Eye Contact Attraction | The Power Of Eye Sex (updated 2021)

Eye Contact Attraction | The Power Of Eye Sex (updated 2021)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, you will learn how to create eye contact attraction with women. These are my tried-and-tested strategies that I have been teaching on my Social Attraction dating courses for the past twelve years.

It will help you to avoid the following:

  • When speaking to a woman you find sexually attractive you will feel inadequate
  • If you try to hold eye contact with an attractive woman you will look away first and feel weak
  • When you lean in to kiss a woman she will pull away and leave you feeling embarrassed

No one should feel so powerless in their dating life – it is wrong.

We can help you to make it right by taking one of our Social Attraction courses. You will find a link at the bottom of this article to schedule a free 30-minute consultation call with me. On the call, we will work out which of our courses is right for you to transform your dating confidence.

You can also watch our client’s real life transformations here –  Social Attraction course reviews

dating confidence course for men

Does eye contact always mean attraction?

Eye contact from women has different meanings, and it is crucial to be able to decipher her different types:

  • If you get eye contact with a girl and she looks down, this is a sign she may be attracted to you
  • If she looks up and away, this is typically a sign that a woman does not find you attractive
  • Finally, if she looks to the side, there is an ambiguity there, meaning she may or may not be attracted to you

Taking notice of a woman’s other body language responses when you first make eye contact will help you identify any mutual attraction.

Eye contact signs of attraction

In my professional opinion, if a girl is attracted to you, then she will give you a cluster of body language signs.

Here are the three main ones:

  • Touching her hair
  • Prolonged smiling
  • Deep eye contact

I recall teaching these techniques to a 19-year-old client in Edinburgh who was attracted to women in their late 20’s.

He appeared confident, charming and charismatic, yet he could not hold eye contact with women. What we found is that his outward confidence was attractive to the younger girls. However, when he was speaking to more confident women, they could see through the bravado.

So we started from scratch. I got my client to stop speaking and hold eye contact for sixty seconds with my female coaching assistant. That was the first time in his life that he had ever held a woman’s gaze. He said he felt vulnerable at first and wanted to look away.

Yet, after twenty seconds, he relaxed and started to feel a magnetic pull into the girl’s eyes. Welcome to the power of eye sex – not bad at 19 years of age!

I have created the following infographic guide to help you recognise the other signs of when a woman is flirting. You should also read my signs she’s flirting article.

15 signs a woman is flirting and trying to build eye contact attraction

Signs of mutual attraction eye contact?

The best way to know if there are signs of mutual attraction eye contact is to look out for a particular combination of responses from a woman.

As mentioned above, these are called body language clusters and the main one to look out for is eye contact with hair play. When I first started to coach men to meet women in the day, I noticed this particular body language cluster from women.

Generally, if a woman first sees us and then plays with her hair and looks down, she is receptive to starting a conversation.

Hair-playing with eye contact

If we pause for a second and think about our response when we see an attractive lady, our automatic reaction is to feel a surge of energy in our bodies. Sometimes we label this as ‘anxiety,’ I prefer to label it as a ‘call to action.’

Nevertheless, in my experience, women also feel this same energy surge in their bodies. This energy is often channelled into playing with their hair. What this also does is create a powerful impact of drawing our attention towards her body.

The biology behind eye contact

Understanding these biological responses helps us have the confidence to walk over and start a new conversation with women.

This knowledge is a hidden gem that I have been teaching my clients for years. I remember teaching it to a 27-year-old client in London who had a shotgun approach to speaking to women. Instead, we improved his style and taught him the eye contact attraction signs to look out for. And now he approaches fewer women (ones that give him the go-ahead signs), yet he has a much higher dating success rate.

In my infographic below, you will find three powerful principles that enhance your attractiveness to women. You can also read my how to attract women instantly article.

Three different ways to attract women instantly

Holding eye contact attraction?

The simplest way to generate eye contact attraction with a girl is to hold eye contact with her until she looks away first.

Maintaining eye contact in this manner is effective because it has been scientifically proven that the longer you hold eye contact with women, the more oxytocin is released.

Oxytocin is a chemical that is linked to our feelings of love and closeness with women.

Supercharged eye contact

To supercharge your eye contact with women, then lift your chin to the point where you can no longer see your feet.

By lifting your chin to this level, you elevate your posture and demonstrate powerful and commanding body language.

This has the effect of preventing us from looking down or away first when we first meet women.

Insecure eye contact

Breaking eye contact with a woman and looking away first is a big sign of insecurity – and one that women notice.

I have created the infographic below to outline other signs of insecurity that turn women off.

You can also read my dating coach for men article here, where I go into more depth on these negative traits and how to overcome them.

9 reasons why men can't build eye contact attraction with women

Intense eye contact attraction?

The best way to enhance eye contact attraction with women is by slowing down your voice.

Slowing down your voice means you can hold deeper eye contact as you will not focus on what you will say next in the conversation.

If you picture kissing a girl for the first time, the slower you speak, the easier it is to move closer and share intimacy.

Eye contact intimacy

Slowing down your voice and holding intense eye contact are two guaranteed ways to become more confident around women.

Once you have a base level of eye contact and vocal control, you can add other features to your dating strategy.

Eye contact attraction and flirting with women are strategies that we can teach you. To learn more, then visit our transformational dating courses page.


  • Read a woman’s eye contact: If she looks down, she is interested in you. To the left, and she is unsure. If she looks up and away, she is showing disinterest.
  • When she plays with her hair while holding deep eye contact with you, she is attracted to you.
  • Do not look away from women first because it conveys insecurity.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is the bestselling author of An Education In (Online) Dating.

He has hosted over 1000 dating confidence courses in the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 courses conducted online.

Moreover, he is the head coach at Social Attraction and leads the team, training and courses.
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