How To Flirt With Women | The Ultimate Guide (Updated 2022)

How To Flirt With Women | The Ultimate Guide (Updated 2022)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I will teach you how to flirt with women. I will go through the most powerful flirting strategies that I have been teaching on my Social Attraction confidence courses for over a decade.

It will help you to avoid the following:

  • Have boring conversations with attractive women and end up in their friend-zone
  • Become frustrated because women do not find you sexually attractive or confident
  • Be destined to have a limited sex life because you cannot create sexual tension with women

No one should feel so powerless in their dating life – it is wrong.

We can help you make it right by taking one of our Social Attraction courses. You will find a link at the bottom of this article to schedule a free 30-minute consultation call with me. On the call, we will work out which of our courses is right for you to transform your dating confidence.

If you would like to learn how to flirt with women in the real world, why not try one of our confidence courses? You can view testimonials from our clients on YouTube here: Attracting women courses for men:

dating confidence course for men

How do I flirt with a woman?

To know how to flirt with a woman, we have first to understand what the word ‘flirt’ means because most of us do not truly understand the definition of the word flirt. It is straightforward. All it means is being playful. If we imagine the iconic image of when a man and a woman meet and have a connection. The girl will be laughing, and flirtatious behaviour will take place.

Flirting is not:

  • A serious conversation
  • Someone trying too hard to impress a woman
  • Accentuating what he does for a living to sound better

Instead, he is being playful, and he is being mischievous. So to flirt with women, all we have to do is to become:

  • Playful
  • Boisterous
  • Fun

When we exhibit these behaviours around women, we are flirting. Significantly, flirting forms the first stage of creating sexual relationships with women. Once we can flirt, the whole dating process becomes easier and our dating options increase.

What should I say to flirt with a girl?

It does not always come down to the words we say to flirt effectively with a girl. It is more about the playful attitude that we adopt in conversation.

In my confidence courses, I offer different ways to learn how to flirt with women. The easiest method that I teach that can be implemented immediately is simply not to answer women’s questions. So, every time a girl asks you a question, you will start creating the first foundations of sexual tension by deliberately not answering it. This will initiate flirting.

After you have not answered her questions a few times, you will begin to see a change in her. She will recognise that you are flirting with her and that the conversation is more charged. This is fun and playful, particularly if you mix around your answers so you do not answer them directly. In the last section of this article, I detail how to effectuate this using ‘the ten gold coins’ method.

First date tips

Also, when flirting with women, it is helpful to have a great first date lined up in your mind as it takes away the awkwardness of raising the idea of a date to her. Setting up the date is much easier as you can invite her along to something that you already have planned or are interested in going to.

My infographic below gives some pointers on first dates that will help you make a connection and keep the energy up. Read my first date tips article to learn more.

Three ways to flirt during a first date

How do I flirt over text with women?

There are many different ways to flirt with women over text. Although, for me, there should not be a pressing need to flirt via text because when you first meet a girl you like, flirtatious behaviour should have already taken place.

This flirting leads to a mutual attraction and the development of a connection. Therefore, a date ought to be set in both of your diaries there and then. This way, your text messaging can become more functional by confirming the date, rather than focusing on trying to flirt, as this inevitably leads to validation-seeking behaviour.

If the woman is already into you, then the flirting should be viewed as the vehicle to keep the conversation going a little longer – to keep the connection alive. Bear in mind that texting will not do all that much if she is not reciprocating the flirting.

In my experience, it is better to try and organise that date when you are with the girl and then use a text message platform only to organise or confirm the date.

Text message strategies

For anyone who wants help to improve their text dialogue with women, I have created the following informative infographic guide. This highlights again how it is not always about the content of your words, but more about the playful and mischievous attitude you adopt in communicating.

To learn more, read my corresponding how to text women article where I outline how to implement each technique.

11 fun and effective ways to flirt over text message

How do you flirt with women sexually?

There are three main ways to initiate flirting with women sexually:

  • With deep and prolonged eye contact

This is generally something that women tend to initiate first with men. You can also hold penetrating eye contact if you want to start flirting back.

  • The upside-down triangle

You flick your attention from her left eye to her right eye and then down to her mouth. This will add sexual tension to the interaction.

  • With your body language

You face your body language away from a girl when you first meet her. And then, as the conversation progresses, you turn your body language towards her as you are holding eye contact. We teach this powerful and sexual body language posture in our confidence courses.

How do you subtly flirt with women?

Anytime you can be playful and misinterpret what she says in a fun way will subtly initiate flirting with a woman. This is especially effective when you can generate a laugh within a group by playfully teasing her. In reality, most men will not realise when another man is flirting with a woman in their social circle. This alone should help your confidence in subtly flirting with women within groups.

Another way to subtly flirt with a woman is using one of the techniques I mentioned earlier, which is not answering her questions directly. You imperceptibly avoid answering her questions. Over time, she will pick up on what you are doing and recognise that you are flirting.

I have created the following infographic guide to know when a woman is flirting back with you. To learn more about the different body language and verbal cues a woman gives if she likes you, I recommend reading my signs she’s flirting article.

15 signs a women gives you when she is flirting

How do you flirt with an older woman?

Older women tend to have greater maturity and experience with dating and therefore flirting. As a result, you can usually be more direct when flirting with an older woman. There is a reason why you will often hear the following phrases from single mature women:

  • I do not want to play games
  • I’ve had enough of game playing
  • I wish people would say what they mean

Therefore be more direct. You may not even need to flirt as much because older women tend to instinctively notice when a man is attracted to them because they are more in tune with the following aspects:

  • Body language and posture
  • Eye contact
  • Vocal tonality

Therefore flirting with an older woman can often focus more on connecting with her in conversation. If you are out with friends yet speak to her instead, she will already know that you like her. Likewise, if she is happy spending time with you, this is also a clear indicator that your interest is reciprocated.

How do you flirt with a younger woman?

Flirting with younger women is generally more about having a fun, light-hearted and playfully teasing attitude. If you are looking at flirting with a girl in her early twenties, she is likely not to be as experienced in the dating world as a woman from her thirties and forties. So you can be more playful, more fun and more challenging with her.

For example, you can:

  • Avoid answering all of her questions
  • Challenge her as not being adventurous enough
  • Reflect that she is inexperienced at certain things
  • Introduce her to someone and get her name wrong on purpose
  • Accuse her of standing too close to you or touching you too much

Anything that you can do to be more playful or outlandish is a great way of flirting with a younger woman.

How do you flirt with an ex-girlfriend?

Flirting with an ex-girlfriend is different from flirting with a woman you have just met. You share a personal and connected history, which gives you both intimate knowledge of one another.

One fantastic way to flirt with your ex is to misinterpret any shared memory deliberately. For example, let us say a funny situation happened when you were on holiday together, and it was your fault. You could message or speak about it as being her fault instead. By misinterpreting the memory in this way, it is playful and can initiate flirting. She will understand that you are flirting because she also knows the truth.

So flirting with an ex-girlfriend can be as simple as intentionally misunderstanding experiences shared. This is a playful way to get back into that flirtatious behaviour with her. I have created the following infographic for anyone who wants to try and get back together with an ex. You can also read my how to get your ex-girlfriend back article.

5 invaluable ways to develop yourself and get back together with your ex-girlfriend

How do you flirt with a shy girl?

You do not want to be too over the top or full-on in flirting with shy girls. I would go as far as to say that you do not need to intently flirt with a shy woman because if she is spending time with you, that is already a pretty significant investment from her. If you flirt by poking fun at her or go a little too far with your words, you may damage her confidence and put her off you.

Instead, your focus should be on building up her confidence rather than teasing aspects of her personality. Consequently, if the girl you like seems shy, I advocate that you initially minimise any boisterous playful behaviour. You could perhaps try one or two comments and see what reaction you get, whether it elicits a positive response from her and then go from there.

However, the fact that she is spending time with you is usually enough to start flirting naturally anyway, so you should not feel the need to necessitate it.

How do you flirt with attractive women?

Flirting with attractive women often feels more high stakes and more pressurised as we tend to get anxious around attractive women. The risk is that this anxiety causes us to be too try-hard and fall into validation-seeking behaviour. In short, it can be difficult to flirt with attractive women because it evokes this type of behaviour in many men.

If you struggle with flirting with women, one immediate thing you can do is to stop seeking validation. What I mean by this is if she:

  • Asks you what you do for a living – do not exaggerate what you do
  • Accuses you of being judgemental – do not explain yourself
  • Challenges you in conversation – simply reply with “maybe” or “perhaps”

In my professional opinion, the more non-responsive you are around attractive women, the more they will initiate flirting with you. Therefore if you cannot initiate flirting yourself, one activity within your control is not to seek validation from women. Indeed, not seeking validation is an invaluable rule to adhere to in dating and with all of our social interactions with others.

Conversing with women

Once you have successfully flirted with a woman – after those initial few minutes of speaking – you will then need to be able to continue the conversation with her. This can be a more demanding task than it sounds as if you run out of conversational topics or the energy in the dialogue drops, it can feel hard to recover from.

I have created the following infographic as a helpful prompt to keep your conversations interesting and extended. I suggest you read my corresponding how to carry on a conversation with women article to learn more about implementing each type of intelligence in your conversations.

3 types of intelligence to convey in your conversations with women

How to flirt with women using eye contact?

Our eye contact with women is one of the first aspects they will notice about us. When we meet a new woman, we tend to have an autopilot response to either shake her hand or kiss her on the cheek. Stone-cold eyes is a technique we can utilise before our usual autopilot responds. We simply pause for 1-2 seconds to influence eye contact with women before greeting them.

This method ensures:

  • The girl is taken off auto-pilot
  • Our presence is felt right from the start
  • We convey confidence from the outset

This technique is, in effect, saying: “I’m here, and you should pay attention to me.” It can be used in a dating scenario through to work interviews and social get-togethers.

Often, if you struggle to hold eye contact with women, it can be because of toxic shame. I have created the below infographic as an easy guide for you to follow to help remedy this. You can also read my toxic shame article, which includes tutorial videos to help you overcome this.

Easy guide to removing toxic shame

Flirting with women with your handshake

When we shake hands with women, we tend to meet them halfway; so we both move our arms and greet each other in the middle. The prevailing handshake is a powerful way to show off our dynamism during an initial greeting.

We do this by moving women closer to us rather than meeting them halfway, whilst still being respectful. So the moment we clasp a girl’s hand, we draw her closer to us rather than keeping an equal level of distance.

When implemented correctly, this technique comes across as a gracious greeting that gives off an air of confidence. As with the stone-cold eyes principle, this technique is best used the first time that we meet someone new. It can also be used in tandem to create a more impactful first impression.

Flirting with high energy

A high energy introduction communicates many positive attributes within the first few seconds of meeting women. The high energy principle is a method of greeting people that sub-communicates, “I’m fun, and I’m going to make your time with me enjoyable.”

Putting a lot of effort into smiling and offering a warm introduction does the following:

  • It adds liveliness to the interaction
  • Conveys we have good genetics
  • Infers to her that she will have fun with us

This technique is best used when we greet someone; the more energy we expend, the more important we make the individual feel. Think of it as gifting the other person some of our vibes.

If you want to find other ways to make a memorable impression on a girl when you first meet her, see my infographic below. This will help you create a connection with a woman in conversation. You can also read my how to speak to women article, where I detail how to do this skillfully.

Five ways to improve your conversations with women

How to flirt with women with your body movements?

To masterfully flirt with women using our body movements, we first need to be aware of attractive women’s effect on us. Often we tend to feel anxious and, as a result, our adrenaline kicks in, causing us to:

  • Speak faster
  • Lose our concentration
  • Speed up our movements

The slow-motion man is a technique where we intentionally slow down our movements to make a powerful impact. It is a reminder to us confirming, “I’m in control here, and I’m not anxious.”

If we imagine the control and poise a dancer possesses when leading a lady, we can replicate this by consciously slowing down our own actions when we sit down or take a sip of our drink. This technique is best employed at any time we are making a body movement.

For instance, when we sit down, we should retain total control of our bodies and not collapse into the seat. Similarly, when we raise our glass to drink, we can aim to take twice the amount of time.

Flirting with your body language

One of the most significant differences we can make to our success with women is how we sit. When we exhibit strong body language, we tend to look and feel more powerful.

The firing boss method is when we imagine that we are about to sack an employee. We are focused and giving them our attention whilst knowing that we are in complete control and about to fire them.

Adopting this mindset:

  • Allows us to sit back and take up space
  • Makes us feel more composed and relaxed
  • Enables us to have better interactions with women

We are holding back that we are about to fire them. This ensures we give off a strong air of confidence, mystery and power. This technique can be used in all contexts when we are sat down with women or in any situation that feels high-stress.

Check out my infographic below to discover other ways to convey confident body language to women during a conversation. You can also read my related how to stop being the nice guy article, where I outline how to revise a woman’s impression of you as merely a ‘nice guy.’

Five ways to prevent being friend-zoned by women

How to flirt with women with your voice?

There are different ways to flirt with women using our voice and how we speak. Indeed, when we meet an attractive woman, it is normal to feel anxious and overwhelmed – which typically manifests itself with us speaking faster than usual, perhaps with a higher pitch and maybe even rambling on.

The tongue-sucking technique can be used to take a crucial pause in the conversation. So we internally suck our own tongue for 2 seconds after a girl has spoken, which prevents us from speaking. This ensures:

  • We avoid speaking impulsively
  • We consider our words when in dialogue
  • A discreet movement that gives us some control

In addition, we hold her eye contact. This will start to build sexual tension. This technique is best used after a girl has spoken about a topic for more than 10 seconds. It gives us time to take in what she has just articulated and give a more considered response.

Flirting with your posture

It can be very easy to lose control of our body language when we dialogue with attractive women. If we can maintain an assertive posture, we come across as assured and relaxed in conversation.

The secret spy technique is when we act like we have an earpiece in. We stand in a powerful and controlled way and act as if we can take control of all events. Adopting this pose:

  • Commands respect
  • Conveys confidence
  • Helps women relax in our presence

The more composed and confident we feel inside, the more women in our vicinity notice our confidence. We can use this technique anytime we are standing and talking to anyone. It allows us to feel commanding whilst also looking like we are in complete control of the situation.

To learn other vital ways to avoid coming across as needy with women, look at my infographic below. I also recommend reading the full dating advice for men article where I discuss the attributes to develop to be an attractive man leading an attractive lifestyle.

5 ways that help you flirt with women without demonstrating neediness

Flirting with your eye movements

When we are attracted to women, we tend to become too invested in the interaction. It is as if they are the only person in the world who matters at that moment. This means that we only look at the woman we are speaking to in conversation, which can be too intense.

The hot girl walking past method helps us to break this intensity. We do this by looking over as if an attractive woman is walking past us, and we are simply glancing in her direction. The beauty of this technique is that if the girl also glances over, she will see nothing there. Looking away in this manner:

  • Ensures we maintain our confidence in the interaction
  • Avoids us becoming too embroiled in a specific topic
  • Takes some of the pressure off us

The girl you are speaking to may even recognise that you decided to lead and break the intensity of the conversation.

We can use this technique when we have an in-depth conversation with a girl and wish to break the intensity and lead the dialogue in a different direction.

Flirting with other women

When we first meet women, it can be very easy to forget all of our plans for that moment. This is because, in our minds, talking to an attractive woman is far more important. The date with two supermodels technique is a great way to make us feel like we are running 5 minutes late to an engagement already. This means that any interaction we will have will make us even later.

Adopting this mindset focuses us on making the most impactful impression possible and as fast as possible. It helps us take a girl’s number quickly and with more conviction. Moreover, it reduces the initial anxiety of approaching new women as we only have to invest a limited amount of time.

This mitigates the potential to come across as desperate or try-hard, where we strive to keep the conversation going longer than it naturally should. This technique can be adopted when we meet women during the day and want to go in with a high energy approach. It also works well if we are feeling tired.

Overcome approach anxiety

To help overcome any approach anxiety we may feel before initiating a conversation with a girl, I have created the following infographic as an easy guide. These three principles aim to diminish the anxiety we can feel in our minds and bodies when we encounter an attractive woman we wish to speak to.

I suggest also reading my overcome approach anxiety article for more detail on these principles and why they can help. It is also good to remember that approach anxiety is something many men experience and struggle to overcome in their lives. This is why it forms an essential aspect of Social Attraction’s coaching, as we can give you valuable tools to arm you against letting this feeling of anxiety become overwhelming.

Simple guide to overcoming approach anxiety with women

How to flirt with women using the triangle gaze?

The triangle gaze is a powerful way to flirt with women using seductive eye contact. In reality, moving from a normal conversation to getting ready to kiss a girl often proves to be a sticking point for many of us, especially if we are feeling anxious. The hypnotic triangle is a method that lets us increase sexual tension with the woman we like while simultaneously also keeping our anxiety levels low.

The technique involves flicking from her left eye in focus to her right eye and then finally to her mouth. We keep this rotation going until we feel the sexual tension increasing. The best part of this principle is that, from the girl’s perspective, we hold much stronger eye contact with her than most men she meets daily.

The ideal time to use this principle is when you like a girl and want to increase the sexual tension before kissing her. It is also a great tool to use more generally if we struggle to hold eye contact with anyone in conversation.

Attraction-building principles

Check out my infographic below to discover other ways to build attraction with women. This outlines nine techniques that attractive men use in their interactions with women.

If you want to learn more about these techniques, you can also read my dating tips for men article where I examine each method and how it makes you a more attractive man.

Nine dating tips that attractive men use

Flirting with an assertive posture

Although we may not realise it, women tend to notice us before we approach and interact with them. Therefore even before we greet them, our actions are essential to any first impression.

The king of the jungle posture influences in making our charisma felt before we engage new women in conversation. The method involves posturing with our body language by sticking out our chest; this movement acts as a nonverbal sign of dominance. If done correctly, it will trigger women to feel that they are around an attractive man with high levels of self-confidence.

This technique is best used when we see an attractive girl we would like to engage in conversation in any social environment.

Flirting with your voice

Taking the necessary steps to escalate with women to kissing is wrought with potential problems. The peripheral vision gaze allows us to slow down our dialogue and flirt using the pace of our voice. In conjunction with holding strong eye contact with a woman, this will create sexual tension.

To engage in this technique correctly, we need to assign a percentage of our attention away from the girl. We do this by using our peripheral vision whilst maintaining her eye contact. We have to put 30% of our attention to either side of the girl using our peripheral vision.

As a result:

  • We slow down our thoughts and words
  • Our eye contact becomes more personal
  • The energy shifts towards more intimate feelings

This principle is great in leading up to the very first kiss. To amp up your eye contact with a woman, I have created the following infographic. Read my eye contact attraction article for more detail on employing this.

Simple guide to seducing her with your eye contact in 3 steps

Flirting with women in conversation

Controlling the frame of an interaction enables us to lead the conversation in our chosen direction. The investigative journalist principle is a flirting technique that allows us to firmly shine the focus of any interaction onto the girl by challenging her thoughts and beliefs in conversation.

Whenever a girl offers an opinion on a topic of discussion, we respond with, “So what you’re saying is…” The objective is to paraphrase her words like we are interviewing her for a news feature.

We can use this principle to:

  • Rephrase what she is saying in a funny way
  • Tune into the subtext of her words to connect more deeply

The aim is to offer a different type of conversation to keep the interaction fun, flirtatious and engaging.

Flirting by being playful

Being playful with women during our interactions shows a considerable level of confidence. This is especially true when we are also amusing ourselves throughout the interaction.

The 10-word rule is a way of interrupting women in conversation to frustrate them to induce some mischievous tension into the conversation. To implement the 10-word rule, we must interrupt what a girl is saying every ten words. We ask them an irrelevant question or disrupt their thought processes.

This technique is a way of flirting with a woman who is already attracted to us and is seen as a playful way of flirting. This principle is best adopted when speaking with a girl one-to-one, and we want to induce some fun energy into the interaction.

How to flirt easily?

Our ability to flirt is dependent on our confidence and mindset at that moment. Approaching women during the day or in a bar, for example, can be a difficult task that consumes a lot of our energy. So it is important to relax as quickly as possible when we enter into a new conversation.

The conserving energy principle is a technique to do just that. It reminds us that we must lean against something to conserve our energy. All we have to do is move together to a place where we can lean against an object, like a wall or a railing. To sit down to relax our posture, which:

  • Calms our nerves as well as the girl’s
  • Takes control of our body language
  • Allows us to focus more on the conversation

This principle is more of a mental ritual to remember that we need to relax.

For anyone who wants more guidance on recognising when a girl is attracted and flirting back in the conversation, read my signs she wants you sexually article. Here is a brief overview:

5 signals to look out for when a woman is attracted to you

How to flirt with power?

Being physically tall is an attractive quality in men because it illuminates good genetics. The other notable consequence of being a tall man is that women always look up at them in conversation.

The ‘looking up at me’ method is when we place ourselves in a physically higher position than women so that they have to look up to us in dialogue. It is the same reason that kings sit on a throne and judges preside over a court. In other words, it paints a picture of them being ‘above us’, which can be powerful. The archetypal image of power in artistic terms is almost always also conveyed via the use of stature. It appears to be inherent in our subconscious mind.

This technique is best used when we are in dialogue with anyone and wish to be viewed as confident and ‘kingly’.

High-level flirtatious behaviour

One impactful way to use high-level flirtatious behaviour is to intentionally exhibit unattractive behaviours with women. Remember, certain behaviours are guaranteed to put women off – behaviours that ultimately lead us to be solitary and left alone. The going home alone technique means we intentionally commit the most unattractive behaviours possible in conversation.

These include signs of:

  • Jealousy
  • Negativity
  • Insecurity

This principle becomes fun when it is apparent that we are not really this type of man. We are simply using the technique as a fun and intriguing role play. It is the same way that if an attractive girl suddenly told us that no guy ever approaches her and that she can never get a date. Undoubtedly, we would know that she was joking.

This technique is best used in high octane environments such as bars, nightclubs and big social engagements, particularly when we are in dialogue with a girl that we think is attracted to us as a person.


  • The Stone-Cold Eyes. Pause and get eye contact for two seconds before greeting women when you first meet them. You will make an impactful and lasting first impression.
  • The Prevailing Handshake. Do not lean in towards women when you shake their hand; instead, maintain a strong posture. This allows you to sustain an attractive masculine frame from your body language.
  • The High Energy Principle. Induce energy into your first meeting with women by giving them a high energy greeting. The more vigour you give, the more you transmit a positive, uplifting and attractive vibe.
  • The Slow Motion Man. Slow down your eye contact, words and body movements to show that you are in control. Being relaxed around women is a great way to demonstrate confidence and initiate flirting.
  • The Firing Boss Method. Sit back and relax your posture like you are a powerful boss. Taking up space when you sit down is a great way of demonstrating confidence to women with your body language.
  • The Tongue Sucking Technique. If you speak too much, suck your tongue and hold deeper eye contact instead. This principle shows that you are calm by using the power of silence.
  • The Secret Spy. Stand like you are in complete control of your surroundings, and nothing can affect you. This is a great way of adopting a strong, commanding and attractive body language pose.
  • The Hot Girl Walking Past. Glance over as if an attractive woman is walking past to indicate that you can take or leave the interaction. This creates uncertainty and instigates flirting.
  • The Date With Two Supermodels. When you first meet a girl, act like you are already late for a date. This conveys that you have somewhere important to be, which comes across in your mannerisms and is highly alluring.
  • The Triangle Gaze. Flick your eye contact from her eyes to her mouth like an upside-down triangle. This is a fantastic way to flirt, which can lead to kissing a girl for the first time.
  • The King Of The Jungle Posture. Posture with your body language like you own the establishment you are standing in.
  • The Peripheral Vision Gaze. Assign a percentage of your attention away from a girl with your peripheral vision to slow down your words.
  • The Investigative Journalist. Paraphrase a girl with “So what you’re saying is…” to connect in conversation. You can also misinterpret what a girl is saying on purpose as a fun way to commence flirting.
  • The 10 Word Rule. Interrupt a woman in conversation to frustrate her. This induces some mischievous tension in the conversation.
  • The Conserving Energy Principle. Move to an area where you can relax and lean against something, which takes some pressure off and allows you to focus on the conversation.
  • The ‘Looking Up At Me’ Method. Position yourself into a position where a woman has to look up to you to make eye contact, which is symbolic of power.
  • The Going Home Alone Technique. Playfully pretend that you are trying hard and desperate to highlight your confidence to women.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is the bestselling author of An Education In (Online) Dating.

He has hosted over 1000 dating confidence courses in the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 courses conducted online.

Moreover, he is the head coach at Social Attraction and leads the team, training and courses.
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