How To Connect With Women | The Power Of Emotional Intelligence

How To Connect With Women | The Power Of Emotional Intelligence

How To Connect With Women | The Power Of Emotional Intelligence

How To Connect With Women | The Power Of Emotional Intelligence

How To Connect With Women | The Power Of Emotional Intelligence

Written by Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

How to connect with women. Yesterday I was hosting a Social Attraction live training event in central London and there was a very attractive girl standing outside Selfridges.

Now Selfridges, at this time of year, have got all their Christmas decorations up and it’s a really cool place to go and talk to women and there was a really nice girl standing outside wearing a cute French beret and she was really well dressed and really stylish.


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So I went over there and started a conversation with her, had a bit of a laugh. She was over from Germany just for the day and then she opened up and said that she was in a seven-year relationship and I thought I’d be a little bit cheeky. And I said, “Oh, have you had the seven-year itch yet?” and she said, “Well actually yes. I found out that he cheated on me earlier this year.”


I was just being playful and having a laugh in conversation with a nice person and she opened up to me which allowed me the opportunity to connect with her


Now when this happens, when someone opens up to you, it is an opportunity to connect with them. To be able to connect with women, you have to put your ego to one side, you have to put your dating goals to one side, and you have to listen to that person and you have to want to feel exactly how they’re feeling.

And this is known as demonstrating empathy, which is showing someone that you really understand how they feel. Now in this situation, the girl said to me, “Well actually I was cheated on earlier on this year.” And I said, “I imagine that must’ve been difficult to take,” because what I’m doing is mirroring back what she said to me in a succinct way that allows her to know that I understand how she’s feeling.

And she said, “Well, it’s really difficult because I don’t have anyone to talk about. I didn’t want to tell my friends because we’re going to keep the relationship going, and I didn’t want to mess things up and get everyone talking about me.” And I said, “Oh, it must be nice to find someone outside of your normal social circle to talk to about this.” And she said, “Oh my God, it’s absolutely a relief. I know you’re a stranger, but it just feels nice being able to share this information.”


See what’s happening at that moment is I was connecting with someone and when we connect with someone, it shouldn’t be about our goals. It should be allowing that person to feel deeply understood.


And when you’re able to do that, what really happens is you’re creating a bond almost like, we’re the only two that really understand this. We’re the only two that really get this. Reflective listening and demonstrating empathy are the most powerful ways that you can build a connection with women, with friends, with family, with everyone.


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It is an unbelievably powerful tool and as I mentioned earlier on in this episode, if you make it about yourself, what a lot of guys would have done in that situation is they would have felt that the girl was a little bit fragile and they would have said, “Oh, that’s really out of order that he’s done that, blah, blah, blah.” But what you’re doing there is you’re putting your agenda onto someone else and you’re missing the one thing in that interaction that can make it truly great, which is to genuinely connect with someone.

When we first meet women and we find a girl that we like, the initial phases are the time where we get to know each other. At some point, that progresses onto building a connection with someone and the time that normally happens is when a girl welcomes or opens up and gives you an intimate piece of information about herself. At this time, she feels comfortable enough with you to share that information and what do we want to do with that? We don’t want to keep going forward with our agenda.


We want to stop and truly connect with that other human being. Because when you can do that, that bond that you build will be infinitely stronger than anything else you can do at that moment.


Think about it from your own perspective, most of us, most of the time are so busy, we feel like we’re underwater all the time. When we meet someone that genuinely listens to us, all of a sudden it’s like we can breathe. It’s like we can relax. It’s like we feel understood and you’re really doing a service to that person.

You’re creating value in her life. Now I’ll give you the tool to be able to do reflective listening. You can also use it as a way for flirting, which I’ll cover in a later episode. But reflective listening really is “You feel… because… ” So you feel… (add the emotion) because …(add reason).

You can use slightly different variations of this, but if you’re first listening to someone and you’d like to practise reflective listening, you have to try and tune into how they’re feeling and give the reason why. So, you feel excited because you’re travelling to a new country. It is as simple as that. Reflective listening, the very first stage of it is just to echo back the inner feelings of somebody.


When you can do that, you will begin to demonstrate that you understand their view of the world and truly connect with women


Now the other way that I’d like to talk about how you can connect with women is about allowing them the opportunity to open up on how they feel about something. So you could ask a girl initially, “What is it you like about travelling?” That’s a really good question. What is it you like about? And then you can fill in the gap, whether it’s travelling, whether it’s food, whether it’s coffee, whatever it is. And when they open up on their response, perhaps she says, “Oh, I just love meeting new people and it just gives me an opportunity to get out of the day to day rituals of my life.”

Now when you ask an open-ended question like that, the person that you’re speaking to can give you back a wealth of information because you’ve asked an open-ended question. What you can then do is you can use reflective listening and you can echo back what the girl says to you. When you use emotive questioning, which is what this is called, alongside reflective listening, you will be able to instantly connect with anyone that you meet.

So I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s episode and just to round it up when you’re looking at trying to connect with women, you have to put your ego to one side. It is about allowing the person you’re speaking to, to feel that you understand their view of the world. If you can do that, that connection will be strong and that connection will be powerful. The ways in which you can do that are by asking an open-ended question that allows a girl to express herself, and then you can use reflective listening as a powerful tool to demonstrate empathy.


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