On Playing The Victim in Life & Dating

On Playing The Victim in Life & Dating

On Playing The Victim in Life & Dating

On Playing The Victim in Life & Dating

On Playing The Victim in Life & Dating

Written by Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

I look on Instagram and I see male dating coaches telling you to be more masculine, advocating that you tune into your birth-right as a man and rid yourself of your child psychology. What amuses me is the people that they are speaking to, what I mean by this is that they are going on live videos and sharing posts that are only getting read by people they have met like friends and family and in all likelihood have zero interest in their services – yet they post “just in case”.

Let’s do the maths one hour minimum per day thinking about what to post, taking the time to post it and then checking for your likes and comment for the rest of the day – in reality, this is more like 3 hours. Anyway, posting to Instagram is at best one hour a day equating to 365 hours a year at worst 3 hours a day equating to around 1000 hours in wasted time a year.

When you look through the subtext you can see that these people do not know how to market their services and instead and going for the shotgun approach.


Would you trust this man with your dating life?


I am sure that he has good information, yet if he can’t find himself an audience how is he going to find you a date? It reminds me of when I first started coaching over ten years ago; I have all these great ideas:

  • Go to bars and clubs and give out my business cards – I did this and what a waste of time effort, energy and also sleep.
  • Record 100 YouTube videos – I have probably recorded over 1000 and have finally learned my lessons.
  • Post to social media to “keep people engaged” yawn and it does not work as you may think.
  • Hire a top digital marketing agency and waste £60K – yep I have done that too. If I did not know how to market my own business then how can I expect other people too? It is a fallacy to think that you can outsource all areas of your life – you are not the victim and it is time to stop playing the part.

Why is all this important because the way in which we go about our business, our lives and our dating strategy are all linked together. Holes in one area creates holes in another – I want to contact these other coaches and help them, yet at the same time, I realise that they are living through their own Karma.


What do I mean by that?


Buddhists believe that we have to live through our own desires and path to get to the next phase of our lives, for example, if you always want to go on holiday to Brazil until you physically go and travel there you will not know what is behind that desire – most people in life do not live through their Karma and are forever destined to live out the same life and again until some kind of tragedy reveals itself in the circle of life and fate.


The Art Of Seduction With Women | Gary Gunn | Full Length HD


So back to these other coaches, it is their duty and their cross to bear if they wish to become successful in life then they must go through their own burdens and overcome their own challenges – most quit or blame external circumstances – occasionally we get a star of the show who makes it through the rain and finds a way. Your dating life, no wait, your whole life is built upon the same fundamentals.

When I started my company Social Attraction I had £30K in the bank and this was “my buffer” so what did I do? I used that money to live off until it ran out, only then did I become creative and start to grow my business, necessity breeds creativity.


Why is this important to your dating life?


Because this is a normal human condition to not take action until we need too, I have seen this played out with my clients staying in unhealthy relationships because it is easier than entering the dating game again. Or individuals who settle in dating and life because of fear – fear is what prevents all of us from obtaining what we desire in life.

This brings me on to the distinction between goals and intent – how many of us have read that we need goals:

Fitness goals – check.

Financial goals – check.

Friend goals – check.

Family goals – check.

Diet goals – check.

YAWN – these do not work and I am so bored of seeing people online speaking about them; the reality is that as soon as we start on our journey goals become irrelevant and we all know this feeling. Instead intent is an overall direction that we are heading, here is a cast-iron example, ten years ago I realised that I had massive gaps of knowledge to become a top coach, I realised that I have to work on the way that I spoke, I have to have a wider vocabulary in a nutshell for me to become the man that I am today I had to set my intent.

By having an intent I have read over 500 books, recorded over 170 podcast episodes, written over 300 blogs and also hosted at least 1000 dating coaching sessions. None of these were goal-driven, a goal creates stress, pressure and overwhelm – Instead, I just knew the general direction in which I was travelling.


Now, let’s get back to fear.


How easy is it to post an inspiring quote online?

How easy is it to tell people you have had a difficult time?

How easy is it to talk nonsense with no real understanding?

In life, as mentioned we all have our challenges and victim mentality is the role that most of us play when things in our life get difficult – the reality is that this philosophy may allow you to feel better at the moment – yet if we zoom out we can see the reality.

Man 1 day 1 – things get hard I will play the victim and do nothing.

Man 2 day 1 – this is hard I am going to overcome this challenge.

Imagine 365 days later, picture 10 years later, visualise the difference.


Stop playing the victim.


 

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