Daygame Approach Anxiety | Overcome Your Fear Of Approaching Women
What is daygame approach anxiety, how do we overcome it, and what are the best strategies to beat our fear of approaching attractive women?
In this article, I will explain:
- The top three ways to destroy your daygame approach anxiety (once and for all)
- How to have instant self-confidence to approach women (fast)
- The best ways to approach women without fear (instant success)
Your ability to overcome daygame approach anxiety is the difference between being successful and unsuccessful in your dating life – period.
What causes daygame approach anxiety?
Approach anxiety is a fear of approaching women that we find attractive. It usually manifests in our body with a higher heart rate, clammy hands or perfuse sweating. Outwardly we tend to speak in a higher-pitched voice and speed up our words. We may even start stuttering.
Approach anxiety is caused by the belief that there is a high-level chance that we will be rejected if we approach a girl in that specific scenario. This could be a rejection in a bar, during the daytime or even online dating.
The key part to remember is that approach anxiety is the fear of potential rejection.
Fear of rejection
Did you know that approach anxiety takes as little as two seconds to manifest in our bodies?!?
The stimulus is that we see an attractive woman, and then the response is we feel anxious two seconds later.
Importantly, we can create a new habit between the stimulus and our automatic response. This two-second widow is paramount to overcoming daygame approach anxiety – more on this later.
Overcoming the fear of rejection
If we believed 100% that all women would be receptive to our approach, then our fear of rejection would be extinguished.
The good news is that if we learn how to overcome our fear of rejection, we also simultaneously cure our approach anxiety.
So let us understand exactly what the fear of rejection is…
Understanding the fear of rejection
Rejection is simply a sensation that we feel in our bodies, nothing more and nothing less. Once we understand that it is only a fleeting feeling, we can then either prevent this sensation from coming up in the first place. Or we can reduce the feeling when we are anxious.
The result is that if we remove the feeling of rejection, we will be able to approach and speak to any woman at any time. In other words, we will be a winner at daygame.
For more on what the term daygame means, see my simple infographic guide below. If you want a better understanding of it, I recommend reading my daygame article, where I cover various aspects and give helpful tips.
How to cure daygame approach anxiety?
The best way to cure daygame approach anxiety is known as power posing.
Power posing is when we replicate the body language of someone who is feeling 100% confident and self-assured. Take a moment to imagine your posture in the following three scenarios:
- Obtaining a gold medal at the Olympics
- Winning the football world cup
- Winning the lottery
Try adopting any of these poses now and see how they instantly energise your body and also your mind.
Another excellent example of power posing is when the British army says ‘ATTENTION’ to their squadron of soldiers. This word sparks an immediate shift in their posture to stand upright with their shoulders back and arms straight by their side. It energises them and allows them to be ready to follow the next order.
The impact of this is a swift and decisive change from one’s body language into a more dynamic posture. One that invigorates your body and allows you to be ready to take action.
So next time you see an attractive girl you want to speak to, pull a power pose within the first two seconds of seeing her. It doesn’t have to be a big one – in fact, it can be small enough, so no one in the vicinity sees it. Yet, notice how it energises your body and also reduces your approach anxiety.
Power posing after a rejection
Did you know that power posing can also be used after an interaction with women?!?
Let’s say you approach a girl in a bar, and she quickly shuts you down in front of everyone, and you begin to feel the sensation of being rejected. What you can do is pull a power pose to interrupt your pattern of negativity.
Remember here that rejection is only a fleeting feeling. Therefore the faster you pull a power pose when you start to feel rejected, the quicker you can enter back into a positive and healthy mindset. In short, knowing the feeling of rejection can no longer affect your state will influence you to become more confident, self-assured and attractive as a man.
My infographic below provides more guidance on how to overcome approach anxiety. You can also read my corresponding approach anxiety article, which includes some stories of previous clients, and what clicked for them in overcoming their approach anxiety on my courses.
How to get rid of daygame approach anxiety?
The best way to get rid of daygame approach anxiety is with affirmations. Affirmations, otherwise known as mantras, are influential. Where power posing energises our bodies, mantras energise and focus our minds.
Let’s try this right now by answering the following question – If you only had three seconds to live and you had to pass on one piece of positive advice to your son, what would it be?
Your answer to this question is known as an affirmation or a personal mantra. Importantly, when you repeat the words to yourself within the first 2 seconds of seeing an attractive woman, it helps focus your mind on the empowering and meaningful statement. This has the effect of reducing that feeling of anxiety about going and speaking to her.
The more energy you give to saying and believing in your personal mantra, the more impact it will have on your confidence at that moment in time.
Another great way to come up with your own affirmation is to imagine what someone you respect would be telling you in that split second.
This could be:
- Someone you admire in the real world
- A fictional hero from a film who you love
- A version of you when you are at your most confident
These statements are known as third-party affirmations. They can be powerful for controlling your focus and remaining positive and upbeat, as well as diminishing your anxiety.
If you want to hear more personal stories of clients of mine and how they managed their approach anxiety on my courses, read my beat the fear of approaching women feature. Below is a snapshot of the main takeaways from it:
How to get over daygame approach anxiety?
The best way to get over daygame approach anxiety is known as getting proximity.
When they walk into a café or a bar and see an attractive girl, most men will deliberately sit or stand far away from her to ‘not make it obvious.’ And then ponder at length about how to start a conversation.
Getting proximity turns this idea on its head by deliberately getting close enough to a girl to start a conversation with her. A reasonable distance is 1.5-2 metres away.
Examples of proximity in the real world are as follows:
- Sitting at the table next to a girl when you walk into a coffee shop
- Standing next to a woman when she is already standing by the bar
- It can even be sitting next to a woman in an airport waiting area
The simple act of getting physically close enough to start a conversation with women will save you time, effort and energy. It will also reduce your approach anxiety.
Proximity in practice
When opportunities present themselves to speak to a woman during our day-to-day life, we can often feel too tired. Perhaps we are on our way to work or need to be somewhere. It can therefore feel like too much effort or too big a task.
It feels like such a significant investment for us because we are thinking too far ahead in the interaction. Our mind is firmly on:
- What will I say?
- How do I start a conversation?
- What if she rejects me?
By telling ourselves that we only need to ‘get proximity,’ we diminish the effort in our minds. This makes it easier to get close enough to start a conversation. And as a result, it helps destroy our daygame approach anxiety.
For over a decade, we have been helping men tackle this area of their life and obtain transformational results. If you want to know more about how exactly we can help you see the image below. You can also take a look at our transformational dating courses page, which details the courses available.
- Approach anxiety is the fear of potential rejection from a woman
- Power pose and say your personal mantra to yourself
- Focus on getting proximity
Written by Gary Gunn
Gary Gunn is the bestselling author of An Education In (Online) Dating.
He has hosted over 1000 dating confidence courses in the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 courses conducted online.
Moreover, he is the head coach at Social Attraction and leads the team, training and courses.
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