Dating Coach For Men | 9 Signs Of Male Insecurity That Turn Women Off

Dating Coach For Men | 9 Signs Of Male Insecurity That Turn Women Off

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this dating coach for men article, I am going to outline the 9 signs of male insecurity that turn women off.

I will go through the step-by-step behaviours – both consciously and subconsciously – that you may be exhibiting that are putting women off.

Having an awareness of these signs of insecurity and working towards eradicating them will:

  • Make you more attractive to women
  • Stop you turning women off in conversation
  • Allow you to get better dating results

Likewise, it will also improve your relationships in all areas of your life, including with friends, family, and in the workplace.

Dating Coach For Men #1 – Being Negative

The first sign of insecurity that will turn women off is when you are being negative around her.

Let’s say, you are with a girl on a date and you notice in the distance that there is another girl who is wearing a very short skirt.

You point out: “Oh, look at that girl’s short skirt. Why is she wearing that? Why is she wearing that colour?”

In essence, what you are really doing is being negative and drawing the energy down.

As you can imagine, we all have friends or we all know someone who can be very negative, and it can be difficult to spend time with them.

Often we find that when we leave that person, we feel in a worse place than we were before we met them.

In the same way, constantly being negative around a woman will draw that same reaction.

She may do any of the following as an example:

  • May not text you back
  • Won’t want to talk to you on the phone
  • Will avoid spending time with you

In other words, being negative will instantly turn her off and is something that you should avoid.

Change begins by reframing that thought in your mind.

In my experience, most of us most of the time have only learned to be negative because of our upbringing, or the way that our friends and people that we know interact alongside us.

If you are feeling negative, you simply need to change your thought into finding something positive about that person or the situation.

So just having an awareness not to be negative will help you tremendously in your future interactions.

If we return to the earlier example of that girl wearing a short skirt, you could instead say: “Oh, wow! Look at her. Isn’t she confident in being able to wear an outfit like that?”

  • What happens over a while is you will gradually transition from being negative into a more positive person
  • And, significantly, become someone who people happily spend their time around

This is particularly important when you have just met a girl as you want to convey that you are fun, upbeat and positive.

Accordingly, the following infographic is a text messaging guide I created to help you convey positive and fun qualities in your messages to women. Download it and save it to your phone when you need it.

You can also read my full article here – How To Text Women | Top 10 Strategies (that every man needs to know)

Dating coach for men, Gary Gunn's guide to texting women

Dating Coach For Men #2 – Being Judgemental

The second sign of male insecurity that will turn women off is being judgmental.

Here it is important to remember when expressing an opinion, that there is a difference between being judgmental and being objective.

When you are being judgmental, what you are doing is you are assigning judgement without any information.

You are making a snap judgement about a situation.

And these judgments are very unattractive to women.

An example of a judgement could be when she is talking about her friends and her family. You may judge one of them immediately to be a certain way or to be a specific type of person.

As a consequence, she will feel:

  • Tense and on edge around you
  • That you may judge her when she is not there
  • Recognise that you are an insecure man

When a woman feels judged, she is less likely to feel relaxed around you because she feels like there is an element of judgement no matter how your relationship develops with her.

In contrast, when you are being objective, you have no emotional attachment to the situation.

Indeed, the best-case scenario for any man when speaking to women is by being objective.

Being objective in conversation is more attractive.

This way there is no emotional attachment to the outcome of speaking to women.

By remaining objective:

  • You are less emotionally reactive
  • You can demonstrate empathy
  • Women will relax in your presence

In other words, you are more stoic in the way that you respond to certain situations. Therefore, are less likely to say or communicate anything off-putting to women that you speak to.

So remembering to be less judgemental, and more objective in conversation with women will hugely improve your dating results.

To improve your conversation skills with women take a look at the infographic I have devised for you below. Adopting these principles will enhance your attractiveness to women.

I recommend you read my corresponding article here as I look into each of these nine dating tips in detail – Dating Tips For Men | Nine Psychological Tools (that attractive men use)

Nice psychological tools that dating coach for men Gary Gunn teaches

Dating Coach For Men #3 – Having Self-Doubt

The third sign of male insecurity that turns women off is when you have self-doubt in your conversations with women.

Self-doubt can come up in many different ways.

One of the ways that I frequently see when I host my dating confidence courses is when a client is speaking to a girl and has an opinion about something.

The girl then challenges him and he quickly changes his mind and rescinds his opinion.

Crucially, having self-doubt in this situation only serves to subcommunicate that you have little confidence in yourself and that you can be easily moved.

That is very unattractive to women.

Changing your opinion conveys a lack of conviction.

In this situation, you are better off sticking to your opinion, even if you say something where you think: “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have said it like that.”

Do not rescind.

Just keep to that belief, keep to that conversation, and see where it takes you.

If you say something that is stupid or you say something you actually don’t agree with, then simply change it for the next time around.

But do not be so easily moved from your initial expressed opinion, because that merely subcommunicates a lot of self-doubt, which is unattractive to women.

As per the image below we can teach you the signs of sexual attraction that you will notice when you become more confident around women.

To find out more about our coaching then you can visit the following link – Skype dating confidence courses for men.

Model standing next to three signs of sexual attraction

Dating Coach For Men #4 – Shyness

The fourth sign of male insecurity that turns women off is shyness.

One simple and yet overriding reason is that shy guys do not interact with as many women as confident guys.

If you are shy you are less likely to:

  • Start conversations with women
  • Ask for a girl’s number
  • Bounce back from rejection

In the instance that you get eye contact, or perhaps get other go-ahead signals from women, the less you will actually pursue them.

Consequently, being shy or inhibited – not only in conversation – but in your nature as a person will prevent you from meeting as many different women as someone who is not.

If you are shy or apprehensive then this is one of the main areas that I can help you to overcome. For more information visit the following page and schedule a free consultation call with me – Skype Dating Coaching For Men.

One of the things that I teach in my courses to overcome shyness is called getting proximity.

Getting proximity will help remove your anxiety.

All it means is that in your mind, you do not think about starting a conversation.

You only think about getting close enough to start a conversation if you wanted to.

It will allow you to move closer.

And when you are comfortable doing that, you can then develop your confidence in starting a conversation with a woman.

But, ultimately, if you are shy or reserved because of a personal negative experience, and you cannot start conversations with women. That is going to impact your dating confidence massively.

My infographic below offers guidance on how to manage rejection from women.

I also recommend you read my article where I delve into each of the three types of rejection and offer ways that will help you move past them.

Simply click on the link to access it – How To Handle Rejection With Women | The Ultimate Guide (top 3 ways)

3 constructive ways to cope with rejection from women

Dating Coach For Men #5 – Unable To Hold Eye Contact

The fifth sign that you are insecure around women is being unable to hold any form of eye contact.

There can be a variety of reasons for this, but I have often found a notable cause to be toxic shame.

If you are someone that suffers from this issue, I have done some videos on my YouTube channel about how to use meditation to remove toxic shame, which will benefit you.

  • In a nutshell, if you imagine that standing with your chin up and your chest back displays confidence
  • In contrast, if you look down to the floor, then you are already subcommunicating shame – and shame is strikingly linked to your sexuality

If you are conveying shame by not holding eye contact, again, women will pick up on this immediately.

This subcommunicates that you are insecure.

Toxic shame impacted my life for many years.

On my YouTube channel, the videos that I spoke about made a profound difference to my confidence as a man.

I will point out that you can still attract and date women if you feel shame. Indeed shame can be a good emotion as long as it is not toxic and as long as it is not out of control.

However, there are notable levels to that feeling of shame, which will be impacting your life on some level.

So if you feel shame at a level of eight or nine, you will want to reduce that feeling down to a five for example.

  • By diminishing the power of this emotion over you, you will be able to hold her gaze
  • This will be a cornerstone in any future interactions you have with women

One further point to note is that if you struggle to hold eye contact with women, additionally, you will also find it difficult to start new conversations with them.

Below is an infographic flow guide I devised to outline the basic steps to clear toxic shame. Here you can also access my related article and video – Toxic Shame | The Ultimate Guide (Including In-Depth Video Tutorials)

Simple guide to resolving toxic shame in 5 steps

Dating Coach For Men #6 – Unable To Hold A Conversation

The next sign of male insecurity that will turn women off is when you are unable to carry on a conversation with women.

This is something that amazed me when I first started coaching around a decade ago.

I would show guys how to continue conversations, and the first two to five minutes were awesome. This is really what I used to specialise in – that initial first impression.

It was only perhaps three or four years into working as a coach when I began doing more classroom-based coaching and I started to focus on longer conversations with clients.

What I found is that a lot of guys struggled to continue a conversation with a girl.

There are many different causes for this, but a big reason is simply they do not have enough to talk about.

This is called your conversation ammunition.

Strong conversation ammunition builds attraction with women.

The way you work on improving your conversations is by:

  • Reading wider-ranging books
  • Watching documentaries
  • Travelling and having different experiences

In essence, the more things that you have done or do, the more things you have to talk about.

That is a huge thing that is within your control, and that you can improve upon.

Another way to continue a conversation with a girl is by using word association.

This involves selecting one of her words out of any sentence that she uses and speaking about that word – this will allow you to keep the conversation flowing.

But, ultimately, if you are speaking to an attractive woman and you cannot continue a conversation, it is going to fall flat.

It doesn’t matter how good-looking or toned you are, these traits will not help you if you cannot continue a conversation with a woman.

As per the image below we can teach you how to turn a woman on in conversation.

To find out more about our tuition then you can visit the following link – Skype dating confidence courses for men.

Model showing how to turn a woman on in conversation

Dating Coach For Men #7 – Being Too Agreeable

This next one is interesting, and it is a really big sign that you are insecure. That is when you never disagree with a woman’s opinion.

You see, most of us most of the time, especially around attractive women, don’t want to get anything wrong.

Instead, we want to make sure everything goes right, so we:

  • Agree with her unquestioningly
  • Nod in conversation
  • Freely accept what she says about everything

Then what we find is that we are consigned to the friend-zone, or the relationship doesn’t go the way that we want it to.

Now if you flip that coin onto the other side and instead you decide to actually give your opinion and disagree with a woman occasionally, what you will find is that it takes her off off autopilot.

When a woman is off autopilot, she enters into a proper conversation with you.

This is one of the things that I teach my clients on my Skype coaching sessions; to be disagreeable on purpose.

The way you do that is to shake your head when a girl is speaking to you and you disagree with what she is saying.

This can be if you know more than her on a subject or if you have a different perspective on it.

Under my guidance, in that specific scenario, you can see the difference that it makes to your dating interactions, and it is huge.

Being disagreeable when you oppose what a woman is saying will:

  • Take her off autopilot
  • Initiate flirting
  • Stop you being friend-zoned

This is a very powerful thing to do and it shows real confidence as a man.

For other valuable tips to stop you being friend-zoned by a girl I have created the infographic below. You can also read my full article here – How To Stop Being The Nice Guy | The Ultimate Guide (Top 5 Ways)

Five ways to avoid be labelled as a "nice guy" by women

Dating Coach For Men #8 – Exaggerating Your Achievements

The penultimate sign of male insecurity that turns women off is when you try and list your achievements.

Or you try and exaggerate who you are as a person.

A primary focus that I teach my clients is to develop naturally good conversation skills; a facet of which is to relate childhood stories to build a connection.

Now it does happen on occasion that a client will make the story up. I have to point out: “No, don’t do that. You’re exaggerating, and it’s obvious.”

Instead, relay genuine stories about yourself.

You don’t need to try and be over the top.

You don’t need to try and impress someone, because when you do that, what you are doing is putting that other person on a pedestal above you.

We all know what that feels like when someone is trying to be our friend, or someone is trying too hard with us.

We can sense there is something disingenuous in their words.

This may be easily identifiable in others, yet we struggle to identify this in ourselves.

So it is really important – you do not need to exaggerate things.

If you are not happy with your life then start to change it.

Instead, start to work towards having a better quality life, because that way you won’t need to take the shortcut.

You won’t need to try and lie about it, because, trust me, it will come back to haunt you.

Also, it is remarkably unattractive and turns women off at that moment, as they will immediately see through it.

It is with this sentiment in mind that I created the following infographic as the 5 principles outlined will help you to be more composed and less try-hard in your interactions with women.

You can read the corresponding article here – Dating Advice For Men | How To Never Be Needy With Women (top 5 tips)

Dating coach for men, Gary Gunn's guide that help you flirt with women without demonstrating neediness

Dating Coach For Men #9 – Having Closed Body Language

The final sign of male insecurity is when we have closed or tense body language around women.

This could be our shoulders being tight together or putting our hand in front of our face to block it or folding our arms.

All of these poses subcommunicate that you are not a confident man.

  • My remedy for this is to stand with your shoulders slightly back, chin up slightly in the air

Remember to never:

  • Put your hands in front of your body
  • Place your hands in front of your face
  • Cross your arms over your chest

You may feel vulnerable and insecure, but unless you start doing it, you are never going to get over your fears.

By changing your body language, you will start to convey more masculine and more attractive traits.

And this is one of the key traits that a woman will assess when she first meets you.

Masculine traits allow women to feel safe and secure in your presence and form the first foundations of a seduction.

As per the image below we can teach you modern seduction techniques.

To find out more about our coaching then you can visit the following link – Skype dating confidence courses for men.

Modern looking at camera next to three seduction techniques


Here are the nine signs of male insecurity that turn women off:

  • #1 – Being negative talking to women. You don’t need to be negative. You can flip it on the side and become more positive.
  • #2 – Being judgemental in conversation with girls. Again, pull yourself back and aim to be objective instead. Remove the emotions attached to what you are talking about.
  • #3 – Having self-doubt. This is where you give your opinion on something and a girl says something different and you instantly change your mind.
  • #4 – Shyness by not starting conversations. Type in Gary Gunn, how to approach women on Youtube if you want more strategies on how to do that. I also have classroom-based footage with women where you can watch it live.
  • #5 – Lacking eye contact with women due to the shame that you feel in your life. You can buy books to work on this or try the meditation practises that I spoke about.
  •  #6 – Not being able to continue a conversation. Again, for this one, read more books, learn more things; have a wider variety of things that you can talk to women about.
  • #7 – Never disagreeing with a woman. As I said, simply disagree with a woman if you disagree with her and see what happens.
  • #8 – Trying to impress women by exaggerating what you do or listing your achievements. Big turnoff. Be mysterious. Let them find out naturally.
  • #9 – Having closed body language or putting your arms or your hands in front of your face.

Get My Latest Dating Tips
Straight To Your Inbox

Gain access to my latest dating advice.
Emailed to you every week.

*100% secure. We will not share, spam or sell your information.

Social Attraction Dating Tips Newsletter