How To Talk To Women | A Modern Guide (with conversation strategies)

How To Talk To Women | A Modern Guide (with conversation strategies)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I am going to outline how to talk to women. In doing so I will be looking at the biggest areas where you can improve the quality of your conversations with women that you meet.

As a result, you will:

  • Generate more positive emotional responses from women (that make a lasting impression)
  • How to avoid the friend-zone (by being suggestive)
  • Sexually charge your conversations (in a fun way)

In learning these updated modern dating strategies you will become a better conversationalist not only with women but with all people that you meet.

How do you talk to women?

The best way to talk to women is by improving the quality of your conversations. You can do this by imagining the tone and content of your conversations are like a heart rate monitor.

So picture a flat line that goes straight through the middle as representing a toneless and uninteresting conversation.

Signs of disinterest

We will recognise when we are having a flat line conversation with a girl:

  • It will feel stale and boring
  • She will look around as wants to leave
  • The energy will be sapped out of the interaction

Significantly, however, this line has the capacity to go up or down.

When we are speaking to a girl ideally we want to take her off the flat line (i.e dull conversation).

Eliciting emotions

The way in which we do this is by eliciting positive emotions from a woman.

This means:

  • Being flirty or playful in your manner towards her
  • Giving a girl a genuine compliment about her personality or her job for example

Doing either of these takes a woman off the flat line by interjecting some energy and making the conversation far more intoxicating to her.

Improving your conversational content is one way to attract women.

Below you will find an infographic I created to outline other ways that can make an instant impact on how women perceive you. To learn more on this read my how to attract women instantly article.

Three different ways to attract women instantly

How to talk to women and make them want you?

The most effective way to talk to women and make them attracted to you is by demonstrating your depth of character during your conversations.

How I teach people to do this on my dating confidence courses for men is by relaying genuine childhood stories.

Implementing what I am about to teach you will make you connect with women more effectively.

This, in turn, makes you a more attractive man.

Sharing stories

Our earliest childhood memories have powerful emotions attached to them, which is why they remain in our memories.

Having the ability to share childhood stories with women demonstrates both confidence and vulnerability – two traits that importantly reflect your depth of character.

To relay a childhood story you simply need to select any random word that a girl says in conversation.

For example, if she says she is going for a coffee with her friends. Take the word ‘coffee’ and simply start talking; I remember my first experience of coffee…

Say the first thing that comes into your mind and go with it.

Sharing childhood stories will:

  • Allow her to connect with you
  • Put energy into the interaction
  • Show your depth of character

Seductive stories

Most guys, most of the time, do not have the confidence to talk about their childhood, especially when they first meet women.

In my experience, it is one of the best things that you can do to make a connection because the girl you like will likely have had a similar experience from her childhood.

Sharing childhood stories with a woman will ensure she thinks about you when you are no longer in her presence. And, as outlined in my infographic below, this is the incipient stage of a seduction.

To learn more effectual ways to seduce in your dating interactions read my seduction techniques article.

5 ways to seduce a woman

How to talk to women you are attracted to?

The most impactful way to talk to women you are attracted to is to demonstrate empathy in your conversations. Indeed, demonstrating empathy is one of the most potent therapy tools in behavioural psychology.

Empathy refers to our ability to understand someone else’s view of the world. As well as teaching it in all my courses, I use it every single day with people that I meet.

It is a skill that will enhance your ability to communicate.

It is more than simply nodding in conversation when a girl is speaking to you or building rapport.

Rather, it enables you to connect with a woman in a deeper way by simply reflecting back on what she says.

Demonstrating empathy

Demonstrating empathy distinctly allows a girl to recognise that you perceive that you have listened to her and that you understand her.

To show empathy you simply reflect back on what a girl says to you.

For example, if a girl points out that she has just started doing personal training and is excited about it.

“You feel (insert the emotion) excited because you have just started personal training (which is the reason).”

You feel emotion because of reason – it is as simple as that.

Positive signs from her

You will know when you get your reflection right because she will nod back at you or smile and will feel understood.

When used correctly reflections will help:

  • Continue a conversation
  • Build trust with women
  • Initiate seductive moments

A point to remember is that building empathy in your interactions does not need to be limited to face-to-face contact. If you are online dating you can also apply this principle to attract more women as depicted in the infographic below. To learn more helpful advice about how to online date successfully read my online dating tips for men article.

Three tips from Gary Gunn on how to write your online dating bio

How to talk to women and make her think about you?

The simplest way to talk to women and ensure the thinks about you is to use reflective listening (as mentioned in the section above). However, you go one level deeper and use it to misinterpret her on purpose.

In fact, when you can misinterpret a girl as being adventurous or having a naughty side, it is extremely powerful. It interjects some sexual tension into the interaction.

Deliberate misinterpretation

For example, if a girl says: “I like going to the gym because it makes me feel healthy.”

You can misinterpret that and say: “You like going to the gym because you want to hit on all of the guys there. I knew you had a naughty side to you.

Or when you are first speaking to a girl and she is holding strong eye contact, you can say to her:

“Oh my God, you are doing that locked-in sexual eye contact thing and trying to flirt with me. God, I didn’t realise you could be this naughty after only just meeting someone.”

Flirting intent

So, from the outset, you are calling her out on everything that she does.

Being playful with regards to her being sexual:

  • Interjects some fun energy
  • Creates a bit of sexual tension
  • Influences her to open up more

Reflecting in this manner is fun and playful and, ultimately, attractive.

Pros of misinterpretation

Using reflections to connect or flirt with a woman is a powerful thing to be able to do. It highlights adept conversational skills and emotional intelligence

Moreover, it will ensure that you never have another boring conversation again in your entire life.

This is one of my favourite principles, and I love teaching them.

As per the image below to learn how to demonstrate empathy and reflect back to women visit my Skype dating confidence courses for men page.

Model with a light behind her and three ways to connect in conversation

How to talk to younger women?

A fun way to talk to younger women is to create uncertainty during the conversation.

And what do I mean by uncertainty?

Create uncertainty

I will give you a great example from a coffee shop I was in yesterday. I was talking to the manager there and one of the girls that he worked with came over to speak to him.

She pointed out that she is now up to 40 hours during the week, whereas she was only doing 30 before.

And he said, “Oh great. So whose job have you taken?”

She replied, “What? I haven’t taken anyone’s job.”

He reiterated, “Well if you have doing 40 hours, you must have done.”

Obviously, he was pulling her leg, but she really wasn’t sure. She didn’t quite know how to take his statement: Are you joking? Are you not?

This is an example of an exchange where uncertainty was created about what his intent was behind his spoken words.

Generate sexual tension

And, similarly, we can use this feeling of uncertainty to generate sexual tension in our conversations with women. Because when a girl isn’t 100% sure of the intent of your words she will think: Is he mocking me? Is he not? I don’t know.

You can then start to amp it up and have a laugh with it.

Creating uncertainty with a girl that you like:

  • Builds anticipation
  • Creates some mystery
  • Adds fun as she will not be too sure of your meaning

To learn other key ways that will help you build anticipation and mystery with women in your conversations see my below infographic:

& ways to flirt with women online and face to face

How to talk to women you just met?

One effective way to talk to a woman you have just met is to make statements that challenge her about being rebellious or adventurous.

For instance, you can say: “I bet you were rebellious as a kid.” And she may respond: “Actually, I wasn’t. I was more rebellious as an adult.” 

Bring up her rebellious streak

Opening the door to a woman thinking about being adventurous or rebellious leads her to similar thoughts.

In effect, you are influencing her to think of being rebellious.

The following are examples of adventurous topics to challenge a girl:

  • Skinny dipping as a kid
  • A protest against society
  • Being a goth or punk
  • Unique body piercing

Sexually charge the conversation

You can then delve further and ask: “When was the last time you were adventurous?”

You have now opened the gateway to a sexually charged conversation.

This conversation will have a very different tone from what most guys speak about to a woman, especially within the first few minutes of meeting her.

The following infographic depicts three additional ways to help you sexually charge your interactions with women. To learn more read my how to make a woman want you sexually article.

Three ways that make you more sexually attractive to women

How to talk to beautiful women?

One simple way to talk to attractive women is to remember this statement, “Oh, I thought you were.…”

This is a great phrase and you can finish it however you want, but the aim is to challenge the girl to be more adventurous, more intelligent or more fun.

Challenging statements

For instance, when you first meet a girl and she is reading a book. You ask: “What book are you reading?”

She replies: “Oh, this is a romance novel.”

You respond playfully: “Oh, I thought you were more intelligent than that.”

Or if a girl says she is a doctor: “Oh, I thought you would have a more intelligent job.”

Enhancing the attraction

So the intent is to go over her frame with something bigger, more intelligent, more adventurous, and more fun.

This immediately takes the conversation off auto-pilot or that boring flat line conversation that I mentioned in an earlier section. Instead, it makes the exchange far more interesting and intoxicating.

On my dating confidence courses this is one of the best conversational techniques to build attraction because you can talk to any woman by playfully throwing in:

“Oh, I thought,” at any time in the interaction.

Playfully winding her up in this way:

  • Enhances that connection
  • Creates sexual tension
  • Makes you memorable to her

My infographic below gives three more ways to help you build sexual tension with any girl that you like. You can also read how to flirt with women article here for a more in-depth account of how to apply these to your conversations.

3 seduction techniques

How to talk to women at bars?

The most exciting way to talk to women in bars is to ask a girl;  “Are you adventurous?

Most people will not like to deny this so she will likely respond: “Yes, I am.”

Because she said yes to your first question, you have now opened the gateway; you have influenced her thought to say, “Yes, I’m adventurous.”

Make adventurous statements

You counter: “Okay, what can we do right now that would be adventurous?”

Sometimes a girl will say: “Oh well, we could kiss,” or she may say: “We can do shots.”

You want to reject the first thing that she says because it’s funny.

So if she says: “We could shots,” you respond with: “I thought you said you were adventurous!”

Girl: “Oh, well, we could kiss…”

You: “Uhh, I thought you said you were adventurous.”

What you are doing here is influencing her to then think of something even more adventurous.

Inject excitement

In using these techniques you are injecting some fun and some excitement to the women that you are speaking to on a night out.

In fact, if you are not being playful you are probably being boring and you are on that flat line in conversation.

If you are someone that struggles to go up and approach women in bars, as per the image below, this is something that I can help you with. To find out how visit my Skype dating confidence courses for men page and book a free consultation with me.

Model standing next to three ways to attract women in bars and clubs


The main takeaways from this article:

  • Take women off a flat line conversation. If you are having a boring conversation, either compliment her or flirt with her.
  • Share childhood stories to convey your depth of character. This will enable you to connect with anyone, including with girls that you like.
  • Demonstrate empathy. You feel emotion because of reason. This builds the first foundations of trust and will enable you to start a relationship by connecting via empathy.
  • Misinterpret a girl by using a reflection where you take what she says and you reflect it back in a funny or sexual way.
  • Create uncertainty when you are talking to a woman. You can pull her leg a little bit to elicit emotion and she won’t know whether you are being serious or not.
  • Make statements that challenge her; being rebellious or being adventurous.
  • Make “Oh, I thought you were…” statements to be more adventurous, more fun or more intelligent.
  • Ask a girl: “Are you adventurous?” If she says yes, then: “What can we do right now that would be adventurous?” In answer to whatever she responds: “Hmm, I thought you said you were adventurous, think of something better.”

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