Meditation | Seven Practices To Make You More Attractive (updated 2024)
In the first part of this article, I will go over a beginner’s guide to meditation, where I answer common questions for anyone who is new to meditating.
- Initial steps to start meditating
- The optimal length of time a practice last should
- Breathing techniques
- How to stop your mind from wondering
In this second section, I share seven meditation practices that make you a more attractive man.
Above all, for me, meditation means freedom. It means clarity of thinking and no emotional turmoil. You will find that incorporating meditation into your daily routine will only enhance your life for the better.
Table of Contents
Meditation is a subtle and powerful practice, a way of exploring the depths of our own consciousness and connecting with the universe around us. It is a journey of self-discovery and transformation, a way of unlocking the infinite potential that lies within each of us.
At its core, meditation is a deeply human experience, rooted in our innate capacity for mindfulness and awareness. It is a way of quieting the chatter of our minds and tuning in to the subtle rhythms and energies of the world around us.
Meditation is a practice that can take many forms, from sitting in silence to walking in nature to practicing yoga or other physical disciplines. But at its essence, it is a way of cultivating presence and connection, of awakening to the present moment and opening ourselves up to the mysteries of life.
Through the practice of meditation, we can learn to let go of our attachments and fears, to release the burdens of the past and the anxieties of the future. We can connect with the deeper truths and meanings of our lives, and find a sense of peace and clarity that eludes us in the frenetic pace of modern life.
Yet meditation is not always an easy or comfortable practice. It can be challenging to sit with our own thoughts and emotions, to confront the deeper truths and fears that lie within us. It requires patience and discipline, a willingness to confront our own limitations and embrace the unknown.
Ultimately, meditation is a complex and multifaceted practice, encompassing a range of spiritual and philosophical traditions. But at its core, it is a way of awakening to the infinite potential that lies within each of us, and connecting with the universal energy that animates us all.
A beginner’s guide to meditation (23 Q&A’s) – part 1
The first stages of learning any new principle can be challenging. It is important to have a roadmap in front of you to avoid or resolve any issues you may come across on your journey.
For this reason, I have collated 23 questions that I have been asked in my meditation courses. I will go through them one at a time to offer you a roadmap for learning the ancient and profound art of meditation.
What should I do if I keep falling asleep when meditating?
When I first started meditating around 10 years ago, I would fall asleep every single time. I would meditate on my bed; I would calm my nervous system and then I would just fall asleep.
This was great because at that time I was stressed and burned out, which are often key reasons why many of us initially turn to meditation.
Rest and recuperation
If you are a beginner and you are falling asleep when you are meditating, it is fine. However, if you want to ensure you don’t fall asleep, you can get yourself a meditation cushion. This is a cushion you sit on with your legs crossed in front of you. Being in an upright position prevent will you from falling asleep.
At this stage though, my view is if you fall asleep, then don’t fight it. Your body needs sleep. After a while, you will begin (like I did) to fall asleep less and instead to enter into the meditation aspect more.
Should I always meditate in the same place?
Personally, I love meditating in my meditation chamber, which is a specific room in my house dedicated to meditation and relaxation. It is a calm, safe and relaxed place for me. Moreover, my nervous system decompresses as soon as I enter the room.
This is effective because when I leave this room and go out and about in my usual way, and if I start feeling stressed or anxious, I can then think about this room – or return to it – and my nervous system calms.
Therefore, if you are a beginner at meditation, my advice is to have an area designated for meditation. This could be a separate room or a little corner somewhere in your house or flat where you feel relaxed, comfortable and secure. This helps you form a positive association with your meditation space.
Importantly the more that you can meditate in the same place, the more your system gets used to being there. Each time you meditate, you become automatically calmer. So yes meditating in a specific area is hugely beneficial.
Eyes open or closed when meditating?
If you are new to meditation keep your eyes closed because you want minimal distractions. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. If you are struggling with noise then I recommend using earplugs to start with until you are at the level where outside noises no longer affect your practice. So initially begin with your eyes closed. As you get more advanced, you can progress to opening your eyes.
Personally, I love opening my eyes during meditations. By having my eyes open and looking at myself in a mirror during emotional clearances (which I cover later in the article), I can see slight movements in my facial expressions. This offers me an insight into the emotion that I am feeling and, crucially, helps me to clear away toxic emotions and associations from my past. More on this later.
One of the other reasons for closing our eyes is that it helps to shut off our analytical minds. This can be a notable issue with intelligent men in their dating life. See my infographic below for more information.
How often should I meditate?
If you are new to meditating, I advocate twice a week. You do not want to do more than that because you run the risk of forcing it. It may then develop into a boring chore instead of being an enjoyable spiritual practice. I have made this mistake in the past where I forced myself to meditate every single day. It is not the right way to go about forming a new habit.
Meditating in the morning is ideal as you are less likely to be distracted; it makes it the most important task of the day.
- Avoid meditating every day
- Meditate a few times a week
Once you start with twice a week, as you begin to enjoy the process more, you can then build up to three times, four times, five times, depending on your needs. Think of it like exercise: You do not want to just jump in, having never done it and try and do it seven days a week. This does not work, and it is the same with meditation.
How long should I meditate for?
For a beginner, I think 20 minutes is enough going up to 40 minutes, but 20 minutes as a minimum is fine.
Set a time: I have 20 minutes to dedicate to this.
Giving yourself any longer will cause your mind to wander as there is no clear end time to your meditative practice. Therefore, keep it short as it permits your mind to know that it can let go for this short time.
As you build trust and familiarity, you will be able to increase this time constraint. But, in sum, a 20-minute window is a good timeframe for a beginner.
What is the best type of breathing for someone new to meditation?
The best type of meditative breathing is nasal breathing. You take three powerful and fast breaths in through your nose, then you exhale through your mouth with a sigh.
In effect taking a fast breath in through your nose:
- Allows you to release tension from your body
- Gives you a strong oxygen exchange
- Helps you to calm down straight away
Once you have finished these three breaths, close your eyes and breathe in. Simply focus on the breath: breathe in through your nose and out through your nose slowly.
These three breaths form a quick way to relax your mind and body. After that, you move into slow nasal breathing. You will find a video tutorial on this later in the article.
How do you clear your mind?
The easiest way to calm your mind is to focus on your breath. If you want to be more creative you can meditate to a candle flame in a dark room. The more that you can focus on that flame and not be distracted, the more you will enter into a meditative state.
Think of a meditative state as any situation where you lose time. If you look at a candle and it felt like 10 seconds, yet was actually five minutes, then you attained a meditative state. If you enjoy hiking and it felt like 10 minutes had passed, but in actual fact, it was an hour again you were in a meditative state.
I struggle to find time for meditating, can you recommend a good place to start?
I recommend it first thing in the morning because the longer you leave it in the day, the more your energy gets used up. This means the less likely you are to do it. Also if you are struggling for time, meditating in the morning will make a huge and beneficial difference to your day.
I will stress that if you are meditating in bed it can be easy to fall back asleep. This is why I set my alarm, wake up, leave my bed and meditate somewhere else.
- Do not leave meditating until bedtime
- Instead, meditate in the morning to begin your day
Another point I want to bring to your attention is the fact that we always find time to do what we desire.
What do you do when your mind wanders, do you go with it or do you draw your attention back?
That depends on the type of meditation practice that you are doing. If you are new to meditating and you simply want to learn how to calm your nervous system; every time your mind wanders, bring it back.
If you are using a candle and you are looking at the flame; every time it wanders, just bring it back. After a while, you condition yourself to focus on the flame.
Likewise, if you are focusing on your breath; every time your mind wanders, bring it back. If it wanders for five minutes, do not worry too much. Simply bring it back. Try not to put pressure on yourself as it should be an enjoyable experience.
This practice will have amazing benefits in your life:
- Your focus will be better
- Your anxiety will be less
- You will feel more energetic and vibrant
What’s the best pose for meditation, is it lying down, sitting or walking?
As a beginner, you need the least amount of distractions possible. This means either a sitting or a lying down meditation. I also recommend closing your eyes. Walking meditations are awesome. But, in my experience, you should get used to meditating in a seated or lying position first.
Once you are accustomed to meditating in a reclined position, you can then try meditating outside using your breath. This is, of course, more difficult because you are now taking it outside to the real world.
So, initially try and get used to doing it a couple of times a week for a month or two. The intention is to get used to the techniques without distractions. Following this, you can then move on to an outdoor or walking meditation if you want to.
Is it better to meditate in the morning or the evening?
As a beginner, definitely the morning because you are priming yourself for the day by relaxing your mind. And arguably, how we start our day mentally is how our mind will cope throughout the day.
Moreover, when we are learning a new skill, it requires focus and energy and when we have just awoken, we tend to be better rested. If we wait until later in the day, life tends to get in the way and we can run out of time.
For me, starting my day with meditation sets up the day better. Also, my first thought is one of relaxation as opposed to checking my emails or my phone. These are powerful reasons to meditate in the morning.
How do I know if I am meditating the right way?
There is no right or wrong way to meditate. Meditation is a journey of self-discovery. Over time, you will learn why you have been meditating a certain way – this can even offer an insight into your insecurities.
For instance, I meditated for 10 years on emotional trauma, because I needed it at that time of my life. The fact that I was drawn to this type of practice offers an insight into my character.
Gain insight into yourself
You might feel like you are lost because you go off on these tangents and try different things, like using a candle or playing relaxing music in the background or adopting various reclined positions. This is completely fine. Some things will work for you. Some things won’t.
In my experience, if you are meditating two or three times a week, you cannot go wrong. Because you must explore an area to know that it did not work for you. This is what allows you to come back.
So experiment, try something your way, own it. The more that you make the meditation practice unique to you, the more likely you are to do it.
Can meditation help with anxiety over financial worries?
It certainly can help you. Firstly, whenever you are worried about anything, it is because you have hyper-focused attention on it. This gives you anxiety. The more you focus on the concern, the more anxious it is going to make you. To elaborate, if you have this impending deadline where you are going to run out of money, that is incredibly stressful and will make you anxious.
Here is a technique that helps to remove anxiety. In truth, I wish everyone knew about this technique as it is life-changing:
- Close your eyes and breathe through your nose slowly
- Bring up your feeling of financial worry
- Label where you feel it in your body
- Give the feeling a colour
- Breathe through your nose and focus on the colour until it dissipates
- Think back to your financial worry and the intensity of your anxiety will have subsided
I cover this in more detail later in the emotional clearance meditation.
In a nutshell, when we calm down and relax our emotions we can make more logical and rational decisions. So yes, without a doubt it can help with financial difficulties because it allows us to keep our composure and to remain calm.
How to meditate for anxiety?
This is a huge topic. Most people who meditate regularly would not claim that it will change their anxiety for life. However, meditation can be a good distraction for people who have anxiety. It offers an effective coping mechanism to help manage it.
For those looking to completely eradicate anxiety from their life, it is likely that you would require a more advanced technique to address the root cause of the anxiety.
Nonetheless, in my view, meditation can make you feel better. Importantly, you are doing two things here:
- You are distracting yourself from the anxiety
- You are calming your nervous system
These two actions will fundamentally change your level of anxiety. The technique I described in the section above can also help you. Additionally, I have a video on emotional clearances later in this article which shows you how to reduce anxiety in your life.
How to meditate deeply?
You simply need to give yourself more time. So, as you start with 20, 30-minute meditations, over time, you will then be able to enter into that zone where you feel like you are in a meditative state. The more that you can hold onto that feeling – and the longer you hold onto it – the deeper that meditation is going to be.
Then as you peel back the layers through the meditative practices which I am teaching in part 2 of this article, you will move deeper and deeper towards attaining your inner peace and calm.
How to meditate in bed?
Anytime in the day when you are feeling anxious or stressed or worried, go and lie in bed. Lie down, calm your nervous system by breathing through your nose and simply enjoy the process. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself when you are meditating in bed. Simply lie down, breathe in and out through your nose, focus on the breath and calm your nerves. If you fall asleep. Great. If you don’t, then you will still be focusing on calming yourself down.
In time, you may find that you want to meditate sitting down instead of lying down. The pros of a seated meditation are:
- You tend to feel emotions in your system more
- You can focus on the emotions and clear them effectively
- Your body will be in alignment for accessing emotions when you enter a more complex practice
But when you are new to the practice then meditating in bed is better than not meditating at all.
What is a good waking up meditation?
A good waking-up meditation starts by getting out of bed. Go to a different area in your house where you can meditate, sit down and then focus on pacifying your nervous system. Breathe through your nose and begin to relax.
Doing a visualisation is also an option. So, after you have calmed down for a few minutes, visualise your day going well. Think about being optimistic. You can also reflect on what you are grateful for in your life. In sum, think of the morning as priming yourself for the day.
Another option is to do a morning walking meditation. Simply go for a 20-minute walk and breathe through your nose and calm your system down before your day starts. That is going to make a profound difference to the rest of your day.
What is supposed to happen when you meditate?
The intention is to calm down and relax your nervous system. Initially, if you are meditating and your mind is wandering all over the show, then calming it down a little bit is a great start. Over time you will get better at calming down faster.
In truth, as long as you are soothing your system, you will begin to feel the benefits of meditation across your life and general mental wellbeing. Importantly, it also gives you distance and objectivity to self-reflect on your life.
What are the best meditation techniques and exercises?
There is one that will change your life – which is the fundamental one that I teach my clients who wish to learn. I, myself, more or less do this particular practice every day because it makes such a difference to my life.
- Breathe in through your nose
- Scan your body: Where am I feeling any discomfort?
- Give it a colour
- Focus on this colour until it starts to move around and eventually turn white
If you do this one meditation practice, your whole life will improve because you are beginning to heal your body. You are beginning to listen to your system.
Listen to yourself
I had post-traumatic stress after a car accident that nearly killed me when I was 18 years old. Scanning my body and clearing away the trapped emotions healed my chronic back pain and PSTD (post-traumatic stress disorder).
When I started listening to my body and, in a meditative practice, bringing up those feelings attached to it, my neck pain subsided. I was able to pull my shoulders back. I felt calm and relaxed.
Simply listening to your body and allowing those feelings and emotions to come up will fundamentally change your life.
What to think during meditation?
Generally, when someone has a thought, they may act on it straight away. So you have a thought and you react emotionally. With meditation, you can break that association and therefore respond rationally instead.
In fact, the more you practice meditation, what happens is you begin to observe your thoughts and be less influenced by them. You can then face situations with less emotion and with more objectivity. This makes for a more serene outlook on life.
What are you thinking about when you are meditating?
In truth, you are not thinking. You are more observing what is going on. This may sound a bit hippy-dippy but I would say as a beginner, simply start meditating. Start calming your nervous system, calming your mind. The more you do that, the more my words will make sense.
Eventually, you will find that when thoughts come up you are no longer so influenced by them. Moreover, you will respond to thoughts, rather than react to them.
Benefits of a calm outlook
When you are calmer, here are some of the things that happen:
- Your eye contact with people improves
- You become more of a stoic in your thinking
- You are less overwhelmed as feel more time is available
In essence, the absence of thought creates space in your mind and, as a result, also in your life.
What are your best meditation tips for beginners?
Thinking back to when I first started meditation, I was in a situation of emotional pain. Meditating allowed me to feel better. So, if you are a beginner, one of my tips would be to meditate when you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed.
It is simple: You feel terrible, therefore you meditate, resulting in you feeling better.
By doing this, you condition your mind and your system to enjoy meditating.
How to focus on your breath during meditation?
When you breathe in through your nose you will feel cold air entering into your body through your nostrils. All you have to do is to focus on this cold sensation as a way of calming your mind.
Every time your mind wanders you bring it back to the cold air entering into your system.
This way, wherever you are in the world, and whatever you are doing, you can focus on your breath and it will begin to calm your nervous system and to remove anxiety.
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Written by Gary Gunn
Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.
He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.
As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.