Five Dating Lessons | Save Time & Energy Meeting Women (2021)

Five Dating Lessons | Save Time & Energy Meeting Women (2021)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I am going to share my top five dating lessons for life that you can use whilst you are interacting with women.

These dating lessons will do the following:

  • Help expand your thinking (with positive gains)
  • Save you anxiety in your dating interactions (forever)
  • Help you meet and exchange contact details with women (in an opportune way)

Following the principles outlined here will give you an instructive blueprint to progress and develop your dating life for the better.

Interested in applying these dating lessons in the real world? Then take a look at our client testimonials and book onto our next dating confidence course. Watch them on YouTube here: Dating confidence course for men reviews:

dating confidence course for men

Take every opportunity to meet women

When we go about our day-to-day lives, most of us compartmentalise ourselves to be in:

  • ‘Work’ mode
  • ‘Gym’ mode
  • ‘Meeting family’ mode

And we only allow ourselves a small window during our weekly activities for ‘meeting women’ mode. We might tell ourselves: “I’m going to go on a night out and then I’m going to meet women there.” Or “I’m going to go speed dating.

However, let us take a moment to look at those hours weekly. What becomes abundantly clear is that we are not allowing ourselves enough time to speak and interact with women. Indeed, limiting social contact in this way only adds more pressure when we finally do speak to a woman.

Having an awareness of the key signals that a woman typically gives to convey she would like to have a conversation is invaluable and forms one of the most important dating lessons to take through life. As once you become aware that a girl may be interested, you will have more confidence to initiate a conversation. And opening your eyes to the opportunities to start more conversations will only serve to enrich your dating life tenfold.

Recognise her signs of interest

Below are the three main signs of interest from a woman. If she is exhibiting all three of these signals it is a clear go-ahead sign that you can start a conversation with her.

She moves closer 

If a woman likes you then she will tend to get close enough to you to have a conversation. This means approximately 1.5 metres away from you. She may stand with her back to you or her body side-on. In contrast, if a woman is not interested, more often she is going to stand a lot further away.

Hair playing

The second indicator is if a woman plays with her hair. Hair playing is an instinctive response, an adrenaline rush, that hits when a woman is attracted to a man. It is a way of getting rid of that energy in her body. This is similar to the adrenaline rush you experience when you see an attractive girl.

Legs crossed towards you

The final body language sign that a woman may display when she is attracted to you is standing towards you with one leg crossed over the other. This shows that she is not in a rush to walk away and is happy to stay at that moment and speak to you.

Dating tips for men

Once you recognise the signs of interest in a woman you then want to have the confidence to act on this interest and speak to her.

In my infographic below I outline powerful dating principles that will make you a more attractive and confident man – and one who has the self-assurance to start conversations with women. To learn more about each principle and how to implement these in your own life read my dating tips for men article.

9 dating lessons that attractive men use around women

Always leave the interaction first

On my dating confidence courses, I cannot tell you over the past 10 years how many amazing interactions I have seen between one of my clients and a girl fizzle out. This is all because he stayed in the interaction too long and the energy nosedived.

It does not matter how socially adept you are. It does not even matter how effective you are as a communicator. If you continue a conversation over a period of time that is too long, eventually it will fizzle out. However, there are a few key things that you can do here.

Set a time limit

Firstly, you can give yourself a set parameter. It could be: When I first meet a girl, I’m only going to allow a five-minute window initially to get to know her. That is a strong boundary to put into place that helps you come across in an attractive way. It also helps ease any pressure or anxiety you might be feeling because you only have a set time to present your best self.

The second thing that you can do is to physically look at your watch during the interaction. This gives off a sign that you are in a rush. You only have limited time as you have somewhere else to be. When you do that, what tends to happen is that the person that you are interacting with (if it is going well), will experience a fear of loss.

We have all felt like this ourselves; an interaction is going well and you do not want the other person to leave. Significantly, you elicit the exact response by being the person that is about to leave first. That is another of my dating lessons to implement in maintaining attraction with women at an early stage.

Dating boundaries

For other ways to create healthy boundaries in your dating interactions take a look at my infographic below. I also suggest you read my healthy boundaries with women article to learn more about how to execute these three strategies.

I cannot stress enough how instilling personal boundaries in your life will benefit your own mental wellbeing, as well as strengthen your relationships with potential partners, family, friends and colleagues. It forms another of the dating lessons that will hugely enhance your life.

3 ways to embed healthy boundaries in your dating life

Exchange details as soon as possible

There are times when you could be in a wonderful interaction with a girl and something outside of your control happens, causing you to lose the opportunity to exchange details. Perhaps her phone rings and her friend is half a mile down the street and she has to go immediately to meet her. Or perhaps you are in a bar and her friend comes back who feels jealous and the energy instantly drops.

Ultimately you lose the opportunity to take or exchange contact details with a girl by not bringing the subject up sooner.

Relax your dating outlook

To counter these possibilities as soon as a girl is interested in you, point out: “I don’t have long. I may have to go to meet my friends, but let’s exchange details now in case we miss the chance later.”

Because you know that this is not the end of the interaction, exchanging details allows you to relax. That one piece of advice will save you a mass of pain and anxiety in your dating life. So as soon as you think a girl is interested in you then exchange details immediately. That will allow you to be more relaxed in your interactions. You can also follow up with the girl later on.

To learn more helpful tips on how to attain a more relaxed dating outlook look at my infographic below. I also suggest you read my dating advice for men article to learn more of these dating lessons as the way you come across to women has a direct bearing on how attractive they perceive you to be.

5 ways to stop conveying neediness to women

Use your imagination when meeting women

On my live training courses, clients often say to me: “I’m only interested in talking to girls who I view as super attractive. I’m not interested in talking to anyone else.”

I have heard this theme many times over the years. The issue with this type of thinking is that you are severely inhibiting your opportunity to interact with women. You are putting a barrier up that prevents you from showcasing your personality and attributes.

In my experience, if you are looking for beauty, you tend to find it. And what do I mean by that? I mean that that it does not occur all that often when you find yourself interacting with a girl who you deem to be super attractive from the outset.

Speak to more women

Instead, I advocate using your imagination to notice aspects about other women to find them more attractive. By shifting your attention from the thinking of: “That girl is not up to my standards,” to “What do I find attractive about this girl?” Instantly you are looking for beauty. And if you look for beauty, you tend to see beauty.

The end result will be rather than speaking to one girl every two weeks, you will see opportunities to interact with ten girls a day. These interactions do not need to be dating interactions. They can simply be getting to know people; practising communication and social skills and developing your character.

Besides, there have been many times when the girl that my client is speaking to then goes on to introduce him to one of her friends. The reason for this is because he has come across as charismatic and charming.

Soften your mental approach

To sum up, strive to look for beauty and avoid putting barriers up. Particularly barriers that telegraph: “I’m only talking to certain girls, and I’m not wasting my time.” That type of thinking is too polarised, too exclusive, and you will still waste your time. The opportunity to talk to that one ideal girl will perhaps only come around once every two weeks if that.

Instead, shifting your thinking to look for reasons to find women attractive will do the following:

  • Gives you opportunities to showcase your personality
  • Enables your charisma to come through
  • Lets you practise interacting with people

It is one of the reasons why clients on my courses tend to obtain good results because all of a sudden the world has opened up to them. It feels like the pressure is off; “I can talk to more people,” which is a wonderful thing to experience.

As outlined in the image below we can help teach you how to approach attractive women and develop your social and communication skills to present your best self. To find out more about our training visit our live training page and book a consultation call with me.

Model looking at camera with three ways to approach attractive women

Get introduced to her friends

If a group of girls are all together on a night out, yet you only speak to one of them. In effect, you are taking her away from the group.

The only option you have here is to join that group or to allow her friends to join your group. Otherwise, there will be a divide and the girls will move on; perhaps to a different part of the bar, club, or a different venue completely. There are a few ways to counter this:

1 – You can simply say to the girl you are speaking to: “Introduce me to your friends.”

2 – Or you can say to one of her friends: “By the way, this is my name. I can’t believe your friend hasn’t introduced me.” It is a little bit flirty and a little bit funny.

Convey social strengths

When speaking to an attractive girl most guys will monopolise her attention  – but at the exclusion of her friends. And what will happen? Her friends will get annoyed and pull her away. All before the opportunity to exchange contact details arises. Acting this way leaves you in a situation where you have completely ruined a good dating potential.

However, including her friends in the conversation and joining your groups together will keep the interaction going. Moreover, it also demonstrates you have great social intelligence; meaning that you are socially aware and an effective communicator.

To learn more about social intelligence and how to demonstrate it to women, take a look at my infographic below. You can also read my how to carry on a conversation with women article to learn about the other types of intelligence you want to convey when speaking to women. This all contributes to shaping you into a more attractive and charismatic man.

3 types of intelligence to convey in your conversations with women


  • Take every single dating opportunity that presents itself during your day-to-day life. Do not limit your time to meeting women to a set slot in your weekly schedule. Recognise the signs a woman gives when she wants to be approached; proximity, hair playing, and one leg crossed over the other in conversation.
  • Always leave the interaction first by giving yourself a window of time. Perhaps five minutes when you are first talking to her. Look at your watch to indicate that you are in a rush and need to leave.
  • Exchange details as soon as a girl is interested in you. This will save you time and anxiety in trying to get her number when her friends arrive.
  • Do not be so limited in your outlook and use your imagination. This means looking for attractive qualities in women that you are meeting.
  • Get the girl to introduce you to her friends. This ensures both your groups join and prevents any divide.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is the bestselling author of An Education In (Online) Dating.

He has hosted over 1000 dating confidence courses in the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 courses conducted online.

Moreover, he is the head coach at Social Attraction and leads the team, training and courses.
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