How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone | The Comprehensive Guide For Men

How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone | The Comprehensive Guide For Men

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, you will learn how to get out of the friend zone with women. 

This means moving from behaviours that are synonymous with being a friend to attractive male behaviour traits.

In this blog, you will learn how to:

  • Set new dating expectations with women (fast)
  • Convey your attractive qualities (like never before)
  • Escalate your relationship (effortlessly)

Learning how to get out of the friend zone will also educate you on becoming a more attractive dating option to every woman.


How to get out of the friend zone with a girl?


In short, the friend zone is a personal boundary that girls place in their mind about us being viewed as a mating potential.

Pause and consider how quickly we make decisions about a woman’s dating potential in our own minds.

Indeed, one key difference between a man and a woman is that women tend to have more dating options than men. This subsequently means that they can be more selective about their dating choice.

Can you move out of the friend zone?

Yes, we can and the way in which we can do this is by allowing a girl to rethink her initial assessment of our mating value.

To elaborate, if I clicked my fingers and a girl we had never considered before started to dress in a way that we find attractive, we may well then reconsider and transfer her into our mating mind.

Likewise, we can follow the same principle by moving ourselves into a woman’s mating mind. However, to do this we have to recognise what women desire in a sexual partner.

How to know when you are out of the friend zone?

Now we will know when we have moved into a woman’s mating mind because she will exhibit signs of sexual attraction.

I have created the following infographic to help us recognise the main signs of sexual attraction in a woman. You can also read my signs she wants you sexually article.


5 signals to know when a woman is attracted to you and stop you being friend-zoned


How to get out of the friend zone with a woman?


All we have to do is start to exhibit behaviours which women find attractive on a biological level.

Well, almost…

Actually, the first step is to remove any unattractive traits that we may possess.

If we are able to comprehend that unattractive traits tend to be universally unattractive to ALL women then we can see why this is an ideal starting point.

Unattractive male traits

Above all, the two most offputting traits a man can possess are being:

  • Negative
  • Judgemental

Without a shadow of a doubt, if you take an attractive man and instil these two behavioural traits he will begin to repel women as opposed to magnetising them towards his character.

Attractive male traits

Different women are attracted to different attributes in men. There are however some traits that are attractive across the board.

The main three alluring male traits are:

  • Intelligence
  • Leadership
  • Creativity

Fitness Indicators

A fitness indicator is a signpost that conveys our genetical value to women.

Indeed, the harder a fitness indicator is to replicate (as in the peacock’s tail for instance) then the more attractive the signpost is to the opposite sex.

The same rule applies across all species, meaning that the first step that we need to take is to establish what specific attributes women are attracted to on a biological level.

List of the main fitness indicators (part 1)

Here is a list of the main attributes that women find attractive in men on a biological level:

  • Leader – Controlling the frame of the conversation; not letting the girl lead us.
  • Kindness – Commanding the frame of the conversation; not letting the girl lead us.
  • Protector – Looking after our family, friends and loved ones.
  • Risk-taker – The time we gambled and won; anytime we took a risk and were successful; not being afraid to fail.
  • Confidence – We have belief in ourselves as demonstrated in the way we speak and act.
  • Intelligence – Choice of language; vocabulary and topics of conversation; our job and interests; reading books and speaking multiple languages.
  • Creativity – Art; music; dancing; fashion; religion; storytelling; philosophy; performing; photography.
  • Moral integrity – Having standards and living up to them; not lying, cheating or taking advantage of others for our own benefit.
  • Generosity – It is not about us; it is about others and helping; creating value in life.
  • Overcoming adversity – Bouncing back from setbacks quickly; from life’s problems, physical injury, mental issue or even financially.

List of the main fitness indicators (part 2)

Here is a list of some more advanced attributes that women find attractive in men:

  • High social status – Is in an important job or position; well connected; has intelligent friends.
  • Non-judgemental – Not criticising ourselves or others; not being affected by others as we know that we have value; is always positive.
  • Positivity – It is fun everywhere I go, people are cool and I enjoy myself. I always look at the bright-side and I always see the silver lining in any situation.
  • Passion – Speak with passion and energy about our lives and others; connect with people, and make them feel alive; do things that we love, either hobbies or work.
  • Health – Eating healthily; doing regular exercise and being in good shape; talking about exercise or achievements.
  • Socially skilled – Varied conversational content which flows; having the emotional intelligence to recognise how others are feeling; being observant of others around us.
  • Humour – Making off the cuff jokes during the interaction; being fun and playful; making her laugh and telling funny stories.
  • Wealthy – Being successful in our career and having disposable income to spend on a nice place to live; going on holiday and having nice clothes etc.
  • Pre-selected – Having ex-girlfriends who are attractive and of high value themselves; being attractive to other women.
  • Strength – Completing a challenging physical task or an endurance activity; being in physically good shape.
  • Energy – Having high energy at all times; we don’t tire easily and, instead, have lots of energy to be social and have energetic hobbies.

Even just being aware of this list of fitness indicators will open our eyes to more opportunities to convey attributes of our individual personality which are attractive to women.

Displaying genetic strengths

On my dating confidence courses for men, we focus on learning how to convey our own fitness indicators during a normal conversation.

This is harder than we may imagine as often we can put women off without knowing why.

However, most of the time if a girl loses interest in us it is because we have conveyed an unattractive personality trait.

Unattractive behaviours

A pivotal fact that we can all now recognise is that unattractive behaviour is unattractive to ALL women.

Therefore the first step we take on my courses is to eradicate all of our unattractive qualities during normal conversations.

To illustrate a few here –  negativity, being judgemental and showing a lack of energy.

As shown in the image below we can teach you how to enhance your conversational confidence with any woman, face-to-face, online and via messaging.

To find out more about Social Attraction’s Skype coaching then visit our Skype dating confidence courses for men page.


A model next to three ways Social Attraction can help you to talk to any woman and prevent you being friend-zoned


How to get out of the best friend zone?


If we have become the best friend of a girl as a means of getting closer to her sexually then we have created some issues for ourselves. 

Indeed, the more entrenched we become in a girl’s emotional wellbeing as a best friend, the more unlikely it is that we will be able to form a sexual relationship.

In my experience, the only reason we, as men, end up being a best friend to a girl that we desire is through desperation.

Desperation with a girl

If we would rather become best friends with a girl as opposed to letting her fall out of our life then it is evident that we have a personal boundary issue of our own.

Accordingly, it is NOT OK to become best friends with a girl that we desire sexually, as we are manipulating her to permit ourselves to be part of her life.

To manipulate women means to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner.

Harbouring hope with women

The keyword here is unfair:

  • It is unfair to women
  • And it is also unfair to ourselves

Moreover, take a moment and picture all of the wasted hours, days, and weeks harbouring hope that one day she will change her mind and we will serendipitously end up together.

In truth, this is a fantasy and not reality.

Instead, we are better off:

  • Taking an honest look in the mirror now
  • And making some changes to our life

Beating fear with women

In my professional opinion, the best way to become more secure with the women we desire is to overcome our fear of approaching women.

This way we are no longer trapped with only one dating option that notoriously leads us to feelings of scarcity.

In the following infographic are my three tips to help us overcome any fear we have of approaching a woman that we find attractive.

This is a skill and mindset that I actively teach in my courses which is lifechanging!

I recommend that you also read my beat the fear of approaching women article which includes a few stories of clients and what worked for them in overcoming this fear.


3 suggestions to overcome approach anxiety in meeting new women


How to get out of the friend zone with an ex?


The fact that you are still friends with your ex-girlfriend is a good sign as it shows that she still feels an emotional connection together.

Nonetheless, if you want to move from being friends back to being sexual partners you need to rekindle that part of your relationship.

Above all, this means moving away from the friendly emotional support and moving towards leadership in your own life.

As you can see from the infographic below, I have written a whole article on how to get your ex-girlfriend back which may be of help to you.


5 ways to develop yourself and get out of the friend zone from your ex-girlfriend


How to get out of the friend zone after rejection?


Being rejected by women is a natural part of dating in the modern era with so many dating apps and new ways for men and women to meet each other.

Therefore once we accept that rejection is something we all need to face, we can then work on how to battle through our emotional turmoil.

The most important fact to remember is that rejection is only a feeling and we are consequently able to reduce its intensity and how it impacts our life.

Rejection and intimacy

Once we reduce the emotional reaction to being rejected we can then return to our ideal nonaffected stoic state.

In almost all dating interactions during our steps to intimacy, we will be rejected by a woman at some point.

This can be a rejection when we start a new conversation, a hesitancy to go on a first date with us, or even a “no” when we go for our first kiss.

Getting past rejection

Now that we know and accept that rejection is simply part of the dating game we can accordingly begin to take it less seriously.

In short, this means not getting upset during your initial phases of dating, through to handling medium and longer-term rejections from women, which my infographic below can help with. You can also read my how to handle rejection with women article.


3 constructive ways to cope with rejection from women


How to get out of the friend zone fast?


In essence, the fastest way to get out of the friend zone is by being honest and upfront with women.

This means telling a girl that we like her more than being just friends.

However, when we do this it is imperative that we give the girl we like a choice.

The dating choice

We can say something like this:

“The relationship we have as friends is not working for me anymore. I have stronger feelings for you. So we either need to end our friendship as this is unhealthy or you can consider whether you would like to progress the relationship together.”

This is honest, direct, and to the point.

In truth, it is unhealthy for us to continue being friends with a girl that we like sexually. Therefore, for both of us, it is better to either progress or end the relationship.

Managing conflict

Of equal importance is that when we adopt this honest approach with women we are letting out our inner conflict.

This means the conflict is going to be out there in the real world and we are going to have to deal with it face on.

As you can see from the image below managing conflict and emotions is an area that I specialise in and teach in my courses.

To find out more about how I can help visit my Skype dating confidence courses for men page.


A model next to three ways Social Attraction can help you to handle conflict with women and escape the friend zone


Summary


  • The friend zone is a personal boundary that women have with certain men
  • To move out of the friend zone you have to stop acting like her friend
  • Conveying attractive qualities to women will help move you out of the friend zone
  • Rejection is normal and you can overcome it on your way out of the friend zone
  • Being honest with your feelings is the fastest way out of the friend zone

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