Dating Strategy | An Advanced Guide (to boost your mating success)

Dating Strategy | An Advanced Guide (to boost your mating success)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

Okay, welcome back to today’s episode where we’re going to be looking at Harvey Spectre from the TV series Suits. Now for anyone who hasn’t seen this TV show, he’s basically a hotshot lawyer. And as the seasons’ progress, his morals and values get tested along the way.

And we really get a sense of who this person is, and what his character is, and what he’s willing to stand up for. But he’s regarded as a very attractive character, so I thought it’d be relevant for us just to examine what is it about him that we like, and women are drawn towards?

And I certainly think, first of all, the fact that he’s a winner. I mean that’s something that we’re going to be discussing. Second of all is that he has immense integrity as an individual. And third of all is that he is a fantastic communicator generally, and especially around women. But he seemed to communicate the same way in all of his endeavours. So let’s just begin with the first thing, that he’s a winner.

I mean he’s a success in life. He’s got the famous corner office, which is portrayed quite widely as someone who’s been successful.

But as the series progressed we get a sense that this guy has had to work ridiculously hard for what he’s got, and where he’s come from. Although the scene in many of the shows doesn’t really show him working that hard, I think you get a sense that this guy has put a hell of a lot of hard work and over the years, certainly alluded throughout the series is the fact that he was the first in the office, and he was the first to leave.

And there’s a certain amount of success that comes from really just digging in deep and going off to what you want. And he’s really an archetype of it because what you’re really seeing is the finished article, you’re seeing someone that’s done all of the hard graft, and now he’s embarking on a career where he’s showing off his genetics by being so good at what he does. And that’s also an interesting concept, right? What he does for a living is attractive.

So just hearing him speaking, and being around this guy and watching him work is hugely attractive. And you see it a lot with musicians and people that busk on the street, and artists, just being who they are is extremely attractive. And the fact that Harvey is an absolute winner, that in itself is attractive, but when you see the way that he’s operating, anyone that’s watching it is going to find it alluring and captivating.

This is certainly someone that you want to be around because if you get to be part of his inner circle, he certainly can look after you.

So I think one of the lessons that we can draw on here is, if you are going to strive towards having a successful career, it’s important to remember that once you get there there’s then the opportunity of using that as a way of really showing off your characteristics and your intelligence and all these different attributes which are hugely attractive.

One of the things that Harvey’s definitely got is he is intelligent, and I’ve spoken about this in many previous podcast episodes, but intelligence in the hierarchy of what women find attractive is pretty well right at the top. The fact that he’s able to use his intelligence, within the law, and outsmart other people, is massively attractive. Because it’s not just the fact that he’s a good lawyer, he uses some incredible ways of getting people of cases.

So that’s certainly something that we can learn from, is how can we put our intelligence to the test in a way that’s going to allow us to show off our genetics? And obviously I mentioned artists, and basically anything creative is an opportunity to do that.

The second characteristic I wanted to talk about was, the fact that he has integrity as a human being, and that is tested so many times throughout the TV show, with people he cares about, being unfairly sent to prison, and just moral dilemmas that you have in your life.

And something that really sticks out at me with Harvey is that he really does have an innate sense of what is right and what is wrong. And even though there’s times where the TV show portray that maybe he’s not doing what we think he should be doing, in the end, it’s always clear that he sticks to his morals and his values, and certainly protecting people that he cares about is a huge one of his moral characteristics.

And as it goes, protecting people we care about, that is also one of the most attractive qualities that women like. Because, if we think back to tribal times, typically the guy that women are going to choose and select to have a kid with, they want to make sure that he’s able to protect them and provide for them, and stay around.

So having moral integrity, I spoke about Captain America in a previous episode too, Harvey is pretty similar. He’s got his values and he sticks up for them. And that’s really what makes him the person that he is. If he wasn’t a lawyer, he’d still be a success in life, because it’s these morals and values that drive him to be a good human being. And that’s certainly why we like him, and obviously why we’re drawn towards him.

The final thing I want to talk about with Harvey is his ability to communicate. I mean if you watch throughout the shows, something that I speak about on my courses is not asking too many questions and making statements.

I mean, he certainly does that. And the reason for that is because when you’re asking a question, you’re keeping the dialogue open, which means that you want something from the other person. So you need something from them. And obviously if you’re permanently asking loads of questions, you’re someone who typically is wanting a lot from a lot of people, and that’s not attractive. You don’t want to be around someone that’s just taking stuff from you all the time. So another way around that is to make statements.

So rather than asking questions, try and turn it into a statement. And with a statement, you’re actually ending the dialogue. So a great example, if you got up and you’re speaking to a new girl, she’s not from the country, rather than saying, “Where are you from?” Take a guess. “Let me guess, you’re Canadian?” And when you saw you that you’re putting value into the interaction, and you’re also ending the dialogue, because it’s a statement. So there’s no need for the person to reply.

So when you are making a statement, “I bet you’re from Canada?” You’re ending the dialogue. And if the girl responds, it shows that she wants to be part of what you’re doing. So as opposed to asking her a question, which is going into interview mode, you’re becoming more attractive and adding more value to your interactions.

It’s something I subscribe to, whenever I can, I always try and craft a question in the way of a statement, just because it’s more fun and more interesting.

You could also have a flirt with it as well. Like if you’re guessing what a girl does for a living, you can guess a stupid job, which she clearly doesn’t do, that’s a little bit flirty, and also a little bit fun. The other thing that makes Harvey a great communicator is that he doesn’t necessarily speak that much, but his words are very powerful. I think throughout the series he … Obviously he’s in dialogue with other people, but he takes a lot of time to reply when people are talking to him.

And that’s a real sign of confidence and inner conviction. Typically, most of us, when we’re talking to a girl, we get a little bit anxious, and we try and force our words out, and we’re thinking about what to say straight away. But when you’re speaking to Harvey, he’s relaxed, right? He’s got this. And you get that when you see him on screen, it’s like, this guy is completely relaxed in conversation. You’re thinking to yourself, well, what does this say about him? What is this communicating about this guy’s character? And that’s definitely something we can learn from.

When you’re interacting with women, just being more relaxed, and not instantly reacting to what she’s saying, and taking time to respond. When you do that, typically your eye contact gets better, you become better at listening, you’re more tuned into the person that you’re speaking to. And also you’re just more relaxed, things just happen, and they flow more naturally, and easier. Rather than going in, and trying to force things and trying too hard. So being relaxed in conversation is certainly something that works well for him.

The other thing that he does is he doesn’t convey negative attributes about himself.

And this is where most guys, in my experience, go wrong. If you’re dating a girl, or you’re speaking to her and things are going well, and then all of a sudden she loses interest in you, typically it’s because you’ve conveyed something unattractive about yourself. And the main two are being judgemental about the world, and the other one’s about being negative.

If we look at them individually, when we’re judgemental what we’re really doing is highlighting insecurity of our own, because we wouldn’t be aware to judge someone unless we’re aware of it in our own mind. So being judgemental around women’s a huge turnoff, and typically I see this all the time, and it’s something that you can do straight away because normally it’s just a habit. So don’t be so judgmental and your communication skills will get better.

And the second thing about Harvey is he’s never really negative. And again, when someone’s being negative, first of all, it drains your emotions being around that person. But what does it say about that person? And I’ve have normally found, again, that it’s just a habit. These things on necessarily who you are, but you’re just in a habit of the people you spent time with. Typically you’re negative about things. And again, that’s really just a sign of who you are.

So just something to take away from that sections is just look for the positive in things, especially when you’re in communication with someone, and don’t necessarily be judgmental.

You may even get a laugh, if you take the mick out of someone, in her presence, she may laugh, but trust me, she’s finding an unattractive at the same point. Someone that’s judgemental typically is going to judge her, when it comes to kissing her, or any kind of physical contact. So she’s going to start to feel a little bit more insecure, which means you’re putting more boundaries in place with that girl.

So as a character, Harvey, he’s got a lot just, just recapping on what I’ve spoken about. He’s a great communicator. He speaks in statements, and typically he listens before he replies, and that conveys so many great attributes. He really cares about people that are in his inner circle. And you really want to be in there, because if you’re not and you’re going to war, he’s going to go after you. And he’s got the intelligence and the skill set to really, really make an impact.

And the final one’s, obviously this guy is a success in life. He’s found a way of finding something that he can put his intelligence to work towards.

And then once he’s qualified, he’s then living out his life in a way where he gets challenged, and he’s able to really develop. And he gets a lot, obviously from his work. And we certainly see, when his work’s taken away from him, he loses a lot of his confidence. So that’s something for all of us to think about as well.

If you haven’t, obviously watched the TV show Suits, I think, just watch the first few episodes and you’ll begin to get a sense of who he is. I love the show, I think it’s great. I think a lot of the characters in there have all got their own quirks, which makes them really interesting. But I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s episode, and I will catch you tomorrow.


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