Dating Mentor | How To Maximise The Shortness Of Your Sexual Life (fast)

Dating Mentor | How To Maximise The Shortness Of Your Sexual Life (fast)

Dating Mentor | How To Maximise The Shortness Of Your Sexual Life (fast)

Dating Mentor | How To Maximise The Shortness Of Your Sexual Life (fast)

Dating Mentor | How To Maximise The Shortness Of Your Sexual Life (fast)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

Okay, welcome back to today’s episode where we’re going to be looking at a philosopher called Seneca who was around from 4 BC and died in 65 AD. So this is pretty well just after Julius Caesar. I’ve wanted to read this book for ages because he’s a Stoic philosopher and I just find that time in history to be hugely interesting.

And actually, the book of his that I’ve just read is quite, is more of an essay. It’s called “On the Shortness of Life.” And the reason why I ended up reading this book is that I was thinking about language and the structure of it and what we really get from communicating with people. And there are a few things that came up. I mean, first of all is to show off our intelligence and to highlight attributes about ourselves. I mean, that’s typically why most of us speak.

And the second reason is to show loyalty which is either, you know, loyalty from someone else or loyalty to someone else. I mean, I think that there’s obviously functional conversation where you’re asking directions and stuff like that, but if we just accept the premise at the moment that, you know, when we communicate, we are either  showing loyalty or we’re showing off our genetics.

When we come at it from that approach, it makes you look at your communications differently.

So, for example, putting it into perspective, if you’re going to go and meet a friend for a coffee, typically using this parameter, what you’re really doing is having an opportunity to show off your intelligence to each other but also to show your loyalty to each other.

And I find this quite interesting because, say, for example, you are more self-confident and more self-assured and didn’t seek validation from people, what benefit would you get from having your friend’s loyalty? And that, that’s quite a deep question, actually, so I’ll say that again. If you were completely self-assured and you didn’t need to seek validation, why would you go and meet your friend for a coffee? Because all you’re really doing in getting out with that is highlighting your intelligence to each other and also getting loyalty from each other.

And that really hit home with me. It’s interesting, it’s like okay, well, in which case, then, how much of my time am I wasting because how many times am I going to meet people or communicating with people in a non-effective way? And that’s what kind of led me to read Seneca which, as I say, I’ve, I’ve wanted to read for ages but something popped up in my Facebook feed about this book “On the Shortness of Life” and it, I thought okay, well this is … probably should be reading this. And there are a few things. Obviously, it’s a very small book but there are some really great quotes that we can, we can look at.

I mean, he talks about how we can form a partnership with philosophers from the past so what he’s basically saying is you’ve got the present moment which most of us miss. You’ve got the future which doesn’t exist. But then you’ve got the past, and in the past it’s finite, so it’s happened.

So when we give our time to studying the past, we’re really taking on the wisdom from previous history in the present moment. And his view is that that is how we elongate our lives, which is quite an interesting concept ’cause it’s like, well, it’s not necessarily that your lives going to be longer.

It’s more that if you spend time looking at people from the past and studying them, that you’re going to have more knowledge and live the present moment better.

And this kind of just again hits home a little bit further when it goes to, you know, meeting women. I mean, how many of us waste so much time messaging girls, of going on dates that we don’t really care about? I mean, time is a resource and if we were looking at it the same way we assign, you know, money and budgets, then we would certainly act differently with it.

So I think the first lesson on, on this is if you’re just meeting up with people just to get a bit of loyalty, then obviously you can work on your self-esteem so that you’re more confident in yourself.

But secondly, with women, I mean, why go on a date with women who you’re not specifically attracted to? What? Just to get a little ego kick and make yourself feel better?

I mean there are certainly better things you could do with your time such as reading philosophers like Seneca to understand why you are doing things and what your motives are, you know. And the time spent reading rather than going on a date that’s going to put you in much better stead for the rest of your life as, as opposed to just continually living out trying to get validation which, again, you know, you’re going to be seeking for the rest of your life if you go about it that way.

Now it’s, it’s also funny, I mean, he goes on further. There’s a really, really nice quote which I think I’m going to read out, it’s, it’s just interesting. He-he’s talking about like Aristotle and, and other philosophers like Pythagoras and he said, you know, “None of these will be too busy to see you. None of these will not send his visitor away happier and more devoted to himself. None of these will allow anyone to depart empty-handed. They are at home for all mortals by night and by day.”

And that is such an interesting quote because it’s like how many of us are on social media all the time, looking at our phones, waiting for women to text us, looking at texting our mates.

And we’re just waiting all the time for people to get back to us. Or we post something online and we’re waiting to see how many likes it’s got. What Seneca’s getting at here, I mean, obviously this is 2000 years ago, but putting it to modern-day is like, you know, don’t wait for anyone else. You know, spend your time, your time doing something more effective and he’s saying that if you look at people from the past, that they’re there permanently. They’re not going to change. They’re there, you know, to educate you and, and to be there all the time.

So a different parameter or a different perspective would be, don’t just look at your time, you know, like you’re waiting for people. Actually, claim it and let people be there, you know, that are always going be available to you. There’s one final thing actually which was great and this was a real thinking moment for me. I’m heavily into reading and, and self-development anyway, and I can’t believe that this is the first time

I’ve ever read Seneca because some of his one-liners are unbelievable. But this is a very interesting one a-and I think it’s worth giving it some thought and I’m just going to read out another quote because this is so powerful.

He says, “We are not in the habit of saying that it was not in our power to choose the parents who were allotted to us, that they were given to us by chance. But we can choose whose children we would like to be.” And it’s the end sentence there that’s the powerful bit. “But we can choose whose children we would like to be.”

That is such an insight into life because think about this. There is all of this literature from the last few thousand years that are available to us to read and to develop and to learn. You can choose anything. Economics, philosophy, psychology. It is all there and you can learn it from those books and the reason why this is so powerful for me is because after I had my car accident and I set up Social Attraction I pretty well had no one in my life that was supportive. And, you know, not only that but people used to say it was never going to work, it’s a waste of time and, you know, perhaps at that time in my life, I wasn’t obviously as developed as what I am now. But there was no one to support me.

So what I did, I sought solace in books, and I would read books from the most successful people that have ever lived. And they gave me confidence to actually carry on and develop my life and the reason why Seneca’s quote, I guess, hits home there again is like, you know, if you want to achieve something in life, you don’t have to go out there and ask a thousand people their opinion.

Find the person in history that has already achieved what you want that … Trust me, there is enough literature there and read what they’re saying. Then find someone else and read what they’re saying.

And what will happen is not only do you gain their wisdom, but there is something fundamentally powerful about reading on a daily basis people that are telling you that you can achieve something because where else are you going to get your confidence from?

You can obviously visualise it, you can meditate on it, do all these things, but having people there that you can pick up whenever you want in the mornings, in the evening, any time, and read their powerful words is life-changing. And for me it was sensationally important. I read so much and I sought solace in books and, you know, I developed my life so much from the knowledge I got but also just the confidence gained from completely reading positive stuff on a daily basis. I mean, it was, you know, it was life-changing for me.

Just to go back to Seneca. I think that that is an important lesson on our time and he talks about how you should look at time like a resource like money, apart from the time are finite whereas money isn’t. So actually the one thing that we should really look at is how we spend our time. And when we link that into what we’re saying about communication and what we’re looking at get-getting we can begin to paint a picture about how, if we change our fundamental views on our time, we can start being more productive.

So rather than going and meeting a friend for a coffee, we can read about something to do with a philosopher or read about weight training, you know, go to the gym more. But can you can assign your time differently with the knowledge that I’ve described in this podcast. So I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode and I will catch you tomorrow.


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