How To Avoid The Friend-Zone: Underpinned Scientific Strategies

How To Avoid The Friend-Zone: Underpinned Scientific Strategies

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I will teach you how to avoid the friend-zone with women you find attractive.

This includes explaining what you are doing wrong, and then giving you simple steps to success.

The Invisible Attraction

The first key player in the science of attraction is pheromones.

  • These are chemical substances secreted by humans and animals, which are perceived by the olfactory system and trigger a response in the receiver.
  • In the context of human attraction, pheromones play a vital role in signaling compatibility and genetic fitness to potential mates.

To increase your chances of attracting a romantic partner, maintain good hygiene and grooming habits, which can help your natural pheromones to be more easily detected.

Avoid these common mistakes:

  • Neglecting Personal Hygiene: Men should never neglect their personal hygiene, as poor hygiene can mask or hinder the effectiveness of their natural pheromones. Regular showering, using deodorant, and maintaining oral hygiene are essential in presenting an attractive, clean appearance that allows your pheromones to be perceived more readily.
  • Overusing Artificial Fragrances: Men should avoid overusing colognes, perfumes, or heavily scented products that can overpower or interfere with their natural pheromones. While using fragrance in moderation can enhance attractiveness, excessive use may mask the subtle signals your body sends through pheromones, reducing their effectiveness in attracting potential romantic partners.

The Love Drug

Dopamine, known as the “love drug,” is a neurotransmitter responsible for reward and pleasure in the brain.

  • When you’re attracted to someone, your brain releases dopamine, creating a feeling of excitement and happiness.
  • To increase dopamine levels and enhance attraction, engage in exciting and novel activities with your potential romantic interest.

This can create an association between these pleasurable experiences and your presence, increasing your chances of avoiding the friend zone.

Avoid these common mistakes:

  • Over-sharing Personal Information: Men should avoid revealing too much personal information too quickly when trying to establish a romantic connection. Sharing intimate details or sensitive topics prematurely can make the other person feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed.
  • Being Completely Guarded: Conversely, men should not be overly secretive or closed off when getting to know someone. Failing to open up or share anything about yourself can make it difficult for the other person to establish trust and emotional intimacy, hindering the development of a romantic relationship.

The Bonding Hormone

Oxytocin is a hormone known for its role in bonding, trust, and attachment.

  • It’s often referred to as the “cuddle hormone” because it’s released during physical touch, like hugging and cuddling.
  • Oxytocin helps deepen connections and create strong emotional bonds.

To foster the release of oxytocin, engage in appropriate physical touch and emotional intimacy with your potential partner, but remember to respect their boundaries and communicate openly about your intentions.

Avoid these common mistakes:

  • Ignoring Boundaries: Men should never disregard the personal boundaries of their potential partner, whether it’s related to physical touch, emotional intimacy, or personal space. Disrespecting someone’s boundaries can create discomfort and mistrust, damaging the potential for a deep connection.
  • Overstepping Comfort Levels: Men should also avoid pushing their potential partner to engage in activities or discussions that they are clearly uncomfortable with. Forcing someone into situations they’re not ready for can lead to feelings of unease and resentment, hindering the development of a healthy relationship. Always communicate openly and ensure both parties are comfortable with the pace and direction of the relationship.

The Confidence Booster

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that plays a significant role in regulating mood, social behavior, and self-esteem.

  • High levels of serotonin are associated with feelings of confidence and well-being.
  • To increase serotonin levels, engage in regular exercise, eat a balanced diet, and practice self-care.

By boosting your confidence and well-being, you’ll be more likely to attract a romantic partner and avoid the friend zone.

Avoid these common mistakes:

  • Neglecting Self-Care: Men should never neglect self-care and personal well-being, as it can negatively impact their confidence and overall mental and emotional health. Prioritizing self-care helps maintain a positive self-image and ensures you present your best self when interacting with potential romantic partners.
  • Excessive Bragging: Men should avoid boasting excessively about their achievements or possessions in an attempt to impress potential partners. While it’s essential to showcase your accomplishments, overdoing it can come across as arrogant or insincere, diminishing your attractiveness and potentially driving others away. Instead, focus on building genuine connections based on shared interests and mutual respect.

The Power of Hormones

Testosterone, the primary male sex hormone, is known to influence attraction, assertiveness, and competitiveness.

  • Higher levels of testosterone can enhance your attractiveness and assertiveness.
  • It helps you to take initiative and express your romantic interest more effectively.

To increase testosterone levels naturally, focus on a healthy diet, regular exercise, and quality sleep.

Avoid these common mistakes:

  • Resorting to Steroids or Hormone Abuse: Men should never resort to using steroids or other hormone-enhancing substances in an attempt to artificially boost testosterone levels. These substances can have serious short-term and long-term health consequences, negatively impacting physical and mental well-being.
  • Overly Dominant Behavior: While testosterone may influence assertiveness and competitiveness, men should avoid becoming overly dominant or controlling in their interactions with potential romantic partners. This type of behavior can be off-putting and intimidating, leading to damaged relationships and a decreased likelihood of establishing a meaningful connection. Instead, aim for a balance between assertiveness and respect for the other person’s autonomy and boundaries.


  • The world of science provides valuable insights into human attraction and bonding.
  • You can increase your chances of building a romantic connection and avoiding the friend zone.
  • Maintain good hygiene, engage in exciting activities, foster emotional intimacy and boost your confidence.

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  1. Havlicek, J., & Roberts, S. C. (2009). MHC-correlated mate choice in humans: A review. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 34(4), 497-512.
  2. Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2006). Romantic love: a mammalian brain system for mate choice. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 361(1476), 2173-2186.
  3. Uvnäs-Moberg, K., Handlin, L., & Petersson, M. (2014). Self-soothing behaviors with particular reference to oxytocin release induced by non-noxious sensory stimulation.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.

He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.

As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.
Dating Coach