How To Carry On A Conversation With Women | The Complete Guide
In this article, I will teach you how to carry on a conversation with women, which is a common sticking point for a lot of men who attend my dating confidence courses.
Someone can be entertaining and jovial in the first few minutes of meeting and speaking to a girl. Yet when the initial energy begins to subside, he then finds the conversation dries up.
In actual fact, continuing a conversation with energy and interest is a completely different skill set from the opening 3-5 minutes of an interaction.
I will show you how to apply the following three principles to your conversations with women to keep them engaging, interesting and full of conversational ammunition:
- Spatial intelligence
- Social intelligence
- Emotional intelligence
Lastly, I will outline some of the negative traits and qualities to avoid conveying when you are speaking with women.
Use Spatial Intelligence
The first way to learn how to carry on a conversation with women is by changing location.
If you imagine that you take the two most socially accomplished people in the world, and you stand them next to each other in a conversation.
At some point, one of them is going to display the following signs:
- Look at the people around them
- Casually check their phone
- Express their desire to move on from the interaction
When that happens the person who is speaking or trying to continue the conversation will begin to feel insecure. They will think:
“Oh my God, they are about to go. They are about to leave.”
When this happens to us, all of our insecurity can bubble up at the same time. In response, what most of us do is we start barraging the other person with questions.
Significantly, that other person can sense our desperation for them to stay.
And all of a sudden the interaction is over. This scenario plays out time and time again.
- However, a simple yet effective remedy to this is to simply move location
- It can literally be a metre and a half away to sit down or to lean up against something
In changing location you move from two individuals to a pair in conversation
When you do that, you are going to a location where the two of you are together.
This is a powerful psychological tool.
All of a sudden it is not merely two people meeting. Rather, it is two people in dialogue carrying on a conversation.
The easiest way to do this is to say to a girl either:
- “We are in the way, let’s move over here”
- “It’s more comfortable here”
If a girl is wearing high heels, you can suggest:
- “Oh, I can see you’ve got high heels on, let’s sit over here so you’re more comfortable”
The sooner that you can move during an interaction, the more relaxed you are going to become.
Likewise, the more relaxed the girl you are in dialogue with will also become, because you move from simply meeting someone to being in a conversation.
As per the image below we can also teach you how to approach attractive women.
To find out more about all of our coaching then you can visit our live training page.
Use Social Intelligence
The second thing that you can do to prolong the conversation with women is to invite someone else into the exchange. In effect, this creates a group dynamic.
If you feel your nerves are really high all then what you can do is channel that energy to make that interaction better.
By inviting other people into your conversation you are:
- Showing that you are socially aware
- Taking some pressure off you
- Demonstrating that you don’t want to focus solely on her
And some fun ways to do that is to say to someone else near you: “Oh excuse me, could you take a quick photograph of us?”
Or if you are speaking about something, you can turn to the person next to you and ask: “Excuse me, we’re just talking about this. What do you think…?”
Being able to speak to other people is a hugely attractive trait in men.
As is the fact that you are not trying to monopolise her time, which is something that a lot of guys tend to do:
- They get locked in with a girl and are desperate to talk only to her
- Therefore they have no interest in speaking to anyone else
That comes across as very insecure.
Being sociable in conversation is attractive
So by involving other people in your interaction you are conveying that you can take or leave the interaction.
In turn, this showcases that you are a confident and attractive guy.
So you can introduce the girl to other people and, likewise, introduce others to her.
- Bringing more people into the exchange adds to the fun
- It makes it more exciting for everyone as social dynamics can flourish
Most other guys in that situation will only speak to her and be so insecure about losing her.
When you do the opposite, she will feel similar feelings towards you: Why isn’t this guy monopolising my time, as everyone else does?
That is attractive.
Read her body language signs
There will be times when you can go into social settings and you can speak to a girl at the beginning of the evening. She gives you signs that she wants to carry on a conversation with you.
These may include:
- Playing with her hair
- Crossing her legs towards you
- Touching you lightly
Meanwhile, you can say to her:
“Oh, let me introduce you to someone”
And then you can leave for a while.
What you will find is that the girl will want to come back and speak to you.
Don’t be afraid of leaving the conversation and coming back to it
Exiting a conversation with a girl knowing that it will reconvene at some point later in the evening conveys confidence and a high degree of social intelligence.
In contrast, what most guys have done at that time is spent an hour talking to her and:
- Given too much of their time
- Given far too much of their attention
By acting this way, they have likely given off signs of desperation and insecurity – two very unattractive traits.
To help you recognise when a girl is engaged in the conversation and is flirting with you I have created the following infographic.
I also suggest you read my corresponding signs she wants you sexually article where I go into more detail on each of these signs and their meaning.
Use Emotional Intelligence
The final thing that you can do to carry on a conversation with women is you can speak more.
Let’s take the analogy of a cocktail maker who has only two ingredients. He is not really allowing himself the opportunity to make a great cocktail by limiting the ingredients he has to work with.
Well, it is the same when you are speaking to women.
What most guys tend to do when they are feeling anxious is to barrage the girl with questions:
- What do you do?
- Where are you from?
- What do you do for work?
She has likely heard these hundreds of times.
Moreover, you are not doing yourself justice because you are not speaking at all about yourself.
And that is important when you are meeting women and trying to make a connection.
In the first few minutes of meeting someone, you shouldn’t be afraid of speaking more to carry on a conversation.
If you find the girl attractive anyway, you need to allow her the opportunity to get to know you.
Some of the things that you can talk about in the first few minutes are things like:
- Any hobbies
- An interest in travelling
- Your creativity outlets
- Whether you like artwork or culture
Essentially the best parts of your personality; the most aspirational parts.
As an example: “Do you like training at the gym? What kind of things do you like training?”
Use conversational threading to speak more
When you speak more you are also giving the girl the ingredients to pick up on a subject that she likes to carry on the conversation.
This is known as conversational threading.
So, for example, if she says: “I’m from Madrid.”
I can say: “I host training courses in Madrid. Retiro Park is amazing, and my favourite art gallery, the Prado museum, is there. I think Francisco Goya is one of the greatest painters that has ever lived. His execution painting is phenomenal.
But what I find interesting is how his artwork developed with his age. And when he painted his black paintings, how he was really depicting the truth.
A lot of people think that Goya was a dark painter. I don’t, I just think he was executing his belief on what life was like during that period in Spain.”
If you say that to a girl you are giving her so many conversational threads to talk back about.
Remember the intention is to:
- Give her a variety of topics to pick up on
- Allow her to ask you questions to get to know you
- Convey interesting and aspirational parts of your personality
You can really apply this principle to any area of communication with people. The more things you have to talk about, the more interesting and attractive you can become.
In other words, you improve your conversation ammunition.
Below I have designed an infographic that will help you to amp up your conversations with women.
I also suggest you read my related how to speak to women article where I go into detail on each technique.
Giving more depth to your answers will help you carry on a conversation with women
Another way to carry on a conversation with women is to give more depth to any answer to a generic question.
For example, if a girl asks: “What’s your favourite book?”
Instead of simply giving a succinct answer of the name of the author and book title, you can use this as an opportunity to speak more.
For instance, you could reply:
“Well, my favourite Russian author is probably Solzhenitsyn or for short stories Anton Chekhov. My favourite Scottish writer is Arthur Conan Doyle. Obviously English is Shakespeare, and The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald is probably my favourite American book.”
Now all of a sudden you have taken a generic question and you have spoken at length.
In effect you have:
- Made it easy to carry on your conversation with her
- Showcased that you like to read, thereby sub-communicating good qualities about yourself
- Given her the opportunity to ask questions about what you have just said
Practising speaking to more people will help you carry on conversations with women
In my experience, the best thing you can do to be able to carry on a conversation with women is to practise speaking more to everyone that you meet day-to-day.
Additionally, do not shy away from giving more words to your answers and speaking at length.
The more you do this, the easier you will learn to conversational thread.
Often I can have a conversation where I give 10 or 12 threads to a girl, and she could respond with for example:
“Oh, so you like Spain then?”
And I reply: “I love Spain. Last time I remember I was in Barcelona, this happened…“
In giving more and more you make it easier for the conversational flow to continue.
So the girl may say:
“Oh, okay, so Barcelona is better than Madrid. Oh yeah, because of …”
So remember to do the following in your conversations:
- Speak at length
- Give more information in your answers
- Employ conversation threading
Above all, it will paint a nicer picture of you to the girl you are in dialogue with.
Avoid conveying negative qualities in conversation
I am now going to highlight a few things you should try and avoid when you are speaking to women.
Firstly, is showcasing bad genetics from the outset.
For instance, you want to avoid saying you are tired or not feeling well when you first meet her.
Secondly, you should make sure that you are nonjudgmental in your conversations.
In being judgmental about someone, what you are really showing is that you are emotionally insecure about something.
This is very unattractive.
If you are judging someone else in a careless and casual manner women will pick up on that insecurity.
Being judgmental in conversation will hit her kill switch
You will easily recognise when you have messed something up when you are talking to a girl. Things can be going really well and then all of a sudden, bang, she loses interest.
99% of the time this will be because you have shown that you are judgmental or insecure in some way.
Therefore try and eradicate these traits from your dialogue, and you will notice that women will start to give you signals that they like you.
As per the image below we can teach you the signs of sexual attraction.
To find out more about our training then you can visit our live training page and see what courses we offer.
- Use Spatial Intelligence. The simple act of moving from your meeting location to a new location will induce more energy into an interaction and has the effect of building trust with her and allowing the conversation to flow.
- Use Social Intelligence. Introducing another person, or a group of other people, into the exchange helps the social dynamics to flourish by showcasing your confidence and self-possession. It also interjects more fun.
- Use Emotional Intelligence. In speaking more, you give her more opportunity to get to know you and develop a connection. Give more depth to your answers and use conversational threading as a way of lengthening your conversations.
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