Social Anxiety | Causes, Symptoms & How To Cure It (3 Simple Steps)

Social Anxiety | Causes, Symptoms & How To Cure It (3 Simple Steps)

Social Anxiety | Causes, Symptoms & How To Cure It (3 Simple Steps)

Social Anxiety | Causes, Symptoms & How To Cure It (3 Simple Steps)

Social Anxiety | Causes, Symptoms & How To Cure It (3 Simple Steps)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

Social anxiety is a fear. On my dating confidence courses, I explain why we exhibit social anxiety from a biological perspective.

Up until recently, we were tribal creatures, and what I mean by that is that we were in tribes perhaps of 50 up to 150 people.

Now, if we wind forward to today what you’ll notice is that every time you leave where you live, there are opportunities to meet people from all different walks of life.

So it makes sense that there’s some kind of anxiety there because if you think about it. That anxiety would, in the past, have potentially saved your life.

It is biologically viable to be wary of strangers and people we don’t know from different tribes. We do not know what their intent is, and also the impact that they can make to our tribe.

So social anxiety is real.

If you take 100 people, and this is in my experience of coaching approach anxiety for the past 10 years.

The first 10 people have no idea that they suffer from social anxiety because they stick their head in the sand. So it’s just something that there’s no problem with.

The next 80 people realise that there’s social anxiety, but they do nothing about it. So they tend to stay within their comfort zone and try and not push the boat out too far. So they stay within their comfort zone.

Then you have the next nine. Now, the next nine try and do something about it. They recognise that they have social anxiety. They push through their comfort zone, and they get to that next phase where they feel more relaxed about being in social environments.

Then you have the last one, that one percent. That one person out of every 100 who has social anxiety and makes a decision that he’s going to change his life no matter what.

1% of men will take the right actions to cure social anxiety

If you’re the one percent of the population that wants to take control of your life and rid yourself of social anxiety. I’m will explain three powerful ways in which you can do that.

So the first one is to set a goal with a deadline. Now, I teach goal setting differently to most people. If you’re trying to cure social anxiety I’ll explain why the way I teach it will be extremely beneficial to helping you overcome this issue.

You see, social anxiety is a fear, so it’s pain. So if you’re anxious about going and starting a conversation with three people, that is a painful process. In my experience, one of the most potent ways that you can overcome that is to give yourself leverage by having a more painful experience by not doing it.

social anxiety

Here’s where goal setting comes in to cure social anxiety

If you set yourself a goal, this, start simple, and you write out:

“I’m going to start a conversation with someone within the next three days.”

So you’ve got your goal, you’ve got your deadline. Now here’s the trick. What you need to do is keep a journal every evening, and you write:

“Start a conversation with someone. Three days to go.”

The following day you write:

“Start a conversation with someone. Two days to go,”

You write about your experiences of trying to do it. Now here’s what we found.

That deadline, that impending deadline of running out of time, is painful for us to miss. The more painful it is for us to miss, the more likely we are to overcome the issue of social anxiety.

Because what we find is that we don’t want to miss our deadline. When it gets nearer to the time, you’ll take the steps to break through the barriers in your mind and to overcome that issue.

This is a fundamental principle of life. It’s not just related to social anxiety. It can be related to any area of your life.

Set a goal, give yourself a deadline, write about it every day, but make sure you write how many days you have left.

Because by the time you get to zero, trust me, your life will be different, and you’ll begin to take action. Because that impending deadline is extremely powerful for overcoming social anxiety

Breaking it down into small sets will help to cure your social anxiety

Now onto the second way that you can cure social anxiety, and this is to break it down into really, really small steps.

Most of us most of the time when we have fear, we tend to make that fear bigger in our minds. So we think about talking to someone, and all of a sudden it’s like,:

“What happens if I get rejected?”

The thing is, when you make that process big in your mind, you’re making a massive barrier to actually starting a conversation or overcoming your anxiety.

Here’s one simple thing that you can do. You can break it down into the smallest steps.

So I’ll give you an example of that. Say you wanted to start a conversation with someone.

What is the very first step? What is the first step to starting a conversation? It is not actually opening your mouth.

The first step is to get close enough to someone. If you get close enough to someone, you can then start a conversation.

So you can break it down. Okay, so today I’m just going to get close enough to start a conversation as the first step to beating social anxiety

I’m not even going to start a conversation. What happens when you do that is it becomes manageable.

One step at a time, you begin to build your confidence, and your anxiety and your fear will diminish because you become more confident. You build self-efficacy over a period of time, but that starts with breaking it down.

If physically getting close enough people to start a conversation with women is still too difficult. There is one easier way that which you can do that.

Visualisations can help to reduce social anxiety

You can visualise yourself doing it first. So if you’re not even comfortable getting close enough to start a conversation, as you listen to this just visualise it in your mind.

You can also draw a picture. If you had to get physically close enough to someone to start a conversation, how would you do it?

When you start to visualise it, that’s also a very powerful first step that you can take. That really allows you to just make it manageable, make it simple, and create change in your life.

It’s also very powerful in any area of your life such as exercising. What’s the first step today? I’m just going to put on my shoes.

When you begin to make it manageable, it makes it easy for us to cope and to take the first steps towards achieving our goals and beating social anxiety

Role models can help ease social anxiety as they have already overcome their issues

The final way in which you can cure social anxiety is to find a role model. Now there are a few different ways you can go about this.

You can find a role model who has cured social anxiety for themselves. They will be able to teach you how they’ve gone about it, or you can find a role model, someone who’s already very confident socially.

Look at what they do, see how they do it. Ask them questions about their belief:

“How did you manage to walk over there and start a conversation? What were you thinking?”

What will happen by spending physical time, you need to get next to people, being on Skype or phone call or stuff like that, it doesn’t work like that.

You need to get physically close enough to your role models so that their air of confidence, their wisdom. Their belief system can start to come across to you, and you can start soaking up some of that knowledge.


Just to round up this episode on social anxiety. I spoke about why biologically it is a fear, and it makes sense for all of us to suffer from it. I also explained that there is only one percent of people that will cure their social anxiety by making the decision right now to change their life.

Here are the three main ways to cure social anxiety;

#1 – I explained three powerful ways to overcome your anxiety. The first one is setting goals with a deadline, keeping a journal, and making sure every day you write out how many days you have left. That will change your life.

#2 – I spoke about how to cure social anxiety is to break it down to manageable chunks. What is the smallest first possible step, and then just go and do it. If you can’t do it, visualise yourself doing it.

#3 – The final one, I spoke about finding real-life role models who you get to spend time with face to face. If you do any of these, your social anxiety will begin to diminish. If you do all three together, your life will be fundamentally different forever.


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