Make The Women Yours | The Only Guide You Will Ever Need (full stop)

Make The Women Yours | The Only Guide You Will Ever Need (full stop)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

Welcome back to today’s episode where we’re going to be examining Tony Montana from the Scarface film from 1983. Now he’s a very interesting character and the film really portrays a fascinating life journey and how power can affect you in a good way, but also in a negative way. So there’s a quote which he says, which is, it’s really interesting, he says, “First the money, then the power, then the women.” And once you understand that about the character, you can see what his drives are towards his view of what success are.

Now the film, it’s an absolute classic. Obviously it’s like 35 years old and the character is revered. A lot of people love him, love the film. It’s actually on for nearly three hours, the film. So the fact they’re still doing so well nowadays and people still talk about it means that there’s something about this character that we’re all intrinsically drawn to.

Typically, I find that it’s more men that are drawn to this character than women, which is obviously an interesting discussion as well. But some of his character traits, the fact that he came from nothing and he was an assassin and he set his sights on becoming the number one guy. And you can see that he didn’t really have much fear and he was willing to die for what it was. And that’s interesting in itself, right? There are a few scenes where he’s put in a really tough predicament, for example, his mate has just been sawed up with an electric saw and it’s pretty nasty and he’s not wavering and he’s not scared. And I think that’s interesting.

This guy just wasn’t afraid to go after what he wanted, even when he was faced with death it was a price that he was willing to pay.

And that’s really where his strength of character comes from because it’s like, well, what can you do to this guy? If he’s not scared of death, then how can you really affect him? And there’s a real strength of character there. It’s interesting as well if you look at philosophy they often talk about planning your own death, or not necessarily planning it, I’m not talking about suicide, but being aware that one day you are going to die and coming to terms with it and accepting it.

And once you’ve accepted that your life is finite, that then allows you to not be scared by it. And especially in the West, we have absolutely no education whatsoever as to what death is. And as we grow up, we encounter it with a family member or friend and it really impacts us emotionally in many different ways. And certainly, from my own experiences of this, I think that an understanding of exactly what death is and realising that our time is finite certainly allows you to cope with other people’s passing.

But also it allows you to just not be scared because if you think about it if you’re not afraid of death than how many more things are you going to stand up for in your life where typically we might shy away from something because we’re a little bit scared? But the ultimate fear really is dying, once you get rid of that your whole life changes.

And certainly, with the character Scarface, he’s just not scared.

And there are many scenes where they zoom in on his eyes and you can just see the intensity and the desire of not caring. And I think that’s something we can all learn from. So it’s like, just to take away from that aspect of his archetype is don’t be afraid of standing up and going after what you’re after.

The second personality trait, which I think is amazing about him is that he had a real vision of what he wanted and then he basically worked towards it. So, he wanted to become the main guy. And again, he wasn’t scared about competition. He wasn’t scared about his boss. He made a decision that I really want to go after this. And the end result is power and obviously then money. And it obviously culminated in the scene where he ends up killing his boss and then becoming the main man.

And that’s actually a really fascinating scene or part of his life because there’s a scene directly afterwards where he looks up in the sky and there’s a blimp that says the world is yours. And that’s really the imagery for someone who’s achieved everything that he wanted in his life. And that’s really the point where his life begins to actually fade because what made him a great character was his drive and determination and really going after and not being scared of what he wants.

But when he actually got there and he achieved everything, there’s only one place down from there.

And then you start to begin to see the other sides of his character. So in the scene directly afterwards, I think he’s sat in a jacuzzi and he’s not really striving, he lost who he was. And that’s an interesting lesson about goal setting and developing your life, right? So if you just set yourself one goal, obviously you can strive to be there. And from my perspective, that’s what makes you attractive, right? It’s the person that’s not afraid to go after what they want. It’s the striving that makes you attractive.

It’s not the end destination because once you get there, you lose all that drive and motivation, which is exactly what happened to him.So something that we can learn from that character is set yourself a goal which however high you feel confident with, but once you’ve got there or nearly there, you need to change your goal or maybe go after something different that’s going to keep you striving and keep you developing.

Because after this it was really, you see the demise of his power and his life and how it starts affecting him when he starts being more recreational, taking more drugs, taking more risks, not really keeping an eye on his business when he was passing it on to his friend. And obviously, the film culminates with him being left by himself and then dying after killing his best mate and his sister.

So it’s like as an archetype, I can see why it’s exciting to a lot of people because this is like a power-hungry guy that achieved success. But at the same point, we also begin to see what that power can lead to in your life and how it can affect you.

So the other area I think we can draw on there is having boundaries in place. And it’s like, why, once you’ve achieved a certain amount, say it’s financially, or even give an example of training at the gym, once you’ve achieved a certain amount there becomes a point where you think, okay, I’ve achieved enough in this one area of my life, perhaps I should be looking at developing something else. And really it’s about setting boundaries in place.

And I certainly talk about this on my training courses because it’s like, a lot of people when they speak to me on the phone about attending a course, they’re like, “How many girls am I going to approach and talk to today?” And it’s like, well, that’s the wrong way of looking at it. There’s a certain amount which is within a boundary, which is good. So why would you not just rather talk to three or four girls and have a really good interaction rather than chasing and chasing and chasing?

Certainly, after you’ve had a few good interactions on the day, there is a boundary in place where actually today we’ve done well, we’ve learned, let’s maybe look at developing another area or maybe try a different approach. But I think we all need to be globally aware that being so specifically driven by one goal your whole life is not healthy. And there is the yin and the yang and the opposite side to every great characteristic. And obviously with Tony Montana, it was his hunger for power, but as we see it also leads to his demise.

Just going slightly one level deeper about the archetypal figure of power is obviously it comes from insecurity. So specifically with Scarface he came from absolute poverty and he wanted to, he had to drive to fill that insecurity and to become the man.

And again, what he didn’t recognise is that it was filling the insecurity that made him great. It wasn’t actually the achievement of his goal. And I think that’s, is such an interesting concept that we don’t really discuss because normally we’re so focused on achieving one specific thing and this one thing is going to change our life. And it’s not really the achieving of it, as I say, it’s more the striving, the developing along the way.

And if we put this specifically on to meeting women, a lot of us when we meet a girl is looking for some instant gratification. So we’re like, okay, we meet this girl, right, let’s get her out tonight, or let’s see her and bish bash, bosh, let’s do this as quickly as we can. And there’s a certain amount of letting things naturally occur. If you look at anything in nature seeds don’t just sprout in one day and become huge, right? And if you look at any example of nature, it’s always the same, things take time.

There’s the spring, summer, autumn and winter, which we have obviously seasons of where things are in their growth. And then the decay and then the rebirth and growth again. So we see this all through nature and specifically, when we’re looking at meeting more women, one thing that we can derive from this is to not be so desperate and looking for short term gratification.

There is a process to nature, there’s a certain speed to it and we can’t really speak to up even though a lot of us try to and we’re desperate to.

So taking that into mind is also an interesting concept of just be more relaxed, things don’t need to happen right now or this instant. Yes, as long as you’re taking actions towards your goals, which obviously I recommend, but there’s a certain amount of boundary that you need to put in place where perhaps if you are meeting a girl tonight, put a boundary in place, you were fine before you met her. So, “Okay, well I’m busy this week, but maybe we can hook up next week, or we can go and do this next Thursday.” That gap and that lack of desperation is really understanding how the world revolves and how and where we fit into it.

I was doing a, what did I learn? And what can I add? From a training course that I did this weekend and it was really interesting because the guy that I was coaching was quite a young guy and very successful. He was 21 years old and pretty well had a self-sufficient business. He achieved all of his business goals and business dreams at a very young age and had the luxury of buying a nice sports car and realising that that didn’t actually help him with women, which again is quite interesting because a lot of us have this preconceived idea that once you are a success that that’s when women come to you.

And that’s not true, it’s more the case of striving towards something. And it’s one of the reasons why he took my course because he wanted to look at self-development and how he can develop his life to become a better human being. And he’s definitely on the right lines because obviously he’s achieved success, but he’s realised at a very young age, oh hang on a minute, this hasn’t given me what I want.

And we were discussing different areas in his life, which he can develop perhaps looking at a creative endeavour such as public speaking a bit more, but just a way of striving towards something else that he cares about.

And again, that’s just a great example of someone who has got the achievement and they’ve got the power yet they’re not getting the women as Tony Montana would say.

So obviously I think Scarface is a fantastic example of goal setting, striving towards something, not being afraid to fail and really going after it. But I think the one characteristic he was lacking was having a boundary in place and being able to move on and develop other areas of his life. But listen, it’s a film, and it’s a great film at that.

So obviously it’s, wouldn’t have been so good had it have ended the way I’m suggesting, but I just think there’s a lot of learning lessons from that character. And anyone that’s drawn towards him, I think that the lessons in this episode are extremely relevant. So, I hope you have enjoyed today’s episode and I will catch you tomorrow.


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