First Date Tips For Men | Your Bulletproof Guide (Updated 2021)

First Date Tips For Men | Your Bulletproof Guide (Updated 2021)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I am going to outline three first date tips that will make her want to see you again. Following these strategies will help you immeasurably when going on that first date with any girl that you like.

You will learn:

  • A bulletproof way to keep the conversation flowing (throughout)
  • How to ensure your date is memorable to her (and fun)
  • What to do when the energy dwindles (at any point)

Before I go into the detail of what to do on your first date – as an added bonus I want to divulge an invaluable way to set up any first date with a girl. This will save you a lot of pain, a lot of time and a lot of wasted effort.

If you would like to get more first dates in your diary then review our client testimonials and book onto our next available dating confidence course. Watch them on YouTube here: Dating confidence course for men reviews:

Daygame dating course for men to regain confidence

How to set up the first date?

The best way to set up any first date with a girl is to organise the details of the date while you are still in a face-to-face conversation together.

What to avoid

At all costs try and avoid saying: “Oh, I’ll text you to organise it.” Because that way you now have to try and get both your calendars in sync and attempt to organise plans via text messaging, which can be awkward.

There is also the added pressure of trying to keep a conversation going via text. Endeavouring to make it interesting to keep her engaged until the date.

It is so much wasted time and effort.

What to accomplish

Instead, it is much easier to organise the date, time and meeting location when you are still in the presence of the girl that you like and speaking in conversation: “I’m free next Thursday… Are you?” This will come across as far more natural.

Moreover, now all you have to do is simply message her the details of what you have both already agreed. It takes away any added pressure from your texting so you can be more relaxed in your outlook.

Additionally, if the date with you is already cemented in her mind then she is much more likely to turn up for it.

Text message strategy

Below I have included my infographic illustrating powerful techniques you can employ in your text messaging with women. This will help you organise that first date and also keep the connection fun and dynamic in arranging any further dates.

You can also read my how-to text women article which details how to use each texting technique.

11 text messaging strategies to help make her see you again after a first date

How do you make a girl feel special on a first date?

The ideal way to make a girl feel special on a first date is to remember that it is not about the amount of time that you spend together.

Rather is the experiences shared that will make a difference as to whether a girl becomes more relaxed in your presence or not.

The psychology of dating

You may have one single experience planned for a first date activity such as going for cocktails. In effect, this represents one single experience that a woman will remember when the date is over.

However, if you are someone who understands the psychology of dating you would go for cocktails, yet you would also play pool followed by a quick game of bowling while you are there.

This represents three mini-dates (or experiences) all rolled into one first date, which effectively makes the date far more memorable to both of you.


Another example of mini-dating is going for a hike and then stopping in a nearby pub and having coffee or lunch together.

Critically, this formula can be used on any first date. Just remember to plan at least three different experiences as part of that date.

What this essentially does is build the first foundations of trust. It allows a girl to experience what it is like to share three different and notable memories with you as part of a first date.

Build trust

Accordingly, you will find that mini-dating will have a faster cumulative effect on your dating results as you will be able to connect with a girl and build trust from the outset.

As per the image below we can teach you how to better connect with women – whether on a first date or more generally. To find out more about our tuition then visit our live training page.

Model with a light behind her and three ways to connect in conversation

How do I make her feel comfortable on the first date?

One effective way to make a girl feel comfortable on a first date – in addition to making her want to see you again – is to play a game called the Questions Game.

I first played this game about seven years ago when I was doing a training course in Manchester. It is a great tool to have in your repertoire, fun to play and has become a central point for a lot of guys around the world on a first date.

The Questions Game

It has very easy rules to remember and follow:

Simply say to the girl: “Do you want to play a fun game?” The usual response will be a resounding yes.

You: “There are three rules:

  • Rule one, I ask the first question
  • Rule two, you have to answer truthfully
  • And rule three, you get to ask me a question back, but it can’t be the same question again”

It is most effective as a kind of background game that you can play, so you might introduce it after 10, 15 minutes. What you do not want to do is just stick resolutely to the game all evening – my question, your question etc.

Rather use it as a fun vehicle to get to know each other.

Form a connection

You will find that the Questions Game allows you to start talking about different aspects of your life as part of a fun game. You will start to give more detail in your answers and engage in authentic conversation.

And likewise, your date will also start opening up and becoming more expansive in her answers; so the conversation will flow naturally.

If you feel like the energy is dropping in the conversation at any point then you also have the reassuring awareness that you can return to the game and ask another question…

Ask emotive questions

You want to ask a mix of both dating and emotional questions like:

  • “When did you last kiss someone?”
  • “If you wrote a book about your life, what would you call it?”
  • “What one piece of advice would you give to your grandson?”

These types of emotional questions are very powerful and they will allow you to get to know each other better. The more you play the game, the more great questions women ask you.

Significantly, it is worth remembering those questions and asking other women when you meet them too. So the Questions Game is great for a first date – it enables it to run a lot smoother.

How to speak to women

My infographic below will help you stay engaging in your conversations on a first date. It illustrates how to successfully balance flirting and connecting with women.

I recommend you also read my how to speak to women article before any first date.

How To Flirt With Women on a first date

What to do with a girl on a first date?

The most impactful thing you can do on a first date is to keep the experiences flowing from one to the next; to keep the energy moving. This will help ensure that she wants to see you again.

There is nothing worse than being on a date with a girl and you feel that moment when the energy dissipates and you do not know what to do.

Keep the energy flowing

If you have planned your date effectively then you have your mini-dating experiences in hand. Therefore as soon as you feel the energy might be about to drop, all you have to do is say: “Right, let’s go.” And then you move to the next experience.

Importantly, this stops the date from becoming stale and stagnant.

So remember if you feel like the energy is dwindling, say: “Right, let’s go and do this.” Then simply stand up and physically move somewhere else.

Use spatial intelligence

The straightforward act of getting up and changing location will energise your interaction and lift the mood. Crucially, this also influences whether she will want to see you for a second date.

Having spatial intelligence – the skill of knowing when to move elsewhere to interject some energy into the interaction – is only one type of intelligence that enhances your attractiveness around women.

My infographic below gives a snapshot of the other two types of intelligence you ideally want to convey to women. It also serves as a good reminder to help you to keep your dates dynamic and interesting. To learn more I suggest you read my how to carry on a conversation with women article.

3 ways to help you on a first date to carry on a conversation with women


  • Remember it is not time spent together; it is the experiences shared that builds the first foundations of trust. So make sure you plan in advance and have at least three mini-dates on hand.
  • Play the questions game. As I mentioned play it, deviate from it, and return to it throughout the date. Use it as a vehicle to get to know each other.
  • Keep the experiences flowing. As soon as you feel the energy dropping, all you need to do is say, “Right, let’s go.” Then move on to the next part of your date.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is the bestselling author of An Education In (Online) Dating.

He has hosted over 1000 dating confidence courses in the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 courses conducted online.

Moreover, he is the head coach at Social Attraction and leads the team, training and courses.
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