Successful Dating Life | The Truth About Your Contentment (with women)

Successful Dating Life | The Truth About Your Contentment (with women)

Successful Dating Life | The Truth About Your Contentment (with women)

Successful Dating Life | The Truth About Your Contentment (with women)

Successful Dating Life | The Truth About Your Contentment (with women)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

Okay. Welcome back to today’s episode, where we’re going to be looking at Buddha. Specifically, we’ll be looking at his life story, and what lessons we can draw from his final assumptions. Now, this podcast is going to be extremely relevant to anyone who feels like they’re rushing around in their life, perhaps they feel like they’re running around a hamster’s wheel, and not really getting anything for it.

For people that are looking to get more contentment in their life, there are certainly some valuable lessons we can draw from Buddhism. But what I would like to do, is just to go through the story of his life, which will enable all of us to understand why he came to his final assumptions, and how they can help all of us to develop our lives.

The other interesting thing I find about Buddhism and Buddha specifically is that many of us aren’t really aware of his life story. We’ve heard of him, we all think it’s to do with meditation, but we don’t really know anything else.

Since I’ve been looking into, and studying his life, there are some really interesting facets, that enabled him to be able to make the assumptions he does about our psychology, and ways in which we can all learn to be more calm and content with our lives.

So I think the best thing for me to do in this episode, is to just break it down into different periods of his life and to try and understand who he was, and what he was going through at that time. So the first time period we’re going to look at, is from when he was born, to when he was 28 years old. So, we can call this his youth period.

But basically, Buddha was the son of a king, and he lived in affluence his whole life. And his father hid him away from any death, any old age, or any illnesses. So if you can imagine what this is like, it’s a very sheltered upbringing, where all you’re seeing is amazing things in your life. And his father gave him access to whatever he wanted. So, if he wanted women, he had access to women, if he wanted food, he had access to food. So what you’re really seeing in the first 28 years of his life, is someone that had everything.

And why I find this interesting, is because towards the end of his 28th year, he became very discontent with life, and he wasn’t really enjoying it, even though he had all of these pleasures. He could have basically anything he could ever dream of. He had, and he found that it didn’t bring him happiness.

And it’s only when he turned 29, that he got really uncomfortable, and decided to actually go outside the palace, where he’d been brought up. And when he went outside, he saw death, he saw old age, and he saw illness.

It was at this point, that he recognised that all of this stuff was going to happen to him in his life. And he made the decision, that he wanted to seek enlightenment. So he wanted to see a way where he could accept all of these things happening to him, where they wouldn’t affect him, where he could be calm, and relaxed.

So it was when he was 29, he made the decision … At this period, he had a wife and a son. He made the decision to actually leave the palace that he’d grown up in. And he basically found a spiritual teacher, that was going to enlighten him, and help him find his way. So at age 29, he left the palace, and basically became a traveller, who lived off the land, basically begging for food, and just living for the day only.

This is the bit that I find really interesting about Buddha at this point in his life. Is that he found a spiritual teacher, in fact, he found a few different spiritual teachers, who taught him about yoga and about meditation. And here’s what’s interesting. After trying this stuff for six years, Buddha found that they didn’t really help him. They helped him in the moment, when he was practising yoga, or when he was practising meditation.

But as soon as he finished that practice, he went back to his life of feeling discontent and unhappy. So he decided to really push his boundaries. Because he had his whole life where he had affluence, he decided to go the other way and thought maybe he could seek enlightenment through fasting or self-harm.

So he went down completely the other end of the spectrum, and he fasted, and he harmed himself, to see whether he could gain some kind of enlightenment, from going down the further end of the spectrum, as opposed to having affluence. And again, I mean, I think the story tells that he actually nearly died while he was fasting. But what he found is that nothing really, truly worked.

So, at this stage in his life, he’s given his life to be enlightened and to find a way of calming his mind, and he’s tried all of these different things. He had his goal of what he wanted to do. He realised that where he was in his life, he wasn’t getting it. So he decided to go into the underworld, which was the outside, and he decided to embrace the chaos. And he found teachers, that are going to help him on his way.

But again, he didn’t find an answer. And it was at 35 years old of age, that he finally gave up on his teachers, and kind of gave up on fasting and self-harm. And this is where Buddha finally became enlightened. And what happened, is that he went and sat under the Bodhi tree, and actually you can go to one of the descendant trees in India, where Buddha became enlightened. It’s like a pilgrimage place.

Buddha realised that it wasn’t the situations in life, outside of us, that give us our problems, but it was the way that we were looking at the world. And he calls these three main facets, the three poisons, and they are greed, anger, and ignorance.

And what he found is that when we had any of these, any of these three poisons, that it put our mind, not at rest. And when we’re not rushed, we’re hurried, we’re overwhelmed, we just try too hard to achieve everything. We spend our whole life running around a hamster’s wheel. And Buddha realised that there were three antidotes to these poisons.

So the first one, if you’re feeling greedy, is to give, to be generous, because that takes away the attribute of greed. The way that he got rid of anger, is with compassion. Because when you’re feeling angry and enraged, compassion is at the other end of the spectrum, and it allows you to regain your sense of self. And the final one, how to get rid of ignorance, is with wisdom.

And I can certainly say in my life, that every time I have a problem, it could typically be down to ignorance. And when I develop, and when I learn something and gain wisdom, it’s normally the antidote. And with correct study, typically we find it’s the right antidote.

So at this point, Buddha realised that actually, when he didn’t give into these three poisons, that he basically couldn’t be harmed.

And what was interesting about this point in his life, is that when he sat under the Bodhi tree, the devil at the time, or I think it’s called Mara, is the name, but I’m not sure. There are different names for it, but I think it was Mara, tested him. And Mara threw all these different desires at him. He tested him with women, with money, with all of these different things, that typically as human beings, we’d give in to.

But where Buddha could stand out from anyone else before him, is that he’d lived a life of 28 years, where he had access to whatever he wanted. So when the devil tested him, or Mara tested him, he didn’t give in, because he knew that that wasn’t the answer of contentment and happiness.

And when Mara was testing him, he put his hand on the floor as a signal that presence is the answer. And it’s not in the seeking of desires or fulfilment, it’s the here and the now. And when he touched the floor, that’s the moment where he became enlightened. And then from that moment on, Buddha then taught his Dharma to all of his followers.

And this is super interesting as well because none of Buddha’s life was actually written down until 500 years after he died, and there are various different accounts of what happened.

So this is just one account that I’ve pieced together from various different ways of looking at it. But what we’re really seeing here, in a nutshell, is someone that had everything that he could want in a materialist way, and realise it didn’t bring him happiness. He then went the other way and realised that that also didn’t bring him happiness.

And this is where Buddha found the middle way. And a great analogy for this is if you imagine a guitar string. If it’s too loose, it doesn’t play properly. If it’s too tight, it snaps. And if it’s just right, that’s when you begin to hear the music. And Buddha was famous for living his life in a middle way. And one of the lessons is like, “It’s okay to have desires, but as long as they don’t get out of control,” because the desires in our life, the … if we’re going to specifically relate this to meeting women.

I get this a lot, when people contact me about coming to training courses, it’s like, “I really want to get amazing with women, and I want to go and approach these ones, and I want to do this.” And it’s like, “Okay, but that’s a little bit greedy.”And as soon as you go into that mindset of greed, whether you look at it in financial terms, or with women, or any area of your life, it takes you away from where you are, and it really makes you start chasing after things in your life.

As soon as you start chasing, that’s when you take yourself away from the present moment, which is where contentment … where you become more relaxed, and just where you enjoy life more.

And putting these Buddhist principles into my life, I can certainly say that I’ve slowed down way more to the pace of life. And just being aware that if you are feeling greedy, anger or ignorance, you can cure them straight away with generosity, compassion, and wisdom. And is one of the reasons why I read every day because wisdom helps me to be less ignorant. I try and show compassion to my friends and family. Again, it stops me from being angry.

And obviously then there’s generosity, which is giving I think, more value than what you take in the world. And when you live your life these ways, typically you are someone that people want to be around, but also you’re more relaxed, and more content with your life. And one direct response from implementing these in my life, since I’ve been studying Buddhism and Buddha, is that my eye contact’s got better because I’m not thinking about a million and one things, I can just concentrate on what’s going on.

And when you hold better eye contact with women, and you’re more present, that is when sexual tension begins to build, and it’s when loads of chemicals start to become released, because you’re in the moment with each other, and there’s that electricity that begins to build with you.

So I just feel more relaxed and calm in my life, that I can self-express, and I can do the things that I care about, as long as there’s a boundary in place.

And specifically that boundary obviously, is to stop you being greedy and go all ignorant. But you can use it in any area of your life. And specifically with training at the gym, you want to have a boundary in place, where you don’t want to overtrain to injure yourself. And then you can have a boundary when you meet women, that, “I’m not going to text her back immediately after I text her and the … after she texts me,” sorry. But the thing is, the more boundaries we put in our life, the more relaxed we feel.

And as I say, the story of Buddha is a very interesting story and is something that you can actually teach women about because many of us know who he was, but we don’t know anything about his life. And it’s really, he kind of went through the hero’s journey through to enlightenment. I mean, in a nutshell, he was unhappy with his life, decided to sort it out, tried loads of things that didn’t work, he didn’t quit.

Finally, he came across the solution, and now he’s taught the world about what he’s learned. And that is a really simplified way. I mean, you can listen back to just that, and extrapolate what you want. But knowing about who Buddha was, is going to enable you to talk to so many more women, than if you didn’t. Because any women that are into meditation and yoga, you can speak to them about Buddha, and you can ask them about their experiences about, “When you’ve done yoga, have you found that that’s managed to move into different areas of your life?”

Because as I say, Buddha found that not to be the case and the same with yoga.

And from my own personal experience of meditation, and with yoga, especially after my car accident, yoga really enabled me to move my body and everything well. So the yoga and the stretching was really beneficial for me anyway. But I found that since I looked at it through a different lens, through using Buddhist teachings about what the three poisons are, I feel like I’m already more relaxed before I even start meditating.

So I feel meditation is still valuable, yet when you’re aware of what it is that makes you feel uncomfortable in the first place, it’s much easier to get even more relaxed than if we just start off, trying to relax yourself because you’re chasing, “I want to earn 10 million pounds this year.” You’re chasing something so much that the meditation then, is really about just calming yourself down.

Whereas, when you’re aware of Buddhist teachings, and you know the antidotes to them, and you can become more relaxed when you start, that’s when the meditation really becomes even more powerful.

So, just to sum up what I’ve covered in this podcast is really looking at a figure called Buddha, who we’ve all heard of, and just trying to understand his life journey, that enabled him to discover these life lessons. And obviously they’re still around 2000 years after his death.

And in my experience, these are all extremely relevant teachings, and they can be beneficial to us, not only in our own personal lives but also as a way of sharing information with other people. So I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s episode, and I will catch you tomorrow.


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