organise a wing-man or wing-girl in advance.
2. If we lack one, then we find one during the evening.
3. We act as their wing-man to freshen up the dynamic and create a fair exchange.

Best Scenarios To Implement

The best time to utilise this strategy is in any social setting; we can also push this concept further and look for introductions through any of our friends, family or social circles.

Bonus strategy

There’s a group game we can play in which anyone who loses eye contact with a member of the group has to instantly go over and approach the girl whom he has just glanced towards; this also serves to educate us to not be influenced by attractive women in the vicinity – which is a highly alluring trait.


How To Approach Women #4: The Open-End…


When we ask someone for their opinion and genuinely listen to their response, we are allowing that individual to feel valued at the moment – it creates a pause in time away from the day to day stressors in their life. We can use this understanding as a way of engaging women in conversation by asking for their opinion on a specific topic – as long as the theme is interesting it’ll naturally open up a discussion.

how to approach women - the open end
The topic could be an open-ended question which allows for a fluidity of response: any matters related to relationships, dreams or the unknown work well.

Exact Strategy

1. We say “Excuse me” loudly and wait for her to gain our eye contact. This may take 1-2 seconds.
2. We say “Let me get you quick opinion on…”
3. We state our open-ended question.

When using this approach it’s best to recognise that we should stick to topics that we are genuinely curious about; otherwise, we tend to move the conversation away from this topic too quickly, and women notice that it was just a front to engage her in conversation.

Best Scenarios To Implement

This approach works well in cafes during the day; it also works equally well in all social environments if we have an interesting enough question – remember to always keep the question open-ended.

Bonus Strategy

Instead of looking up answers to questions on Google, remember the question and use it as a way of starting new interactions with women: the key is to make it as natural and fluid as possible.


How To Approach Women #5: The Selective Statement


When we look around the room we can observe thousands of different items which we can focus our attention on; from the door shape to the paint colour or even the ceiling height.
The point is that if we take a few moments to become aware of our current environment there are an endless amount of “things” we can detect.

how to approach women - the selective statement
The aim of making a selective statement is to mention anything that is peculiar, mundane or original in our current location as a means of initiating a conversation with women.

Exact Strategy

1. We say “Excuse me” loudly and wait for the girl’s attention to focus on us; this may take 1-2 seconds.
2. We then say “Hey have you seen this …”
3. We then point in the direction of what we would like to draw her attention towards.

Best Scenarios To Implement

This approach works well in all static situations; we can draw women’s attention to anything: as long as we can put some kind of exciting or interesting frame around our observation.

Bonus strategy

Why not utilise a similar principle when we see a girl reading; simply approach her and make a comment about her book as a way of triggering a conversation.


How To Approach Women #6: The Social Butterfly


When we aspire to start a conversation with an attractive lady, suddenly, it’s as if all of our insecurities bubble-up at the same time. In this situation when fear sets in, we tend to revert back to our existing structure for socialising; if we don’t have a plan in place, we usually turn inwards and become anxious.

how to approach women - the social butterfly
One way to eradicate this fear is by warming up our social muscles; this has the effect of calming our inner dialogue and preventing us from feeling doubts, worries and concerns.

Exact Strategy

1. We go to a social environment.
2. We speak to at least three men or women upon entering the environment.
3. By this time we are ready to start a conversation with someone new by simply turning to them and saying “hello”.

Best Scenarios To Implement

This strategy works best when we are in a social state of flow; once we are in the midst of speaking to people and we are emanating a fun and enjoyable vibe.

Bonus strategy

After speaking with a girl for a few minutes, mention that you are pleased that she finally had the courage to come and say “hello” to you – this works really well if there’s already some flirting between the two of you.


How To Approach Women #7: Location, Location, Location


If we are able to create an area of our own, in which we invite people into our world, it serves to save vital energy whilst also preventing us from “trying too hard” to approach women. For example in Budapest there’s a bar with a retro-car fitted out with four seats; if we can claim this location, then it’s likely that women will want to get photos and sit with us in the car.

how to approach women - Location
When ‘we enter’ any environment we should have our eyes fixed on claiming the best possible location; ideally, one which is guaranteed to make it easy and accessible for women to join our group.

Exact Strategy

1. We walk into any social setting and select the highest value area.
2. A chair next to the heater in the smoking area of a bar/club.
3. A high stool next to a busy bar where we can take up space.
4. A table where there is likely to be a heavy flow of people.
5. Once we have claimed this spot we take up as much space as possible.
6. We then relax and enjoy our evening

Best Scenarios To Implement

This approach works well in all social-settings; we should focus our attention on areas which gather groups of women, and then claim a similar position next time we’re in a similar venue.

Bonus strategy

This approach also works on a global scale when we are selecting where to live; remember it’s always easier to get the high-value location and let the environment do your work for you.


How To Approach Women #8: The Exclamation Point!


We can often overcomplicate the process of opening a new conversation with women; ideally, we want to be able to say whatever first comes to mind. One powerful way of doing this is via the use of exclamations; for example, we see an interesting item of clothing that a girl is wearing, and simply announce it to her as a way of starting a conversation.

how to approach women - the exclamation
The more sincere we are with our exclamations, the more receptive women will be to our initial approach – it’s a case of having the confidence to say exactly what we think.

Exact Strategy

1. We point at the article we are speaking about.
2. We then make our exclamation.
3. “Nice trousers; they look brand new!”
4. “I like your hat; it makes you look creative!”
5. “Interesting eye makeup; it makes you look exotic!”

Best Scenarios To Implement

We can use this strategy in any setting; as long as we have observed an item of clothing that we can comment on, we are then able to legitimately use this as a tool to engage her in conversation.

Bonus strategy

We can add an air of mystery to our initial statement by not making it clear whether we are complimenting a girl or not; for example, “Your hat; that’s an interesting design!”


How To Approach Women #9: Crossing The Rubicon


Many of us will opt for an “indirect approach” to starting a conversation with women, especially when we are feeling nervous, anxious and overwhelmed. In reality, we can save a lot of time, effort and energy by being upfront with our intentions from the outset – this is known as a “direct approach”.

how to approach women - crossing the Rubicon
This strategy requires confidence, but when mixed with tried and tested principles it quickly becomes a great tool for making impactful first impressions with women.

Exact Strategy

1. We recognise that we are approaching women to offer them a compliment; our aim is to make them feel good about themselves.
2. We make sure our feet are not directly pointing towards her, as this instinctively sets off her flight or fight response.
3. We exclaim “Excuse me” as loud as we can. The louder we speak our first words, the more likely we are to interrupt her thoughts and take her off her autopilot response.
4. We pause and wait for her to stop and gain our eye contact.
5. We then directly state why we have stopped to talk to her; it can be her choice of style, her hair or anything which is specific and unique to her. An example is “I had to stop you to say that I really love your style; especially your eye makeup; it looks great.”
6. We pause, hold her eye contact and wait for her to reply.

When we are using this strategy we have to recognise that there is a certain amount of rejection that will come our way. Instead of avoiding this feeling we should embrace it as a learning lesson to toughen us up and refine our approach for future interactions.

Best Scenarios To Implement

This approach is best implemented during the day, though it can also be effective on a night out; just be mindful that if we are in a fixed social environment then ideally we want to gain some positive eye contact first to reduce our risk of rejection.

Bonus Strategy

In our day to day life look for opportunities to compliment people; this allows us to get used to making people feel good about themselves, whilst also giving us real-life exposure to this approach.


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Gary GunnGary Gunn – Founder of Social Attraction


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