How To Talk To Women | The Modern Guide (updated 2021)

How To Talk To Women | The Modern Guide (updated 2021)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I am going to outline how to talk to women. Specifically, I am going to give you the best strategies that I teach single men on my dating confidence courses.

In this feature, you will learn:

  • The art of telling stories (to connect with women)
  • How to use the push/pull principle (to flirt with women)
  • Some advanced techniques to be playful (to create sexual tension)

I have updated this article with some real-life client stories to give you more context on when and how to use each of the strategies.

To learn how to become instantly more attractive to women in conversation why not book onto our next dating confidence course? Take a look at our client testimonials on YouTube here: Dating confidence course for men reviews:

Daygame dating course for men to regain confidence

How do you talk to women?

The best way to talk to women is by improving the quality of your conversations. The easiest way to do this is to imagine a girl’s emotions on a heart rate monitor.

When there is no emotional investment from a woman, then she is on the flatline. We all recognise when we are having a flat line conversation with a girl because:

  • It feels stale and boring
  • The energy leaves the interaction
  • She is looking around as wants to leave

The simplest way to take a girl off the flatline conversation is to generate an emotional response.

Eliciting emotions

We can generate an emotional response from women by either:

  • Moving them up from the flat-line
  • Allowing them to go below the flat-line

Both of these are good options and are known as the push/pull principle.

The push/pull principle

To implement this strategy the right way we have to understand what moves women away from a flat-line.

Here are a few examples that you can use right away:

  • Being flirty or playful in your manner towards a woman moves her down from the flat-line
  • Giving a girl a genuine compliment about her personality moves her up from the flat-line

Therefore when you feel like your conversation is becoming boring, dry or dull the first step is to move her off the flat-line.

Below you will find an image from one of my dating confidence courses where I was teaching men how to have an impact on women’s emotions. To learn more you can watch my how to flirt with women video on YouTube.

Gary Gunn with a model teaching men how to flirt with women

How to talk to women and make them want you?

The most effective way to talk to women and make them attracted to you is by demonstrating your depth of character.

The best way to do this is by relaying genuine childhood stories.

Our earliest childhood memories have powerful emotions attached to them. This is why they remain in our memories.

Telling women stories

Having the ability to share childhood stories with women demonstrates both confidence and vulnerability – two traits that reflect your inner character.

To relay a childhood story:

  • You select any word that a girl says in conversation
  • Then you reply with “My earliest memory of…”
  • The point here is to speak about the first story that comes to mind

For example, if she says she is going for a coffee with her friends. Take the word ‘coffee’ and simply start talking – “I remember my first experience of coffee…”

By sharing stories from our childhood we enable women to connect with aspects of our personality.

In fact, we will all have had similar experiences as we navigated our childhood through to our adult years. And so using this strategy allows women to connect with these shared experiences.

Connecting in conversation

I recall teaching this strategy to a 44-year-old man from Leeds, Yorkshire. When I first started coaching him, his conversations were dry, dull and boring. He appeared to be the most boring man in the world to women. When I taught him this technique, all of a sudden he started to speak about acting at school, his Alsatian dog growing up and his close relationship with his grandmother – jackpot! He was so good at relaying these stories that he reminded me of the old times when we would sit around a campfire and share stories.

What made him a great storyteller was not overthinking what he was saying and instead allowing the emotions of the suppressed stories to lead the way.

If you would like to learn more about the art of storytelling, then I suggest reading the seductive storytelling section of my how to create sexual tension with women article.

Five different ways to create sexual tension with women

How to talk to women you are attracted to?

The most impactful way to talk to women you are attracted to is to demonstrate empathy.

Empathy refers to our ability to understand someone else’s view of the world.

It is one skill to feel empathy and another to demonstrate it to the women you like.

Demonstrating empathy

To demonstrate empathy you reflect back on what a girl says to you in conversation.

For example, if a girl points out that she has just started doing personal training and is excited.

“You feel excited because you have just started personal training.” You feel emotion because of reason – it is as simple as that.

Benefits of empathy

Demonstrating empathy with women lets you:

  • Build trust
  • Connect in conversation
  • Showcase emotional intelligence

If you are online dating you can also apply this principle to attract more women as depicted in the infographic below. To learn more you can read my online dating tips for men featured article.

Three tips from Gary Gunn on how to write your online dating bio

How to talk to women and make her think about you?

The simplest way to talk to women and make her think about you is to misinterpret what she says on purpose.

When you misinterpret a girl as being boring or having a naughty side, it is extremely powerful.

Deliberate misinterpretations can also inject some sexual tension into your interaction.

Sexual tension

If a girl says: “I like going to the gym because it makes me feel healthy.

You can misinterpret her meaning and say: “You like going to the gym because you want to hit on all of the guys there. I knew you had a naughty side to you.”

All we have to do is to take what a girl says and reflect it back in a fun way to initiate some flirting.

Reflective listening

We can use reflective listening to create sexual tension, flirt and even connect with women.

This is one of my favourite principles, and I love teaching it.

If you would like to learn the power of reflective listening then visit my live training page and book a consultation.

Model with a light behind her and three ways to connect in conversation


  • Take women off a flat line conversation. If you are having a boring conversation, either compliment her or flirt with her.
  • Share childhood stories to convey your depth of character. This will enable you to connect with anyone, including with girls that you like.
  • Demonstrate empathy. You feel emotion because of reason. This builds the first foundations of trust and will enable you to start a relationship by connecting via empathy.
  • Misinterpret a girl by using a reflection where you take what she says and you reflect it back in a funny or sexual way.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is the bestselling author of An Education In (Online) Dating.

He has hosted over 1000 dating confidence courses in the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 courses conducted online.

Moreover, he is the head coach at Social Attraction and leads the team, training and courses.
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