How To Attract Women Without Talking | The Bulletproof Guide

How To Attract Women Without Talking | The Bulletproof Guide

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I will be outlining how to attract women without talking. Being able to attract a woman before you have even exchanged any words is a notable attribute to have. It is something that most men cannot do and will enhance your inner and outer confidence tremendously.

Covered here:

  • How to make a memorable first impression (immediately)
  • Different ways to attract in loud environments (right away)
  • The qualities of attractive men (that entice)

Above all, you will find that women respond to a man who has external composure and self-confidence, living a creative lifestyle.

What do women find attractive in men?

Women are all individuals and are attracted to a wide range of different traits in men. Subsequently, it is not straightforward to pin down a specific set of characteristics that all women are attracted to. However, there are certain generalisations we can surmise of traits that are commonly seen as positive by women. These include the following:

  • Creativity
  • Leadership
  • Intelligence

Of course, there are levels and many other attributes that different women will favour over others. It is dependent on the individual personality of that woman. Nevertheless, I can give you one piece of gold that I have learned over the past ten years. And that is, even if you do not know what women are attracted to, you can, importantly, learn what they are all NOT attracted to.

I mean by this that unattractive behaviours are typically unattractive to every woman. This is why, in my confidence courses, I initially teach my clients to forget about trying to become attractive. Instead, I advocate focusing on removing all of their unattractive behaviours.

Unattractive behaviours

Suppose you are ever in a situation where you meet a woman, and she instantly goes off you. Or it seems to be going well, and, all of a sudden, she loses interest in you; it is likely because you have done one of these two things.

You have either been:

  • Negative
  • Judgemental

Being negative or judgmental in conversation will put off every woman you meet. This is why it is vital to change your use of language or alter your mindset so that you no longer express negativity or exude an air of judgment. In doing this, you become more attractive to all women because you are no longer exhibiting these unattractive traits.

That is important because most guys are of the view: How do I become more attractive? In truth, the focus should be more on: How do I become less unattractive? This shift alone will make you more attractive to any woman you meet. So, if you are single and want to meet more women, work on eradicating negativity and unnecessary judgment from the way you think and in your conversation with others. I cannot stress this enough.

What does an attractive man look like?

If we paint a picture of an attractive man, he is busy. He is pursuing his life’s purpose. He always has somewhere to be, and he doesn’t waste his time or words. Furthermore, he has a straight-line approach to life. What do I mean by that?

I mean, if he likes a woman and wants to date her, he is not going to get embroiled in talking about her ex because it takes him away from that line. Likewise, he will not talk about his ex and his difficult breakup. He may veer off that line from time to time. Still, he knows how to keep the topics engaging and interesting to the woman he is speaking to.

Qualities of an attractive man

Attractive men tend to exude confidence and competence. Moreover, this type of man can initially attract a woman without the need of talking through his strong body language and outlook on life.

An attractive man also knows when to:

  • Flirt
  • Connect
  • Ask questions
  • Tell childhood stories
  • Speak and act with confidence
  • Reflect and demonstrate empathy

He is attractive because he has invested in himself and his self-development, as well as in his creativity and his learning.


It is worth remembering that you should regard your development as an ongoing journey here. Because as soon as you stop investing in yourself, you can become unattractive overnight. It is similar to training at the gym: you do not just go once and then consider yourself in shape, do you? Well, you ought to regard your development in the same way – as an ongoing investment into yourself.

Indeed, if you enter into a relationship and stop working on yourself, I can assure you that the relationship will likely fail. You may even end up regressing further than you were before with lower confidence levels. I frequently encounter this in men that I coach – and it is infuriating when someone is on an upward spiral in life. Therefore make sure you carry on and do not regress.

What traits attract women?

There is a whole range of traits that attract women. In general, intelligence, creativity and being physically big and strong are overriding attractive attributes that will make you more alluring to women.

Creativity is an interesting one because often, you need intelligence to be creative. This is a standout trait because having the ability to take an abstract concept in your mind and create something tangible with it shows originality and invention. Remember here that creativity can take many forms. It does not simply mean having an appreciation for painting, poetry or writing.

Another attractive trait – that is linked to creativity – is the ability to problem-solve. One way to convey this to women is by not being a victim in your attitude to life. An example of victim mentality would be the following: You couldn’t sleep last night because your next-door neighbour was making noise. A girl asks you how you slept and you reply: “Oh it was awful because my next-door neighbour kept me up.”

This is victim mentality and demonstrates an inability to solve problems.

What is an attractive outlook?

A better response to this question would be:

“Oh well actually my next-door neighbour made a noise at 3 am so I woke up, but what I decided to do was get up. I ended up completing my working day by 11 a.m and smashed it.”

That is the mindset of a problem solver, which highlights:

  • Creativity
  • Leadership
  • Optimism

In fact, the example above is something you can easily say in conversation that is attractive to women. So remember do not play the victim. This is an outlook that I teach in my courses. Namely, to stop playing the victim in the way we speak and the way we view the world. Moreover, adopting this mindset encourages success in all areas of life, not simply with women and dating.

What is the first thing a woman notices about a man?

Generally, the first thing that women notice about men is the silhouette of their hair and the shape of their bodies. As an example, guys who are in physically good condition have the v shape. That is something that women notice straight away. Women also notice if a man has big hair, whether it is tied up or if he is wearing a hat.

These are the first things that are going to attract women before you begin talking. For this reason, I often advise my clients to try and accessorize in some way that ensures they stand out from the normal features of a man, seeing as this tends to draw attention from women. So, we are talking about first impressions here and, moreover, making an impact.

First impressions

Importantly, there is one thing to look out for when a woman first looks at you – and that is if she first catches your eye and plays with her hair. This is an indication that she is biologically attracted to you. The reason for this subtle action is, similarly to when you first see a girl that you find attractive you feel a surge of energy, women also experience the same feeling. And what they tend to do with that surge of energy is to play with their hair. That is one way to know if you can attract women even without the requirement of talking.

On my dating confidence courses, I walk down Oxford Street in Central London with my clients. If girls are not playing with their hair when they first see my client it tells me that we need to change his style or something about the first impression he makes. Besides, if you think about it, it is the same when you first see an attractive woman – what do you first notice? Her physical shape, her hair, and then you begin to notice other things as you look closer.

Why don’t women find me attractive?

Women may not find you attractive because you yourself may not know what is uniquely attractive about you. These are called fitness indicators – watch my how to attract women in conversation video to learn more. And there are many different ones that exist. I cover a number of them in my courses, with creativity, leadership and intelligence positioned in the top three. Furthermore, I specialise in showing clients how to indirectly express them in conversation with women.

As I outlined earlier, for me, creativity is the massive one. In truth, if you are not doing something creative in your life in some way, you are missing a trick to becoming more attractive to women. This is also completely independent of looks or physical appearance. In fact, show me a person in the world who is very creative who doesn’t have women attracted to him? This is because, as a general rule, creativity is universally intoxicating to women.

How do I attract women in a club?

Attracting women in a club is uses the same principles as attracting women in a bar – which I cover in a later question. Above all, you have got to bring high energy. Low energy in clubs does not work as it is a noisy and busy environment. Therefore you need to adjust for this to be able to initially attract women without the need for talking.

Bring high energy

Also, your focus should not be on connecting with women. Instead, you want to be fun and flirty and dynamic. So you meet a girl on a dance floor you take her to buy a drink or you go outside to the smoking area and you move around. Make sure you keep things dynamic and keep it fun. Keep the energy up.

In my experience, you are better off going to a club at midnight and staying an hour and a half, rather than getting there at 10 o’clock. In short, you arrive at the prime time; and you give high energy and you exude a sociable vibe. That is how you become attractive and meet women in clubs. It is all to do with your energy levels.

What is the best way to attract women in a bar?

The best way to attract women in a bar is to already be around other women. This does not mean that you have to spend all evening with female friends. More, it is about being mindful that socialising in the presence of a woman makes you more attractive to the other women in the room.

Therefore when you go into a bar do not stand in the corner by yourself or with your mates. Instead, you want to:

  • Actively be speaking to other women
  • Bring energy to the place
  • Have fun and a laugh

Remember that on a night out, we all want to have fun. We all want to be around people who have energy, people that are fun and add to your evening. So what you should do is go into any social setting and create fun. And guess what happens? Women in the bar will come and start speaking to you.

How do I build attraction with a woman in conversation?

The quickest way to build attraction with a woman in conversation is to not answer her questions. This way you are not following her lead. So when she asks you a question do not answer it. This will build mystery in a playful way.

The second thing you can do which is effective is to break rapport. Most guys are so afraid of breaking rapport they never do it. They just continue being agreeable in conversation because they are so afraid of putting a woman off them. As it happens, however, having the confidence to break rapport with women conveys you have composure and self-worth.

How do I have more attractive eye contact?

Our ability to hold eye contact is intrinsically linked to the amount of shame that we feel in our lives.

If you type in ‘Gary Gunn toxic shame’, I have recorded tutorials teaching exactly what steps to take to help diminish levels of shame. This is something that I myself used to suffer from and I spent years figuring out how to overcome it. In fact, a few years ago I couldn’t even hold eye contact with a camera. But, now that shame has gone I can do this with ease.

Remember here that a healthy level of shame exists to keep your sexual urges in check. Yet, in short, if you cannot hold eye contact with women it is likely because you feel a sense of shame concerning intimacy.

Eye contact and intimacy

Holding eye contact is fundamental to your ability to attract women without talking; without using any words at all. It is the gateway to being intimate with any woman. If you suffer from shame and are unable to hold eye contact at all, the way to resolve it is by reducing the intensity of the shame that comes up. This is why the emotional clearance exercises I do in my videos aim at doing just that.

When you can lessen the feeling of shame that comes up in your body, you are then able to hold eye contact with women. If this is still difficult for you, another option is to focus your gaze on a woman’s earlobe or the bridge of her nose, instead of looking into her eyes. This gives the impression to the woman that you are holding her eye contact even if that is not the case.


What signs does a woman give if she is attracted to me?

General signs of attraction from a woman include hair-playing and eye contact. Another is if she is leaning into you or is standing with her legs crossed over or seated with her legs crossed towards you.

A further sign is if a woman keeps reducing space with you. An example of this is if she is at the opposite end of the bar and she moves closer to you, then she is reducing that spaced intimacy. All of these are strong indicators that she is attracted to you.

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  • Think about your style and whether it serves you in making an initial impact on women.
  • Bring high energy when you go to bars and clubs as this demonstrates charisma.
  • Work on holding eye contact with women when you first catch their attention.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.

He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.

As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.
Dating Coach