Approaching Women | Top Five Ethical Guidelines (you need to know)

Approaching Women | Top Five Ethical Guidelines (you need to know)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I would like to outline some important guidelines we should all adhere to when approaching women.

In our dating confidence courses for men, we place huge importance in operating within these set parameters as we want to make sure that any women that our clients speak to feel completely comfortable in entering into a conversation.

For this reason, I am going to cover five ethical considerations that you should take into account before you approach women.

Having these ethical boundaries in place ensures that:

  • You feel more confident in approaching women the right way
  • Women that you approach are more receptive and engaged in speaking to you

For support in knowing how to approach women the right way why not book onto our next available dating confidence course. Watch our client reviews on YouTube here: Dating confidence course for men reviews:

Daygame dating course for men to regain confidence

Employ an age policy

The first ethical consideration when you are approaching women during the day is to operate a 25 years of age or older policy.

In effect, this means that if you see a girl and you would like to go and speak to her make sure she looks above 25 years old.

  • In fact, if she looks under the age of 25, then you simply don’t go and talk to her. The reason why is that some girls, especially with makeup, can look a lot older than their years
  • Instead, putting a strict barrier in place allows you to feel secure in knowing: “Okay, she looks less than 25. I’m not going to approach her”

You can relax this rule if you are in bars and nightclubs. Girls in there have had to show their ID and you know that they are of a certain age.

If you are approaching a woman during the day, making sure that she looks 25 years or older will allow you to feel secure and more confident in starting a conversation.

For anyone who struggles with the idea of approaching women that you find attractive, I have created the helpful infographic underneath.

Take a look at this and also read through my related beat the fear of approaching women article.

3 suggestions to overcome approach anxiety in meeting new women

Do not approach in the dark

The second ethical consideration when you are approaching women is to never do it when it is dark.

There is a very simple but overriding reason for this – you will make her feel uncomfortable or nervous by approaching her in the dark.

You may even make her feel unsafe.

Consequently, I only advocate that you only approach a woman during daylight hours.

However, if you want to approach women and start conversations when it is dark or in the evening, then please go to the appropriate type of social setting such as:

  • Bars
  • Nightclubs
  • Evening venues

This way you can ethically start a conversation without making anyone feel uncomfortable.

Below you will find my infographic that gives you some fun ways to approach women. I have given each approach a memorable name to help you recall it when needed.

Have a read through my corresponding how to approach women article here to find out how best to employ each approach.

9 ways to help you approach and initiate conversation with women

Position your body facing away

The third ethical consideration when you are approaching women is to never face your body completely towards the girl that you are talking to.

What do I mean by that?

Well, when you are approaching someone directly – that is when you walk straight towards them – you may set off a flight, fight or freeze response.

And this may result in making the girl that you are speaking to feel uncomfortable.

A very easy way to overcome this is to do the following:

  • Rather than walking directly at someone, you simply change your angle slightly
  • This way your body and legs are facing slightly away from her
  • And then you turn your upper body towards the girl that you want to start to speak to

On a biopsychological level, this is not going to set off her flight or flight response.

It is going to allow her to be completely comfortable with your approach.

Also from your perspective, you know that you are going about it in a way which is going to allow her to feel relaxed about the fact that you are approaching her.

Once you have approached and initiated conversation with a woman, you then need to consider the content of your conversation.

In the following infographic, I have outlined five helpful ways to help make your conversations more fun and dynamic.

I suggest you also read my related how to speak to women article where I go into detail about why each strategy is effective.

5 conversational techniques that will make her remember you

No bodily contact

The fourth ethical consideration when you are approaching women is an obvious one, but it is well worth pointing out as it is of the utmost importance.

Never touch women when you are approaching them.

This may sound self-evident, but I realise that in the real world, particularly if you are in a busy frenetic location or environment, it is easy to forget this and touch someone’s arm in conversation for example.

You may be drawn to lightly touch a girl on the shoulder or the arm if she hasn’t heard you.

However, I strongly advise that you never touch women ever.

So in the real world, if you are starting a conversation and a girl hasn’t heard you:

  • Simply leave it and move away
  • Or you speak a little bit louder

But what you don’t want to do is any of the following:

  • Touch the girl or in any way
  • Prevent her from walking past you
  • Get directly in her way when you are starting a conversation

In fact, I would stress to always take into consideration the context that you are in.

For example, if you see a girl who is standing and waiting for a bus or a train. If you go and speak to this girl take note that it could be very awkward and uncomfortable for her if she doe not want to talk to you.

Likewise, it could be uncomfortable for you if you are also waiting in the same spot for public transport.

Therefore please always take the context or environment into account when you are approaching and speaking to women.

To help you recognise when a woman is receptive and wants to be approached by you take a look at my infographic underneath.

To learn more you can read my signs she wants to be approached article.

5 ways to recognise when a girl wants you to approach her

Remember her personal space

The final ethical consideration when you are approaching women is to stand at least one metre away. Ideally, 1.5 metres away from the girl you are speaking to.

You do not want to invade her personal space.

If you stand that far away, you can easily have a conversation.

And if you don’t speak that loudly, it is an opportunity for you to practise speaking so that people can hear you.

However, what you don’t want to do is stand too close and make someone feel uncomfortable.

Above all, you should never make any girl feel uncomfortable in any approach.

I fully appreciate how daunting approaching a woman you find attractive can be. This is why I have created the below infographic for you which outlines three techniques that will help you overcome any anxiety.

I recommend you read my related how to overcome approach anxiety article here where I delve into each technique.

Finally, I want to point out that overcoming approach anxiety is something that I can help you with. It is one of the fundamentals that I teach in my dating confidence courses. To find out more simply go to my live training page.

3 ways to help diminish anxiety when approaching women


  • Employ an age policy. Remember girls can look older with make-up on. Therefore make sure you approach women who appear to be 25 years or older. If you are in a bar or a club you can relax this rule.
  • Do not approach in the dark. You don’t want to make her feel nervous, uncomfortable or unsafe. If you do want to meet women in the evening then go to the right type of setting: bars, nightclubs or evening venues.
  • Position your body away. This avoids engaging her fight or flight response. So, change your angle slightly with your body and legs facing away and your upper body turned towards her.
  • No bodily contact. Don’t ever touch her, even lightly on the shoulder to get her attention. If she doesn’t hear you walk away or speak louder to get her attention.
  • Remember her personal space. Ideally, you want to be 1 metre to 1.5 metres away from her to avoid encroaching on her personal space.


Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is the bestselling author of An Education In (Online) Dating.

He has hosted over 1000 dating confidence courses in the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 courses conducted online.

Moreover, he is the head coach at Social Attraction and leads the team, training and courses.
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