How To Carry On A Conversation With Women | Three Powerful Principles

How To Carry On A Conversation With Women | Three Powerful Principles

How To Carry On A Conversation With Women | Three Powerful Principles

How To Carry On A Conversation With Women | Three Powerful Principles

How To Carry On A Conversation With Women | Three Powerful Principles

Written by Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

So how to carry on a conversation with women. This is a sticking point for a lot of guys on my dating confidence courses. They can get very good in the first few minutes of meeting and speaking to new women.

Yet when that initial energy begins to subside, what they find is that it’s very difficult to then continue that conversation. I’ll go as far as to say it is a completely different skillset, and I’m just about to outline three principles that will enable you to continue a conversation.

PREFER AUDIO? Listen to The Gary Gunn Show Podcast #126 – How To Carry On A Conversation With Women

The good news is it’s not about you personally. Being able to continue a conversation with women is technique based only. So once you learn and understand the techniques I’m about to give you, you will be able to continue a conversation with anyone.

The first way to learn how to carry on a conversation with women, if you imagine that you get two people who are both socially amazing.

You can take the two best people in the world, and you stand next to each other in a conversation. At some point. It doesn’t matter after what period one of them is going to get bored or look around or check their phone or look to move on from the interaction.

Now at that moment in time, the person who’s speaking or trying to continue a conversation will then begin to feel a bit insecure because you’ll realise, Oh my God, they’re about to go. They’re about to leave. All of your insecurity comes up, and you’ll be like, I want this person to stay. And then what most of us do is we start barraging them with loads of questions. They can feel that we’re desperate for them to stay and all of a sudden the interactions over, and this happens all the time.

What you can do to remedy that is simply to move. Now, if you imagine that when you first meet someone, you are in a meeting location. This is two individuals, this is boy meets girl, girl meets boy. When you’re having that interaction, if you move anywhere, it can literally be a metre and a half away either to sit down or to lean up against something. When you do that, you’re going to a location where the two of you are together.

It’s an extremely powerful psychological tool because all of a sudden it’s not just two people meeting. It’s two people in dialogue carrying on a conversation

The easiest way to do this is just to say to a girl either we are in the way let’s move over here, or it’s more comfortable here. If a girl is wearing high heels, you can say, Oh, I can see you’ve got high heels on let’s sit over here so you’re more comfortable. But just recognise that the sooner that you can move during an interaction, the more relaxed you’re going to become and the more relaxed the girl you’re in dialogue with will also become because you move from meeting someone to being in a conversation.

That’s a very simple and very effective tool. Now, the second thing that you can do to carry on the conversation with women is to invite someone else into that conversation. Now, this is really interesting and really fun because say you are speaking with a very attractive girl that you like, and you’re anxious around her when you’re first speaking to her.

If you feel your nerves are really, really high all that you can do is use and channel that energy to make that interaction better. And some fun ways in which you can do that is you can say, “Oh excuse me to someone else could you take a quick photograph of us?” That allows someone else to enter the conversation. If you’re speaking about something, you can turn to the person next to you and say “Excuse me, we’re just talking about this. What do you think?”

Now there are many reasons why you want to do this when learning how to carry on a conversation with women

Showing that you are socially aware and that you can speak to other people is a hugely attractive trait in men. So just being able to converse with other people is hugely attractive. The fact that you’re just not trying to monotonous her time, because a lot of guys do that. They get locked in with a girl, and then they’re so desperate just to talk to her that no one else can come in and that comes across as very insecure.

So by involving other people in your interaction, what you’re showing is that you can take or leave the interaction, which will really showcase that you are a confident and attractive guy. You can also have fun with other people. It adds to the dynamic, bringing more people in adds to the fun and makes it more exciting for everyone.

Now when you’re doing this, you literally can invite anyone in, you can continue the conversation, you can introduce the girl to other people. You don’t need to be insecure about this because you’re exhibiting extremely attractive behaviour because most other guys in that situation will just speak to her and be so insecure about losing her. When you do the opposite, she will feel similar feelings to you such as, why isn’t this guy monopolising my time like everyone else does? That is extremely attractive, and she will want to come back and start talking to you.

There are times when you can go into social settings and you can speak to a girl at the beginning of the evening, and she gives you some signs that she wants to carry on a conversation with you.

Like playing with her hair, crossing her legs, things like these. And then you can say to her, Oh, let me introduce you to someone and then you can leave for like an hour, hour and a half. And what you find is that the girl will want to come back and speak to you.

Now, what most guys have done in that time is spent an hour or an hour and a half talking to this girl and giving her too much of your time and your attention. The more that you do that, you’re likely to just give off insecure vibes, and the fact that you’re trying too hard. So don’t be afraid of just moving away.

Once you know a girl is into you and continuing conversation with other people, knowing that at some point you will reconvene. That is a very high level of social maturity to be able to do that. Only someone who is extremely confident has the emotional intelligence to be able to do that around attractive women. So that’s a very potent tool.

Now, the final thing that you can do to carry on a conversation with women is you can talk more.

And if you imagine that you’re a cocktail maker and you just have two ingredients, you’re not really allowing yourself the opportunity to make a great cocktail. And it’s the same when you’re speaking to women. If you’re speaking to her and you’re plying her with questions all the time, or you’re saying to her, Oh, I love travelling. You’re not really giving the cocktail maker enough ingredients to work with. And that’s important when we’re approaching women, if we want to carry on a conversation, do not be afraid of speaking more.

Again, what most guys tend to do when they’re feeling anxious is to barrage the girl with questions. “What do you do? Where are you from? What do you do for work?” And she’s heard these thousands of times, and you’re not really doing yourself justice because you’re not speaking about yourself. Now in the first few moments or the first few minutes of meeting someone you shouldn’t be afraid of speaking because if you find the girl attractive anyway, you need to allow her the opportunity to get to know you.

So some of the things that you can talk about in the first few minutes are what you do as hobbies, your creativity if you like travelling if you like artwork, the best parts of your personality, the most aspirational parts. “Do you like training at the gym? What kind of things do you like training?”

When you talk more, you’re allowing the girl the opportunity, you’re giving her the ingredients to pick up on a subject that she likes to carry on a conversation with you

So for example, if a girl says, I’m from Madrid. I can say, Oh, I host training courses in Madrid. Retiro Park is amazing, but my favourite art galleries are the Prado museum. I think Francisco Goya is one of the greatest painters that have ever lived. His execution, his painting is phenomenal. I can stand there for hours and always taking something new. But what I find interesting is how his artwork developed with his age. And when he painted his black paintings, how he was really depicting the truth. And a lot of people think that Goya was a dark painter. I don’t, I just think he was executing his belief on what life was during that period in Spain.

Now if you say that to a girl you are giving her so many threads to talk back about. Obviously she’s from Madrid anyway, but I’ve just given her probably 10 different things that she can pick up on and ask me questions about and get to know more about me. And you can do this about any area of your life, it’s called conversation ammunition. The more things you have to talk about, the more interesting you can become.

For example, another girl, and I was having a conversation with her, she said to me, “What’s your favourite book?” And normally you can either not answer the question and be a bit mysterious or you can just say one thing and I use this as an opportunity to speak more. So I said to her “Well, my favourite Russian author is probably Solzhenitsyn or for short stories Anton Chekhov. My favourite Scottish writer is Arthur Conan Doyle. Obviously English is Shakespeare, and The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald is probably my favourite American author.”

Now all of a sudden you’ve taken a generic question and you’ve spoken loads and make it very easy to carry on your conversation with the girl you are talking to

You showcased that you like to read, you sub-communicated good qualities about yourself. And you allow the girl the opportunity to ask questions about what you’ve just said. I will go as far as to say that to carry on a conversation with women, you just need to practise speaking more and don’t be afraid of speaking a lot.

Often I can have a conversation where I give 10 or 12 threads to a girl, and she responds with “Oh, so you like Spain then?” And I reply “I love Spain. Last time I remember I was in Barcelona, this happened.” And I just give more and more and more, and then the girl may say, Oh, okay, so Barcelona is better than Madrid. Oh yeah, because of blah, blah, blah.

The more that you speak, and you may have to go through seven or eight rounds of this, but what you need to bear in mind is that every single time you do this, you’re allowing the girl to paint a nicer picture of you.

Now, some things that you can do wrong when you’re trying to continue a conversation with women.

One is to showcase bad genetics, so you don’t want to say, I’m tired or you don’t want to convey that you have bad genetics in any way. Being tired is a good is a good one because a lot of people use that, so never mentioned that you’re tired. A lot of us just have the habit of saying, we’re tired anyway. We’re not really feeling low at that moment. It’s just something that we do.

And the other thing is to make sure you are nonjudgmental. Being judgmental is highly unattractive because if you imagine that you’re judgmental about someone, what you’re really saying is that you’re emotionally insecure about something, so you’re judging someone else, and women will pick up on that insecurity.

It’s very easy to become aware of when you’ve messed something up when you’re talking to a girl because things can be going really, really well and then all of a sudden bang, she loses interest. The reason for that in 99% of the cases is you’ve either showcased bad genetics, or you’ve shown that you are judgmental. Now either of these two are highly unattractive to every woman that you meet.

So I would advise that you eradicate them from your conversation. And then as I say to continue a conversation, just make sure you’re speaking a lot.

So just to round up this episode;

  • I spoke about how you can just move a girl when you meet her to a slightly different location and that will allow the conversation to flow.
  • The second thing I spoke about was to involve someone else, or a group of other people and allow that interaction and social dynamics to flourish. It’s also very fun when you do that. And
  • The final thing that you can do is to talk more. And I gave the analogy of a cocktail maker, making sure that you give them all the ingredients that they may need to do their job. And it works the same in conversation.

The more value you can put in, the easier we make it to be able to carry on a conversation with women and increase our confidence as a man.

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