How To Have Healthy Boundaries With Women | Life Lessons

How To Have Healthy Boundaries With Women | Life Lessons

How To Have Healthy Boundaries With Women | Life Lessons

How To Have Healthy Boundaries With Women | Life Lessons

How To Have Healthy Boundaries With Women | Life Lessons

Written by Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

How to have healthy boundaries with women. Now, what boundaries will enable you to do is to stop wasting so much of your time, and stop giving up so much of your energy so easily in your dating life.

Boundaries will also make you way more attractive, because it is a way of saying, “No, I’m not willing to do that. This is the set of standards that I’m willing to live my life.” And with healthy boundaries, you become more confident, you become more attractive, and you start to develop your dating life and also your dating confidence.

PREFER AUDIO? Listen to The Gary Gunn Show Podcast #129 – How To Have Healthy Boundaries With Women

Having boundaries in place will change every single area of your dating life; so much so that you’ll start to put boundaries in every other area of your life.

Now let’s just get started. I’m going to cover three different ways in which you can set healthy boundaries with women.

Now, the first one is to set a time limit on your first interaction with girls, especially when you are approaching women in bars. This may sound a little bit counterintuitive, yet it is extremely powerful. Having a 15-minute window of when you first meet someone to decide whether you would like to see them again, or if or how you’re going to progress that relationship, is going to be very beneficial to your life. It gives you a window where you can be at your best for a 15-minute window. You can find out about the girl you’re speaking to and decide whether you’d like to take things forward.

Now, during that 15-minute window, it is important that you find out valuable information about the girl, such as her relationship status, whether she has time for a relationship, whether she’s even from the area where you live, whether she has religious beliefs that may be different to what you believe with regards to dating.

The first 15-minute window is vitally important for setting boundaries in your life. I’d go as far as to say that when you have healthy boundaries in place, they really aid your confidence. So you could be wearing a watch, you meet a girl that you like, you keep an eye on the time, and you know you’ve got 15 minutes to get to know this girl.

By the end of it, you’re the person who’s making a decision because you have a healthy boundary in place when you are meeting new women

Because if you look at it from the other side of the coin, what most guys do most of the time … they’re delighted to be talking to a girl who they find attractive, and they openly give up too much of their time. When you give up too much of your time, you’re showing the person that you’re speaking to that you don’t have much else going on, it’s fine for them to monopolise your time right at the start. And it’s not attractive to be doing that.

So having that healthy boundary right at the start is super attractive. What you’ll find is that you become more confident in the first few minutes of meeting people because you don’t have three hours to get that information. You’re allocating yourself 15 minutes. You can start with 20 minutes if you like, or you can actually just give 10 minutes. Everyone’s individual. But it is important that you have a closed barrier in place with your time.

What this will do with your relationship, it sets the right parameters right at the start. You’re not someone that gives up your time easily. You’re someone that has things going on and doesn’t want other people to just come in and change their lifestyle.

If you think about this moving forward with your life, if you end up dating this girl, she will respect your time right at the beginning of the interaction because of your initial dating boundary

And that’s a mistake that a lot of guys make, where they just give up too much of their time to women and it becomes habitual that you spend and give that much of your energy to your partner. And then, down the line, when you start pulling back because it’s impossible to continue that, that’s when you start creating issues in your relationship. And it is completely in your control. That is 100% in your sphere of influence to be able to control how you spend your time and to set the right healthy boundary at the start.

Now, the second thing that you can do is you can set a boundary with your text dialogue with women. I spoke about this in a few earlier podcasts, but having healthy boundaries in place with when you text back. I like to follow a strategy such as intermittent texting, where I only reply during set hours, and then there is a set window … the end of the evening, perhaps 10:00 p.m. … where my phone goes off and I will not reply to any messages from that point, and I do not renegade on that boundary.

That boundary is in place. It allows me to turn my phone off to relax to sleep, and it’s healthy. Being available all the time for a girl to message you, for a girl to call you, is not healthy, and it sends the wrong signals at the start of a relationship. So being in a position where you have healthy boundaries right at the start will aid your confidence, it will stop you from looking at your phone all the time and just allow you to relax and to know, “I don’t need to be so reactive with my messages. I can respond during a set window and be more relaxed about my text dialogue.”

The final way that you can have healthy boundaries with women from the start is with your friends, with your training at the gym, and with reading, and any other hobbies that you have.

One of the biggest mistakes that I see guys make with their dating rituals is they meet a girl that they like and it’s going really well, and all of a sudden they stop going to the gym four times a week and they go twice instead, because they’d like to see the girl in that period. They stop seeing their friends as much and start seeing their girlfriend more. Or they stop socialising with other people much, and they see their girlfriend more.

You see, the problem with doing this is that what initially made you attractive to women was the lifestyle and the person that you were when you met them. So when you start renegading immediately on your lifestyle because you’ve met a girl that you like. You’re not setting up healthy parameters for a healthy relationship.

What you’re saying is that instantly, as soon as you meet someone, you’re placing them above your whole life, your friendship group, your lifestyle. And this is someone who you’ve just met. There is a ritual and a rite of getting to know someone, and spending more time with them, getting to know each other, and dating someone. When you just throw away your life because you’ve met this wonderful person very, very quickly, often what happens is there’s no healthy boundary in place, and what will happen over a period of time … You’ll be used to spending that much time with someone, and then when you want to pull back or when they want to pull back, it makes it very, very difficult.

Now, if you play this out and you are someone that puts a healthy boundary in place with your time, and you see someone twice a week or three times a week.

You can see them more than that. I’m not saying limiting it to that, but don’t change your life as soon as you meet someone, because that is not a healthy boundary, and it doesn’t allow people space. You want to be able to set up the right boundaries at the start of a relationship.

So in this episode, I’ve spoken about how to set healthy boundaries with women right from the start, because they will make you more attractive, they will make you more confident. They will also allow you to set up a really nice relationship from the start. The ways I spoke about doing that is allocating a certain amount of time when you first meet someone, maybe 15 minutes where you get to know them. You find out whether they’re a viable match for what you’re looking for, and then you decide how you’d like to progress that relationship.

A little bit more information on that. If it’s not someone who’s right for you at this time, you can add them on social media, because maybe it’s some time in the future you might be able to date each other. Or, if it’s good right now, you can organise to see them immediately then or organise a date for the next few days.

So you don’t necessarily need to cut someone off just because they’re not right now; you boundary will just save you time.

You can add them to social media, and maybe at some point in the future, when they get to know you more online, you then may be able to set up something in the future. The second way I spoke about setting a healthy boundary is with your texting dialogue. I’m a big fan of intermittent texting and having healthy boundaries on when you text people back because it just allows you to relax and not be so reactive on your phone.

The final thing I spoke about was boundaries with your friends and your social life. When you first meet women that you like, don’t just suddenly change your whole life overnight. Have healthy boundaries in place where you keep seeing your friends, you are still the same attractive person that they met and over a period of time … If you’d like to reduce those things, it’s fine.

It’s just doing it immediately overnight is not setting a healthy boundary, and it will not set up the right path for a healthy long-term relationship.

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