How To Connect With Women | The Ultimate Guide (top 5 ways)

How To Connect With Women | The Ultimate Guide (top 5 ways)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I will outline how to connect with women.

Being able to connect in conversation is a skill that, like anything in life, you need to develop and give attention to.

Here I will show you how to make a girl feel truly understood by you and that you understand her view of the world.

I will cover the following principles:

  • Reflective listening
  • Demonstrating empathy
  • Open-ended questions
  • Emotive questions

How you connect with women is linked to your ability to attract and date women. For help in this area book onto our next dating confidence course. You can watch our client testimonials on YouTube here: Dating confidence course for men reviews:

Daygame dating course for men to regain confidence

Allow Women To Open Up To You

Yesterday I was hosting a Social Attraction live training event in central London and there was a very attractive girl standing outside Selfridges.

Selfridges, at this time of year, have got all their Christmas decorations up. It is a cool place to go and meet people.

There was a nice girl standing outside wearing a cute French beret. She was well dressed and really quite stylish.

So I went over there and started a conversation with her, and we had a bit of a laugh. She was over from Germany for the day.

As the conversation progressed, she opened up and said that she was in a seven-year relationship. I thought I would be a little bit cheeky.

I said: “Oh, have you had the seven-year itch yet?”

She replied: “Well actually yes. I found out that he cheated on me earlier this year.”

I was simply being playful and having a laugh in conversation with a nice person. What happened though is she opened up to me which allowed me to really connect with her.

Demonstrate empathy to connect with women

When someone opens up to you, it is an opportunity to connect with them.

To be able to connect with women you have to:

  • Put your ego to one side
  • Put your dating goals to one side
  • Truly listen to that person

Moreover, you have to want to feel exactly how she is feeling.

This is known as demonstrating empathy.

Which is essentially showing someone that you understand how they feel.

In response to the German girl’s disclosure, I said: “I imagine that must have been difficult to take.”

In answering this way I was intentionally mirroring back what she said to me in a succinct way that allowed her to know that I understood how she was feeling.

Being nonjudgmental builds a connection with women

And she responded:

Well, it’s really difficult because I don’t have anyone to talk about. I didn’t want to tell my friends because we’re going to keep the relationship going, and I didn’t want to mess things up and get everyone talking about me.”

And I answered: “Oh, it must be nice to find someone outside of your normal social circle to talk to about this.”

And she said, “Oh my God, it’s absolutely a relief. I know you’re a stranger, but it just feels nice being able to share this information.”

The ability to demonstrate empathy one of the main qualities of ‘The Empathy Builder’ – one of the main male archetypes that women are attracted to.

To learn about the other archetypes take a look at my infographic below.

I also suggest you read my how to seduce women article where I examine each one and why they are effective in seducing women.

The 5 male archetypes that attract women

Make Her Feel Understood

When we connect with someone it shouldn’t be about our goals. It should be about permitting that person to feel deeply understood.

When you are able to do that you create a bond between you as you are both on the same page.

Reflective listening and demonstrating empathy are the most powerful ways that you can build a connection with women, with friends, with family, with everyone.

What a lot of men would have done in that situation is they would have felt that the girl was fragile.

They may have answered: “Oh, that’s really out of order that he’s done that, blah, blah, blah.”

However, in responding this way you are putting your agenda onto someone else.

You are missing the one thing in that interaction that can make it truly great – that is to genuinely connect with someone.

It is worth remembering that being able to connect with a woman is a precursor to a seduction. To learn more about seduction versus attraction I have included my infographic below.

I recommend you read my related seduction techniques article where I go into detail on the techniques outlined below.

5 ways to seduce a woman

Put Your Agenda Aside

When we first meet a girl that we like, the initial phase is the time when we get to know each other.

At some point, that progresses onto building a connection with her.

The time that usually happens is when a girl opens up and gives you an intimate piece of information about herself. Or, likewise, when you open up.

At this time, she feels comfortable enough with you to share that information.

What do we now want to do with that?

  • Significantly, we don’t want to keep going forward with our agenda
  • Instead, we want to stop and truly connect with that other human being

Because when you can do that, that bond that you build will be infinitely stronger than anything else you can do at that moment.

Building trust will help you to connect with women

Think about it from your own perspective.

Most of us, most of the time are so busy it can feel like we are underwater a lot of the time.

When we meet someone that genuinely listens to us, all of a sudden, it is like we can breathe. We feel understood.

Therefore in acting this way with someone else you are really doing a service to that person.

You are creating value in her life, which is an attractive thing to do.

In my infographic below I have included some other powerful ways that will help you connect with a girl in conversation.

You can also read my corresponding how to speak to women article to learn how to implement each technique.

5 conversational techniques that will make her remember you

Use Reflective Listening

Let’s now discuss reflective listening.

And this is something you can actually use to flirt in your conversation, which I cover in other articles.

You can use slightly different variations of reflective listening. However in its rudimentary form when you are in conversation with someone you have to try and tune in to how that person is feeling and give the reason why.

Reflective listening really is; “You feel… because… ” So you feel… (add the emotion) because …(add reason).

As an example: “So, you feel excited because you are travelling to a new country.”

It is as simple as that.

The very first stage of reflective listening is just to echo back the inner feelings of somebody.

When you can do that, you will begin to demonstrate that you understand their view of the world.

You can employ this to truly connect with women.

Use my infographic underneath as a helpful snapshot to remember how to balance flirting and connecting in your conversations with women:

Scale balancing three flirting and three connecting techniques to use with women

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Another way to connect with a woman is to give them the opportunity to open up about how she feels about something.

For instance, you could ask her: “What is it you like about travelling?”

In fact, asking a girl what is it she likes about something, whether it is travelling, whether food, coffee etc, is a good emotive question.

Emotive questions will:

  • Enable her to give a considered, thoughtful and personal response
  • Open up the conversation with more potential subjects to talk about

Perhaps she says: “Oh, I just love meeting new people and it gives me an opportunity to get out of the day to day rituals of my life.”

To elaborate when you ask an open-ended question, the girl can give you back a wealth of information.

What you can then do is use reflective listening and echo back what the girl says to you.

When you use emotive questioning, alongside reflective listening, you will be able to instantly connect with anyone that you meet.

To amp up your conversations with women take a look at my infographic below. This gives three ways that will help you flirt effectively in your conversations with women.

To learn more on this, along with another 17 ways to flirt, access my how to flirt with women article.

3 seduction techniques to use with women


  • Allow women to open up to you – To connect with women, you have to put your ego to one side, actively listen to her and demonstrate that you know how she is feeling.
  • Make her feel understood – By allowing her to feel that you understand her view of the world you build a strong and powerful connection. Reflective listening and demonstrating empathy are ways to achieve this.
  • Put your agenda aside – You cannot truly connect with someone if you only see a situation from your perspective. In taking the time and effort to understand her, you are creating value in her life which builds attraction.
  • Use reflective listening – Mirroring or echoing back what she says demonstrates that you have understood her view of the world. It is also a powerful way of demonstrating empathy.
  • Ask open-ended questions – This opens up the conversation and enables the girl to give a more considered and thoughtful response. Asking emotive open-ended questions are a great way to connect with her.


Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is the bestselling author of An Education In (Online) Dating.

He has hosted over 1000 dating confidence courses in the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 courses conducted online.

Moreover, he is the head coach at Social Attraction and leads the team, training and courses.
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