Dating Coach For Men | 9 Signs Of Male Insecurity That Turn Women Off

Dating Coach For Men | 9 Signs Of Male Insecurity That Turn Women Off

Dating Coach For Men | 9 Signs Of Male Insecurity That Turn Women Off

Dating Coach For Men | 9 Signs Of Male Insecurity That Turn Women Off

Dating Coach For Men | 9 Signs Of Male Insecurity That Turn Women Off

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

Dating coach for men – 9 signs of male insecurity that turn women off – In this article, I’m going to go through the step-by-step things that you may or may not be doing that are subconsciously turning women off.

Now the attributes that I talk about here will not only make you more attractive to women if you stopped doing them, but they’ll also actually make you more attractive in all areas of your life, including with friends, family, and in the workplace. So let’s get started.


Dating coach for men #1 – Being negative


The first sign of insecurity that will turn women off is when you are being negative around her. So I’ll give you an exact example. Say, you’re with a girl on a date and then you notice in the distance there’s another girl who’s wearing a very short skirt. Now you could point out, “Oh, look at that girl’s short skirt. Why is she wearing that? Why is she wearing that colour?” What you’re really doing here is being negative and drawing the energy down.

Now, as you can imagine, we all have friends or we all know someone that’s very negative, and it can be very difficult to spend time with them. Often we find that when we leave them, we feel in a worse place than we were before we met them. In the same way, being negative around women will instantly turn them off. It’s something that you should avoid. In my experience, most of us most of the time have only learned to be negative just because of our upbringing or the way that our friends and people that we know interact alongside us. So just having an awareness not to be negative will help you.

If you are feeling negative, you just need to change your thought into finding something positive about that person. So that girl wearing a short skirt, you could say, “Oh, wow! Look at her. Isn’t she confident of being able to wear a dress like that or an outfit like that? So you start to reframe it in your mind. What happens over a while is you become less negative and you become a more positive person.


Dating coach for men #2 – Being judgemental


The second sign of male insecurity that will turn women off is by being judgmental. Now there’s a difference between having an opinion, being judgmental, and being objective. When you’re being objective, you have no emotional attachment to the situation. That is the best-case scenario when you can be objective about anything, so when you’re speaking to women, you’re not emotionally attached. You’re more stoic in the way that you respond to certain situations.


Dating coach for men - infographic


Now when you’re being judgmental, what you’re doing is you’re assigning judgement without any information – you’re just making a snap judgement about a situation. Again, a judgement could be about when she’s talking about her friends and her family, and you just judge one of them immediately to be a certain way or to be a specific type of person.

Now, these judgments are very unattractive to women because, in essence, as soon as you finished interacting with her, she will feel that you are likely to judge her when she’s not there. When a woman feels judged, she’s less likely to feel relaxed around you because she feels like there’s an element of judgement no matter where your relationship goes with her. So remember that being judgemental is definitely a turn off to women.


Dating coach for men #3 – Having self-doubt


The third sign of male insecurity that turns women off is when you have self-doubt in your conversations with women. Self-doubt can come up in many different ways. One of the ways that I see all the time when I host my dating confidence courses is when you’re speaking to a girl and you have an opinion about something, and she challenges you and you quickly change your mind and rescind your opinion.

Now having self-doubt in this situation serves to subcommunicates that you really have little confidence in yourself and that you can be easily moved – and that’s very unattractive to women. In this situation, you’re better off sticking to your opinion, even if you say something where you think, “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have said it like that.” Don’t rescind.

Just keep to that belief, keep to that conversation, and see where it takes you. If you say something that’s stupid or you say something you actually don’t agree with, just change it for the next time around. But don’t be so easily moved. Don’t be so easily persuaded to change your opinion because that merely subcommunicates a lot of self-doubts, which is unattractive to women.


Dating coach for men #4 – Shyness


The fourth sign of male insecurity that turns women off is shyness. The simple reason is that shy guys do not interact with as many women as confident guys, because if you’re shy, you are less likely to start conversations with women. The shyer you are, the more you might get eye contact, the more you might get go-ahead signals from women, but the less you will actually pursue them. So actually being shy – not only in conversation – but just as a person, will prevent you just from meeting many different women.

One of the things you can do to overcome your shyness is a technique that I teach on my courses, and that’s called Getting Proximity. All it means is that in your mind, you don’t think about starting a conversation. You just think about getting close enough to start a conversation if you wanted to. This will help remove your anxiety. It would allow you to move closer. When you are comfortable doing that, you can then develop your confidence in starting a conversation.

But, ultimately, if you’re shy and you cannot start conversations with women, that’s going to impact your dating confidence massively.


Dating coach for men #5 – Unable to hold eye contact


The fifth sign that you are insecure around women is lacking any form of eye contact. Now, normally this is because of toxic shame.  I’ve done some videos on my YouTube channel about how to use meditation to remove toxic shame, which will benefit you if you suffer from this issue.

But in a nutshell, if you imagine that your chin up and your chest back displays confidence, if you look down to the floor, then you’re already subcommunicating shame, and shame is linked to your sexuality. If you are conveying shame by not holding eye contact, again, women will pick up on this immediately, and it sub communicates that you are insecure and not confident as a person.

Toxic shame impacted my life for many, many years. On my YouTube channel, the videos that I spoke about made a profound difference to my confidence as a man. Now you can still attract and date women if you feel shame. There are levels, though. So if you’re feeling shame at a level of eight or nine, you’ll want to reduce that feeling down to a five, because shame is a good emotion as long as it’s not toxic and as long as it’s not out of control.


Dating coach for men #6 – Unable to hold a conversation


The next sign of male insecurity that will turn women off is when you are unable to carry on a conversation with women, which is something that amazed me when I first started coaching around a decade ago. I’d show guys how to continue conversations, and the first two to five minutes were awesome. That’s really what I used to specialise in. It was only many years later – maybe three or four years into working as a coach –  when I started doing more classroom-based coaching and I started to focus on longer conversations with clients. What I found is that a lot of guys struggled to continue a conversation with a girl. Now there are many different causes for this, but a big reason is simply they don’t have enough to talk about, which is called your conversation ammunition.

The way you work on that is you read wider-ranging books, you watch documentaries, and you go travelling. In essence, the more things that you’ve done or do, the more things you have to talk about. So that’s one of the things within your control that you can do to overcome it.

Another one is by using word association, which is taking one of her words out of any sentences that she uses and just speaking about that word – this will allow you to just continue a conversation. But, ultimately, if you’re speaking to an attractive woman and you cannot continue a conversation, it’s going to fall flat. It doesn’t matter how good-looking you are, how muscled you are, any of these traits will not help you if you cannot continue a conversation with a woman.


Dating coach for men #7 – Being too agreeable


Now this next one’s interesting, and it’s a really big sign that you’re insecure. That is when you never disagree with a woman’s opinion. You see, most of us most of the time, especially around attractive women, don’t want to get anything wrong.  We want to make sure everything goes right. So we agree with her; we nod in conversation and we agree with what she’s saying about everything. Then what we find is that we get in the friend -zone or the relationship doesn’t go the way that we want it to.

Now if you flip that coin onto the other side and instead you decide to actually give your opinion and disagree with a woman occasionally, what you’ll find is that it takes women off autopilot. When they’re off autopilot, they then enter into a proper conversation with you. This is one of the things that I do on my Skype coaching sessions; I teach my clients to be disagreeable on purpose. The way you do that is to shake your head when a girl’s speaking to you or you disagree with what they’re saying if you know more than them or if you have a perspective on it. Under my guidance, in that specific scenario, you can see the difference that it makes to your dating interactions, and it’s huge.

So just try that. Just try and be disagreeable when you oppose what a woman is saying. Notice the difference. She’ll come off autopilot and she’ll enter into a proper conversation with you. It’s a very powerful thing to do and it shows real confidence as a man.


Dating coach for men #8 – Exaggerating your achievements


Now the penultimate sign of male insecurity that turns women off is when you try and list your achievements or you try and exaggerate who you are as a person. A primary focus that I teach my clients is to develop naturally good conversation skills; a facet of which is to relate childhood stories to build a connection, and it does happen on occasion that a client will make the story up. I’m like, “No, don’t do that. You’re exaggerating, and it’s obvious.”

Just tell genuine stories about yourself. You don’t need to try and be over the top. You don’t need to try and impress someone because when you do that, what you’re doing is putting that other person on a pedestal above you. We all know what that feels like when someone’s trying to be our friend or someone’s trying too hard with us. It’s so obvious, yet we struggle to identify this in ourselves. So it’s really important – you don’t need to exaggerate things.

If you’re not happy with your life and with who you are, then start to change it. Start to work towards having a better quality life, because that way you won’t need to take the shortcut and you won’t need to try and lie about it, because, trust me, it will come back to haunt you. Also, it’s unattractive and just turns women off at the moment as they will see through it.


Dating coach for men #9 – Having closed body language


Now the final sign of male insecurity is when you have closed or tense body language around women, certain things like your shoulders being tight together or you put your hand in front of your face to block it or you fold your arms. All of these things subcommunicate that you are not a confident man.

So how I like to teach this is just stand with your shoulders slightly back, chin up slightly in the air. Do not put your hands in front of your body. Do not put your hands in front of your face. Do not cross your arms. Yes, you may feel vulnerable, yes, you may feel insecure, but unless you start doing it, you’re never going to get over your fears. So by changing your body language, you will start to convey more masculine and more attractive traits.


Dating coach for men – Summary


So let’s round this episode up, and I’m just going to go through them in bullet points very quickly; nine signs of male insecurity that turn women off so that you can take these away and instantly change your dating life.

  • Dating coach for men #1 – Being negative talking to women. You don’t need to be negative. You can flip it on the side and become more positive.
  • Dating coach for men #2 – Being judgemental in conversation with girls. Again, pull yourself back. Just become objective. Remove the emotions attached to what you’re talking about.
  • Dating coach for men #3 – Having self-doubt. This is where you give your opinion on something and a girl says something different and you instantly change your mind. You don’t want to do that.
  • Dating coach for men#4 – Shyness by not starting conversations. One of the first things that you can do is just get proximity. For more on that, I’ve got videos from my dating confidence courses on YouTube. Just type in Gary Gunn, how to approach women if you want more strategies on how to do that. I also have classroom-based stuff with women where you can watch it live.
  • Dating coach for men #5 – Lacking eye contact with women due to the shame that you feel in your life. If you are someone that suffers from shame, it is called toxic shame. You can find out more information about that. You can just buy books on it or try the meditation practises that I spoke about.
  • Dating coach for men #6 – Not being able to continue a conversation. Again, for this one, read more books, learn more things, have a wider variety of things that you can talk to women about. It will make it so much easier.
  • Dating coach for men #7 – Never disagreeing with a woman. Again, as I said, just disagree with a woman if you disagree with her and see what happens. You’ll be amazed.
  • Dating coach for men #8 – Trying to impress women by exaggerating what you do or listing your achievements. Big turnoff. Be mysterious. Let them find out naturally.
  • Dating coach for men #9 – Having closed body language or putting your arms or your hands in front of your face.

Now all of these nine things are big signs to women that you are insecure and it will turn them off, and it’s also likely to consign you to the friend-zone. If you can avoid doing any of these, and instead exhibit the direct opposite of everything I’ve spoken about, you will convey confidence as a man.

It will enable you to just feel better and have higher self-esteem when you’re speaking to women who you’d like to date.


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Gary GunnGary Gunn – Founder of Social Attraction


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