Healthy Boundaries With Women | The Ultimate Guide (Top 3 Ways)

Healthy Boundaries With Women | The Ultimate Guide (Top 3 Ways)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, you will learn how to have healthy boundaries with women.

With healthy boundaries, you become more confident and you become more attractive. You start to develop your dating life and also your dating confidence.

Having boundaries will:

  • Prevent you from wasting your time
  • Stop you from expelling too much energy in your dating life
  • Increase your confidence levels

As a result, boundaries make you more attractive. They are a way of saying:

“No, I’m not willing to do that. This is the set of standards that I’m willing to live my life.”

Having boundaries in place will change every single area of your dating life. So much so that you will start to put boundaries in every other area of your life.

Limiting Your Time

The first way is to set a time limit on your first interaction with girls. Especially when you are approaching women in bars.  This may sound counterintuitive, yet it is extremely powerful.

Have a 15-minute window of when you first meet women.

This is a window where you can be at your best for a 15-minute period.

You can find out about the girl you are speaking to and decide whether you would like to take things forward.

You can start with 20 minutes if you like, or you can actually just give 10 minutes, but it is important that you have a closed barrier in place with your time.

Use that 15 minutes wisely

During that 15-minute window, it is important that you find out valuable information about the girl, such as:

  • Her relationship status
  • Whether she has time for a relationship
  • If she is from the area where you live

This first 15-minute window is vitally important for setting boundaries in your life, and as a result, aiding your confidence.

So you could be wearing a watch, you meet a girl that you like; you keep an eye on the time.

You know you have 15 minutes to get to know this girl.

Significantly by the end of this time, you will find that you are the person who is making a decision.

You have a healthy boundary in place when you are meeting new women and time constraints are attractive.

A time constraint makes you more attractive

Most of us are so delighted to be talking to a girl who we find attractive. Therefore, we openly give up too much of our time.

However, when we give up too much of our time, we are conveying to the person that we are speaking to:

  • That we don’t have much else going on
  • It is ok to monopolise our time right at the start

Having that healthy boundary in place will inspire you to become more confident in the first few minutes of meeting people because you don’t have three hours to get that information.

This sets the right parameters in any relationship.

It shows you:

  • Are not someone that gives up your time easily
  • Are not easily influenced by others
  • You have a busy and attractive lifestyle

Boundaries form the basis of a healthy relationship

Moreover, if you end up dating this girl, she will respect your time right from the outset because of your initial dating boundary.

Indeed the mistake that a lot of guys make is by not having boundaries from the start:

  • They give up too much of their time and energy to their partner
  • This eventually becomes a habitual behaviour
  • When they start to pull back it creates issues in the relationship

And it is completely in your control; in your sphere of influence.

To be able to control how you spend your time and to set the right healthy boundary at the start.

Obtain social media details as a helpful option

Additionally, an option here is to add the girl on social media because you may decide the timing isn’t suitable right now, but perhaps sometime in the future you might be able to date each other.

So remember you don’t necessarily need to cut someone off simply because they are not right for you at this current moment; your boundary will just save you time.

Later down the line when they get to know you more online, you may be able to set up something in the future.

Once you are in dialogue with women it is important to be able to create stimulating conversations.

As per the image below we can teach you how to turn a woman on in conversation.

To find out more about our training then you can visit our live training page and see what courses we offer.

Model showing how to turn a woman on in conversation

Use Intermittent Texting

The next thing that you can do is you can set a boundary with your text dialogue with women.

I like to follow a strategy called intermittent texting.

This is where I only reply to messages during a set window, like the end of the evening, perhaps 10:00 p.m.

If my phone goes off I will not reply to any messages from that point. I do not renegade on that boundary.

Having that boundary in place allows me to turn my phone off to relax to sleep.

In fact, being available all the time for a girl to message or call you is not healthy as it:

  • Keeps you looking at your phone
  • Sends the wrong signals
  • Affects your life balance

In contrast, being in a position where you have healthy boundaries right at the start will aid your confidence.

It will stop you from perpetually looking at your phone. It will help you to switch off by thinking:

“I don’t need to be so reactive with my messages. I can respond during a set window and be more relaxed about my text dialogue.”

Below is a helpful infographic I designed to help enhance your texting and online dating messaging with women.

You can also read my how to text women article here for more detail on how to implement these and improve your dating results.

11 texting techniques to help maintain healthy boundaries with women in a fun way

Retain Your Hobbies

The final way that you can have healthy boundaries with women from the start is by maintaining your friendships.

Maintaining your training at the gym, or with reading, or with any other hobbies that you have.

One of the biggest mistakes that I see guys make with their dating rituals is they meet a girl that they like and it has the following consequences:

  • They drop from going to the gym four times a week to two because they would like to see her more.
  • They stop seeing their friends or socialising as much and start seeing their girlfriend more.

The problem with this behaviour is that what initially made you attractive to women was the lifestyle and the person that you were when you met them.

There is a ritual of getting to know someone

So when you start changing your habits and interests for a girl you have just met; in effect, you are placing her above your friendship group, your lifestyle and really your life.

  • Being so quick to discard those elements that help make you who you are will cause issues further down the line
  • It is not a healthy boundary and it doesn’t allow people space
  • You will become so used to spending that much time with one person, that when you want to pull back, or she wants to pull back, it can be problematic

On the other hand, if are someone who puts a healthy boundary in place with your time from the outset, you may see someone two or three times a week for example.

Yet, importantly you still keep your obligations to your friends and yourself.

Over time, if you gradually start reducing your time with others that is fine, but allow it to happen naturally.

Having healthy boundaries in place where you keep seeing your friends, you are also showing the girl that you are still the same attractive person that they met.

And that is the inception of a sustainable relationship.

As per the image below we can coach you how to connect with women in a way that forms the basis of a healthy relationship.

To find out more about our courses please visit our live training page.

Model with a light behind her and three ways to connect in conversation


  • Allocating a 15-minute window of time when you first meet someone to establish whether she is single and whether you seem compatible.
  • Intermittent texting and having a set window for when you text people back. This allows you to relax and not be so reactive on your phone.
  • Maintaining your friendships and social life. When you first meet women that you like, don’t suddenly change your whole life overnight.

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