How To Overcome Approach Anxiety | In-Depth Explainer With Video

How To Overcome Approach Anxiety | In-Depth Explainer With Video

How To Overcome Approach Anxiety | In-Depth Explainer With Video

How To Overcome Approach Anxiety | In-Depth Explainer With Video

How To Overcome Approach Anxiety | In-Depth Explainer With Video

Written by Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

So how do we overcome approach anxiety, what is it, and what are the best strategies to beat our fear of approaching attractive women?

In this tutorial, I will explain the top three ways to destroy your approach anxiety, give you instant self-confidence and I will also cover the single biggest mistake that men make when approaching women.

Approach anxiety is a fear of approaching women who we find attractive. It tends to manifest in our body with a higher heart rate, clammy hands or perfuse sweating. Outwardly we tend to speak in a higher-pitched voice, speed up our words or we may even start stuttering.


So how do we overcome approach anxiety?


Approach anxiety is caused by the belief that there is a high-level chance that we will be rejected if we approach a girl in that specific scenario – whether it is in a bar, during the daytime or even online dating.

The key part here is that approach anxiety is the fear of potential rejection.


Did you know that approach anxiety takes two seconds to manifest in our bodies?!?


STOP – You need to pay attention to this part.

So the stimulus is that we see an attractive lady and then the response is we feel anxious two seconds later.

We can create a new habit between the stimulus and our automatic response. This two-second widow is paramount to overcoming your approach anxiety – more on this later.

Now back to our fear of rejection.

If we believed 100% that all women would be receptive to our approach then our fear of rejection would be extinguished.

The good news is that if we learn how to overcome our fear of rejection then we also cure our approach anxiety simultaneously.


So let’s understand exactly what the fear of rejection is…


Rejection is simply a sensation that we feel in our bodies nothing more and nothing less. Once we understand that it is only a fleeting feeling then we can either prevent this sensation from coming up in the first place or we can reduce the feeling when we are anxious.

The end result is that if we remove the feeling of rejection then we will be able to approach and speak to any women at any time.

Before I explain the top three ways to overcome approach anxiety, let’s understand the single biggest mistake that men make when approaching women.

Most men most of the time when they first approach an attractive woman tend to ply her with question after question:

  • What is your name?
  • Where are you from?
  • What do you do for a living?

For the girl, this feels like they are in an interview and will quickly make their excuses and leave.

Instead, simply turn that question into a statement to add value into the interaction. The easiest way to do this is to take a guess:

  • You sound like you have a foreign name.
  • You look like you are from South America.
  • I bet you work in fashion.

The fewer questions we ask women and the more statements we make, the more engaging we become in conversation.


Now, let’s get back to the top three ways to overcome approach anxiety once and for all.


First, let’s have a quick recap

  • We see an attractive lady
  • 2 seconds pass
  • We feel anxious

The following three ways will eradicate your approach anxiety if you implement them within the first two seconds on seeing an attractive girl.

Once you have learned all three strategies stay tuned as I’ll be explaining how they all work together in the real world.


The first way to overcome approach anxiety is known as power posing


Power posing is when we replicate the body language of someone who is feeling 100% confident and self-assured. Imagine your posture in the following three scenarios:

  • Winning a gold medal at the Olympics
  • Winning the football world cup
  • Winning the lottery

Try adopting any of these poses now and see how they instantly energise your body and also your mind.

Another great example of power posing is when the British army say the word “ATTENTION” to their squadron of soldiers; this sparks an immediate shift in their posture to stand upright with their shoulders back and arms straight by their side – energising them and allowing them to be ready to follow the next order.

The end result is that a swift and powerful change to your body language into a power posing posture invigorates your body and allows you to be ready to take action.

So next time you see an attractive girl that you want to speak to; pull a power pose within the first two seconds of seeing her – it doesn’t have to be a big one – it can be small enough so no one in the vicinity sees and then notice how in energises your body and also reduces your approach anxiety.

Did you know that power posing can also be used after an interaction with women?!?

Let’s say you approach a girl in a bar and she quickly shuts you down in front of everyone and you begin to feel the sensation of being rejected – simply pull a power pose to interrupt your pattern of negativity.

Remember rejection is only a fleeting feeling, so the faster you pull a power pose when you are beginning to feel rejected the quicker you can enter back into a positive and healthy mindset.

The end result is that knowing the feeling of rejection can no longer affect your state will allow you to become more confident, self-assured and attractive as a man.


The second way to overcome approach anxiety is with affirmations


Affirmations or mantras are influential; where power posing energises our bodies mantras energise and focus our minds.

Let’s try this right now by answering the following question – If you had only three seconds to live and you had to pass on one piece of positive advice to your son what would it be?

Your answer to this question is known as an affirmation or a personal mantra and when you repeat these to yourself within the first 2 seconds of seeing an attractive lady they allow you to focus your mind onto empowering and meaningful statements which have the effect of reducing your approach anxiety.

The more energy you give to these saying these statements the more impact they will have on your confidence with women at that moment in time.

Another great way to come up with your own affirmation is to imagine what someone you respect would be telling you in that split second

  • It can be someone you admire in the real world
  • A fictional hero from a film who you love
  • Or it can even be yourself when you are feeling at your most confident.

These statements are known as third-party affirmations and can be powerful for controlling your focus and remaining positive and upbeat and as a result, diminish your approach anxiety.

So next time you see attractive women say your personal mantra to yourself within the first two seconds of seeing her and you will notice that you maintain your composure instead of allowing your fear to consume you.


The final way to overcome approach anxiety is known as “getting proximity”


Most men most of the time when they walk into a café or a bar and see an attractive girl deliberately sit or stand far away from her to “not make it obvious” and then ponder for ages about how to start a conversation.

Getting proximity turns this idea on its head by deliberately getting close enough to a girl to start a conversation with her – a good distance is 1.5-2 metres away.

Proximity in the real world means

  • Sitting at the table next to a girl when you walk into a coffee shop
  • Standing next to a woman when she is already standing by the bar
  • It can even be sitting next to a lady in an airport waiting area.

The simple act of getting physically close enough to start a conversation with women will save you time, effort and energy and also reduce your approach anxiety.

So how does proximity work in practice?

During you day to day life when opportunities present themselves to speak to a woman, often we can be feeling tired so it feels like too much effort or on our way to work and it seems like too big a task.

The reason why it feels like such a big investment for us is because we are thinking too far ahead in the interaction; our mind is firmly on:

  • What will I say?
  • How do I start a conversation?
  • What if she rejects me?

By telling ourselves that we only need to “get proximity” we diminish the effort in our mind and make it super easy to get close enough to start a conversation and as a result destroy our approach anxiety.

So remember next time you see an attractive woman all you have to do is “to get proximity” and don’t worries we have more tutorials coming on how to ignite a conversation with women.


Now let’s wrap all of this up and show you how to implement all of these lessons together to overcome approach anxiety once and for all


  • We see an attractive lady
  • We power pose and say our mantra within the first 2 seconds
  • We then tell ourselves that we only need to get proximity
  • We simply get close enough to start a conversation
  • Done – you have now learned how to overcome your approach anxiety once and for all.
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