Signs She’s Flirting With You | The Comprehensive Guide (updated 2021)

Signs She’s Flirting With You | The Comprehensive Guide (updated 2021)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I am going to outline the main signs she’s flirting with you. In doing so, I will be answering 15 of the most common questions that I get asked about whether a woman is flirting.

Being able to identify when a woman finds you attractive and is flirting will help you tremendously in your dating interactions. You will learn clear signs of female attraction including:

  • Verbal signs that a woman is trying to flirt (in conversation)
  • Body language indicators that she is flirting (to get your attention)
  • The distinction between being flirting and being friendly (saving you time)

By the end of this article, you will have a blueprint for knowing when a woman is giving you clear, go-ahead signals. This will help you to progress your relationship with her.

If you would like to generate signs of interest from women in the real world, then book onto our next dating confidence course. Watch video testimonials from our clients on YouTube here: Dating confidence course for men reviews:

Daygame dating course for men to regain confidence

How do you tell if a girl is flirty or likes you?

One instant way to tell if a girl likes you and is flirting with you is when she asks you functional questions like:

  • Do you live around here?
  • What do you do for a living?
  • How old are you?

Women tend to ask functional questions because there is a level of interest in you and she wants to know more about you. Likewise, if you ask a woman these types of questions, then you are also showing that you like her and find her attractive.

If you want to be less obvious and more mysterious in your dating interactions with women, then I would suggest avoiding asking these types of questions.

Emotional-based questions

Instead, try and steer towards more emotional-based questions.

Questions such as:

  • How did you come to do that job?
  • Why do you like travelling so much?
  • How come you like to dress in a stylish way?

These are much better questions to ask women as they do not reveal your intent. They also reflect a high degree of emotional intelligence on your part – a trait that is highly attractive.

My infographic below depicts the three types of intelligence you ideally want to convey in your conversations with women, with emotional intelligence critically forming one of these. To learn more on how to display each intelligence read my how to carry on a conversation with women article.

3 types of intelligence to convey to women after she has displayed signs of flirting with you

Female body language signs of attraction?

The main female body language signal of attraction is when a woman smiles at you.

This can be as your eyes catch across the room. Or it can be as she starts smiling more at you during the course of a conversation.


Smiling is a very clear body language sign of attraction that a woman will give you if she is flirting with you and enjoys your company.

However, recognising the progression of when a woman is smiling at you and whether she continues to smile at you during the conversation is important.

As a general rule if a woman is smiling during the initial conversation, but then begins to smile less as the interaction progresses, it is likely because we have demonstrated something unattractive about ourselves.

Interpreting her smile

In my experience, this is often because we have conveyed one of the following traits:

  • Been judgmental; meaning we have assigned a judgement to something she has said
  • Over-exaggerated something about ourselves to try and sound better

Both these traits indicate that we are insecure in some way. Moreover, they are unattractive to women.

To learn more about the other signs of insecurity you may be conveying in your conversations with women take a look at my infographic below. I also recommend reading my dating coach for men article where I go into detail about how to avoid displaying these traits in your conversations with women.

9 signs of male insecurity that turn women off and stop them flirting back

Physical signs a woman is interested in you?

One of the clearest physical signs of when a woman is interested in you is when she begins to fidget.

This is because she is feeling a certain level of anxiety because she is attracted to you.

And if you think about it from a man’s point of view, often we can get anxious about approaching and speaking to women who we find attractive. Therefore it makes sense that a woman has a similar physical reaction.


So when a woman is fidgeting, she is also feeling some level of anxiety because she is interested in you. For example, she is sat down and begins to move around by:

  • Playing with her hair
  • Adjusting her clothing
  • Fiddling with her bracelets or rings
  • Taking her straw and twirling it round in her drink

Below you will see a photo from a course I hosted on the art of seduction with women. In this 90-minute course, I outline steps on how to read a woman’s body language including her signs of fidgeting which indicate attraction. I also outline how to build on this attraction which you may find useful.

Gary Gunn hosting the art of seduction course in London detailing flirting techniques

Girl flirting with eyes?

The easiest way to recognise when a girl is flirting with her eyes is when she is holding deep and prolonged eye contact with you.

In effect, she is trying to ‘lock you in’ to the conversation with her eye contact.

Penetrating eye contact

She may lean forward towards you and hold eye contact so that you cannot look anywhere else in the room, other than directly at her. She may also move slightly closer to you too.

Similarly, when she is holding deep eye contact, she is not looking around anywhere else. She is making it clear that she wants you to look back only at her. This is a very clear go-ahead signal that she is attracted to you.

As per the image below we can teach you how to read a woman’s go-ahead signals and how to act on these signals with confidence. To find out more about our coaching then you can visit our live training page.

A model with three ways to read her go-ahead signals

Obvious flirting signs?

One of the most obvious flirting signs is when a woman laughs even when what you are saying is not that funny.

I am sure that we have all witnessed an occasion where a guy has a girl with him who seems to be laughing all the time; where we are left in bafflement as his words are just not that funny.

The girl is laughing because she is indicating to him that she likes him and she is being flirty on purpose. In other words, she is making her intention more obvious to him.

Excessive laughter

So when you are talking to women, take note that if you make two or three jokes and you think: Hmm, that one wasn’t really that funny. Yet, the response you get from a woman is laughter.

This is a sign that she likes you and is flirting with you.

General signs of flirting

Along with laughing or giggling more, you may see the following:

  • Perhaps she is speaking at a higher pitch
  • Her voice may be slightly unsteady
  • She may even blush as she laughs

These are nervous reactions that women can exhibit when they are attracted to someone. Above all, however, I would say that laughing is one of the biggest signals that a woman gives a man when she likes him.

To find out more about the other key signs to look out for when a woman is attracted to you sexually see my infographic below. You can also read my signs she wants you sexually article to learn more on this.

5 signs to look out for when a woman is flirting with you

Is she flirting with me or just being friendly?

The easiest way to determine whether a girl likes you sexually or whether she is being friendly is to assess whether she is validation-seeking.

Typically the way in which a woman will try and seek your validation is by telling you more about herself unnecessarily. In other words, she gives you information that you didn’t request.

Validation-seeking from women

When she simply gives you this information she is trying to gain your validation. In a way, it is a form of trying to impress you.

Examples of validation-seeking are when she:

  • Starts talking more about her job
  • Details her training at the gym
  • Tells you her plans for the weekend

You can view it as an indication that she likes you and is flirting. Likewise, if you also find that you are sharing this information with a woman, it is because you are seeking her validation.

Validation-seeking from men

Be cautious here as women tend to pick up on any form of validation-seeking and it is often perceived as unattractive behaviour. Indeed, it can put a woman off immediately.

My infographic below will help you to counter this and maintain an assertive frame around women.

I suggest you also read my affiliated how to stop being the nice guy article for key tips on how to avoid seeking validation in your interactions with women, as well as how to avoid conveying behaviour that will get you consigned to the ‘friend zone.’

5 ways that stop you being friend-zoned by women

What is flirtatious behaviour?

The biggest sign of flirtatious behaviour that women often give is playing with their hair. The reason for this is because when a woman first sees a man that she is attracted to, she has a surge of energy in her system.

Men also have a similar physiological response that has evolved over time as when we see an attractive woman we feel that same surge of energy in our body. This is because we are energising ourselves to put our best foot forward.


This behavioural response forms one of the foundations of human mating strategies that helps us attract and retain a potential mate.

So, for women, playing with their hair is a common way to dispel that surge of energy.

And for us, it is great because when a woman plays with her hair in this manner, we become aware that she is flirting. This makes it so much easier to progress any dating interaction.

How to flirt back

Once you know that a girl is flirting with you, you can then look to reciprocate this.

In my infographic below you will find 11 ways to flirt back in conversation and build sexual tension. To find out more read my how to tease a girl article.

11 ways to sexually flirt with women

What are examples of flirting?

Another strong example of flirting is when a girl actively crosses her legs towards you. In fact, you can discern a great deal by the body language that a woman displays when you are in conversation together.

Sign of interest

If a woman is standing up with one leg crossed over the other, she is indicating that she does not want to walk away quickly. Rather, there is a desire to stay and speak to you.

Similarly, when you are sat down and first speaking to a woman and she has her legs crossed away from you, but then she crosses her legs towards you as the conversation progresses, this again reflects an interest in you.

Both of these scenarios can be interpreted as signs of flirting.

Signs of disinterest

Generally, if a woman is standing up talking to you and her feet are facing away from you this indicates that she wants to walk away quickly or leave the conversation.

You can take this as a sign that she is not interested in you or flirting back.

Flirting signs guys miss?

One flirting sign that guys often miss is when a woman touches her lips. This is often a subconscious behaviour from a woman, but lip touching is a significant signal that she likes you.

Cluster of signs

So if you are in conversation and you notice that she is:

  • Playing with her hair
  • Moving around and fidgeting
  • Touching or licking her lips

These are a cluster of body language signs she is flirting.

To help you act on a woman’s signs of flirting and enhance the sexual tension with her I have created the infographic below. I suggest you also read my how to create sexual tension with women article to learn how to implement these 5 principles.

Five different ways to create sexual tension with women

How do you tell if a woman is interested in you?

One conspicuous way to recognise when a woman is interested in you is when she asks for your help when she doesn’t really need it.

For example:

  • She asks you for obvious directions
  • She enquires where you got an item of clothing that you are wearing
  • If you are on a night out she asks you about all the bars that are open late

She incites conversation

When a woman asks you a question yet has no need to; and is attempting to instigate a conversation, it can be a sign of interest in you.

This is particularly true if there are many other people she could ask or she could easily look up the information on her phone.

So if a girl suddenly comes up to you and asks you a random question, you can take this as a possible sign of interest and look out for other flirtatious signs from her.

Clear signs of female attraction?

The clearest sign of female attraction is when a woman lightly touches you as a way of initiating physical contact.

Often when a girl first meets you:

  • It can be the slight touch of a hand against your arm
  • She may touch you on the shoulder during conversation
  • Perhaps she touches you on the leg if you are sitting together

The power of touch

All of these are clear signs that she likes you.

On the contrary, if she does not find you attractive she will probably move further away. She will certainly not touch you.

So remember, a woman who finds a guy very attractive is likely to want to get closer to him. She may even lightly touch him during the conversation.

Look out for this in your own interactions.

Flirting techniques

In my infographic underneath you will find three flirting techniques that you can employ to enhance your interactions with women.

I recommend reading my how to flirt with women article where I outline how to use these particular techniques and also give a multitude of other ways to flirt.

3 ways to flirt more effectively with women

What are flirting signs?

One strong flirting sign is when a woman’s shoulders are pointing directly towards you.

So if you can imagine talking to a girl and she faces away from you, then that is an indicator that she is not invested in you or in the conversation.

Body language signs

Conversely, if her shoulders are facing you and is almost trying to lock you in with her body language she is demonstrating that she would like you to do the same.

Something that you can do with a woman if she is locking you in with her shoulders is:

  • Reciprocate your interest by mirroring your shoulders towards her
  • Face your shoulders slightly away to show her that you are not as invested as her in the interaction

Building sexual tension

Often facing your shoulders away can lead to other signs of flirting from her. This may be validation-seeking or asking you functional questions for instance.

In the following infographic, you will find three principles that are invaluable in building sexual chemistry with women. To learn more read my how to make a woman want you sexually article.

Three ways that make you more sexually attractive to women

Signs a woman is attracted to you?

Other signs a woman is attracted to you is when she moves closer to you or leans in when you are speaking. These are two vital signals that she finds you attractive.

Body language behaviours

However, these are also two body language behaviours that I advise men on my dating confidence courses not to exhibit around women. Moving closer to her and leaning in both convey that you like a girl right away.

Instead, you want to make sure that you stand up straight and you don’t close that space between you. Because this way, you are showing that you are confident and you are not seeking her validation.

Below you will find a photo from a course that I hosted in London on how to flirt with women using reflections. In this 110-minute course, I go through an array of flirting techniques with women that may help you in your own dating interactions.

Gary Gunn hosting a course on how to recognise signs she's flirting and flirt back

Flirting signs from a woman?

One of the biggest flirting signs from a woman is when she moves physically closer to you.

In fact, you can perceive this almost as a prelude to flirting.

In my years of coaching all over Europe, this is something that I have frequently witnessed, though it can be difficult to observe in the real world.

Getting proximity with you

However, this may be something you notice in social environments over time, particularly if you look out for it: You get eye contact with a girl and she is smiling then, later on, that same girl will be standing really close to you.

What she is doing is getting proximity with you as a way of allowing you to easily start a conversation with her.

Getting proximity with her

In a similar way, we can also use proximity as a tool to start talking to women that we find attractive. So as you walk into any social setting, rather than sitting miles away from an attractive woman, you could:

  • Stand at the bar near her
  • Sit at the table next to her
  • Ensure your group stand near her group of friends

These actions make it easier for a conversation to start naturally.

Below is an infographic I created to make it easier for you to approach an attractive woman and, as you can see, getting proximity is one of the initiating steps you can take. I appreciate that this is a sticking point for many men which our Social Attraction courses focus on eradicating.

To understand how all three steps collaboratively help, you can also read my how to overcome approach anxiety article.

3 ways to help diminish anxiety when approaching women

Signs she secretly wants you?

One of the obvious signs to know when a woman secretly wants you is when she asks you about your plans or what you are doing next.

In my experience, if a woman asks you any of the following types of questions:

  • Is it your first time in this bar?
  • Do you come to this bar often?
  • Is this your local?
  • What club are you going to later?
  • Are you all out together?

Eliciting information

These are questions a woman typically asks that reflect that she secretly wants you and finds you attractive. So when you are speaking to a woman and you notice these types of questions, you can take it as a sign that she wants to spend more time with you.

Having the awareness of knowing the different ways a woman is flirting with you will help you to determine what actions you take next to progress a relationship.

As outlined in the image below our Social Attraction courses can train you in modern seduction techniques that will enhance the way you flirt with women in a natural way. To find out more about our coaching then visit our live training page and book a consultation call.

Modern looking at camera next to three seduction techniques

Signs she’s flirting with you – summary

  • She asks you dating questions like do you live around here and what you do for a living
  • She prolongs her smile at you in conversation
  • She fidgets because she’s feeling anxious around you
  • She holds deep eye contact with you
  • She laughs when you are not funny
  • She seeks your validation by giving you additional information about herself
  • She plays with her hair consistently
  • She crosses her legs and faces toward you
  • She touches her lips while you are speaking to her
  • She asks for your help when she doesn’t really need it
  • She touches you lightly in conversation
  • Her shoulders are facing directly towards you
  • She leans in or moves closer to you when you are speaking to her
  • She gets physically close enough to you for you to start a conversation
  • She asks you what your plans are to establish if you will see each other again

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is the bestselling author of An Education In (Online) Dating.

He has hosted over 1000 dating confidence courses in the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 courses conducted online.

Moreover, he is the head coach at Social Attraction and leads the team, training and courses.
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