How To Talk To Women | A Modern Guide (with conversation strategies)

How To Talk To Women | A Modern Guide (with conversation strategies)

How To Talk To Women | A Modern Guide (with conversation strategies)

How To Talk To Women | A Modern Guide (with conversation strategies)

How To Talk To Women | A Modern Guide (with conversation strategies)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I am going to outline how to talk to women. I will be looking at the five biggest areas where you can improve the quality of your conversations with women that you meet.

As a result, you will:

  • Generate more positive emotional responses from women
  • Become a better conversationalist
  • Be more intriguing to women

In the second part of this article, I will show you how to become suggestive in conversation.

You will learn the following:

  • How to avoid the friend-zone
  • Make your intention known from the outset that you like her
  • Sexually charge your conversations in a fun way

So let’s get started with my first tip.


How To Talk To Women #1 – Take Her Off The Flat Line


The first point here is to imagine a conversation is like a heart rate monitor.

So there is a flat line which is a line that goes straight through the middle. This line can go up or it can go down.

Ideally, when you are speaking to women, you want to take them off the flat line.

And you will recognise when you are having a flat line conversation:

  • It will feel stale and boring
  • The energy will be sapped out of the interaction
  • The girl will look around as wants to leave

All you need to do to come off that flat line is either go up or go down.


And how do you come off that flat line?

Ideally, you want to elicit a positive emotion from her by:

  • Giving a girl a genuine compliment. This could be saying something about her personality or her job for example.
  • Being flirty and being playful. This is another way to interject some energy.

If you can do either of these, it will take a woman off the flat line and it will make the conversation far more intoxicating to her.

And I will talk more about how to take a woman off a flat line specifically via flirting later on in this article.

However, if you struggle to connect with women in conversation then see my infographic below that will help you to work on your confidence as a man.

If you would like to learn more about overcoming your insecurities with women, then you can read my full article here: Dating Coach For Men | 9 Signs Of Male Insecurity That Turn Women Off


Nine ways to talk to women and not show your insecurities


How To Talk To Women #2 – Relaying Childhood Stories To Connect


The second thing that women like to talk about is your depth of character.

How I teach people to do this on my dating confidence courses for men is by relaying genuine childhood stories as it is such an easy tool to use. In fact, not enough people know about it or use it in my opinion.

If you implement what I am about to teach you, you will be able to effectively connect with women. You will be far more attractive.

All you have to do to relay a childhood story is to select any random word that a girl says in conversation.

For example, if she says she is going for a coffee with her friends. Take the word ‘coffee’ and simply start talking. I remember my first experience of coffee …and just say the first thing that comes into your mind.


Your earliest childhood memory has emotions attached to it.


Sharing childhood stories will:

  • Allow her to connect with you
  • Put energy into the interaction
  • Show your depth of character

Most guys, most of the time, do you not have the confidence to talk about their childhood, especially when they first meet women.

In my experience, it is one of the best things that you can do to make a connection because she would have likely had a similar experience from her childhood.

Here I have included my infographic on seduction techniques to give you more guidance on how to seduce in your interactions. You can also read my related article here – Seduction Techniques | How To Get Women To Think About You Non-Stop


5 ways to seduce a woman


How To Talk To Women #3 – Demonstrating Empathy


The third area that you can talk about with women is themselves, and how you can talk to them and about themselves is by demonstrating empathy.

Now, empathy is your ability to understand someone else’s view of the world.

Please note that if you are someone who simply nods when a girl is speaking to you, you are not demonstrating empathy at all because she cannot discern that you know what she’s talking about.

  • If you are sat down nodding at her in conversation, and you think you are connected; you are not. You might be in rapport, but you are certainly not demonstrating empathy.
  • The only way to demonstrate empathy is to reflect back what the girl is saying to you. It is as simple as that. You feel emotion because of reason.

I will give you an exact example, as say a girl points out that she has just started doing personal training and she’s excited about it.

You feel (insert the emotion) excited because you’ve just started personal training (which is the reason).


You feel emotion because of reason – it is as simple as that.


And you know when you get it right because the girl will nod back at you immediately.

Learning how to demonstrate empathy is one of the most potent therapy tools in behavioural psychology.

You will be able to connect with women in a way that no one else has ever connected with them in their life, just by simply reflecting back what they say.

It is called demonstrating empathy and, as well as teaching it on all my courses, I use it every single day. It is awesome.


How To Talk To Women #4 – Deliberate Misinterpretation


The next way you can talk to women is similar to demonstrating empathy, but it is instead used as a way of misinterpreting what a woman says to be fun and to be playful.

  • These are really fun and entertaining
  • Simply take what a girl says and you misinterpret back to her

So if we use the example I just gave in the previous section with the girl who has started her personal training course: “So you are excited because you are learning to be a personal trainer”.

That is a pure reflection; that is when you reflect back to demonstrate empathy.

However, you can also misinterpret her words by saying: “Oh, you’re excited because you get to go to the gym and you can now chat up all the hot guys working out”


Take her words and deliberately misinterpret and reflect back to her.


In the second section of this article, I will go into more detail on how to flirt using this technique.

In your conversation skills, in your emotional intelligence, in your communication toolbox, being able to reflect back at any time and either connect or misinterpret to flirt is a powerful thing to be able to do.

Just practising those two things will ensure that you never have another boring conversation again in your entire life.

They are two of my favourite principles, and I love teaching them.

If you want to learn how to demonstrate empathy and reflect back then you can click this link to find out more – Skype online dating confidence courses.

The infographic below also provides a snapshot of the other skills and competencies that I cover on my courses.


Skype Course Infographi


How To Talk To Women #5 – Create Uncertainty


We now come to the fifth and final area of how to talk to women, and again, this is awesome.

Create uncertainty when you are speaking to women.

And what do I mean by uncertainty?

I will give you a great example from a coffee shop I was in yesterday. So I was talking to the manager there and one of the girls that he worked with came over to speak to him.

And she pointed out that she is now up to 40 hours during the week, whereas she was only doing 30 before.

And he said, “Oh great. So whose job have you taken?”

She replied, “What? I haven’t taken anyone’s job.”

He reiterated, “Well if you’re doing 40 hours, you must have done.”

Obviously, he was pulling her leg, but she really wasn’t sure. She’s thinking: Are you joking? Are you not?

What was happening during this exchange is he was creating uncertainty about what his intent was behind his spoken words.


And uncertainty gives rise to sexual tension.


Because she doesn’t know: Is he mocking me? Is he not? I don’t know.

And that uncertainty is a genuinely powerful feeling or sentiment that a girl can feel. You can start to then amp it up and just have a laugh.

So any time you can create uncertainty with a girl that you like it does the following:

  • Builds anticipation
  • Creates some mystery
  • Adds fun as she will not be too sure of your intent or meaning

Not only does it allow people to want to get to know you more, but it is also very entertaining.

My infographic below outlines other key ways that will help you build anticipation and mystery with women in conversation:


& ways to flirt with women online and face to face


Summary (Part 1)


The five ways to enhance your conversations with women:

  • #1- Take women off a flat line conversation. If you’re having a boring conversation, either compliment her or flirt with her. Please do one or the other. Don’t carry on being boring.
  • #2 – Share childhood stories to convey your depth of character. This will enable you to connect with anyone. You can do it with friends and family. You can do it with girls that you like.
  • #3 – Demonstrate empathy. You feel emotion because of reason. This also builds the first foundations of trust and will enable you to start a relationship by connecting via empathy. Awesome.
  • #4 – Misinterpret a girl by using a reflection where you take what she says and you reflect it back in a funny way. Thinking back over my courses, we’ve had some amazing reflections that still now make me laugh. Reflections are awesome and they work.
  • #5 – Create uncertainty when you are talking to a woman. You can pull her leg a little bit, she won’t know whether you’re being serious or not. This way you’re evoking an emotion in the girl. You’re taking her off the flat line. You’re being fun and you’re being interesting.

How To Talk To Women – Being Suggestive In Conversation (Section 2)


So in the second section of this article, I am going to teach you how to influence a woman’s imagination so that she becomes turned on around you in conversation.

Before we get into this, we need to distinguish the difference between influence and persuasion.

Persuasion, in essence, is when you try and change someone’s mind.

Influence, however, is the Holy Grail.


Influence is changing someone’s perspective by allowing them an opportunity to change their thinking.


I want to give you a very quick example here, say that someone declares that carbohydrates are bad for you.

You can try and persuade that person that their statement is not true by saying: “Yeah, but for some people it’s good.”

Ultimately you are wasting your time because that person has made up their mind, right?

However, if you want to influence their behaviour, if they say: “Carbohydrates are bad for you,” you would say:

“So there’s not a single person on this planet that benefits from carbohydrates?


Amplified reflections will enhance your conversational ammunition.


This is called an amplified reflection, and it is a keystone tool that I use to influence people’s behaviour, and it is very powerful.

We have now distinguished the difference between influence and persuasion which I hope you have understood.

Therefore let’s now get into the 99.9% of ways that you can turn women on by implementing exactly this.

Normally when you are speaking to women, one of the tools that you can use is called demonstrating empathy – which we covered in the earlier section.


This involves reflecting back what a girl says to you.


You can even simply call it an echo. If a girl says: “I like going to the gym, because I feel healthy,” you reiterate: “You like going to the gym because you feel healthy.

“Yes, that’s right.”

As outlined, you know when you have echoed or reflected back correctly because the girl will nod and smile, and probably say yes.

When used correctly reflections will help:

  • Continue a conversation
  • Build trust with women
  • Initiate seductive moments

A proficiency in showing empathy for others is one of the primary attributes of ‘The Empathy Builder’ – one of the main male archetypes that women find attractive. To learn about the other 4 main archetypes, take a look at my infographic below.

You can also read my article here for more detail – How To Seduce Women | The Ultimate Guide (with illustrations).


The top 5 male archetypes in men that women are attracted to.


How To Talk To Women #1 – Misinterpret What She Says


You can also use reflective listening to misinterpret someone on purpose, which again was mentioned earlier in this article. When you can misinterpret a girl as being adventurous or having a naughty side, it is extremely powerful.

So say for example a girl says: “I like going to the gym because it makes me feel healthy.”

You can misinterpret that and say: “You like going to the gym because you want to hit on all of the guys there. I knew you had a naughty side to you.

What you are doing here is you are reflecting back, but you are deliberately misinterpreting what she is saying in a way that allows you to accuse her of being sexual or having a naughty side; in effect to give it a shade of deeper meaning.

It is really fun to reflect in this manner because what you are ultimately doing is being playful, which is attractive.


You are countering what she says with something funny or amusing.


Another way in which you can misinterpret when you are first speaking to a girl is if she is holding very strong eye contact, you can say to her:

“Oh my God, you’re doing that locked-in sexual eye contact thing, you’re trying to flirt with me. God, I didn’t realise you could be this naughty after only just meeting someone.”

So, from the outset, you are calling her out on everything that she does.

You are being playful with regards to her being sexual, which will:

  • Create a bit of sexual tension
  • Influence her to open up more
  • Interject some fun energy

You will know if you are flirting effectively as she will be giving off signs that she is flirting back. In my infographic below, I have highlighted the 15 main signs a girl gives when she is flirting to be aware of:


Fifteen signs a woman is flirting and wants to talk to you


How To Talk To Women #2 – Make Challenging Statements


The second thing that you can do is make statements which challenge her about being rebellious or adventurous.

As an example, you can say: “I bet you were rebellious as a kid.” And she may respond: “Actually, I wasn’t. I was more rebellious as an adult.” 

As long as you can open the door to a woman thinking about being adventurous or rebellious, what you are beginning to then do is to lead her onto similar thoughts.

In effect, you are influencing her thoughts onto thoughts of being rebellious.

This could be any of the following as an example:

  • Skinny dipping as a kid
  • A protest against society
  • Being a goth or punk
  • Unique body piercing
  • Any other daring or adventurous actions

You can then delve further and ask: “When was the last time you were adventurous?”

You have now opened the gateway to a sexually charged conversation.

This conversation will have a very different tone from what most guys speak to her about, especially within the first few minutes of meeting her.


How To Talk To Women #3 – “Oh, I Thought You Were…” Statements


The third technique which is very easy to implement (and one that I really enjoy) is to remember this statement, “Oh, I thought you were.…”

I will explain why in a second, but just remember, “Oh, I thought you were…”

This is a great phrase, and you can finish it however you want.

Say you first meet a girl and she is reading a book. You ask: “What book are you reading?”

She replies: “Oh, this is a romance novel.”

You respond playfully: “Oh, I thought you were more intelligent than that.”

If a girl says she’s a doctor: “Oh, I thought you’d have a more intelligent job.”

Or if a girl is a personal trainer: “Oh, I thought you’d be more into fitness, I thought you’d have a higher qualification for training.

What you are doing is, whenever a girl says she is something, you say: “Oh, I thought,” and you go over her frame with something bigger, more intelligent, more adventurous, and more fun.


This immediately takes the conversation off auto-pilot.


On my dating confidence courses this is one of the best conversational techniques to build attraction because you can talk to any woman by throwing in:

“Oh, I thought,” at any time in the interaction.

It takes her off that boring flat line conversation that we spoke about earlier and makes the exchange far more interesting and intoxicating.

It begins to challenge her to be more adventurous and to be more fun.

By playfully winding her up in this way:

  • It creates more sexual tension
  • It enhances that connection
  • The more she wants to get to know you

Below I include three more ways to help you build sexual tension with any girl that you like. You can also read my article here for a more in-depth account – How To Flirt With Women | The Ultimate Guide (Top 17 Ways).


3 seduction techniques


How To Talk To Women #4 – “Are You Adventurous…?” Enquiry


Now onto my bonus way.

This is a great thing to do that will turn women on, especially on a night out, as it is a great way of being fun and playful.

So when you are on a night out and you are having a bit of fun with a girl, all you have to do is say to her: “Are you adventurous?

Most people will not like to deny this so she will respond: “Yes, I am.”

You may get the occasional girl that answers no, but for the majority of the time, they will say yes.

Because she said yes to your first question, you have now opened the gateway; you have influenced her thought to say, “Yes, I’m adventurous.”

You counter: “Okay, what can we do right now that would be adventurous?”

Sometimes a girl will say: “Oh well, we could kiss,” sometimes she may say: “We can do shots.”


You want to reject the first thing that she says because it’s funny.


So if she says: “We could shots,” you respond with: “No, I thought you said you were adventurous.”

Girl: “Oh, well, we could kiss…”

You: “Uhh, I thought you said you were adventurous.”

What you are doing here is influencing her to then think of something even more adventurous.

And as I say, all of this stuff is fun, it is not like you are taking something away from an interaction.

  • In using these techniques you are injecting some fun and some excitement to the women that you are speaking to.
  • If you are not being playful, then you are probably being boring and you are on that flat line in conversation.

If you are someone that struggles to go up and approach a girl that you like, then take a look at my infographic below for advice on how to tackle this fear.

I would also suggest you read my article by clicking the following link – Beat The Fear Of Approaching Women | Overcome Your Anxiety (forever)


3 ways to help overcome approach anxiety and speak to women


Summary (Part 2)


A brief overview of the four main takeaways from this article:

  • #1 – You can echo back what a woman says, but you misinterpret it on purpose. And if you can misinterpret it as her being sexual or having a naughty side, that’s very powerful.
  • #2 – Make statements which challenge her, so being rebellious or being adventurous. Again, a great tool to induce some fun.
  • #3 – Make “Oh, I thought you were…” statements to be more adventurous, more fun, and more intelligent. Pick whatever it is, have fun with it and go and try it with someone you know today. You will get a fun response.
  • #4 – Ask a girl: “Are you adventurous?” If she says yes, then: “What can we do right now that would be adventurous?” And in answer to whatever she responds: “Hmm, I thought you said you were adventurous, think of something better.”

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