How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone | The Comprehensive Guide For Men (Updated 2024)

How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone | The Comprehensive Guide For Men (Updated 2024)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I will instruct you on how to get out of the friend zone with women. This will help you gain an understanding of how to move from behaviours that are synonymous with being a friend to exhibiting attractive male behaviour traits.

In this blog, you will discover how to:

  • Set new dating expectations with women (fast)
  • Convey your attractive qualities (like never before)
  • Escalate your relationship (effortlessly)

Learning how to get out of the friend zone will also educate you on becoming a more attractive dating option to every woman you meet.


Friend zone defined


As your dating coach, I want to help you with the friend zone.

  • It’s when you have feelings for a woman, but she only sees you as a friend.
  • This can make it hard for you to pursue a romantic relationship with her.
  • Being placed in a woman’s friend zone can be very frustrating and upsetting.

The friend zone happens when you and the woman you like have different intentions. You like her romantically, but she doesn’t feel the same way. This can be confusing and make you feel rejected, and it can strain your relationship with her.


How to get out of the friend zone with a girl?


In short, the friend zone is a personal boundary that girls place in their minds about us being viewed as a mating potential.

Pause and consider how quickly we make decisions about a woman’s dating potential in our own minds.

One key difference between a man and a woman is that women tend to have more dating options than men. Having more dating options means that women are in a position to be more selective about their dating choice.

Can you move out of the friend zone?

Yes, we can, and how we can do this is by allowing a girl to rethink her initial assessment of our mating value.

To elaborate, if I clicked my fingers and a girl we had never considered before started to dress in a way that we find attractive, we might well then reconsider and transfer her into our mating mind.

Likewise, we can follow the same principle by moving ourselves into a woman’s mating mind. However, we first have to recognise what women desire in a sexual partner.


How to get out of the friend zone with a woman?


All we have to do is start to exhibit behaviours that women find attractive on a biological level.

Well, almost…

Actually, the first step is to remove any unattractive traits that we may possess.

If we can comprehend that unattractive traits tend to be universally unattractive to ALL women, then we can see why this is an ideal starting point.

Unattractive male traits

Above all, the two most offputting traits a man can possess are being:

  • Negative
  • Judgemental

Without a shadow of a doubt, if you take an attractive man and instil these two behavioural traits, he will begin to repel women instead of magnetising them towards his character.

Attractive male traits

Different women are attracted to different attributes in men. There are, however, some traits that are attractive across the board.

The main three alluring male traits are:

  • Intelligence
  • Leadership
  • Creativity

Fitness Indicators

A fitness indicator is a signpost that conveys our genetic value to women.

Indeed, the harder a fitness indicator is to replicate (as in the peacock’s tail, for instance), the more attractive the signpost is to the opposite sex.

The same rule applies across all species, meaning that the first step we need to establish is what specific attributes women are attracted to on a biological level.

List of the main fitness indicators (part 1)

Here is a list of the main attributes that women find attractive in men on a biological level:

  • Leader – Controlling the frame of the conversation, not letting the girl lead us.
  • Kindness – Showing empathy to others, ability to understand emotions and connect.
  • Protector – Looking after our family, friends and loved ones.
  • Risk-taker – The time we gambled and won, any time we took a risk and were successful, not being afraid to fail.
  • Confidence – We believe in ourselves, as demonstrated in the way we speak and act.
  • Intelligence – Choice of language, vocabulary and topics of conversation, our job and interests, reading books and speaking multiple languages.
  • Creativity – Art, music, dancing, fashion, religion, storytelling, philosophy, performing, photography.
  • Moral integrity – Having standards and living up to them, not lying, cheating or taking advantage of others for our benefit.
  • Generosity – It is not about us; it is about others and helping, creating value in life.
  • Overcoming adversity – Bouncing back from setbacks quickly, from life’s problems, physical injury, mental issues or even financially.

List of the main fitness indicators (part 2)

Here is a list of some more advanced attributes that women find attractive in men:

  • High social status – Is in an important job or position, is well connected, has intelligent friends.
  • Non-judgemental – Not criticising ourselves or others, not being affected by others as we know that we have value, is always positive.
  • Positivity – It is fun everywhere I go, people are cool, and I enjoy myself. I always look at the bright side, and I always see the silver lining in any situation.
  • Passion – Speak with passion and energy about our lives and others, connect with people, make them feel alive, do things that we love, either hobbies or work.
  • Health – Eating healthily, doing regular exercise, being in good shape, and talking about exercise or achievements.
  • Socially skilled – Varied conversational content that flows, having the emotional intelligence to recognise how others feel, being observant of others around us.
  • Humour – Making off the cuff jokes during the interaction, being fun and playful, making her laugh, and telling funny stories.
  • Wealthy – Being successful in our career and having disposable income to spend on a nice place to live, going on holiday, having nice clothes, etc.
  • Pre-selected – Having ex-girlfriends who are attractive and of high value themselves, attractive to other women.
  • Strength – Completing a challenging physical task or an endurance activity, being in physically good shape.
  • Energy – Having high energy at all times; we don’t tire quickly and, instead, have lots of energy to be social and have energetic hobbies.

Just being aware of this list of fitness indicators will open your eyes to more opportunities to convey attributes of your personality which women will find appealing.

Displaying genetic strengths

One of my primary focuses as a dating coach is to guide men to convey their fitness indicators during a routine conversation with women.

Indirectly communicating your attributes is more challenging than you may imagine, as often we can put women off without knowing why.

However, most of the time, if a girl loses interest in you, you will have conveyed an unattractive personality trait.

Unattractive behaviours

We can all now recognise the critical fact that unattractive behaviour is unattractive to ALL women. Therefore the initial step we take on my courses is to eradicate any unattractive qualities during everyday conversations.


How to get out of the best friend zone?


If we have become the best friend of a girl as a means of getting closer to her sexually, then we have created some issues for ourselves. 

Indeed, the more entrenched we become in a girl’s emotional wellbeing as a best friend, the more unlikely we will be able to form a sexual relationship.

In my experience, the only reason we, as men, end up being a best friend to a girl that we desire is through desperation.

Desperation with a girl

If we would instead become best friends with a girl rather than letting her fall out of our lives, then it is evident that we have a personal boundary issue of our own.

Accordingly, it is not ok to become best friends with a girl we desire sexually, as we are manipulating her to permit ourselves to be part of her life.

To manipulate women means managing or influencing skillfully unfairly.

Harbouring hope with women

The keyword here is unfair:

  • It is unfair to women
  • And it is also unfair to ourselves

Furthermore, take a moment and picture all of the wasted hours, days, and weeks harbouring hope that one day she will change her mind and we will serendipitously end up together.

In truth, this is a fantasy and not reality.

Instead, we are better off:

  • Taking an honest look in the mirror now
  • And making some changes to our life

Beating fear with women

In my professional opinion, the best way to become more secure with the women we desire is to overcome our fear of approaching women.

This way, we are no longer trapped with only one dating option that notoriously leads us to feelings of scarcity.

The following infographic gives my three tips to help us overcome any fear of approaching a woman that we find attractive.

Starting a conversation with any woman you want to is a skill and mindset that I actively teach in my courses, which is life-changing!


How to get out of the friend zone with an ex?


The fact that you are still friends with your ex-girlfriend is a good sign. It shows that she still feels an emotional connection together.

Nonetheless, if you want to move from being friends to sexual partners, you need to rekindle that part of your relationship.

Above all, this means moving away from the friendly emotional support and moving towards leadership in your own life.


How to get out of the friend zone after rejection?


Being rejected by women is a natural part of dating in the modern era, with so many dating apps and new ways for men and women to meet each other.

Therefore, once we accept that rejection is something we all need to face, we can work on battling our emotional turmoil.

The most important fact to remember is that rejection is only a feeling. We can consequently reduce its intensity and how it impacts our lives.

Rejection and intimacy

Once we reduce the emotional reaction to rejection, we can return to our ideal nonaffected stoic state.

In almost all dating interactions during our steps to intimacy, we will be rejected by a woman at some point.

This can be a rejection when we start a new conversation, a hesitancy to go on a first date with us, or even a “no” when we go for our first kiss.


How to get out of the friend zone fast?


In essence, the fastest way to get out of the friend zone is by being honest and upfront with women.

This means telling a girl that we like her more than just friends.

However, when we do this, we must give the girl we like a choice.

The dating choice

We can say something like this:

“The relationship we have as friends is not working for me anymore. I have stronger feelings for you. So we either need to end our friendship as this is unhealthy. Or you can consider whether you would like to progress the relationship together.”

It is more honest, direct, and to the point.

In truth, it is unhealthy for us to continue being friends with a girl that we like sexually. Therefore, for both of us, it is better to either progress or end the relationship.

Healthy boundary

Of equal importance is that when we adopt this honest approach with women, we are letting out our inner conflict. This means the conflict will be out there in the real world, and we will have to deal with it face on.

Managing conflict, emotions and the formation of healthy boundaries with women are areas I specialise in and teach in my courses.


Summary


  • The friend zone is a personal boundary that women have with certain men
  • To move out of the friend zone, you have to stop acting like her friend
  • Conveying attractive qualities to women will help move you out of the friend zone
  • Rejection is normal, and you can overcome it on your way out of the friend zone
  • Being honest with your feelings is the fastest way out of the friend zone

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Written by Gary Gunn


Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.

He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.

As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.
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