Online Dating Tips For Men | The Supreme Guide (updated 2023)

Online Dating Tips For Men | The Supreme Guide (updated 2023)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, you will learn everything you need to know about online dating tips for men. This includes my best online dating advice and strategies, as well as an honest account of the difficulties you will face when online dating. I will be answering 30 of the most common questions about how to achieve better results online and waste less time.

Upon implementing the guidance outlined here, you will:

  • Get more matches (straightaway)
  • Receive more messages (today)
  • Go on more dates (in the real world)

In essence, your confidence and ability to get the most from online dating will increase. Importantly though, remember that there are other ways to meet new women than just meeting them online.

What is the success rate of online dating?

Online dating for men is more difficult than you may first expect.

Statistics published by Business Insider:

  • On average, a man will have to send 114 messages for a 99% chance of one reply. That is 114 messages that you have to send in order to get one reply.
  • To give more detail on this; for a man messaging women his own age, for every 18 messages he sends, he is 50% likely to get a reply. This is a substantial amount of messages to send without guarantee of a proportional response rate.
  • And if we compare men and women on average, women will respond to men only 4% of the time. Whereas men will respond to women around 18% of the time.

Online dating statistics

So as you can see, these stats are hugely illuminating. This is before we even think about organising and going on dates with women. In advance of getting into the ins and outs of attaining better results online dating, it is important to consider the following:

All of these different aspects are covered in my following online dating tips.

How to get more matches on Tinder and Bumble?

Here are some interesting statistics from Data Crunchies about Tinder and how to get better results using the app:

  • Men on average like 5 out of 10 women on Tinder, whereas women like 1 out of 10 men

You can see that men type tend to swipe yes to more women, whereas women are more discerning. This is a disparity in men receiving matches and potential dating success.

  • Men with well-groomed facial hair are selected 74% of the time and receive four times as many matches as beardless men

Therefore if you want to increase your results on dating apps, having well-groomed facial hair is immediately going to help you.

Online dating photos that work

Additionally, showing off muscles in a tight t-shirt, playing musical instruments, and speaking at a conference in your photos will also increase your matches. So you could amalgamate all of these suggestions together and it will all improve your match rate.

  • Online dating selfies are 8% less likely to get you a match

Personally, I have never been a fan of the selfie. This statistic highlights how you should be getting other people to take photos of you for your profile.

  • Two spelling mistakes reduces your match rate by 14%

This statistic shows the importance of making sure there are no errors or grammatical mistakes in your bio. It is important that you get this aspect correct so try and get someone else to check this for you if possible.

  • If you say ‘sorry’ in your opening message you will get 56% fewer replies

So if you are approaching women with an opening line of; ‘Sorry to disturb you,’ or displaying other validation-seeking behaviour, you are 56% less likely to receive a reply.

First date strategy

  • First dates are 40% more likely if you recommend sharing food together

This is an interesting statistic – and one that offers a great start. So if you are going to organise a first date with a girl online, you are 40% more likely to end up on that date if you mention getting food together.

All of these statistics are good online dating tips. Moreover, they will give you a helpful blueprint on how to get more matches and better results, not only on Tinder and Bumble but on any online dating platform that you are using.

My infographic below offers some invaluable help once you have set up a face-to-face first date with a girl. To understand more on how to implement these read my first date tips article.

Online dating - 3 ways to flirt during a face-to-face first date

How long does it take for online dating to work?

Online dating should work immediately as soon as you publish your profile and photos. Indeed, the way that most online dating sites work is by trying to upsell you into a paid subscription. This means that initially, the dating sites want you to get some instant results because then you are more likely to invest in the following:

  • Finding out more about them and what they can offer you
  • Getting more likes and sending more messages
  • Continuing a membership with them

So if you launch a brand new profile and it doesn’t work immediately, it highlights that your profile needs work. If you are experiencing any issues with your profile then keep reading as I will be including more online dating tips to improve this.

Strategies for meeting women

In my experience, online dating is a great way to meet women; however, make sure you do not miss out on opportunities that occur in your day-to-day life.

The image below was taken from a course I hosted on rejection proof ways to approach women. This is one of the best ones and you can learn it in less than 2 minutes by watching my how to approach women video.

Gary Gunn hosting a course with a model on how to approach women

Why is online dating so bad?

One of the best online dating tips I can give you comes down to the dating site that you have chosen. Note that there is a big distinction between free dating sites versus paid dating sites.

Free dating sites

With free dating sites anyone can use them and anyone can log on. Importantly, you need to be aware that this can make online dating more difficult as you do not know people’s intent or their dating agenda.

So a girl may be on there just to message people for fun, company or entertainment, whereas you may be on there to meet someone with the intention of organising a face-to-face date and finding a long-term partner.

Paid dating sites

If you decide to use a paid dating site you have the reassurance of knowing that the women are more serious about online dating. You know that there is the intent to meet people and go on a date because all parties have invested a sum of money to join.

Therefore if you are serious about entering into a relationship then a paid dating site is going to connect you with people who are equally serious about dating and finding a partner.

Why is online dating so hard for guys?

To give you another informative statistic –  61% of online dating users are male.

In effect, this higher percentage of male users means that women are going to be receiving far more messages and, subsequently, more matches online. Accordingly, whenever you go onto a dating platform, you are instantly competing with a lot of other guys.

The truth about online dating for men

Furthermore, it is not an even playing ground. If you are new to online dating, you are also competing with guys who are more experienced with online dating:

  • Who may have been online dating for 10 or 15 years
  • Perhaps have refined their profile multiple times
  • Spent ample time fine-tuning their messages

So if you are new to online dating, it can be difficult because you are in the dark. You lack the experience of knowing what you are doing. And again, I will cover online dating tips that can help expedite your learning process.

Keeping your online dating profile modern

The other aspect to bear in mind is that online dating sites work better when you consistently update your profile.

This means:

  • Adding new photos every so often
  • Updating your bio on occasion

When you make these small consistent changes, the online dating site recognises that you are an active user and, importantly, will rank your profile higher. This is one of the most invaluable online dating tips for men who are new to online dating. So if you are not currently updating your profile every few weeks, that is something that you can do right away. It will rank you higher in searches. This means that women are more likely to come across your profile.

Below is a helpful guide that defines what women notice about men. This can help you to select the right images when you are updating your profile. You can also read my first 10 things a woman notices about a man article where I delve into each of the ten traits.

Tips for selecting online dating pictures:10 traits a woman reviews in any potential partner

Why is Tinder so hard for guys?

The reality is that with Tinder and other dating apps there is instantaneously a scarcity versus abundance mindset. To explain further, because our results are typically more scarce than women’s results, we enter into a scarcity mindset.

And when we do that we tend to do the following:

  • Send messages more often
  • Reply straight away if we get a match in case we ‘lose her’ to another guy
  • We engage in try-hard behaviour and can put women off

Let’s contrast that with women who are on the receiving end of an abundance of messages. In fact, the more messages women get, the less likely they are to reply because it can become overwhelming.

Scarcity versus abundance when online dating

Recognising the difference between a scarcity and an abundance mindset and, moreover, understanding the importance of retaining that abundance mindset in your dating interactions will help you immeasurably.

Remember to:

  • Not be reactive in responding to women
  • Be aware of when you are entering into that try-hard behaviour
  • Avoid replying within ten minutes if she has taken three days to reply for instance

As soon as you feel yourself moving to a scarcity mindset, you are giving yourself undue worries. And in all likelihood, you are going to be turning women off as you will end up displaying unattractive qualities. As per the image below we can teach how to stop falling into the chasing women mindset. To find out more about our training visit our live training page.

Model next to three ways to stop chasing women

Are dating apps worth it for guys?

Yes, they can absolutely be beneficial for you. However, you need to put the right boundaries in place before you start online dating.

This is because:

  • Dating apps are addictive, particularly if they are on your phone as can take up all of your time
  • Every time your phone notification goes off, you get a little injection of dopamine as you feel like you have got another match
  • This can negatively affect your mental wellbeing over a period of time as you can become too invested and too obsessed

Online dating tips for your mental wellbeing

There are actions you can take to safeguard your mental wellbeing when online dating, which effectively put boundaries in place. This stops you from being on your phone constantly and entering into that try-hard unattractive behaviour.


  • Have a separate device for your dating app is possible
  • Be selective over who you swipe and messages that you send
  • Only log in for one hour a day – this set period prevents you from replying to messages immediately

With the greatest will in the world when you get messages of women that you find attractive, it can be difficult not to reply sooner. Having a different device where it is away from you, and where you only check it at set periods, will help you maintain this healthy boundary. Another advantage is it will ensure you come across as more confident to the women that you are messaging as you will not be so reactive and available.

Managing your emotions when online dating

If like most guys, you swipe ‘yes’ to as many girls as you can, and you send as many messages as possible, it is easy to become overwhelmed. This again falls into that scarcity mindset.

In contrast, the more selective you are over who you swipe ‘yes’ to; who you send messages to; and who you ask for dates, then the stronger you are going to be mentally. Additionally, the more confident you are going to come across to the women that you are speaking to online.

Mental wellbeing is a big area, especially within dating. If you have any form of anxiety around meeting women in person then my infographic underneath will help you, as will my featured social anxiety article.

3 tips to help overcome social anxiety

Are dating apps harder for guys?

In reality, yes, they are. Even with modern dating apps, like Bumble, that allow women to send the first message, they are still heavily weighted in women’s favour. As guys, we find it easy to go on a date: Yes, I’ll meet you. Yes, we can go there. Yes, we can do that.

However, a woman typically needs to feel trust before she will meet you in person. And if she has already had one or two negative experiences on dates with men she has met online, this can make it even more of an investment for her.

Building trust with women online

Therefore it can take time for that trust to build – something that can be more difficult to do on modern dating apps.

However, taking the time to build trust with women online is one of the most vital online dating tips for men. It will make the progression to a first date much easier.

Demonstrating empathy is one way in which you can help women to feel trust around you. Put simply, this shows her that you understand her view of the world.

False online dating expectations

Another reason why dating apps are harder for guys is that we have false expectations right from the start.

What I mean by this is that online dating sites guarantee you matches to get you to pay and use their site. Therefore we see attractive women and think: Wow, I’m missing out; yet that fear of missing out sets the wrong expectations. You could be setting yourself up for disappointment as the reality can be different to how it is sold to you.

So understanding the stats that I mentioned earlier will help set the right expectations from the start so that you avoid unnecessary disappointment.

Making a positive impression

My infographic below offers further online dating tips. The five points outlined can easily be applied to virtual or face-to-face dates you have with women that you meet online. To understand why confident body language and having a set time constraint in a conversation makes you a more attractive man read my how to stop being the nice guy article.

5 ways that you can use online dating that stop you being friend-zoned by women

Why am I not successful in online dating?

There are three main reasons why men are not successful with online dating:

Your online dating photos 

I recommend having three good photos: a headshot, an action shot, and a socialising shot. You don’t really need more photos than that as three should be enough to convey your personality.

In my experience of looking at guys’ dating profiles, the more photos you have, the harder it can be to build attraction –  because the more information you give about yourself, then the more you also give away about yourself. Whereas there is a certain element of being mysterious that is attractive to women online. You want to entice them to want to find out more about you.

Therefore limiting it to three photos is one of the best online dating tips I can give to enhance your profile. The following three types of photos are tried and tested and work well:

  • A nice headshot of you with a blurred background
  • An action shot of you doing something that you love and enjoy
  • Lastly, a socialising shot with men and women in the same photo as you

One last point is to ensure your photos are fairly recent and reflect what you currently look like, not the ‘you’ from years ago.

Your online dating bio

If you have a one-sentence bio you are not really saying too much about yourself. And here I understand that, as guys, we may not read all of a woman’s bio that we find attractive. However, when women are messaging you and potentially considering going on a date with you, they will read every word in your bio.

So more online dating tips:

  • Make sure that your bio and your photos are congruent and match
  • Write your bio in a way that accurately portrays who you are

This will help you attract a woman that will fit into your lifestyle. So if you have three very nice photos, yet your bio is painting a completely different picture, that is not going to work. For example, if all your photos are of you being adventurous, your bio has to match it. Likewise, if you are trying to convey yourself as being adventurous make sure your photos reflect this.

Your online dating messages

I mentioned in an earlier section that there are different ways in which you can send messages. For help on how to construct messages that will get you a higher response rate, keep reading as I will go into detail on this.

However, things to avoid are:

  • Spelling mistakes
  • Starting a message with ‘Sorry to bother you
  • Displaying any type of validation-seeking behaviour

If you want further advice on how to take the ideal photos for your profile check out my infographic underneath. I suggest also reading my best online dating photos to use article.

3 tips to better online dating photos

What to do when online dating isn’t working?

In my experience, when you are online dating and you have got to the point where it is not working for you, make the decision to come off all dating sites. Give yourself a four-week break from any attempt to meet women online. Instead, use this break to go and meet women in the real world.

Meeting women in the real world

One easy way to do this is to go to a new cafe. You can read a book there, write in a journal etc.

However, spend time:

Simply by going to the same place three or four times a week, you will begin to get to know the regulars. And over a period of time, you can create a new social circle.

I cannot tell you the number of times that clients of mine have come to me as they are not getting results online. Instead, they go to real-world locations and they find that someone introduces them to another person. Or they approach and speak to a girl in the cafe and they start dating.

So drawing a line under online dating and going into the real world can pay dividends.

Dating confidence courses

As I mentioned earlier online dating can be problematic in meeting someone because it is heavily weighted in a woman’s favour.

Another valuable thing that you can do is to take a dating confidence course. This way, you will become better at dating immediately. After the four week break, you can go back to online dating with renewed confidence because you know what you are doing.

Modern dating strageties

A dating confidence course will accentuate your own personality. It will teach you the best methods of modern dating. This, along with presenting the right photos, will give you a better opportunity to get more matches and more dates in your diary.

Accordingly, making efforts to meet women in your day-to-day life, alongside the ongoing support of a dating confidence course offers more dating tips that will also help you online.

Below you will find an image from a dating confidence course that I hosted on how to keep a conversation going with women. This 80- minute video will help you enhance your virtual conversations online dating, as well as conversations in the real world.

Gary Gunn with two models on a dating confidence course for men

When to quit online dating?

In my experience, there are three different reasons to consider quitting online dating:

Addicted to online dating

This is one of the unhealthiest behaviours that come from online dating too much. You are, in essence, seeking validation all the time; waiting for that next message; holding back for the next match; on standby for that next response.

This is:

  • An unhealthy way to go about dating
  • A damaging way to go about living your life

If you are addicted to checking your mobile phone for matches and notifications on dating apps, then deleting them will give you some respite. It will let you calm your nervous system and stop chasing women.

Not getting online dating results

If you are not getting the results that you want, then continuously changing dating site after dating site, and amending your bio and switching out your photos on repeat, is madness. At some point, you have to draw a line in the sand. Move on and try a different way of meeting women.

It can often be a good indicator that you need to develop a different part of your life. And the fact that you are wasting time online is preventing you from moving on and learning something new, or taking your life in a new direction.

Chasing women when online dating

And by this, I mean, you are permanently sending messages. You are permanently trying to get responses. Moreover, you now recognise that online dating is set up in a way that is more difficult for men than women. Consequently, you want to quit them, even if only for a while.

If online dating has become a chore for you or a source of frustration, then embrace this realisation. You can start to take control of your life by deciding not to online date anymore.

Instead, you can:

  • Aim to set up some healthier habits in your life that add to your self-development
  • Return to your centre and allow situations to flow towards you, as opposed to chasing women all the time

If you put effort into working on yourself; your goals; your interests; and creative self-expression, for example, you will avoid that chasing mentality. You will naturally become more attractive to the women that you meet. Indeed, this is one of the biggest dating tips I can give you. It pertains both to online dating and meeting women in the real world.

My following infographic is a helpful snapshot aimed at reminding you to stay centred and to avoid demonstrating needy behaviours around women. You can also read my dating advice for men article.

5 ways to stop conveying neediness to women online dating

How to do online dating successfully?

Detailed below are six main online dating tips to ensure the maximum benefit for your online dating profile and results:

Staged photos vs authentic photos 

The first of my online dating tips is on the subject of your photos. If you hire a professional photographer, chances are you are going to get a technically good photo, but it will look staged.

You should always go for a natural photo that doesn’t appear staged. In truth, a more authentic and relaxed look will ensure that you get more matches from women. This lets women see that you are relaxed about online dating. You are not desperate and you are not trying too hard.

Getting specific with your online dating bio

The second of my online dating tips relates to your bio. And this is to include the type of women you would not like to meet. A lot of guys will be scared to do this because they think it will put women off. However, it does the exact opposite.

Most guys fall into a chasing mentality online and are so desperate to get any message replies and to go on any dates, that they stop looking for strategies that make them more attractive. So in your bio, you can write:

I’m not looking at meeting a girl that just wants to go on a night out and party all the time. I am more interested in meeting a woman that enjoys culture.”

Being discerning as to the type of women you want to meet, and going one step further in outlining who you are not interested in meeting, elevates your bio. It makes you far more attractive to women.

Validation-seeking when online dating

The third of my online dating tips is to avoid making comments like: “You are beautiful,” “You look fantastic” or “I love that photo.” These are prime examples of validation-seeking behaviour.

When you are engaging women online, focus on their bio instead, and do not comment on their photos. That is another online dating tip will certainly help you.

So remember:

  • Stop commenting on women’s photos
  • Only comment on what is in their bio

Most of the time, this will prevent you from falling into validation-seeking behaviours and will ensure you get a better response. It is also a different way of online dating that most other men do not do, so that alone will separate you from them and make you stand out.

Setting online dating expectations

The fourth of my online dating tips is to set expectations with women that you message from the start by not replying straight away. I understand this can be difficult to adhere to as let’s say you get into a dialogue with a girl, you like her, and you really want to reply to her. Something you can do here is to write out the message, but then send it the following day.

If you don’t set expectations right from the start – and you reply instantly to a girl’s messages, the subtext is that you are always available to her. And that is highly unattractive.

Women tend to be drawn to guys that are confident, attractive, and have stuff going on in their life. So if she has just messaged you a few times online, and suddenly you are available all the time, what does that say about your personality and your character?

In essence, you are conveying that you are desperate and that you are try-hard and it will put women off messaging you back.

Exchanging details with women online

The fifth of my online dating tips is to exchange details within five messages and then move it on to a phone conversation or meet her in person. The reason for this is because you want to set a boundary where you send a few messages and then progress to the point where you are going to meet in person.

So remember:

  • Online dating should not be about sending hundreds of messages and, ultimately, not meeting someone face-to-face
  •  It should be about meeting a girl online and then seeing her in person in the real world as soon as possible

So have a limit of five messages to perhaps 10 maximum. If a girl does not want to exchange details by that point then you unmatch and you move on.

Saving time and energy when online dating

The last of my online dating tips in this section is to remember the importance of having an intent when online dating. For example: “I am online dating to meet someone. I don’t want to waste my time. I don’t want to send endless amounts of messages.”

Having that mentality will make your messages sharper. It will make them better because you are aware that you only have a certain number to best convey your personality and to connect with a girl.

Following these online dating tips will help you conserve your time and energy online dating. When you have arranged a face-to-face date with a girl there are some great ways to make an immediate attractive first impression in person.

Below you will find a photo from an event that I hosted focussing on how to attract women. This is one of those techniques taught in less than 3 minutes to help you make a positive first impression.

Dating coach Gary Gunn with a model on a confidence course for men

Tips for online dating for guys?

There are several immediate online dating tips that I can give you that will really help you stand out from other guys on dating sites. The first one is you make use of the resources or features on the platform that you are using.

For instance, on certain apps, it will tell you:

  • Where she is from
  • What she does for a living
  • How many kilometres a girl is away from you

Using resources within dating apps

All of these are resources within the app that you can use to your advantage. For example, you could send an opening message that says; “Lisa. You are less than one kilometre away…”

This is a clever first message because, right from the start, you are using the resource on the app and sending a girl a type of message that is quite suggestive. This type of message is really fun to send. Moreover, not a lot of other guys will message women in that way.

So anything that you can use on the app, that is part of their bio will help you.

Enhancing your online dating messages

Using the art of deduction to enhance your messages is one of the most insightful online dating tips.

Use deductive reasoning to work out more about the girl. So rather than simply focusing on one aspect, or honing in on one of her photos, assess all the information available about her:

  • What is her job?
  • How old is she?
  • Where she is from?
  • Why is she online dating?
  • What is her intent on the dating site?
  • What is she trying to convey about herself?
  • Consider what type of guy is she looking to meet?

The more of a global interpretation you can gauge from her profile, the more of an idea you will have as to what to send in your first message.

A holistic approach to sending women messages

Avoid quickly looking over her bio and settling only on one aspect. Instead, take your time; take in her whole profile; take in who she is as a person. This particular online dating tip might even allow you to realise that you may not be best suited, and you can save yourself time by not messaging her to start off with.

Or perhaps you will notice something that captures your attention: Oh, that’s interesting, she must be this type of person, or she must be interested in this kind of area…

I guarantee that the more of an insight into her character you can formulate, the better the content of your messages will be. Other guys will not use the art of deduction to work out more about her in this way.

Emotive Online Dating Messages

Another of my online dating tips is to send messages that elicit an emotional response from her. Making sure that there is some form of emotional response from women when they read your messages.

Avoid sending boring messages or messages that are on the nose and too easy for a girl to reply to.

When guys say to me that they message women who take two or three days to reply, or they don’t bother replying at all, it is always because of the same reason. When I look at their messages, they lack any kind of effort to build an emotional connection.

Generating an emotional response from women

Remember there are different ways you can generate an emotional response in your messages:

  • One is to be flirty; meaning you are fun and playful about something in a girl’s profile
  • Another is to ask an emotive question; these are questions that generate an emotional response from her when she answers them

Final check before sending messages

In a nutshell, before you press the send button, take a few moments to think to yourself; Is this going to generate emotion when the girl reads it? If the answer is no, delete that message and come up with a better one.

This will make a massive difference, not only to your replies but also to how quickly women are at replying to you, as well as meeting you again in person.

My infographic below offers other ways you can connect with women, both online and in person. I recommend also reading my how to connect with women blog.

5 ways to demonstrate empathy with women online dating


What are some online dating tips for beginners?

Many dating sites work via algorithms. When you have a new profile on a dating site, the programme will not know what to do with your profile. Therefore it is important that you handle online dating from the start in a way that is going to work out best for you.

There are three tips that I am going to outline here that will  help anyone new to online dating:

How to swipe when online dating

The first of my online dating tips is to swipe selectively from the start. Do not swipe yes to every girl as the dating apps tend to match you on your swiping preferences.

So if you match every girl, you are likely to be matched with girls that are swiping yes to every guy. This means that you are not going to be matched with other women who are more selective over the guys that they are swiping.

Being selective in your swiping preferences will also help prevent you from losing interest or developing ‘swiper’s fatigue.’

Limit your online dating messages

Another of my online dating tips is to send only three messages a day. This way you can keep track of the messages you are sending. You can improve them over a period of time. And you can also easily see which messages are generating the best responses from women. Additionally, you can learn from your mistakes.

So as a beginner to online dating, avoid joining a site and sending 30 or 40 messages on day one. Instead, send three a day; build over time; learn by what you are doing and refine your strategy.

Online dating market research

Ask your single female friends to look at your profile with a critical eye. In addition, why don’t you physically obtain the phone of an obliging single female friend and look through her online dating activity to determine:

  • What are the messages that she responds to?
  • Why do messages sometimes fizzle out and she stops replying?
  • The types of guys she is matching with?
  • What types of messages she doesn’t like?

This is a hands-on form of market research and it is important. Gaining a female perspective of the activity on a dating site gives you an advantage over other male users.

Moreover, it will help prevent you from making similar mistakes yourself. When you start going on physical dates with women it is important to know when she is exhibiting signs that she likes you.

As per the image below we can teach you how to read a woman’s go-ahead signals. To find out more about Social Attraction coaching visit our live training page and schedule a consultation call.

A model with three ways to read her go-ahead signals

Tips for online dating conversations?

When you are in dialogue with women, it is important that you keep a lively conversational flow to the interaction. This demonstrates social intelligence, which is an attractive quality. Below are three tips that you can do that will work well online dating.

Spelling and grammar when online dating

Make sure there are no spelling mistakes or grammatical errors. This relates both to your profile and to the messages you send.

If you try and begin a dialogue having spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, the subtext is that you are a sloppy or careless person. It may even consciously, or unconsciously, turn women off. Therefore take time reading over your profile and any messages you are about to send.

Flirting when online dating

The second of my tips that you can employ during your online dating interactions is to not answer her questions directly. This is both fun and playful. What it does is creates mystery and helps lay the first foundations of sexual tension. For instance, if a girl asks you where is the best place you have ever been on holiday, you could say:

It is in South America. I bet you can’t guess where?

This way you are engaged in the conversation, but importantly, you have not directly answered her question.

By intentionally being vague:

  • You are creating a challenge and making the conversation more playful
  • It will generate fun and intoxicating responses from women

Role-plays when online dating

Use role-plays to liven up your messages. They can add so much spice to your interactions with women. For example, if a girl says: “I’m running 10 minutes late.”

You can reply; “If you were my secretary, you would be fired. Unless you can give me an appropriate reason to keep you…”

Using these types of role-plays:

  • Makes your messages light-hearted, flirty and fun
  • Ensures the dialogue is more exciting to both of you

These types of messages are much more emotionally alluring to women. As opposed to sending boring or tedious messages, or asking her questions that she has likely answered so many times before.

The image below is from a 90-minute dating confidence course that I hosted on how to text women. You will find that you can easily apply the content to enhance your online dating message dialogue.

Gary Gunn hosting a dating confidence course on how to message women online or in texts

How to approach online dating?

There are a few ways you can approach online dating from the outset that will really help you. This first one may sound somewhat counterintuitive, but this is to expect no replies from women. Instead use the platform to send messages that you find funny, entertaining, and that you enjoy composing.

Online dating should not be a chore for you. It should be exciting when you log into your dating profile and you see women’s profiles, so make it fun. Therefore, send messages for your own amusement and expect nothing in return.

How to send online dating messages

Don’t put yourself under pressure thinking that you have to get your message perfect.

Instead, look at her profile:

  • What do you find amusing about it?
  • What do you find exciting or want to know more about?
  • Is there anything in her pictures that grabs your attention?

Enjoy the process of messaging people and send something that amuses you and that you are invested in. Indeed, if you do not operate this way, your messages will become dull, mundane, and boring. Likewise, you will also become bored and find online dating a chore.

An authentic approach to sending messages to women

The second way to approach online dating is to make sure your messages to women are honest and reflective of who you are as a person and how you live your life.

This means:

  • Do not take yourself too seriously
  • Avoid over-exaggerating or talking yourself up
  • Do not lie or embellish aspects of your personality

Yes, perhaps embellishing and over-exaggerating may work initially as you may get a few more messages. Yet, crucially, when you finally meet up with the girl in person, you will not be able to keep up the facade. This wastes both your time and also the girl’s time.

Be upfront in your dating profile

Lying is exhausting. Trying to be something that you are not is exhausting. Instead, remove your ego, be upfront and authentic from the start. This saves valuable time for you and the women that you are in dialogue with.

And if you are finding you are not getting the results that you want, perhaps it indicates that something needs to change in your lifestyle. A positive change will add more desirability and appeal to your personality.

Rejection when messaging women online

Another valuable tip I can give you is to do not be afraid to fail with your messages. Therefore if you find something funny, you send it. It is one of my rules for online dating: You look at her profile and if you find something funny, send it. Do not hold back.

There are many reasons for this:

  • You are conveying your personality right from the start
  • If a girl does not like it, you were never going to be a match; however, if she does like it, she will be attracted to you
  • You are showing that you do not have fear and that you are not afraid to fail, which is a very attractive trait

Remember that humour can be powerful. As documented in my infographic below using humour can even help you in handling rejection from women. If you want to learn more about how to overcome feelings of rejection I suggest you read my how to handle rejection with women article.

3 constructive ways to cope with rejection from women online and face-to-face

Tips for online dating first dates?

When you meet a girl face-to-face for the first time it has weighted importance. There are certainly some things that will make any first date harder on yourself. In my opinion, one of the worst things you can do is go on a formal date, such as dinner or lunch.

The reasons for this are:

  • It is rigid and puts too much pressure on you both
  • A planned meal is a bigger investment for a girl to come to
  • It is also costly for a first date in paying for food and drinks

Instead, you should try to mini-date. What I mean by this is you have two or three mini-experiences together that make up the date.


Enjoy mini-dates together to make a first date memorable and fun. An example of a mini-date would be to go for a cocktail, play a game of pool while you are there, and then go for a walk afterwards. This way, you have shared three experiences together.

This is particularly memorable if you are meeting for the first time in person. It is also a different and modern way to date that most guys will not be doing.

Added benefits of mini-dating:

  • It induces energy into your actions
  • This builds trust and shared memories
  • It is more dynamic as you are standing and moving to different locations

Fun dating game

The final tip for your first online date is to play something called the Questions Game. The Questions Game is an awesome yet simple game that you can play together with women as a way of getting to know each other. Furthermore, you can play this game both on any dates and also and over messaging.

There are three rules: “I ask you a question. You answer it truthfully. You ask me a question back, but it can’t be the same question.”

  • This can be used as a fun platform to get to know each other throughout the eve
  • If the conversation runs dry, you can go: Oh, whose question was it? Then return to playing the game
  • Some of the questions asked by you both will open up the conversation to a variety of different topics

So the Question’s Game is a great way of going on a first date and ensuring it will be fun. To learn other fun ways of flirting take a look at my infographic underneath that gives 9 techniques to flirt and build attraction with a girl that you have just met in person. You can also read my how to flirt with women article where I outline more techniques and approaches you can use.

9 different methods to flirt with women

How to date online long distance?

This is one of the great perks of online dating. You can set your profile to anywhere around the world and you can message women from any city in the globe. There are a few things that you can do to maximise this if you are travelling anywhere.

Meeting women in a new city

If you are going to visit a new city, then log on to the dating app a few weeks before you go. This way you can message some women in advance and you can set up dates before you arrive in the city. It is particularly great if you are travelling solo.

I have encouraged my clients to do this over the years when they go abroad as it offers the following:

  • The socialising aspect is already taken care of
  • A fantastic way of getting tour guides in a new city
  • Added excitement from having dates already set up with women before you arrive

Managing your online dating messages

The second of my online dating tips here is to limit the number of women you are in dialogue with to a manageable amount. Otherwise, you will miss the connection and become overwhelmed.

This may sound slightly illogical but if you are messaging women from a different country, you can be considered attractive simply by being from a different country. As a result, you may end up having too many women to message and feel engulfed.

When this happens, you tend to lose empathy and connection with women. It becomes more difficult to organise dates because you can’t give the right amount of time to speaking to each individual girl on the phone.

Texting women strategy

One important aspect of dating online long distance is to try and keep texting to a minimum. The way of doing this is set up a phone call or a video call with a girl that you like as soon as possible. When you are on the call with her organise the next time you are going to speak together on a video chat and go from there.

The benefits of this:

  • You will not be on your phone all of the time and can keep your texting to a minimum
  • It allows you to relax as you have another video date in your diary for three or four day’s time

Following this strategy will save you so much time in your life and makes it much easier to form and maintain long-distance relationships.

In my infographic below you will find a comprehensive guide of effective text messaging strategies that you can use in your messages to women to help keep your exchange energetic and fun. You can also read my how to text women article.

11 fun and effective ways to flirt in your online messages

Online dating tips first message?

The first message is crucial when you are online dating, primarily because it is your first impression to the girl that you are messaging. Try and avoid making your message too short. For instance sending: “Hey, or Hi or Hello.”  These are boring as they show a lack of invention and are an opening message that most guys will send.

If you actually look at a girl’s dating inbox, you will no doubt see a high percentage of messages with an opener like this. And, importantly, most girls don’t reply to it.

Length of your online dating messages

On the other hand, make sure your message is not too long. What I mean by that is do not overinvest from the start. Therefore, do not send her eight paragraphs as your introductory first message.

If you send an essay the girl will think; Hang on a minute, this guy has got a lot of time. It is also an over-investment of your time, and it comes across as desperate and try-hard.

Example online dating messages

So put effort into your opening message to elicit the right type of response. To help you, I have a technique called ‘flirt/ like/ question,’ which is perfect for a first message.

This is a technique that I teach in my bestselling book, titled An Education In Online Dating, which is available on Amazon. This book will help you with sending first messages, setting up your profile and provide more detail than the content of this article.

What does this strategy look like?

Step One

You start by flirting with a girl: Look at her profile; you find either a grammatical spelling mistake or something unusual about her photo and you call her out on it.

Step Two

You tell her you like something about her profile; “…but I do like the fact that you have been travelling.” So give a statement as to what you like.

Step Three

Finally, you ask her a question: “However, I’m curious, where is the best place that you visited in South America?”

Therefore remember ‘flirt/ like/ question.’ It is a tried and tested strategy that I have been teaching for years. It is powerful and it works. You will find that your first message response rate will go up exponentially. In my infographic underneath you will find some other ways to help you connect and flirt effectively in person or via messages. You can also read my how to tease a girl article to learn how and when to use these principles.

11 ways to sexually flirt with women

How to improve online dating success?

For me, online dating success is represented by your ability to meet women in person from an online dating app or online dating website. There are a few key things that you can do to help make this happen.

One is to stop wasting time by messaging women for any of the following reasons:

  • Alleviate boredom
  • Elevate your self-esteem
  • To make yourself feel better

If you stop wasting time contacting women you are not really interested in dating, that will afford you more time to meet the women you are interested in. It may even give you more time to focus your attention on doing something else, other than online dating, to meet women and attract them into your world.

Online dating photo advice

Another piece of advice here is not to pay for technically good photos from a photographer. Instead, look for authentic and natural images that demonstrate that you are someone who is going out, doing exciting things and getting snapshots of your activities in motion.

Make sure you get up-to-date photos of what it is that you enjoy spending your time doing in your life. This makes it easy for you to pick natural and authentic online dating images. It also means you have an ample store of photos to switch them out every once in a while to keep your profile fresh.

Using a deadline when online dating

The final thing you can do to improve your success is to limit the number of messages you send to exchange details. If, within a set amount of messages, you do not get a girl’s details to either move it onto a phone conversation or organise a date in person, then unmatch her and leave the interaction where it is.

The overriding reasons for having a set deadline are that it stops you from wasting your time – as how many messages do you want to send before you meet someone?

Additionally, the type of man that sets this boundary is already attractive to women because he values himself and his time, and is not afraid of loss.

Limiting the number of messages

In having a restriction on the number of messages you are asserting, “I don’t care how attractive she is. I’m putting a boundary in place,” rather than having fear and thinking: “Oh, well, I’ll message her just in case.”

A man who has self-value and set expectations will never struggle to attract a partner as he has an attractive attitude of self-assurance and confidence.

To find out the other qualities and behaviours of attractive men take a look at my infographic below, so you can employ these in your own dating interactions. I also suggest you read my corresponding dating tips for men article.

9 psychological techniques that attractive men use around women online dating and in the real world

Is online dating a waste of time?

No, it is not a waste of time. In my experience, you can practise many different forms of communication skills by messaging women. Online dating allows you to hone your ability to speak to women in many different ways. More generally, it also refines the art of your conversation with everyone.

Below you will find three ways that messaging women helps you communicate better:

Flirting messages

Flirting means being playful. And a few ways you can do this is by mentioning errors in her profile, like spelling mistakes or highlighting things in the background of her pics.

In effect, anything where you notice something wrong about her profile or bio, you can send her a message to be flirty.

Empathy-building messages

One way that you can build empathy is by reading her profile and picking out her trance words – these are emotionally charged words that are important to her. So words that she repeats like ‘cosy,’ ‘love’ or ‘fun’ for example.

Then you reply back using the same words in your message to create a connection.

Softened questions

If you want to know something more about a girl, all you have to do is add in: “I’m curious,” or “I’m intrigued” before you ask a question. This subtly softens the message and allows you to come across as more relaxed, well rounded and less try-hard.

Sending these types of messages will generate interest from women; meaning that you are more likely to meet in person and enjoy more first dates.

On the subject of dating, I fully appreciate that it can become expensive. With that in mind, I created the following infographic to give you some cost-effective ways to enjoy dates with women and also an article on how to save money dating.

5 ways that will save you money when dating

How to make a good dating app profile?

It is important that you come across as confident and also empathetic. So you ideally want to show off different parts of your personality that highlight these traits.

Demonstrating confidence in your bio

The way in which you can convey confidence is by showing self-assurance in your demeanour. For example in your bio, you can write:

  • “I like to travel solo or I enjoy hiking alone” 

Basically, anything that demonstrates that you are confident by yourself. This also infers you will be less validation-seeking because you can look after yourself. Also, that you use your time effectively working on your own life goals. These are attractive qualities.

Demonstrating empathy in your bio

To convey empathy in your bio mention that you would like to share experiences together. For example:

  • “I also enjoy a sunset walk with coffee cake and good conversation or hiking to the middle of nowhere and getting lost together”

These are great ways of demonstrating empathy; that you enjoy a connection with women. Moreover, it allows a woman to imagine herself being part of your life. This is a hugely important aspect as you want to give her a snapshot of your personality about what you are like, whilst also showing that there is room for you both to share time together.

The perfect online dating bio

Blending these together offers a great example of something that would work well within your profile:

  • “I love to travel solo, read classic novels and enjoy good quality food shared with great company”

Just to point out that I intentionally used the word “love” because it is a great word to use in your bio.

Power words in your bio

Similarly, stating “good quality food,” rather than simply ‘good food’, is more appealing, as is “good quality food shared with great company,” as it reveals a more attractive choice of phrasing.

In effect, you are using more powerful words to illuminate your character to attract the type of woman that you would like to meet. So that type of bio where you blend both confidence and empathy together tends to work well on all dating sites.

Confidence and empathy form some of the most significant characteristics of highly seductive men, which is outlined in my infographic below. To learn more about the traits of seductive archetypes, you can read my how to seduce women article.

The 5 male archetypes that attract women

How to get the most out of dating apps?

There are a few online dating tips that I can give you here that will give you the maximum amount of benefit for your time invested. Of prime importance is to pick your top three dating apps and use them for one month at a time. This is because all online dating sites tend to give the newest members the most matches.

How to use multiple dating apps

As an example you select Tinder to use for the first month, then you delete it and move onto a different app for the next month. Finally, you go onto your third app for the last month.

You can cycle this throughout the year and it offers added benefits:

  • It can become boring if you are on the same app all of the time, so this mixes it up and keeps it up-to-date
  • The first month on a dating app is generally free so you can save yourself money

Online dating location setting

Set your location to different areas within the same country. If you set it to different cities within the country, you may find that there is one specific area where you tend to get a lot more matches, meaning that you are more likely to meet your ideal woman there.

If dating a certain type of woman is important to you, this could be a sign that a potential move should perhaps be a future consideration for you. Or try setting your location to a different country that you would like to visit as this is a great way of meeting women before you go.

Either way, expanding your search may offer interesting options.

Best times to send online dating messages

Send messages in the evening between 9:00 PM and 10:00 PM, and do not reply until the next day. The reason for this delay is that it actually forms the first foundations of a seduction because:

  • You are allowing a woman to think about you when you are not in her presence
  • She will think about you all night and be waiting for your reply
  • The longer that you can do that, the more you are beginning to seduce her

That is a very powerful principle and one worth remembering to help you build attraction. As depicted in the image below we can also teach you some eye contact attraction building principles for when you go on your first dates. To find out more about our coaching visit our live training page.

model looking at the camera with three eye contact attraction principles

What are some online dating messages that get responses?

In my experience, reflective statements work well in generating a response both online and also face-to-face. They are very simple to use. All you have to do is reflect back what someone says to you.

The most basic form is called an echo where you simply repeat the final few words of what a woman says to you – almost as a summary of her words. This shows that you are actively listening to her words.

I am going to outline three reflective techniques that I teach in my dating confidence courses. You can use these in your online dating interactions.

Simple online dating messages

The first one is a pure reflection. This is where ‘you feel (insert emotion) because of (insert reason).’ For example, if a girl says to you: “I’m really excited about going on holiday to South America next year. And I’ve got loads of friends over there.”

You would respond: “You are excited because you have got friends in South America and you are going to visit them.”

You don’t make it a question. Instead, you make it a succinct statement: You feel (insert the emotion) because of (insert the reason).

That is known as a pure reflection. Importantly, this demonstrates empathy and forms the first foundations of trust and is a fantastic way of connecting with women. You can easily use this technique when you are sending messages online.

Deeper online dating messages

The second type of reflection is called a balanced reflection. These are great to use if you are talking to someone who seems a little conflicted or contradictory in their opinions. For example, if a girl’s dating profile says that she really enjoys her job, works a lot of hours and also likes travelling.

You could reply to her: “Oh, so on the one hand, you are very passionate about your work. Yet, on the other hand, you like to let loose and travel.”

If you send a message like that, a girl will recognise that you have a deeper level of understanding, because you have identified conflicting aspects of her personality. So reflecting back with a balanced reflection helps build the first foundations of trust.

Flirty online dating messages

The final one is called a ‘contrast and shine reflection.’ This is a way of misinterpreting what someone says by drawing a contrast around their words. Using contrast is interesting because anytime that we speak about any topic, we are automatically using contrasts. I will give you an example so it makes sense.

If a girl says: “I’ve just got back from an amazing holiday in Egypt where we did kite surfing, kayaking, and I even did a bungee jump.”

If you wanted to make a simple reflective statement – a pure reflection which I spoke about earlier – you would state: “You feel amazing because you had an adventurous holiday.” However, if you want to use the ‘contrast and shine reflection,’ you would reply: “You have had an adventurous holiday compared to your normal life.”

So the technique is that you take what she says and you contrast it to something else – in this case with her normal day-to-day life.

The core messaging technique

The contrast and shine is a different type of reflection and is simple to use, and, importantly, conveys intelligence on your part. And, as in the example that I gave you, it is a little bit flirty, because, in essence, you are inferring that her normal life is a little bit boring. Hence why she was so adventurous on her holiday; “You have had an adventure compared to your normal life.”

The ‘contrast and shine’ is an intelligent way of sending a message as it has a subtext to it. Moreover, women will tend to pick up on the fact that you are intelligent enough to use this technique.

Intelligence is one key way of giving women ‘a seductive moment,’ which my infographic highlights below. To discover more about how to create seductive moments read my seduction techniques article.

5 ways to seduce a woman that help in online dating messages and face-to-face

What are some funny online dating messages?

Again we can use reflective statements. On my dating confidence courses, I teach a few more ways that you can use reflections to be flirty with women – a few of which can be used in online dating messages.

Fun online dating messages

The first reflective statement is called ‘the opposite and exaggerate.’ This is where you take what a girl says and in your reply, you respond with the direct opposite of what you were going to say and you exaggerate it.

For instance, if a girl says: “I like the fact that I still look young at 30 because it allows me to pick up modelling work from girls who are supposed to be 21 to 24.”

A straightforward reflective statement to build a connection would be: “You feel happy because you look young.” However, using ‘the opposite and exaggerate’: “So you are concerned because since you have turned 30, you have aged overnight, and now you will probably never work in the modelling industry again”

Points to remember:

  • Take her statement and deliberately answer with the opposite of what she meant and exaggerate it
  • This injects humour into your interaction which is attractive
  • Your intention is to generate a playful response from her

You may require a few times in the real world to test this; to gauge a woman’s response before you use it online. But the opposite and exaggerate is a fundamental principle that I teach because it works.

Playful online dating messages

And the other funny online dating message that you can use is called the ‘succinct and powerful’. This is another use of reflective listening. For example, if a girl says: “I’m going to a club in central London on Saturday night. I can’t wait to go for cocktails and then get on the guestlist into the club.

A straightforward reflective statement would be: “You are excited because you have a fun night planned.” In fact, that is a great reflective statement because you are demonstrating empathy. However, using the ‘succinct and powerful’ you would simply respond: “You need alcohol again.”

In effect:

  • You make her words as succinct as you possibly can
  • You misinterpret her meaning to make your comment more powerful

You can use both of these strategies when you are messaging women on dating apps. And as I have already mentioned, using them as part of your normal conversational strategies will also work well. Below is an image from one of my dating courses where I demonstrate exactly how to use the ‘The Opposite and Exaggerate’ technique.

Gary Gunn with a model teaching men how to flirt with women

Strategies for success with online dating?

To achieve success with online dating remember that different women find different attributes in men attractive. Although there are steps you can take to increase your general level of attractiveness, you need to accept being attractive to every woman is not possible.

Yet, conversely, unattractive traits are by and large considered unattractive to all women.

Unattractive traits when online dating

So in order to be more successful with your online dating, a good standard to follow is to avoid being unattractive in your messages. This will automatically make you more attractive to every woman because you will not be putting them off. This is one of the most invaluable (and easy to apply) tips for online dating I can give you.

There are three things here that you can do to avoid being unattractive in your profile:

  • Never use emojis

Emojis are validation-seeking as is replying ‘haha’. If you are trying to convey an emotion using emojis, use words instead.

  • Avoid using contractions

Contractions are any time you shorten your words or abbreviate them, so write they are instead of they’re for example, or we are instead of we’re.

  • Consider not using exclamation points

Another tip is to consider how exclamation points come across, and moreover, whether you even need to use them at all in your message. When you reply using three or four exclamation points, it can appear excessive, harsh or sarcastic. If you are going to use them, limit them to one per message.

I have created the helpful infographic below to outline other ways that you may be conveying unattractive traits to women, both face-to-face and online. I suggest also reading my dating coach for men article as having an awareness of these traits will immeasurably improve your dating interactions.

9 signs of male insecurity that turn women off

Online dating conversation starter examples?

Below are three real-life examples of messages that I worked on with clients taking my Skype coaching. These are messages that we sent that elicited a response and opened up an initial dialogue.

Eliciting an emotional response

The first one: “So you are a party girl from Poland who reads self-development books, that is hardly quality over quantity.

The explanation for constructing this message: Obviously we worked out from her profile that she was Polish. She articulated that she likes nights out and self-development books. However, the most interesting aspect was her assertion that she preferred quality over quantity.

In sending that message we were taking a snapshot of her personality, yet intelligently pointing out that what she stated in her profile was inconsistent. In essence, we were drawing her attention to the fact that her profile didn’t make sense because she said something which contradicted another aspect.

So a great opening message is:

  • One where you can point out something that a girl is doing incorrectly in her profile in a fun way
  • Where you can evoke an emotional response from her by being playful about any aspect of her online dating bio

Open-ended messages

The second one: “So you are a relationship manager who is not in a relationship… ”

It is preferable to use ellipses (…) in your messages rather than asking a question because it keeps what you are saying open. The reason why we sent this message is that the girl’s job was a relationship manager, so given the context of online dating, I thought it was quite funny.

This is a great example of sending a funny message that creatively comes to you. If you see something in a profile that amuses you, then compose the message and send it.

Simple and fun messages

The third message: “Lucy…It took me 30 minutes to read your profile… I feel like I know everything about you.

In fact, this girl had nothing written in her bio. Therefore our aim was to draw her attention to the fact that she had written nothing about herself. Again, this message generated a fun response because we playfully called her out on the inadequacy of her bio.

So these are three examples of messages that work well online. You can take these examples and edit them to work well for you. I recommend sending all three in different ways. You now have the techniques, so go and use them and see how you get on.

If you would also like to start conversations with women in real-life scenarios then the infographic I have created below will help you, as will reading my how to approach women article.

9 ways to help you approach and initiate conversation with women

How to online date as a man?

There are three different ways that you can online date as a man that will help you to get better results. They will also encourage women to message you first.

The first one is to post a challenge at the end of your bio. The intention is to generate a response from women and make it very easy for them to reply to you.

Online dating tips – Include challenges

I have two awesome examples here:

  • “No one has ever guessed the city in my third photo… get it right and first drink is on me...”

By laying down this challenge, you are making it effortless for a girl to make a guess. Additionally, you are also setting up the first date.

  • “The dog in my last photo is called Roscoe, Hemingway or Arlo. You get one guess and if you get it right, then we can walk him together.”

This induces an energetic and fun response as she will picture herself walking the dog alongside you. That is an awesome way of getting women to message you first, in addition to getting them invested in your profile and in meeting you.

Online dating tips – Include images that stand out

The second thing that will help you to online date as a man is to use colours in your main profile picture to make you stand out.


  • Wear accessories, such as a scarf or a hat that have different colours so that they bring you to life
  • Have a vibrant colour in your background with flowers, a park, or a colourful building for example

One of the things that we have done in the past is to take our clients to the Tate Modern Art Gallery. Here you can take photos with the famous paintings in the background. This is great because it instantly allows you to stand out from the image, as well as conveying an attractive quality about you.

Remember that using colours in some way in your profile will help tremendously.

Online dating tips – Accept rejection

The final piece of advice here is to accept that you will encounter rejection. This will happen because, at some point, everyone gets rejected online dating. However, the takeaway here is to use it as an opportunity to develop your emotional control.

So if you get frustrated, annoyed or disappointed, these are insights into your character. Anytime I feel any of these emotions, I channel them as a way of developing my internal resources. Personally, I use meditation and emotional clearance exercises as a way to develop my character, which is something that you can learn to do.

For anyone interested in developing their emotional control and coping strategies take a look at my infographic below. You can also read my full meditation article which includes video tutorials on meditation and emotional clearances that will help you.

7 meditative practices will make you more attractive

No one responds to my online dating messages?

This is quite a difficult question to respond to because it could be your profile or your bio which is putting women off, rather than the messages that you are sending. As a result, I have decided to give you a problem-solving tool that you can use for yourself:

Not receiving any matches?

If you are not receiving any matches, then it is clear to me that you need to work on your photos. And I have given you examples earlier in this article about how to get more from your photos.

Not receiving initial messages from women?

And by this, I mean that women are never sending you a message first, then your bio needs work. Add some calls to action or fun challenges to allow women an easy way of messaging you first.

Not receiving any replies from women?

Lastly, if you are not receiving any replies from women at all, then you need to work on your messaging strategy. Again, I covered this earlier in the article.

Problem-solving with online dating is very simple. If you employ the principles outlined above it will help you. One further point on this, if you are highly intelligent then you may fall into the trap of over-analysing your interactions with women. The following infographic guide will help you improve your dating results, as will reading my four dating struggles of highly intelligent men article.

4 difficulties that intelligent men encounter when dating

Professional online dating help?

For the last decade, my company, Social Attraction, has been offering online dating advice via Skype coaching and online dating makeovers. There are a few things that we have learned that have really helped people with online dating.

Modern dating strategies

The first one is to take the time to learn modern dating strategies. People who contact me on my consultation calls often ask me to look at their dating profile, or ask whether I can help them to get more matches online. And what I point out is that it is more about developing your dating confidence in general. Because your online dating profile is really a snapshot of your personality or your character. Accordingly, if your character grows more attractive, then your online dating profile will likewise become more attractive.

To me, it is somewhat short-sighted to simply think I need help with my dating profile. A better question to ask yourself is how do I become a more confident or attractive man?

In acknowledging that your online dating profile represents the person that you are, you can then focus on developing your interests, communication and social skills.

As a result:

  • You can become a more competent and self-assured person who has better coping resources
  • You will start to write a better dating profile because you will have more varied interests and confidence
  • Importantly, your photos will match your new persona

Analyse your online dating statistics

The second thing you can do is document your actions. So take screenshots of your profiles, your messages; everything that you have been doing online because this way it can be analysed. You can look back on it a month later and see areas for improvement.

Another advantage is that if you end up booking onto some of my Skype coaching sessions and your activity and results are documented, it is easier for me to see what you are doing and tell you straight away how you can improve.

Get online dating support

The final thing I would like to say is that online dating can be hard when you don’t get results straight away. Or you manage to get into conversations, but then your dates don’t turn up, or the dates don’t go well.

If you are frustrated and you need help, then seek support. You don’t have to do everything yourself. It is the reason why I set up my business, Social Attraction because I used to struggle immensely in this area. We have many different ways that we can support you.

These include:

  • Becoming more confident
  • Getting more matches with the women that you like
  • Sending better quality messages
  • Building the first foundations of a seduction
  • Ultimately meeting more women in person and going on more dates

We can also teach you how to become more confident with women in the real world. For example, as per the image below, we can train you in how to connect with women. To find out more about the courses we offer go to our live training page.

Model with a light behind her and three ways to connect in conversation


  • No spelling mistakes or grammatical errors as these put women off
  • New users are ranked higher on all dating sites
  • Paid sites have more women looking for a serious relationship
  • Online dating sites rank you higher each time you update your profile

Your Photos

  • Use natural photos and not staged ones
  • Use different colours in your main profile picture
  • Wear colourful accessories such as a scarf or hat

Your Bio

  • Do not over-exaggerate aspects of your personality
  • Include the type of women you do not want to meet
  • Demonstrate confidence by stating activities you enjoy doing with friends and alone
  • Show empathy by mentioning experiences that you could share together
  • Post a challenge at the end of your bio that generates a response from women

Your Messages

  • Flirting messages by being playful and mentioning errors in her profile
  • Empathy messages by using the same words as she does in her bio
  • Soften questions by adding in I am curious, or I am intrigued
  • Do not answer her questions to create mystery and sexual tension
  • Send messages in the evening between 9pm-10pm
  • Do not use emojis
  • Avoid using contractions
  • Try not to use “haha” as it is validation-seeking
  • Avoid exclamation points as they can be harsh

First Dates

  • Steer clear of formal dates such as dinner or lunch as it adds too much pressure
  • Mini-date by having a few smaller experiences planned
  • Always organise your second date whilst you are on your first date

Problem Solving

  • No matches – then you need to work on your photos
  • No first messages from women – then you need to work on your bio
  • No replies from women – then you need to work on your messaging strategy

Meeting Women Abroad

  • When visiting a new city go online 4 weeks before and set up some dates in advance
  • Try setting your location to a new city to see if your results are increased
  • Keep texting to a minimum and instead set up video calls

Taking The Next Steps

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.

He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.

As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.
Dating Coach