How To Speak To Women | This Is What Makes Her Think About You

How To Speak To Women | This Is What Makes Her Think About You

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I outline my top five tips that you can use right away to help improve your dating interactions and how to speak to women.

These five tips are not simply about refining your conversations with women as they are relevant to all other areas of your life.

They also form some of the advanced role-plays that I teach on my dating confidence courses.


How To Speak To Women #1 – Be High Energy


Tip number one is when you first meet women you want to be high energy.

You want to be speaking more words per minute than if you are speaking to your friends.

The reason for this is the more energy that you give off, the more indicators you are exhibiting that demonstrate you have good genetics.

What do I mean by that? Basically, if you have high energy levels, you are instantly showcasing to a potential mate that you have good genetics, which is highly attractive.

For example, when you first meet a girl and say: 

“Hey, it’s nice to meet you. My name’s Gary” in an upbeat tone of voice at a quick pace, it is notable; there is an energy.


With that energy, you come across as way more attractive.


One of the role-plays that I do on my dating confidence courses is I get my clients to speak more words per minute.

You can do this in a number of ways:

  • One of them is simply to practise verbally
  • Another is when you are reading speak the words out loud; read slowly and then read at an increased rate

The faster that you can speak (obviously without going ridiculously fast) and the more energy that you give when you speak, the more she is going to think about you constantly because you have made an impact to her life.

You have conveyed a lot of emotions, you have conveyed a lot of energy.

Moreover, you have also conveyed who you are in a way that she is going to remember after your interaction.

Below is an infographic I have created for anyone who wants to get back into dating. These 15 ways also offer a range of different avenues you can use to increase the number of interactions you have with women.

You can read my related article here – How To Get Back Into Dating | The Ultimate Guide (Top 15 Ways).


15 ways to get back into dating


How To Speak To Women #2 – Share Childhood Stories


The second way in which you can get women to think about you constantly is to share your childhood stories.

Often when I teach people this their immediate reaction is to say: “Oh, but I don’t want to talk about myself too much.”

The thing is unless you let yourself be vulnerable in this way, you are not going to allow a girl that opportunity to connect with you and to really understand who you are.

Because if you are just talking on a flat line (which is where you are right now), nothing will change unless you go above or beneath that line.

If you think about storylines in films, they always have links back to the main character’s childhood so you get to know why they are the person they are.

Sharing childhood stories that are genuine has the same effect and is one of the best things that you can do to make women think about you more.


The way in which I teach people to do this is by word association.


It is as simple as this. I say a word, any word, such as ‘birthday’, and then you relate this to a childhood memory.

So, “my first memory of,” and then you speak about that word: “My first memory of my birthday is this.”

Then what happens is you slowly get used to sharing your earliest childhood memory.

The beautiful thing about this is when you share your childhood memories, there is energy within them because that is why you remembered them.


Sharing childhood stories will enhance your attractiveness to women.


Remember they don’t have to be anything great, they don’t have to be anything wonderful; just make sure they are authentic memories.

By being confident enough to share your childhood stories, you will:

  • Come across as charismatic
  • Be more interesting to her
  • Demonstrate vulnerability

What will happen when you share them is that often the girl that you are speaking to will have similar experiences from her childhood. She will then open up and, all of a sudden, Pandora’s box has been opened.

She will be thinking about your story, she will be thinking about you. You have also successfully connected with her.

And it starts just by using a simple tool called word association, which is one of the techniques we teach on my dating confidence courses.

As per the image below we can also teach you how to turn a woman on in conversation.

To find out more about our training then you can visit the following link – Skype dating confidence courses for men.


Model showing how to turn a woman on in conversation


How To Speak To Women #3 – Don’t Answer Her Questions


The third way in how to speak to women and to influence her to think about you constantly is by not answering her questions.

On my courses, we do something fantastic here, where we play a game called the 10 Gold Coins.

Simple as this; you have 10 gold coins in your hand.

Every time a girl asks you a question, if you answer it, you lose one of your gold coins which, in essence, is her level of attraction towards you.

You want to maintain your 10 gold coins. You do not want to give them away.

The more that you can avoid answering her questions from the outset, then you will begin creating sexual tension because you are not giving everything about yourself away immediately.


You will also be building mystery and intrigue about yourself.


If you do this on a night out it is so much fun, especially if a girl starts asking you what you do for a living.

Questions like these are indicators of interest and are linked to mate selection.

Not replying to women’s questions will:

  • Make her more invested in you
  • Demonstrate that you have confidence
  • Create more sexual tension

Not answering people’s questions directly is a very powerful thing to do.

Just go out and try it, you will be amazed at the difference it makes to your dating life.

To recognise when there is sexual tension with a girl take a look at the following infographic I have created for you. You can also read my article here which provides more detail – Signs She Wants You Sexually | The Ultimate Men’s Guide (top five ways).


5 ways to talk to women and recognise when they want you sexually


How To Speak To Women #4 – Friend-Zone Her For Fun


Another fun way in which you can make women think about you more is when you friend-zone her.

It is a little more indirect, but I enjoy it as it is fun and quite effective on a night out.

Besides, we have all had times in our life where a girl that we like friend-zones us.

If you turn it around, you can actually use it as a way of being playful with women.

You say: “Do you know what? You’re really nice. You’re not my type, but you’d probably be a good friend.”

That is something that is fun to do. It is said in jest, in a nice and light-hearted way.

The girl won’t be too sure whether you are serious or not, which creates a little bit of: “Is he joking? Is he not?”

It creates an element of doubt in her mind.


She will then be thinking about you more.


This is a really fun way of interacting with people and just having a laugh.

Next time someone says it to you and you feel the way you feel, you will realise the power in saying it to someone else.

I love that as it is really playful and fun when delivered in the right way.

Most guys around attractive women tend to get very serious very quickly, so simply having that in your arsenal or your repertoire reminds you to be playful.

The more playful you are and the more fun you are having, the more attractive and seductive your character is.

This will lead her to think about you constantly.

If you look at my infographic below, this will give you another 8 additional fun ways to initiate flirting with a girl. You can also read my article here – How To Flirt With Women | The Ultimate Guide (Top 17 Ways)


8 ways to speak to women and initiate flirting


How To Speak To Women #5 – Challenge Her In Conversation


The final way in which you can get women to think about you is by challenging her in conversation.

How I would suggest you do this is by challenging her about whether she is adventurous, fun, or spontaneous enough.

You can also do this with your friends, just because it is fun.

In fact, I was talking to a friend of mine at the gym the other day and she was saying that she likes to party a lot.

I said: “Well, are you adventurous though?

She replied: “Yeah, I stay out till 11.

I countered: “That’s not really adventurous though, is it?”

She quickly responded with an indignant “Yes, it is!”

I used to do this a lot when I was younger. What you are doing is you are playfully baiting her.


You are having fun and you are challenging her.


You will know if a girl is invested in it because she will start explaining herself a little bit, and you can then start having more fun by saying:

No, you’re really not adventurous. Well, maybe 10 years ago you were…

The more that she becomes invested in the challenge, the more you can wind her up about it, and the more fun it is.

  • Because remember dating should be fun; speaking to women should be fun
  • It shouldn’t be this highly anxious thing that many of us make it in our world today

If you implement the lessons from this article you will start to see better dating results; which is what we teach on my dating confidence courses.

As per the image below we can also teach you how to speak to non-responsive women.

To find out more about our training then you can visit the following link – Skype dating confidence courses for men.


Non-responsive model next to three ways to engage her in conversation


How To Speak To Women – Summary


Let’s just round these up these five tips on how to speak to women. You can use them to have a more impactful dating life.

  • #1 – Be high energy when you first meet women. Speak more words per minute. Use more emotion.
  • #2 – Share genuine childhood stories. You can practise this with word association. Someone says one word, then you share your earliest childhood memory. Don’t pause, just go straight into it.
  • #3 – Avoid answering her questions directly, and that builds mystery. Remember the 10 Gold Coin game. That will change your life.
  • #4 – Friend-zone her to be fun, playful and flirty: “You know what? You’re not really my type, but you’d be a really good friend.”
  • #5 – Challenge her as not being adventurous enough, not being fun enough and not being spontaneous enough. This is fun and always makes me laugh and you will also recognise when women are doing this to you. This way you can avoid buying into explaining yourself, which is a very stoic and attractive male behaviour.

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