Dating After Divorce For A Man | The Comprehensive Guide (step-by-step)
Dating After Divorce For A Man | The Comprehensive Guide (step-by-step)
Dating After Divorce For A Man | The Comprehensive Guide (step-by-step)
In this dating after divorce for a man article, I am going to go through the exact steps that you should be taking if you are divorced and you would like to start meeting and dating more women.
The first thing that I would like to draw to your attention is that things have probably changed since you last dated. I fully understand that this process can be very daunting.
Yet at the same time, the great news is that it is also the inception of the next part of your life.
With the correct directed actions, you can begin to start taking control.
Therefore, in this article you will:
- Gain help to process and move on from your divorce
- Find productive and sociable ways to spend your newly free time
- Develop the confidence to re-enter the world of dating again
Moreover, you can leave the darkness of your divorce behind you.
You can now look at the light to your future.
I will also be covering some FAQs about dating after a divorce for men in a later section.
Dating After Divorce For A Man #1 – Set Your Dating Intent
The first thing that you should do after a divorce is to set your intent from dating. In essence, this means that you write out what your ambition is for the next period of your life.
If you have been married for 10, 20, 30 years, and you would like to know what it is like to date multiple women and to have shorter-term relationships. Then that is part of setting your intent.
The process begins when you take out a pen and paper, or you do it on your computer and you just write out what your intent is.
Now bear in mind there is a difference between setting a goal and setting your intent. And for me, intent is way more powerful because it’s less stressful.
So my intent is to just meet more women and speak to them when opportunities arise. That is a really good intent.
My intent is to online date and to message a certain amount of women per week. Again, that is a really nice intent.
It is not outcome orientated and it is within your control.
Setting your intent also allows you to leave the past in the past and automatically focuses your mind on the future.
To be fair, a divorce can be very messy. It can be emotionally painful and it can be traumatic.
So simply changing your outlook from looking behind you to looking in front of you will:
- Immediately make you feel better
- Make your life feel more in your control
- Allow you to take the next steps towards that next period of your life.
By the way, I understand that a divorce can be costly, and would like to reassure you that dating new women does not need to be expensive. This is why I have created the following infographic for you.
I would also suggest you read the related article here – How To Save Money Dating | A Step-By-Step Guide (top 5 ways)
Dating After Divorce For A Man #2 – Join A New Gym
The second thing you should do after a divorce if you would like to get into dating is to join a new gym.
Now, if you already train at a gym or you don’t train currently, going somewhere new to train can make an instantaneous impact to your life.
Having new surroundings will get the endorphins flowing; you will meet new people; it will feel like a new you.
This is part of the ritual of going into that next chapter of your life and leaving the past in the past.
Also, when you are at a new gym, you can meet more women there. Additionally, you can also meet more guys to become potential friends with, and that you can go on nights out with.
Or if they are also single – or even if they are not – they may be able to introduce you to some of their single female friends. So going to a new gym is great.
When you first walk in, my advice is simply to be sociable.
Just talk to everyone.
The first time you see someone, say hello, then the second time you can talk to them a little bit more.
But over a period of time, going to a new gym:
- Moves you out of that rut and meeting new people
- Motivates you training again; gets the endorphins and adrenaline going
- Gives you somewhere to be at a set time.
Indeed, one of the most difficult things that can happen after a divorce is that you now have too much time on your hands.
So actually going to a gym at a set time, however many days per week, gives you valuable structure.
It gives you organisation and it gives you somewhere to be.
You spend less time thinking about the trauma of your past and more time working towards your future.
The following infographic may help you here as point number 3 is to stay in your centre and to avoid that chasing mentality. This is a mindset that I would advocate every man has in cultivating their lifestyle, particularly after a break-up or divorce:
Dating After Divorce For A Man #3 – Reflect Honestly And Take Accountability
The third thing you should do after a divorce if you want to get back into dating is to reflect on what happened in your life. Take accountability and also responsibility where appropriate.
This means not solely blaming your ex-wife, her family members or anyone else for what happened.
Instead, you have to look in the mirror and take responsibility where due because the moment you do that, you begin to realise that your life is in your hands and also in your control.
Now there are a few different things that you can do here that will help you.
So the first one is to journal. This involves taking out a pen and paper, or typing on your computer, but simply write out what happened.
Recount how you feel about what happened and how you would do it differently the next time around.
That is a very cathartic way of letting go of your past.
Meditation will help clear away the emotions from your past relationship.
The second thing that you can do is you can get into meditation. Meditation will help you:
- Clear your mind to give yourself mental clarity
- Give you distance from your problems
- Allow you to automatically reflect on what happened in an objective way.
And the final way of reflecting (which is for me is the most powerful form of reflection) is an emotional clearance. This is where you think about the things that are affecting you emotionally.
This entails closing your eyes and giving those feelings a colour, you focus your attention on them. And eventually, they flow to the colour of white.
When you do this, you are processing those emotions.
You are not repressing them.
Instead, you are allowing them to bubble up to the top. You are not being scared of them.
What happens is there is a calmness that comes at the end of that process.
If you would like to know exactly how to do that, then just type into YouTube, Gary Gunn, emotional clearance. And there is a video of me showing you exactly how to do that process.
I understand divorces can be very emotionally traumatic. Therefore, if you need help here, then you can just watch those videos. You can do them alongside me, and it will make a massive difference to your mental wellbeing.
I designed the following infographic as a snapshot outlining how meditation practices can help make you become a more attractive man. You can read the whole article here – Meditation | Seven Practices That Make You A More Attractive Man
Dating After Divorce For A Man #4 – Take My Dating Confidence Course
The fourth thing you should do after a divorce to get back into dating (and this is the most important one) is to take one of my dating confidence courses on Skype.
The reason why I am suggesting this is because – from the comfort of your own home – you are able to have a coaching session with me and one of my female coaching assistants.
You can practise specific scenarios, such as approaching a new girl you find attractive. Or going on a first date, flirting strategies, going on a second date, how to demonstrate empathy and how to connect with women.
And all of these can be learnt from your own home via Skype.
This is a really great way of building up your confidence.
Just to give you a quick and relevant story here. I recently took on a client who has been single for 35 years as he had a negative experience with a woman in his twenties which affected him deeply.
I began coaching him via Skype. And after 35 years of being single, I am sure you could imagine the lack of confidence that he had in his life.
However, by going through the dating role-plays, he was able to meet, attract, and then start dating a woman that he met online.
So that is the power of what you can do just from the comfort of your own home, just by taking the steps to invest in yourself.
For a comprehensive overview of what I teach on my courses and how exactly I can help you, take a look at the infographic below. For more information, you can also visit the following page – Skype Dating Confidence Courses.
Dating After Divorce For A Man #5 – Online Date To Ease Back Into Dating
The fifth dating after divorce for men tip is to online date as a way of easing yourself back into dating and talking to new women.
Online dating can actually be very difficult because I think roughly between 60 to 70% of users are male.
This shouldn’t put you off as, in my experience, you can do very well online dating if you use the correct sites. I believe Match.com is more of a serious site for people that are really looking to meet someone.
So this would be the dating site that I recommend you use because it will allow you to meet the right type of women if you are recently divorced.
Paying online daters are more serious about finding a partner.
The reason is that the users are generally more serious as they have had to invest in the site rather than using free dating sites, where you tend to get a lot of time wastage.
So sites like Match.com can be very worthwhile in meeting women.
For anyone who wants guidance on how to online date effectively, I have written a book called An Education In Online Dating. This is available on Amazon if you want help with knowing what photos to take and how to write your profile.
We also offer a full online dating makeover for men.
Additionally, please see the below infographic where I outline a range of strategies in how to message women in a fun and flirty way. These can easily be applied to online dating.
If you want more detail on each of the strategies you can read my article here – How To Text Women | Top 10 Strategies (that every man needs to know)
Dating After Divorce For A Man #6 – Join A Social Club Or Improv Class
The sixth thing that you can do after a divorce to get back into dating is to join a social club or improv class. Anything really where you are developing yourself in a new way.
Improv comedy classes are great, and you can also do them online.
They teach you how to be more in-the-moment and how to be fun and spontaneous. It is also an opportunity to meet other people with similar hobbies.
I am a big fan of taking classes or doing something you wouldn’t normally do.
Where you can meet new and different people and also develop your life at the same time.
So this could be anything that you have always wanted to do.
If it is a fitness goal and it means joining a new fitness social club, then go for it.
Just taking the time to think about what it is you want to do, and then joining a club with other like-minded people will be amazing for you. It will:
- Give you a sense of community
- Help you clear off the cobwebs from your past
- Offer you somewhere to be at a set time
Above all, it is moving you closer to becoming that new guy that you want to be.
As well as joining a new social club, I have included other avenues of how to get back into dating in the infographic below.
You can also read the related article here – How To Get Back Into Dating | The Ultimate Guide (Top 15 Ways)
Dating After Divorce For A Man #7 – Book An Online Speed Dating Event
The seventh and final dating after divorce tip for you is to book an online speed dating event.
Now, these are great because, again, you can do this from your own house.
Simply type in online speed dating. You book in, and then you are given a set period from the comfort of your own home.
Crucially you get to speak to women that you would never normally meet.
This is a fantastic way of potentially meeting someone who is serious about dating. It is also an opportunity to build on your confidence of getting back into dating.
You can begin to shed the rustiness of not flirting and talking to women.
If you have any concerns about conveying negative qualities in conversation, then I would encourage you to look at the following infographic where I have outlined the 5 main conversational traits that put women off:
Dating After Divorce For A Man – FAQs
I have some FAQs, which I will go through now.
Afterwards, I will give you a summary of the main topics covered in this article.
How to know if I am ready to date after a divorce?
I think to answer that question, we all know internally if we are ready to meet someone new.
We also know whether we want time by ourselves to reflect. To pause and to take some time to think about what has happened in our life.
I would say is that if you still feel emotionally traumatised then you are not ready to date again. You’re probably going to go on a rebound and perhaps enter a toxic or unhealthy relationship as you are not in the right frame of mind to be in a new relationship.
So my advice here would be doing the emotional clearance that I spoke about earlier. Start working on attending the new gym and the new goals that I’ve spoken about.
And then when you’re doing those new things and you’re feeling good about yourself, you will then be in a position to start dating again.
But if it’s raw, then you want to take the time to reflect, pause, meditate, clear the emotions, sort yourself out, get yourself into the best possible state.
Only then should you start to get back into dating to meet new women.
What is the best online dating site to use for divorced men?
I mentioned this earlier. I think Match.com is probably the best one. Or EHarmony is another as I’ve also heard people get some very good matches and results on there as well.
So these would be the two that I most recommend.
How long should a man wait to date after divorce?
The answer to that is that it’s very different for every person that I have ever coached.
So sometimes if a woman has broken up with a man, he may need six months to just come to terms with what has happened.
However, if it’s the guy that has taken the steps to break up with the woman, then they could be ready to date immediately. So it really depends on your circumstances.
There is no set-in-stone time of how long you need to wait after a divorce. It is really up to you and when you feel ready.
Why is dating after divorce so hard?
In my experience, it is hard because you have been out of the dating game for so long. You have become rusty because you are not dating.
So if were married for 5 or 10 plus years, that is a long time. Dating has probably changed tremendously.
Maybe there are new apps that weren’t around before. Maybe the rituals of what you do or how you communicate on dates have changed.
What I would say though is that there is enough modern dating advice out there.
I’ve got over 200 episodes with modern dating advice on The Gary Gunn Show podcast, where you can listen and learn, do your homework, and really understand how to date.
When you do that, it will make it a bit simpler for you.
And also if you’ve been previously married to someone, and now you are dating again, then it’s about setting the expectations on what they want from you, and what you want from them.
This can all feel very tricky and very hard. So my advice on that is just to strip it back, take it one step at a time.
You should be looking at dating as a fun experience shared between two people, as opposed to trying to date too quickly or enter into a relationship.
So strip it back; have the mindset of going back to being in your teens. Remember what it’s like to date people and just go out there and have some fun.
How to go on a date after being married for so long?
For me, formal dates are a big no-no. What I would recommend is that you meet for an afternoon walk.
You can grab a coffee or you do something together as opposed to sitting down eating a meal or going for cocktails in the evening.
It is much easier to do an experience together that you share, rather than trying to do something too formal which adds pressure. So do something light-hearted, something fun.
Going for a walk or grabbing a coffee for example. These are really good things that you can do for a first date.
If, for instance, you’re feeling a bit more adventurous, you can register for one of the dog walking sites. You can start walking dogs if you are a dog fan. That is a great date to invite women along to.
But essentially what you are looking at doing is making it the smallest investment possible for a woman to join you on the date.
And in my experience, if you make that something experiential, it makes it a lot easier and is also way more fun.
Dating After Divorce For A Man – Summary
The top seven ways from the ‘dating after a divorce for a man’ article are summarised below. These are for you to think about and implement in your life:
- #1 – Set your intent. Take a pen and paper and write out exactly what your ambitions are with dating.
- #2 – Join a new gym as this gives you new surroundings and gets the endorphins flowing. You’ll meet other guys there, and meet other women there.
- #3 – Reflect on what happened in your life through meditation, journal writing and emotional clearances. Get yourself ready for your future and to leave your past behind you.
- #4 – Take one of my dating confidence courses on Skype. These are a safe, secure, and easy way to build your confidence with women from home.
- #5 – Online date as a way of easing yourself back into dating and talking to new women.
- #6 – Join a social club, improv comedy class or anything that gets you meeting like-minded people having somewhere to be. You’ll have fun and learn something new.
- #7 – Go online speed dating because it allows you to book in from home. Get your webcam set up and just go on loads of dates as a way of building your confidence.
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