Meeting Women | Three Main Facts (that no one else will tell you about)

Meeting Women | Three Main Facts (that no one else will tell you about)

Meeting Women | Three Main Facts (that no one else will tell you about)

Meeting Women | Three Main Facts (that no one else will tell you about)

Meeting Women | Three Main Facts (that no one else will tell you about)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

Why do we fall? So we can get back up again. Welcome back to today’s episode where we’re going to be examining Batman from The Dark Knight Trilogy, and, specifically, we’re going to be looking at three of his most powerful personality traits that we can draw lessons from to become more attractive to women, but also to develop our lives further.

Now, the three areas that I’m going to be looking at are, firstly, that he manages to compartmentalise his life, which is going to save him a hell of a lot of emotional energy. Second of all is that he turned his biggest fear into his biggest strength and then actually into a symbol, which, again, is fascinating.

Finally is the fact that he flies solo. In the last one, I’m going to be discussing the difference between meeting women by yourself and waiting for wingmen because there are pros and cons to each one, but let’s just start with the first one, which is the fact that he managed to compartmentalise his life.

Now, obviously, in the film, he’s Bruce Wayne, but he’s also Batman, and they don’t really mix. So when he’s Bruce Wayne, he’s Bruce Wayne, and when he’s Batman, he’s Batman. I found that really interesting because how many of us in our lives, typically, when we leave work, we still have work on our mind, and then that comes across when we start talking to women, we instantly start talking about work because we’re in work mode, and then there are the ones of us that train a lot at the gym and build a life around it.

You’re in physically good condition, so it’s obvious that you work out and that you’re physically big and strong.

Yet, we don’t compartmentalise that area of our life, and it tends to bleed into other areas, and we find ourselves talking about it with people that don’t really care and aren’t really interested. 

Specifically. I find this with guys and girls all the time. It’s like we let other areas our life that are irrelevant get in the way. So what I found is that if we can compartmentalise our life by planning to say, “Okay, that’s the time I’m going to go to the gym. That’s the time I’m going to read about it. I’m at work during these hours,” and then leaving it there, and what that allows you to do, it allows you to compartmentalise each area of your life. So, A, you give that area your full focus and, B, you don’t let it affect the other areas of your life.

I’ve certainly found that going one level deeper with this is that when we are able to block out different sections of our day and of our life, this has helped me personally to not get so overwhelmed with life, because if you look at your day and you’ve got all these different things ahead of you, it’s like, “Oh my God, I’ve got … There’s so much to do today,” but if you’re, “Okay, let’s just block this out. So I’m going to do this there. I’m not going to check my phone, I’m not going to look at anything until this period here,” and what it begins to do is relax your mind and just allows you to focus at the task in hand.

So I’ve certainly found that compartmentalising your life is a real attribute that allows you to just relax when you’re doing your task, but also, more importantly, when you’re meeting women, you don’t just have to talk about the fact that you’ve just been to the gym or you’ve just finished work. So putting a solid boundary in place I’ve found to be hugely beneficial. Now, the second attribute I want to discuss is the fact that he managed to turn his biggest fear into his biggest strength and then made it a symbol. Actually, the Batman symbol became a beacon of hope for everyone else.

So putting that into perspective, he’s taken a fear that he had, that he really struggled with, and he overcame it and then decided that that fear, he then wanted to create hope for everyone else in the world. That is, I think, unbelievably interesting.

I mean, when I set up Social Attraction, one of the things that I wanted to do was to create a logo that I put all of the virtues from my coaching and so that people could wear it with pride. I decided to get that logo made into a lapel badge, which is basically a little badge that goes onto your blazer or your jacket, and I found that when I was able to do that, from my perspective, I just thought it was nice to give someone something that actually exists, but what I found is that when people started wearing them, they actually started to use a lot of the virtues and the attributes that I coach in my courses.

It’s almost like a reminder, and it’s almost like I’m going to wear this and I’m going to live up to the expectations of the Social Attraction community. I found that to be extremely interesting because, obviously, it was almost like a byproduct because when I actually first launched Social Attraction, the reason why I did it is because when I had my car accident, there was no community, there was no company there that I could just join and pick up the virtues. I mean, you can see this in religions, like Buddhism, Taoism, they each have their different virtues that you can buy into, but I think, specifically, in the Western world, we are becoming less religious, and I find that interesting, as well, but having something that I managed to create that had virtues attached to it, I found that really interesting.

It’s not just limited to something for me and for Social Attraction. It’s something that you can all do. If you look at any mythological creatures, for example, owls, they’re known to be wise, but what you can do is select a virtue that you like and find a symbol for it, and then you can wear it or you can stick it up on your wall or, if you like, you can have it tattooed on you, but the point is to have some kind of constant reminder about what your virtue is that you’re aspiring to be like, and if it originally came from a fear of something and then you’ve created it into a strength, it’s even more powerful, and then, obviously, when you’re talking to women and they see the symbol, you can be a little bit flirty at the start and obviously not tell them what it is because being mysterious is attractive, but as you get to know people, you can share with them the reason why you have it.

That shows a lot of depth of character, and it shows overcoming adversity. It just shows a lot of truly inspirational attributes of your personality.

So I certainly found that the Batman symbol and obviously symbology fascinating. As I say, it’s not just linked to me, it’s linked to anyone that wants to pick out a symbol and use it to better their lives. Now, onto the final one, which is the fact that he flies solo. Now, this is a really interesting thing to discuss because I’m asked all the time about whether you should meet with them by yourself or whether you should go out with groups. A lot of people say, “Oh, I just need a decent wingman.” What I found interesting,

I mean, first of all, Batman has his behind the scenes team, like Alfred and the guy that helps him crate all the machines, who’s played by Morgan Freeman, but what I’m getting at here is Batman didn’t wait for a group of other people. He didn’t wait for a wingman. He went out there and he did it himself. There’s a certain amount of power where you just say to yourself, “Look, I want to go and meet more women. Forget about everyone else. Forget if John’s coming out tonight or if I’m meeting him at eight o’clock.” Make a decision. “You know what? I don’t need anyone else. I’m going to go out and I’m going to meet women myself. I don’t need anyone else.” Guess what? When you do that, you are instantly taking control of your life. So there’s a certain power that just comes with taking action, saying, “No, I’m going to do it by myself.”

Obviously, the benefits of having a wingman is that you’ve got someone there to keep your energy up. I certainly say, “If you are with the wingman, there are two great questions to ask each other after you’ve approached every single girl. Firstly, what did you do right? And secondly, what could you add?” Ideally, you want to answer these as quick as possible. You don’t really want to have any negative energy there. As soon as you’ve answered them, you move on, and you can go and interact with new women, but the point is to just not let it get you down, but just going a bit further on to the difference between being by yourself and being in a group, I can certainly say that I am definitely influenced when I’m in a group as opposed to being by myself.

When I’m in a group, there’s all obviously a group dynamic, and if that group dynamic is one that doesn’t approach women and doesn’t go and talk to them, typically, you’re going to stick within that group and you’re not going to go outside their social parameters.

Obviously, I have set up a group, Social Attraction, and one of the great things about that is that it’s a community based around becoming more attractive to women. So the guys there are all involved with meeting and approaching women all the time. So what I’m saying is that if you’re going to have a wingman or wing group, you want to make sure that you set up the environment correctly and it’s not just someone that you know through someone else who’s interested in it. You want it to be a group of people that all want to come together and all want to learn.

Following on from this, as well, just an interesting learning lesson for myself is that when we go into clothes shops and the girl in the store says to you, “How has your day been so far?” most of us say, “Yeah, it’s been good. It’s been okay,” and then we’d carry on looking around the shop, and we actually miss an incredible opportunity to have a conversation.

So next time you are walking into a store, or if you’re anxious about meeting women and you just want to start the very first step, just go to a few clothes stores that have got attractive women in, and when they say, “Oh, how are you today? What have you been up to?” rather than saying, “I’ve been great,” go, “Oh, well, actually, today, I’ve done this, and now I’m looking at doing this later,” and start a conversation. That is certainly one thing that you can do as you’re listening to this today. It’s a directed action that you can take by yourself where you don’t need a wingman, where you can actually go out and start meeting women immediately.

I just wanted to have one final discussion about wingmen because there’s been some chaos when people talk about wingmen because it’s like, “Well, I approached that girl first, so that’s my girl, and you shouldn’t have done that.

You shouldn’t have hit on her.” Over the years, we’ve tried loads of different strategies for actually how to manage and how to be a good wingman from, for example, when you’re winging someone, pretend he’s your million pound client, and you want to be doing everything right for him, but what I’ve learned over the years is that I think we all just need to man up a little bit.

If you’re talking to a girl and she finds your friend more attractive or someone else in the vicinity, it doesn’t really matter whether it’s your friend or someone else, then so be it. You don’t need to start getting upset and start complaining about it because what does it say about you? It shows that you’re not calm, you’re not well together. This guy and this gal may end up getting married.

So who are we to stand in the way because, what, we were talking to her first? So I think there’s a certain amount of trying to become less fragile, and if you are having a conversation with a girl and she leaves you and goes on to someone else, then so be it. There’s always a lesson learned, and there’s something else that you can do.

Similarly, if you’re talking to a girl on a night out and there’s another girl that you prefer to talk to, don’t feel bad about ending the conversation and putting your attention onto talking to someone else. I mean, we all only have a limited amount of time.

To conclude this episode, we’ve talked about three things. Firstly, we’ve talked about the benefit of compartmentalising your life to save energy and also to block off segments so that when we do meet women, we’re in a much more relaxed state to put across our better first impression. Secondly, we’ve looked at turning our biggest fear into our biggest strength and then into a symbol and actually physically owning something or having something that we can aspire to be like.

Finally, we’ve talked about the fact that Batman flies solo and the differences between meeting women by yourself and meeting them with wingmen. Now, I’d just like to conclude this episode by saying, what can we fall at today so that we can get back up again tomorrow?


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