How To Overcome Approach Anxiety | Three Simple Techniques (that work)

How To Overcome Approach Anxiety | Three Simple Techniques (that work)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

Approach anxiety is a fear of approaching women who we find attractive and it can feel impossible to overcome. There is a range of different ways we may experience this, but most men report the following:

  • It tends to manifest in our body with a higher heart rate, clammy hands or perfuse sweating
  • Outwardly we tend to speak in a higher-pitched voice, speed up our words or we may even start stuttering

In this article, I will give the top three techniques to destroy our approach anxiety, which will result in giving us instant self-confidence.

I will also be covering the single biggest mistake that men make when approaching women.

What is Approach Anxiety?

So how do we overcome approach anxiety, what is it, and what are the best strategies to beat our fear of approaching attractive women?

Approach anxiety is caused by the belief that there is a high-level chance that we will be rejected if we approach a girl in that specific scenario.

This is regardless if it is in a bar, during the daytime, or even online dating.

The key part here is that approach anxiety is the fear of potential rejection.

Did you know that approach anxiety takes two seconds to manifest in our bodies?

So the stimulus is that we see an attractive girl and then the response is we feel anxious two seconds later.

However, we can actually create a new habit between the stimulus and our automatic response.

This two-second widow is paramount to overcoming our approach anxiety, and I will come back to this later in the article.

Now back to our fear of rejection.

If we believed 100% that all women would be receptive to our approach then our fear of rejection would be extinguished.

The good news is that if we learn how to overcome our fear of rejection then we also cure our approach anxiety simultaneously.

So let’s understand exactly what the fear of rejection is…

Rejection is simply a sensation that we feel in our bodies; nothing more and nothing less.

Once we understand that it is only a fleeting feeling, then we can either:

  • Prevent this sensation from coming up in the first place
  • Or we can reduce the feeling when we are anxious

The end result is that if we remove the feeling of rejection we will be able to approach and speak to any women at any time.

Before I explain the top three ways to overcome approach anxiety, let’s understand the single biggest mistake that men make when approaching women.

When they first approach an attractive woman many men tend to ply her with question after question:

  • What is your name?
  • Where are you from?
  • What do you do for a living?

For the girl, this feels like they are in an interview and will quickly make their excuses and leave.

Statements add value to the conversation.

Instead, simply turn that question into a statement to add value to the interaction.

The easiest way to do this is to take a guess:

  • You sound like you have a foreign name.
  • You look like you are from South America.
  • I bet you work in fashion.

The fewer questions we ask women and the more statements we make, the more engaging we become in conversation.

Using statements to add value is one way of ensuring that women will remember us in conversation.

To learn other valuable ways take a look at my infographic below. You can also read my related article here where I outline how to amplify attraction with a girl during conversation – Seduction Techniques | How To Get Women To Think About You Non-Stop

5 ways to diminish anxiety with women and instead seduce them

Overcome Approach Anxiety #1 – Power Posing

Let’s now get back to the top three ways to overcome approach anxiety.

Once we have learned all three strategies I will explain how they all work together in the real world.

The first way is by power posing.

Power posing is when we replicate the body language of someone who is feeling 100% confident and self-assured.

Imagine our posture in the following three scenarios:

  • Winning the lottery
  • Winning a gold medal at the Olympics
  • Being the goal scorer and winning the football world cup

Try adopting any of these poses now and see how they instantly energise our body and also our mind.

Another great example of power posing is when the British army says the word ‘Attention’ to their squadron of soldiers.

This sparks an immediate shift in their posture to stand upright with their shoulders back and arms straight by their side.

In effect energising them and allowing them to be ready to follow the next order.

A swift and powerful change to our body language into a power posing posture invigorates our body.

It allows us to be ready to take action.

So next time we see an attractive girl that we want to speak to, pull a power pose within the first two seconds of seeing her.

  • It doesn’t have to be a big movement
  • It can be subtle and small enough so no one in the vicinity sees
  • Notice how it energises our body and also how it reduces our approach anxiety

Moreover, power posing can also be used after an interaction with women.

Let’s say we approach a girl in a bar and she quickly shuts us down in front of everyone. As a result, we begin to feel the sensation of being rejected.

A power pose interrupts our pattern of negativity.

Here it is important to remember that rejection is only a fleeting feeling.

Therefore the faster we pull a power pose when we are beginning to feel rejected, the quicker we can enter back into a positive and healthy mindset.

Knowing the feeling of rejection can no longer affect our state will allow us to become more confident, self-assured and attractive as a man.

To learn some fun and easy ways to approach a woman we find attractive take a look at my infographic below.

Again you can read my related article here where I go into detail on each approach – How To Approach Women | The Ultimate Guide (with illustrations)

9 different techniques to help overcome anxiety and approach women

Overcome Approach Anxiety #2 – Using Affirmations

Affirmations or mantras are influential.

Where power posing energises our bodies, mantras energise and focus our minds.

Let’s try this right now by answering the following question:

If you had only three seconds to live and you had to pass on one piece of positive advice to your son what would it be?

Our answer to this question is known as an affirmation or a personal mantra.

  • When we repeat this to ourself within the first 2 seconds of seeing an attractive woman it allows us to focus our mind onto empowering and meaningful statements
  • The more energy we give to saying these statements, the more impact they will have on our confidence with women at that moment in time

This has the effect of reducing our approach anxiety.

Mantras keep our mind focused and positive.

Another great way to come up with our own affirmation is to imagine what someone we respect would be telling us in that split second:

  • It can be someone we admire in the real world
  • A fictional hero from a film who we love
  • It can even be ourself when we are feeling at our most confident

These statements are known as third-party affirmations.

They can be powerful for controlling our focus and in helping us remain positive and upbeat. As a result, they help diminish our approach anxiety.

So next time we see attractive women repeat our personal mantra to ourself within the first two seconds of seeing her.

Crucially, we will notice that we maintain our composure instead of allowing our fear to consume us.

To help us recognise when a woman is attracted to us I have created the below infographic. I also suggest you read my article here – Signs She Wants You Sexually | The Ultimate Men’s Guide (top five ways)

5 signals to look out for when a woman is attracted to you

Overcome Approach Anxiety #3 – Getting Proximity

When they walk into a café or a bar and see an attractive girl most men deliberately sit or stand far away from her to ‘not make it obvious’.

They then ponder for ages about how to start a conversation.

Getting proximity turns this idea on its head by deliberately getting close enough to a girl to start a conversation with her. A good distance is 1.5-2 metres away.

Examples of proximity in the real world mean:

  • Sitting at the table next to a girl when we walk into a coffee shop
  • Standing next to a woman when she is already standing by the bar
  • Sitting next to a girl in an airport waiting area

The simple act of getting physically close enough to start a conversation with women will save us time, effort and energy. It will also reduce our approach anxiety.

So how does proximity work in practice?

During our day-to-day life when opportunities present themselves to speak to a woman, often we can be feeling tired, or be on our way to work.

Therefore it feels like too much effort and too big a task.

The reason why it feels like such a big investment for us is that we are thinking too far ahead in the interaction.

Our mind is firmly on:

  • What will I say?
  • How do I start a conversation?
  • What if she rejects me?

By telling ourselves that we only need to ‘get proximity’ we diminish the effort in our mind.

This makes it super easy to get close enough to start a conversation and, as a result, destroy our approach anxiety.

It is worth bearing in mind that, likewise, a woman will also get proximity with you when she finds you attractive and wants to be approached.

My infographic underneath will help you to recognise the other key signs a woman gives when she wants you to come and speak to her. Click on the link to read the related article – Signs She Wants To Be Approached | The Five Clear Go-Ahead Signals

5 ways to help overcome approach anxiety and know when she wants to be approached


So when you see an attractive girl remember to implement the following within the first two seconds:

  • #1 – Power pose. Adopt the invigorating body language pose of a winner. This can be a subtle movement, but our minds will associate it to feeling energetic and positive.
  • #2 – Affirmations. Having a personal mantra will instil confidence and influence our minds to stay focused and positive.
  • #3 – Get proximity. Simply get close enough to start a conversation with her and don’t think too far ahead in the interaction.

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