How To Text Women | Top 10 Strategies (Updated 2021)

How To Text Women | Top 10 Strategies (Updated 2021)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I am going to teach you how to text women more effectively using techniques that I teach in my dating confidence courses.

You will learn:

  • A powerful tool that will change the way you text women (forever)
  • How to use simple grammar rules to enhance your text dialogue with women (with examples)
  • The best strategies for texting women (that work)

Understanding how and what to text women to generate that perfect response of provocative engagement is a skill that you can learn. It will elevate the response rate you get from women and as a result your dating interactions.

How you text women is linked to your ability to attract and date women. For help in this area review our client testimonials and book onto our next dating confidence course. Watch them on YouTube here: Dating confidence course for men reviews:

Daygame dating course for men to regain confidence

How to text a girl you like and keep the conversation going?

A great way to text a girl you like and ensure the conversation stays engaging is to make sure that you are not available all of the time.

It may sound counterintuitive but only texting women back during allotted slots throughout the day (otherwise known as intermittent texting) is an effective dating strategy.

Intermittent texting

It not only conveys that you have a busy lifestyle – which is an attractive character trait; it also lets you relax during long periods of your day where you can remain uninterrupted in working towards your goals.

If you contrast this with the direct opposite; an insecure man who is always available at a moment’s notice. This will help you appreciate the value of having allocated time slots for texting.

Having set time parameters will ensure you:

  • Are more resourceful with your time
  • See the compounding difference of being less available
  • Convey to women that you have an attractive busy lifestyle

Another added bonus is that you can also use intermittent texting when sending messages online dating.

How to use intermittent texting

Initially, you need to get used to only responding to text messages in set hours throughout the day.

Step 1 – Select 3 x 1-hour windows

This may initially feel uncomfortable but you will soon begin to feel a sense of ease because you are only ‘available’ at a set time. Accordingly, it will allow you to relax more during your day to day activities.

For instance, you can choose:

  • 12pm-1pm
  • 5pm-6pm
  • 9pm-10pm

Once you are comfortable using intermittent texting, you can then go one step further and put bigger boundaries in place to ensure you are more relaxed and less available. And so you can look to decrease your allocated time slots as you see fit, perhaps even dropping to only one solid hour to respond to any messages.

Texting this way will make you:

  • More relaxed in your outlook
  • Less reactive to the digital world
  • Able to respond with more thought to your messages

Setting boundaries

Now imagine the control you can generate in your dialogue with the world; to build from this solid foundation to set more boundaries in place for the rest of your daily activities.

Above all, the ability to set boundaries is one of the main characteristics that attractive men embody.

For this reason, I have designed the following infographic to give you more awareness of the other attractive qualities to attain in your interactions with women. You can also read my dating tips for men article where I outline each of the 9 qualities and how to develop each respectively.

9 techniques that attractive men use online dating and also face to face

What should I text a girl I like?

There are so many different options of what to text a girl you like. In fact, I recommend not sending prescribed messages to women as you do not want to deviate too far from your personality and what comprises your character. Instead, I advocate using specific techniques to enhance your messages whilst still being true to who you are.

This is why I want to show you how to use the correct grammar when messaging women – as when you add specific punctuation to your messages they become more engaging and intriguing to women.

To sum up, if you use the following grammar you will find that your message response rate will dramatically increase.

Bold – to emphasise a word

This is a really good tool to add some depth to your online conversations.

For instance; “Hmm… I’m not convinced that you can handle a 5k run.”

“Italics with inverted commas” – for quoting someone

This can be utilised for quoting something a girl has already said, or you can take a quote from a famous person to add some humour into our dating interaction. So rather than replying automatically to a girl’s message, you can respond with a fun quote.

For example:

Girl – “So do you think your event will be a success?”

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” Albert Einstein

Girl – “I’m trying to remember everything for my exam tomorrow.”

“The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.” Albert Einstein

(Brackets) – include information that isn’t necessary to the main point

These are perfect to use if you cannot fit what you are trying to say into the main flow of the interaction.

“I bet that you’re going to study economics at university (not that you currently know anything about it)”

“I’ll meet you at 1 pm (by the cafe where we met)

Exclamation point – indicates a strong emotion!

Only use one! If you use too many it comes across as harsh and try-hard!!!! A single exclamation point is powerful when implemented correctly.

“I highly doubt that!”


PS – is an afterthought

This is great to inject some humour into the interaction especially when you are organising a date.

For example:

“I can do Monday at 6 pm or Wednesday at 7 pm for cocktails; which one works best? PS we both know you’ll only be able to handle one!”

“Sure sounds good. PS I expect I’ll be 10 minutes late as usual.”

Improve your dating results

The above texting techniques are all designed to improve your texting and online interactions with women. Yet, if you would like side-by-side assistance in improving your dating results (both online and face-to-face), this is something we can help you with.

As outlined in the image below we can teach you how to flirt with women. To find out more about our tuition then you can visit our live training page.

Model next to three ways to flirt with women

What to text a girl to keep her interested?

There are various different ways to keep a girl interested over text message. Below you will find my top 10 principles for texting women that you can use whether online dating, texting women or also via mobile dating apps.

Using these principles will undoubtedly improve your message response rate. They will also be of great help in organising to meet women again in person.

Play the Questions Game

This is a great game to play that allows you to get to know women in a simple and easy manner. The game is also perfect for first dates and can be played in group settings. An added bonus is that it can be played on dating apps at the start of new conversations and also act as a bridge between real-life meetings.

“Let’s play a fun game; there are only 3 rules …

  • First rule – You ask me the first question
  • Second rule – I ask you one back
  • Third rule – It can’t be the same question that we ask each other

Ok, you can start …”

However, remember when playing this game via text that you also ensure that you are implementing the rest of your text messaging strategies for full effect.

Once you have organised that first date with a girl, take a look at my infographic below outlining tips that will help make your date more memorable. You can read my first date tips article to learn more about this.

3 ways to flirt during a first date

Use statements in your texts

The main point here is to avoid entering interview mode by asking women lots of questions one after the other. Questions tend to turn women off as because they have likely been asked the same ones hundreds of times already.

Some questions are fine to ask but, generally speaking, statements are more powerful and ensure you are adding value to the conversation.

  • “I bet you are from Greece”
  • “You seem more boring than adventurous
  • “I bet you are into yoga!”

Statements add a more dynamic feel to your text messaging strategy – and can easily be utilised in online dating too. To learn other online dating tips to elevate your messages to women take a look at my infographic below. I recommend also reading my complete online dating tips article.

9 different ways to send online dating messages to women

Use mystery in your texts

Remember the aim here is to have fun with your text dialogue with women. One great way of playfully teasing a girl is whenever she asks you a question you can employ the principle of being vague and mysterious. Leading the interaction in a fun manner like this can often lead to flirting and represents the beginning seeds of sexual tension.

As an example when a woman asks you where you are from, you can respond with the following:

  • “I’ll give you three guesses”
  • “It begins with an E”
  • “I’m surprised you can’t work it out!”

If, however, you do not have the confidence to implement this strategy with women then my infographic below will help you. I would also suggest reading my how to stop being the nice guy article to learn how to have a more confident frame around women.

Five ways to become confident around women

Use dictionary definitions

This is a powerful tool if a girl uses an unusual or particularly emotive word. Simply copy and paste the google dictionary definition in your message.

For example, if a girl says:

“Oh my God, the food there is delicious and yummy.”

All you have to do is go to an online dictionary, type in the word “yummy” and then copy and paste the definition.

This usually generates a fun response from women and forms part of an overall seduction. To learn more about what seduction is I have included my infographic below. You can also read my seduction techniques article to find out how to generate more seductive moments with the women that you date.

5 ways to seduce a woman

Use roleplay in your texts

Roleplays are a great way to keep the flow of an interaction between real-life meetings. The aim is to keep the fire burning by using some fun emotional dialogue when messaging women.

As an example, you can use a roleplay about being her boss or going on holiday together. Yet remember the aim is to keep the roleplays lighthearted and engaging:

Girl – “I’m running ten minutes late.”

Us – “If you were my secretary you’d be fired…unless you can give me an appropriate reason to keep you...”

So you can see how role-plays add another dimension to your text message strategy. One thing to bear in mind, however, is to try and avoid expressing negative traits in your messaging as it can put women off immediately.

I have created the following infographic to highlight the negative qualities you should try and avoid when speaking to women. To learn more read my related dating coach for men article.

9 signs of male insecurity that turn women off

Use ellipses in messages

Three dots are the best way to add mystery and depth to your messages…

They allow you to keep the dialogue open and for women to interpret your message as they see fit. As well as offering another way to add some mystery to your texting, it lets women respond quickly as they can never be too sure what you mean.

Using three dots also makes it easier for women to reply to your messages without asking them direct questions.

For example:

  • “I bet you’re a psychologist…”
  • “I’m not convinced you’re fun on a night out…”
  • “Hmmm, I’m doubtful…”

As a general rule, try and make sure that you balance flirting with connecting in your conversations with women. My infographic below outlines how to manage this to perfection. You can also read my related how to talk to women article to find out how to attain this balance in your own dating interactions.

4 expert ways to talk to women

Point out her spelling mistakes

Any time a girl makes a spelling mistake or an obvious grammatical error it is fun to point it out. The reason for this is because you are playfully conveying your intelligence by illuminating her error.

For example:

  • “It’s “their” not “they’re”
  • “I think you’ll find it’s “tomorrow”
  • “Your last message made no logical sense”

A word of caution here – if you then make an error yourself be prepared for the girl to highlight it right back.

Being playful around the woman that you like is a great way to ensure that she remembers you positively. To find out more ways to influence women to think about you see my infographic below. You can also read my how to speak to women article for more detail on each point.

5 conversational techniques that will make her remember you

How to set up a date via text?

Preferably, you want to set up any future date when you are still in the physical presence of the girl during that initial introduction. If this is not possible then you can use false choices to allow a woman to select one of two potential date times.

Remember that you want to make it as easy as possible for her to agree to see you again in person; so in limiting the options to two choices, you are making it simple for the girl to commit to seeing you again if she wants to.

For example:

  • “I’m free Saturday for a coffee at 3 pm or can do cocktails Tuesday at 7 pm; which one works best for you…”
  • “I’m going shopping on Saturday at 11 am and the Tate Sunday at 2 pm; join me for one … not both though 😊)”

Considering that the costs associated with dating can easily add up, I have created the following infographic to give you some useful ways to save money. You will also find some great first date suggestions that do not cost a penny in my related how to save money dating article.

5 ways to save money dating and improve your dates with women

Use conversational threading

When you are giving information to women via text messages you want to ensure that you are building value in the interaction. Imagine the conversation to be like a log fire that needs feeding with more fuel. This fuel is anything that conveys intelligence, creativity or leadership.

“That reminds me of when I was last in Barcelona and did a walking tour; the guide was really funny too. I bet you’ve never done a walking tour…”

Again remember to avoid being negative or judgemental in your messages as this tends to highlight your insecurities and can put women off.

If you do find that a girl does not respond back to your message then my infographic below will give you some guidance on what to do. You can also read my what to text when a girl doesn’t reply article to learn more on how to manage this.

Three actions to take when a girl doesn't reply to your messages

Employ challenges in your messages

This is my favourite part of text dialogue as we only tend to ask questions when we want to know more about someone. So when women ask us questions, we can be playful with our response and, most importantly, withhold the information that they want.

This is a really effective way to influence women to become more invested in an interaction. Therefore when a girl asks you a question you can use this as an opportunity to be playful and let the interaction flourish.

  • “I’ll give you three guesses…get it right and the first cocktail is on me…”
  • “Take three guesses…get it right and the coffee is on me”
  • “I’ll give you three guesses…get it right and I’ll take you bouldering”

In short, challenges are attractive to women because they demonstrate that you do not need their validation. As outlined in the image below we can teach you how to stop validation-seeking around women and become more attractive. To find out more about our training visit our live training page and see what different coaching options we offer.

Model next to three ways to stop chasing women


  • Intermittent texting – only text women during allocated times of the day like 12 pm-1 pm and 7 pm-9 pm
  • Bold text – this is a way to emphasise words and add some depth to your written language
  • Italics with inverted commas – these are fun tools for flirting when you want to “quote” a girl’s previous message
  • Brackets – a perfect means for adding a throwaway section (to your main message)
  • Exclamation point – a powerful instrument for a big point – only ever use one!
  • PS – this is great for an afterthought. PS especially when adding some humour
  • Statements – turn your questions into statements (it is what confident men do)
  • Mystery – do not answer women’s questions directly as this starts to build intrigue
  • Ellipsis – a great way to end a sentence and leave it open for a reply…
  • Correct their spelling – reply to their messages by correcting any spelling to initiate flirting
  • Photos – sending photos instead of text messages mixes up your conversation

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is the bestselling author of An Education In (Online) Dating.

He has hosted over 1000 dating confidence courses in the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 courses conducted online.

Moreover, he is the head coach at Social Attraction and leads the team, training and courses.
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