Dating Attractive Women | A Start To Finish Guide (with no nonsense)

Dating Attractive Women | A Start To Finish Guide (with no nonsense)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

Okay, welcome back to today’s episode, where we’re going to be looking at James Bond. Specifically, we’re going to be looking at three of his most attractive characteristics that have been concurrent through all of the actors that have played the character, since his inception.

Now, the three areas that I’m going to be discussing are firstly, his eye contact, secondly is his style, and finally, is the fact that he has a licence to kill. So, if we begin first of all with his eye contact. Since I’ve started looking into eye contact myself, I’ve realised that there are certain times when my eye contact is extremely good, and there are other times when my eye contact is really bad.

So for this podcast, what I thought I would do, is to examine all of the data, the research, the science online to see if I could figure out what the difference was, and whether I could come to some kind of conclusion allowing me to hold better eye contact, and what I found was extremely interesting.

So first of all from my own experiences, when I’m holding very strong eye contact with someone, is because I feel like my life is together and I feel like things are in order, and I feel like my life’s under control.

And then at the other end of the spectrum where my eye contact is really bad, I often feel it’s like I’m feeling chaotic, my life’s not quite going to plan, there’s something on my mind, something’s not really working out very well here. So what I decided to do, was to take the belief that I have when I hold strong eye contact, and to turn it into an affirmation. If anyone doesn’t know, and affirmation is just a powerful mantra that you can say to yourself that enables you to get into a better state or to feel better.

So the mantra I created was, things are in order, I’ve got this under control. And then what I did is, I went and spoke to loads of people who over time I may have difficulty holding eye contact, and I found the results were extremely powerful. Using that mantra, or the affirmation, I could instantly hold better eye contact because I was telling myself in the moment, “I’ve got this, things are in order, things are under control.” And it didn’t really matter what it was in my life that I felt was chaotic, this powerful affirmation just allowed me to instantly hold better eye contact.

And I thought, “Well, okay, that’s certainly something I can teach people in my courses because it’s so powerful for me.” And it got me just to delve a little bit deeper than this, I was like, “Okay, well, let’s just go a little bit deeper,” and I came across the idea that your eye contact would be linked to your self-belief, which in my experience would make sense. The more belief you have, the more confident you are, the more you’re going to stand up straight, the better eye contact you’re going to have. So I was thinking, “Well, what needs to happen to have more self-belief with regards to eye contact?” And I figured it was down to three things.

So first of all, it was down to our previous experiences with women. Second of all, it was the feedback we get from our eye contact. And third of all, it’s the knowledge of our eye contact.

So if we just look at each three of these individually, so when I say… When I talk about experiences, what I mean is, the previous experiences you’ve had with women, and how confident you are with the girl that you’re currently talking to that you have value in her eyes. And I think most of us have had experiences with women in the past, even if you haven’t what I found is interesting here is, if you just think about the experiences from the past of girls that have enjoyed spending time with you, and if you don’t have any you can imagine what it would be like, that instantly takes the edge off and just allows you to relax, and kind of brings to the forefront of your attention that you are an attractive guy and that you do have experience in this area. So I found that was the first step to really having more self-belief with eye contact.

Now onto the second one, which was feedback. So obviously, if you’ve tried to hold eye contact with people in the past, this definitely goes back to childhood, where if you’re looking at a teacher and they’re staring back at you, and then you look down at the floor, you’re going to feel a sense of shame, and a sense of fear. And that was interesting, and certainly for myself, I realised that a lot of my eye contact, the reason why I couldn’t hold it, is because it was bringing me back to times where I didn’t feel worthy, and I didn’t feel like I had enough self-belief and I had to look at the floor.

That was quite an interesting realisation, just to bring that to the forefront of your mind, to realise, “Well hang on a minute, that’s in the past, that’s not true anymore.” And that in itself enabled me to look at the eye contact feedback differently, and especially in the moment now when I’m holding better eye contact with people. I feel that there’s way more connection, and that gives me better feedback to hold better eye contact in the future.

And the final thing was about knowledge, which I’ve alluded to in this episode, which is just understanding why you hold eye contact, and why you may not be holding it very well.

Once you’re kind of armed with that knowledge, it then allows you to relax more and just be in the moment, and just to enjoy the process of having a conversation and holding eye contact. So there were some really interesting concepts that I came across, and the final one was a question which I kind of linked a Willy Wonka podcast question onto eye contact to see if it would help me, and it was tremendous.

So the question which I compose to you as you listen to this is, could you imagine what it would be like to have unbreakable eye contact with women? And if you can imagine that, then that’s the first step. I mean, I guarantee if you’re imagining it, that in your imagination you’re standing up straighter, you’re relaxed, your eye contact’s very good. So the first step is to see it, and then second of all is, “Well, what needs to happen for me to be able to do that?” And for me it was obvious, understanding the shame, and the fear, and the chaos, and coming up with an affirmation.

And then once I was able to do that, I am now able to do it. So I think that was an interesting lesson, is like, “Well, you can use your imagination to see it, what needs to happen, and then obviously you can start to manifest it.” So that was a really interesting exploration for me into eye contact and some great learning lessons that I’m pleased to share with everyone.

Now onto the second thing about James Bond that I wanted to discuss, which is his style.

So over the years, it doesn’t really matter which James Bond you’re looking at, he’s always dressed smart, sophisticated, he’s wearing a suit, and he’s always had a really nice watch on. And it’s kind of like… He’s kind of the epitome of style. And I often get asked on my courses, “Better dressed guys, are the most attractive to women?” And I respond saying, “Well, they’re attractive to a certain type of women that likes that stereotype, that likes the archetype of the successful guy.”

And another interesting lesson here is, it’s not necessarily dressing a nine out of ten in style, it’s more the fact that if you don’t dress well enough, women typically notice that more. So as long as you dress more than a six out of ten, then women aren’t going to be looking at you going, “Oh well, he’s shirts not ironed, and his trousers are too big.”

But as long as you dress well enough, you’re not going to put women off. And I found over the years that dressing between a six and a nine, it doesn’t really make too much difference with regards to attracting women. I mean, as a first impression it can be impactful, but it’s not… there are better things that you can do with your time than worrying too much about that element of your style.

Just as we’re doing this episode, I mean that was one archetype of dressing. If you want to dress more attractive, you can go with a James Bond archetype and go for suave and sophisticated, or you can choose a different archetype, for example, a rockstar, and if you dress that way, you’re going to be attractive to a different type of women.

And I think it’s interesting just to point out to people that, if you would like to become more attractive to women, one of the quickest and easiest things that you can do, is to find an archetypal image that women find attractive and dress to that style, because we already know that it’s specifically attractive to a certain type of woman. And if you’re worried about putting other women off, well, the way that you’re currently dressing, if you’re working on your style, obviously isn’t working for you. So don’t be afraid to try something new, and to dress to a different style.

I found over the years, for me personally, that I tend to get better results in life when I’m dressed in a relaxed way. I feel like when I wear a suit, or when I go too smart, I feel a bit under pressure, and I don’t communicate as well. So for me personally, I like dressing down. I’m still dressing in fitted clothes, sometimes I wear trainers or shoes, but I don’t really feel the need to dress too smart, because I feel like that allows me to just be… feel like I’m under too much pressure.

So for me personally, it’s just a relaxed style, and I find that works very well for me. Again, it’s not about necessarily dressing too well, it’s just about not dressing too badly. And I think that’s a great point to take away for anyone that’s looking at working on their style.

And now on to the final thing that I wanted to discuss, which was the fact that James Bond had a licence to kill, and in the earlier Bond films, he would often say, “James Bond, licenced to kill.”

And the reason why I’m bringing this to the forefront of our attention is that if you’ve got a licence to kill… This is a dangerous person, this is an important person, this is someone that can protect and provide for people. So in an instant, he’s giving you a description which is super, super attractive, and that’s worth taking some time to think about there. His opening words about what he does or who he is super, super attractive.

And now let’s typically contrast that with what most of us do when women ask us what we do for a living, “I work in marketing, I’m an accountant, I work in finance.” And what happens is, when you give out these answers, most of the time there are specific stereotypes to people that work in that industry, that women or men that you meet are going to pigeonhole you with straight away. And I’ve found over the years that, the less you allow people to frame you from the start of an interaction, the more they are open to having dialogue and a conversation with you.

So if you are an account, for example, you could say I work with numbers. One of the really good ones I heard is, a public speaker I was working with, he said, “I turn wooden faces… I crack wooden faces into smiles.” And obviously that then allowed people to guess what he did.

That adds a bit of fun to it as well, because it’s not a stereotypical answer, and it allows people to use their imagination and to have some fun.

I mean obviously, I’m a dating coach, if I give people that information often they want to know more. So I just say, “Well, what do you think I do,” and that’s led me down some really fun things. “Oh well, you look like you’re Dutch.” And so, “Why do you think that?” And all of a sudden you go into this whole different conversation, taking them away from framing you based on what you for a living.

And frames are important, it’s not just limited to what you do for a living. Women ask you what you do in your spare time or anything like that, it always comes down to the same thing is, how do you want the world to perceive you. And I think that having an element of fun, having an element of mystery, getting people to guess, I mean it’s just more fun, and more relaxed, and it just allows to take the pressure off the interaction when you’re getting to know people.

So just to round up this episode, we’ve looked at three things.

Firstly, we looked at eye contact, and how having our life in order or having a powerful mantra, allows us to hold better eye contact. And then how we can use our imagination to feel what it would be like to hold unbreakable eye contact. And then what we can do to manifest that in our life.

Then secondly, we looked at style and how we can dress to existing archetypes as a way of becoming more attractive to women. And also not paying all of your attention on your style, because as long as you’re dressed well enough, then it’s normally good enough.

And the final thing we looked at was, the fact that he had a licence to kill, which is a little bit left-field I know, but it just highlighted the fact that how we put our framing out to people is really important. It stops them pigeonholing us, and it can allow us to have some fun, and just enjoy the moment and have a bit of a laugh at people when we first meet them. And obviously, also adds to the whole mystery. So I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s episode, and I will catch you tomorrow.


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