Distinguishing The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance

Distinguishing The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance

Distinguishing The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance

Distinguishing The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance

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Distinguishing The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance

Written by Social Attraction - Specialist courses helping you get better with women

There is a confidence in arrogance; and an arrogance in confidence.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary:

“Confidence” is a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.

“Arrogance” is having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities.

Even when we define these two terms; clearly there are still some discrepancies which require further investigation.

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #2: A Meaningful Metaphor

Confidence arises when we take our area of expertise and specialise in one specific area of human endeavour. It’s like being a Premier League football player and advising young aspiring football players.

Arrogance arises when we take our area of expertise and globalise that we have value in other areas of human endeavour. It’s like being a Premier League football player and advising your friends on their tax affairs.

A question we can ask ourselves before we give advice is to establish whether we are speaking with an informed opinion, normally because it’s our profession (confidence) or whether we are giving a global opinion with no real knowledge (arrogance).

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #3: Examples

Let’s contrast these terms with three cast iron examples

A confident man – admits he doesn’t know everything.
An arrogant man – thinks he knows everything.

A confident man – Is open to gaining new insights.
An arrogant man – Is closed to new learning opportunities.

A confident man – Persuades others with his in-depth knowledge.
An arrogant man – Manipulates others by enforcing his opinion.

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The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #4: A Remedy For Arrogance

One powerful tool we can use to move from “arrogance” to “confidence” in conversation is related to our ability to maintain an open mind in our interactions.

The Greek philosopher Socrates was the master of openness is dialogue and offered us a great technique to become more open-minded as an individual; it termed the Socratic Way.

In a nutshell, we insert one of the following pre-supposition to the beginning of any of our advice and it allows us to become more confident and less arrogant. Here’s a contrast:

“Rocky is the best film ever”
“In my experience, Rocky is the best film ever”

“Running is the best way to lose weight”
“What I’ve found is that running is the best way to lose weight”

“The library is the best place to write”
“What I’ve learned is that the library is the best place to write”

By speaking from our own experiences we are being open and honest (confident) without trying to come across like we know everything (arrogance).

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #5: A Second Remedy For Arrogance

Now that we have established that arrogance comes from an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance; we can move one level deeper and recognise that this typically comes from an insecurity.

When we are arrogant we feel like we are at the top of the dominance hierarchy and that everyone else is below us.

When we are confident we recognise that there are an infinite amount of dominance hierarchies and we are at the top only of our specialised field of knowledge.

So where does arrogance come from?

In my professional opinion arrogance is directly related to our insecurities. The more insecure we are; the more arrogant we become.

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The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #6: A Personal Story

Let me share a personal story.

When I first started coaching I thought that I had to convey that I knew everything about the dating world; I thought I had to have all the answers to all dating related questions. Without realising it I was coming across as arrogant and people didn’t warm to me.

Fast forward a decade and now, I know what I know and I also know what I don’t know; nowadays people not only warm to me but rather gravitate.

In my understanding, there is a magnetism that stems from confidence and a repulsion that derives from arrogance.

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #7: How Do We Become Less Insecure?

In my own life, there have been three powerful ways that have led me to become less insecure as the years roll on.

1. Self-expression – When I moved from being a content consumer to a content creator I felt like I had found my place in the world.

2. Reading – I’ve read nearly every day for over a decade; the more knowledge I gain the more relaxed I’ve become.

3. Professionalism – Taking on my responsibilities in life with a proficient attitude has allowed me to feel more put together and like my life is more in order.

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #8: A Third Remedy For Arrogance

Questions offer us a key insight into not only our own confidence/arrogance but also to know more about the person we’re conversing with.

To be concise; questions in the English language are used to gain value that we don’t currently know or possess. Here’s an example:

An arrogant man tends to ask no questions and share only his thoughts.
A confident man tends to speak with a blend of questions and statements.
An unconfident man tends to only ask questions.

Often when arrogant people feel that you have some insight which they don’t know; they will want an immediate answer and have no time to listen to any context; it’s tell me now or don’t bother as my time is important. There is no thought that the other person’s time is just as important; it’s an egotistical way of communicating.

When a confident person is in dialogue you will often hear them ask these types of questions:

“I didn’t know that; can you explain.”
“I don’t understand what you mean”
“I’ve never looked at it like that; that’s interesting.”

Arrogant people will never ask these types of questions as they do not wish to admit that they don’t know; they are afraid of showing weakness due to their insecurities in life.

They will typically go quiet or if they do ask questions they will be in jest with no real value placed on your response.

The word “humble” appears to be a fitting word to describe an aspect of confidence; whilst arrogance rears its ugly face in the sea of pretence.

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The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #9: Real Resources

In my own life studying Philosophy has been the best way to learn to be more confident and less arrogant. When we are able to view the world from different perspectives; we then begin to realise the very small amount of information we actually know.

With this realisation comes a more well-rounded outlook on the world and more confidence in what we do know; and openness to what we don’t.

There is a series called Philosophy in an hour which offers us the insights of the greatest thinkers in our history which is a good place to start.

Now, to conclude, I hope this podcast has afforded you the ability to have confidence in your arrogance; arrogance in your confidence and the wisdom to know the difference.

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