No One Cares | What To Do When You Feel Lonely (and depressed)
In this article, I talk about how to cope when no one cares about you and you are overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness.
So, you are doing your best in life:
- You have learned how to listen and to demonstrate empathy
- You take an interest in your friends, family and strangers affairs
- Moreover, you have learned how to connect with people in a way that allows them to open up to you
To cleanse themselves and reflect their attributes in a way that leads them to a better understanding of themselves or to feel whole again.
Yet your issue is that:
- Friends don’t ask after your wellbeing
- No one asks you about your work
- No one enquires more when you drop something about yourself into the conversation
You initially feel like there is something wrong with you. Maybe you need to become more exciting to capture people’s attention. Maybe you are boring, and why should anyone care about you anyway?
No one cares – You are a chancer at best and an imposter at worst
So you carry on with the same cycle over and over again in your life, feeling like you do not get enough back from the world and its inhabitants.
One day, feeling frustrated at a family event, catching up with colleagues, or with a potential partner, you snap. You know that it is time for a change as you cannot continue to live in this manner.
You realise that in fact all of your behaviours were to try and influence people to care about you. Moreover, you realise that you also do not care about them.
Placing yourself into the central part of the conversation for a change, you realise that it is 2020. And, crucially, with the current climate, social media and the pace of the world, we are all under so much pressure.
When no one cares we feel like we are sprinting and losing the race
Unless our focus in on ourselves, how can we possibly navigate the difficult life that we all have to face?
So we clam up and our focus is purely on ourselves. If we do manage to offer a string to someone else to speak, it is with a sigh of resignation.
We do not care at heart – as anything away from us means we let go of the reins and our life falls apart.
The truth is that no one cares.
I had a dream 18 months ago that a family member had to take this death potion. He was about to undergo excruciating pain and die anyway, so I said it is an easy choice, just drink it.
However, suddenly the dream changed and I was the one with the potion in my hand. The shock hit me.
Crucially, I registered that it is easy to give advice unless you are the one dealt with that circumstance. That is when the difficult sets in.
I realised that, even if we think we care, we cannot have a deep understanding. Most of us have a background narrative playing in our minds:
- When we are selling we hope they are going to buy
- Likewise, when we speak to women we hope they like us
- If we text a girl after a date we hope she replies
These background stories or narratives that are playing are impacting our feelings and emotions in a way that can lead to depression, anxiety and worry.
They lead to that general feeling that no one cares about us or what we do. That we are alone in the world.
Having awareness is the first step in the healing process
In the main Hindu text The Bhagavad Gita, Krishna the God explains that we should all give in life and expect nothing in return.
In fact, this is the type of thinking which frees us from our own ego-driven insanity.
If we pause for a moment and rethink our narrative:
- When we are selling we hope they get what they want for a good price
- Similarly, when we speak to women we hope we leave them better than before the conversation
- If we text a girl after a date we hope she enjoys reading the message
By changing the background story that is playing we also soften and become calmer.
We become more relaxed and less uptight
We suddenly care about the human being we are speaking to. Our aim is to leave them in a better place than before we met them.
With this attitude to life, we are no longer craving their validation and attention because we seek solace in our ability to heal.
The intensity of the belief that no one cares about us diminishes.
Next time you see someone; a stranger, a family member, a friend, a work colleague, STOP what you are doing. Instead, take a moment to ask them how they are doing.
Ask with the intention of giving them some time above water to breath.
And take homage in the fact that you – the listener – the healer – are also feeling the powerful Karmic law of giving more than you wish to receive.
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