How To Stop Being The Nice Guy | The Ultimate Guide (Top 5 Ways)

How To Stop Being The Nice Guy | The Ultimate Guide (Top 5 Ways)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this ‘How to stop being the nice guy’ article, I will be examining conversational traits and body language poses that you are conveying that will be affecting your ability to build attraction with women that you meet.

Moreover, I will give you five tips that you can use immediately to stop being viewed as ‘the nice guy’ and getting friend-zoned by women.


How To Stop Being The Nice Guy #1 – Recognise That There Is A Dominance Hierarchy


The first way to stop being a nice guy is to recognise that for most of us, most of the time, we have been educated to be agreeable from a young age.

In effect, this means that when someone speaks, we nod, and we are agreeable to what they say in conversation.

If you imagine that, for most of our history, and most of our societies, we have been in dominance hierarchies.

And in that dominance hierarchy, if you were disagreeable with someone above you, chances are you would be kicked out of the tribe.

There would be severe ramifications, and ultimately death because you don’t have the protection from your tribe anymore.

So, it is easy to see how being disagreeable with someone who is above you in that hierarchy is emotionally difficult and daunting.

And comparatively, this is what we find in our dating interactions.


If we see an attractive girl we instantly put her above us in that dominance hierarchy.


However, as soon as we do that, we start exhibiting behaviours conveying we are beneath her. These include:

  • Nodding when she speaks
  • Being too agreeable in conversation
  • Adopting submissive body language

And in effect, this is harming the way that she perceives us.

My infographic below offers some great ways to remember how to maintain a confident frame and body language around women.

I would also recommend you read my entire article here as there are another 9 ways includedHow To Flirt With Women | The Ultimate Guide (Top 17 Ways)


8 ways to initiate flirting and avoid being labelled as the nice guy


How To Stop Being The Nice Guy #2 – Stop Being Agreeable With Women All The Time


The first thing to have an awareness about being a nice guy and getting friend-zoned is nodding automatically when a woman is speaking.

Immediately stop nodding your head and simply hold eye contact instead. That will instantly stop you getting friend-zoned.

Now, the second way you can stop being the nice guy is by being actively disagreeable with your body language.

On all my live training courses this is a great exercise that we do.

It simply involves having a conversation with a girl that you like. When she says something that you disagree with, you just shake your head.


Your body language demonstrates that you disagree with her.


You don’t have to actively say anything; you just shake your head while she is speaking.

What happens most of the time is that the girl will recognise that you disagree. She will:

  • Come off autopilot
  • Stop speaking
  • Start asking you questions about why you disagree with her

This is attractive because you are demonstrating with your body language that you are, in fact, not scared of being disagreeable with her.

This indicates that you are higher up in that dominance hierarchy.

Just this one tip will make you so much more attractive to women. For more guidance on how to be more attractive in conversation, I have created this helpful infographic for you below.

I also recommend you read my article here – How To Carry On A Conversation With Women | The Complete Guide.


3 types of intelligence to convey to avoid being viewed as the nice guy


How To Stop Being The Nice Guy #3 – Disagree With Women When Appropriate


The third way to stop being the nice guy around women is to actively disagree with your spoken words.

And an example of this is from one of my recent training courses where one of the girls that worked with me was talking about meditation.

She was speaking to one of my clients who has taught meditation for the past 15 years of his life. He interrupted her and just said:

Listen, I disagree with what you’re saying.”

It was fantastic because it was the first time in his life he had ever been disagreeable with a woman.

In this situation, this guy knew more on the subject because he was a professional and got paid to teach it.

He knew, categorically, that he was above her in that hierarchy. He spoke from a position of authority and a position of power.


When you actively disagree with women you begin to create the first foundations of sexual tension.


Because you are not being the nice guy. You are not being agreeable. Instead, you are someone that has an opinion.

Often, people that have opinions are confident, self-assured and they have their life in order.

Note that he wasn’t being judgemental – being judgemental is when you assign a judgement to something.

He was being disagreeable and he was being confident because he knew what he was talking about.

That is powerfully attractive to women and they will respond to it.

Strong and prolonged eye contact is also another way to create sexual tension with women.

As per the image below we can teach you seductive eye contact attraction building techniques.

To find out more about our coaching then you can visit the following link – Skype dating confidence courses for men.


model looking at the camera with three eye contact attraction principles


How To Stop Being The Nice Guy #4 – Open Up Your Body Language


The fourth way of learning how to not be the nice guy is with your body language when you are having a conversation with women.

You see, most of us, most of the time, when we are around attractive women we tend to put blocks up with our body language. This can mean we:

  • Turn our body language to one side thus avoiding facing her head-on
  • Cross our arms in front of us
  • Put our hands over our face or on our chin

We may even claim:

“Oh, it’s just because it makes me more comfortable.”

The reality is if you are putting any boundary at all between yourself and an attractive girl, it is because you are lacking in confidence.


You are putting a protective barrier up whether consciously or unconsciously.


In actual fact, in that situation, you need to develop your confidence to allow yourself to be vulnerable.

And the only way of doing that is to spend more time speaking to women who you find attractive and by gradually becoming more vulnerable. By allowing your body language to be relaxed in their presence.

This is one of the main reasons why, on my dating confidence courses, we have role plays that specifically aim to do that.

We look at your body language whilst you are in dialogue with an attractive woman.

We show you some of the flaws that you are communicating, which sub communicate that you are not confident.

This has a direct result with men being labelled by women as a nice guy and ultimately friend-zoned.

In fact, your body language is one of the preliminary traits that a woman will notice, and consider, about you. Take a look at my infographic below to learn the other 9 traits. 

You can also read the full article here – First 10 Things A Woman Notices About A Man | A Modern Guide


How to stop being the nice guy by considering the 10 traits a woman notices about you


How To Stop Being The Nice Guy #5 – Always End The Interaction First


The final way to stop being the nice guy around women is to always end the interactions first and to give a time constraint when you are in a conversation.

Whenever we are talking to someone and it is going well, often, we can hang around too long, especially if we are talking to a girl that we find attractive.

We can just stay there that little bit too long.


We have all felt it; that significant moment where you feel that energy drop.


And that drop means that the interaction seemingly ends on a low, rather than on a high.

One of the things that you can do to stop yourself being labelled a nice guy, is you end it on a high.

When the conversation is going well, you interrupt it and you leave on a high. This has the impact of allowing the girl to remember you at a peak moment.

Again the unspoken effect of this is that you would only do this if you are a confident guy who is used to being around attractive women, who has these peak moments all the time.

So you are not someone that is trying to hold onto it because you are not often in that situation.


A time constraint makes you more attractive to women.


The other thing I spoke about was having a time limit.

For me personally, saving time is one of the best things that you can do, not only in your dating life but also just in your general day-to-day life.

Indeed ending the interaction first will:

  • Put less pressure on you during the interaction
  • Convey you lead a busy and attractive lifestyle
  • Leave a lasting impression on her

When you have a conversation with a girl that you have met online or in-person for instance. If you are going to call her up on the phone, simply say at the start of the conversation:

“I’ve only got 10 minutes, or I’ve only got 15 minutes.”

We have all had this happen to us, and what it does, it keeps us in line. It makes us think:

Oh, okay, there’s only a set period of time.”

When you use this same strategy, you get the same response from women.

Another thing, which is a nice little tool, is if you wear a watch and when someone is speaking to you, after 10 minutes or so, you can actively glance at your watch.

This is a fantastic way of conveying that you are in a rush and you don’t have that much time.

Again, that keeps people honest, and it keeps the conversation flowing. It stops it from petering out and, ultimately, ending on a low.

Ending the interaction first also ensures that you don’t come across as try-hard and desperate.

Taking the next steps

Once you become more confident with women you will start to notice that women begin to pay you more attention.

As per the image below we can teach you the signs of sexual attraction.

To find out more about our training then you can visit the following link – Skype dating confidence courses for men.


Model standing next to three signs of sexual attraction


Summary


So let’s round up the five ways that you can take away from this article:

  • #1 – Recognise there is a dominance hierarchy. When you are being agreeable by nodding in conversation, you’re communicating to the girl you’re speaking to that she is above you in the hierarchy.
  • #2 – Deliberately disagree with her by shaking your head –  as a way of showing with your body language that you disagree with what she’s saying.
  • #3 – Actively disagree with her in conversation. This means when she says something that you disagree with, rather than biting your tongue. You articulate your thoughts and say, “I don’t agree with that,” because that is very powerful.
  • #4 – Your body language. Stop blocking; stop crossing your arms, stop putting your hand over your face. Face her straight on. Hold eye contact, and eventually, the uncomfortable feeling will go away. Your body language will be of someone who is very confident around women.
  • #5 – Always end the interaction first. Give her a time constraint during any conversation. And the final way is to look at your watch.

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