How To Speak To Women | The Comprehensive Guide

How To Speak To Women | The Comprehensive Guide

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, you will learn how to speak to women. I will be covering the best strategies that I teach in my dating confidence courses for men.

Included in this feature are:

  • The top five ways to speak to women (that work)
  • How to speak to younger women (and be flirty)
  • Ways to overcome anxiety (speaking to attractive women)

Implementing the lessons in this article will accordingly make you more confident and charismatic around women. I have also included a few interesting stories from clients of mine and their results from using these strategies.

How to confidently speak to women?

If you want to confidently speak to women then you should be high energy when you first start a conversation.

This means speaking more words per minute than if you are speaking to your friends.

The reason for this is the more energy that you give off, the more indicators you are exhibiting that demonstrate you have good genetics.

Displaying good genetics

What do I mean by that?

If you have high energy levels, you are instantly showcasing to a potential mate that you have good genetics, which is highly attractive.

For example, when you first meet a girl and say:Hey, it’s nice to meet you. My name’s Gary” in an upbeat tone of voice at a quick pace; it is notable.

Moreover, there is energy.

And with that energy, you come across as more attractive.

Speaking more words

One of the role-plays that I do on my dating confidence courses is I get my clients to speak more words per minute.

You can do this in a number of ways:

  • One of them is to simply practise verbally
  • Another is to speak the words out loud when reading; read slowly and then at an increased pace

The faster that you can speak (obviously without going ridiculously fast) and the more energy that you give when you speak, the more she is going to think about you constantly because you have made a positive impression on her.

Speaking with emotion

A dynamic introduction ensures you convey a lot of emotions along with this added energy.

It also allows you to convey who you are in a way that she is going to remember after your interaction.

Below is an infographic I have created that will help you to continue a conversation with women.

How can I be good at speaking to women?

The best way to become better at speaking to women is to share some of your genuine childhood stories.

Often when I teach people this their immediate reaction is to say: “Oh, but I don’t want to talk about myself too much.

However, unless you let yourself be vulnerable in this way, you are not going to allow a girl that opportunity to connect with you and to really understand who you are.

Speaking on the flat line

If you perpetually speak on a flat line, meaning there is a lack of emotional spark in your conversations, you will find that nothing changes unless you go above or beneath that line.

If you think about storylines in films, they always have links back to the main character’s childhood. The reason for this is that you get to understand why they are the person they are.

Sharing childhood stories that are genuine has the same effect. It is one of the most potent things that you can do to make women think about you more.

Word association strategy

The way in which I teach people to do this is by word association. It is as simple as this. I say a word, any word, such as ‘birthday’, and then you relate this to a childhood memory.

So, “My first memory of…” and then you speak about that particular word.

For instance, “My first memory of my birthday is this…” Then what happens is you slowly get used to sharing your earliest childhood memory.

Indeed, the beautiful thing about this is when you share your childhood memories there is energy within them because that is why you remembered them.

Enhancing your allure

Sharing childhood stories will without a doubt enhance your attractiveness to women.

Remember they don’t have to be anything great or anything wonderful; just make sure they are authentic memories.

In fact, by being confident enough to share your childhood stories, you will:

  • Come across as charismatic
  • Be more interesting to her
  • Demonstrate vulnerability

What will happen when you share them is that often the girl that you are speaking to will have similar experiences from her childhood.

She will then open up and, all of a sudden, Pandora’s box has been opened.

Connecting with women

She will be thinking about your story, she will be thinking about you.

Furthermore, you have also successfully connected with her.

And it starts by using a simple tool called word association, which is one of the techniques we teach in my dating confidence courses.

How to speak to a beautiful woman?

When we meet beautiful women it can be easy to feel anxious. One way to overcome our anxiety is to become mysterious in conversation.

And the best strategy to immediately become more mysterious with women is to not answer their questions directly.

On my dating confidence courses, we play a game called the 10 Gold Coins game.

Rules of the game

Here are the rules to the game (which women do not know):

  • You imagine that you have 10 gold coins in your hand
  • Every time a girl asks you a question, if you answer it, you lose one of your gold coins
  • Each gold coin you lose signifies a loss in her level of attraction for you

The more that you can avoid answering her questions from the outset, the more you will build mystery and intrigue about yourself.

I recall teaching this method to two doctors in central London. The following morning they turned up buzzing and told me that they went out last night after my coaching. They didn’t get back till 3 am as found that women were so receptive to this playful withholding of personal information.

In my experience, when you use the 10 gold coin strategy women will start to exhibit signs that they are sexually attracted to you.

How to speak to younger women?

A great way to speak to younger women and to initiate some flirting is by putting them in your friend-zone.

You say: “Do you know what? You’re really nice. You’re not my type, but you’d probably be a good friend.”

The girl won’t be too sure whether you are serious or not, which creates a little uncertainty in her mind: “Is he joking? Is he not?”

Creating doubt

This strategy creates an element of doubt in her mind, which allows her to start thinking about you more.

Moreover, when a woman begins to think about you when you are no longer in her presence this is known as a seduction.

One of my first ever clients used this particular technique. I was showing him how to approach women in a bar and when I introduced him to one girl in there he said it within the first few minutes. It turned out she was recently single and lived in Spain (my client was a Spanish teacher) and they hit it off right away and began dating one another.

I must admit in my younger years as a coach this was a special moment that is now etched into my memory.

How to speak to women’s emotions?

The best way to speak to a woman’s emotions is to challenge her in conversation to generate an emotional response.

You can do this by questioning whether she is adventurous, fun, or spontaneous enough.

You simply ask a girl whether she is adventurous and if she says “yes” then you can enter a fun challenge.

Challenging women

In order to challenge women in a way that speaks to their emotions, you need to be playful.

For example:

  • Mentioning that perhaps she adventurous was ten years ago
  • Or that her idea of adventure is an early night with a hot water bottle

Remember the intention is to have fun and to challenge her.

Investment from women

Moreover, you will know if a girl is invested in you because she will start explaining how adventurous she is as a person.

The more that she becomes invested in the challenge, the more you are speaking to her emotions.

I recently showed a 48-year-old client how to do this via Skype with one of my female coaching assistants. The girl working for me had no idea what he was doing and after ten minutes of my client challenging her, she started to play with her hair and go quiet. These are two clear signs of female attraction. When my client watched the footage back he was in shock that it worked so well.

This one communication strategy enabled him to overcome his years of anxiety and insecurity around women that he found attractive.

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  • Be high energy when you first meet women. Speak more words per minute. Use more emotion.
  • Share genuine childhood stories. You can practise this with word association. Someone says one word, then you share your earliest childhood memory. Don’t pause, just go straight into it.
  • Avoid answering her questions directly which builds mystery. Remember the 10 Gold Coin game. That will change your life.
  • Friend-zone her to be fun, playful and flirty: “You know what? You’re not really my type, but you’d be a really good friend.”
  • Challenge her as not being adventurous enough; not being fun enough and not being spontaneous enough. This is fun and always makes me laugh. Additionally, you will also recognise when women are doing this to you. This way you can avoid buying into explaining yourself which is a very stoic and attractive male behaviour.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.

He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.

As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.
Dating Coach