What To Text When A Girl Doesn’t Reply | The Ultimate Guide (2021)

What To Text When A Girl Doesn’t Reply | The Ultimate Guide (2021)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, you will learn what to text when a girl doesn’t reply to your text messages. This will also allow you to step back from your immediate needs and become calm in your dating outlook.

In this blog you will discover:

  • Why women do not text you back (the underlying truth)
  • How to handle your dating dialogue with women (like a pro)
  • When to cut your losses and move on (without missing out)

The way we text women is often a snapshot of our insecurities and illuminates the areas in which we can develop our lives. There is no need to label this as good or bad; situations are simply the way they are. However, this approach will certainly help you to take control of your dating life, stop wasting valuable time and date the girl you desire.

How you text women is linked to your ability to attract and connect with women. For help in this area review our client testimonials and book onto our next dating confidence course. Watch them on YouTube here: Dating confidence course for men reviews:

Daygame dating course for men to regain confidence

What to do if a girl doesn’t text back?

The easiest answer to the question of what to text a girl who doesn’t reply to our text messages is to simply wait. Although in my professional opinion I do not like the idea of waiting for anyone. Whether that is waiting for a woman, a friend, or a family member. To me, waiting on someone is a bad idea for the following reasons:

  • It is putting our emotional well-being in someone else’s hands
  • Most people feel like their life is on hold while they are waiting
  • We are missing other opportunities in all areas of our life

Indeed, if we feel like we are always waiting on women to respond then it is because of insecurity. Believe it or not, our insecurities are why she is not texting back in the first place.

Consider the reasons

If we put ourselves in the position of the recipient of a text message. Now pause and consider honestly why we do not text a certain woman or a certain someone back, it is because it feels like a hassle and effort on our end.

Also, this person may expect more messages and we do not feel there is value in it for us. Therefore, the easier option is to simply not reply to some people who send us messages.

Now picture that we are an attractive girl (thereby multiplying this issue tenfold). It then becomes more clear as to why some girls do not reply to messages.

Your insecurities

In my experience working as a professional dating coach for over a decade, if women are not texting us back then it is a symptom of our insecurity. Above, all, our insecurities manifest when we are feeling anxious. And being in the presence of attractive women is almost certain to bring out some of these anxieties.

This is likely to be when we first meet her – and even if we manage to exchange details with her – over time she will sense our lack of confidence. However, remember that this is an issue for almost every man!

I have created the following infographic for you as a helpful guide to see where you could be going wrong. You can also read my dating coach for men article where I examine how to eradicate each sign of male insecurity.

9 signs of male insecurity that contribute to a girl not replying to your text messages

What to do when a girl doesn’t text you back?

When we know for sure that a girl is not texting us back then we should delete her number. Shock horror – yes DELETE HER NUMBER!

I have a rule on my dating confidence courses –  it goes like this:

  • 1. Take a girl’s number
  • 2. Text her once
  • 3. Delete her number

Over time, I have learned that if we do not make an attractive impression on a girl when we first meet her then there is little chance of her replying. In fact, when a girl doesn’t reply to our initial text messages, it makes no difference whatsoever as to what we next text.

Using my three-step process, we are no longer able to text a girl again if she does not reply. This strategy allows us to move on, stop waiting around, and above all, retain our dignity.

If you personally find that women do not reply to your first message then this is an area we can help you with. As per the image below we can teach you how to talk engagingly with any woman, both over messaging and face-to-face. To find out more about Social Attraction’s coaching then you can visit our live training page.

A model next to three ways Social Attraction can help you to talk to any woman including text messages

Girl sees message but doesn’t reply?

There are various reasons why a girl may not text a reply even though we know she has seen our text message.

In fact, one of the worst attributes of modern-day messaging platforms is their read reports. Read reports offer no value other than to reduce our emotional wellbeing when we do not receive a reply.

For this exact reason, I have my read reports turned off on all platforms to avoid unnecessary aggravation, stress and upset.

Why does she not reply?

It could be that she is not replying after reading our messages because:

  • She is busy with work
  • It requires some thought before she can reply
  • Something more important needs to be dealt with first

In essence, we need to calm down! Turn off our read reports and save ourselves from unnecessary mental anguish.

How to get a reply?

If we need a reply by a certain time then use my following strategy to prompt a response:

  • I am doing this … (add event)
  • Would you like to come?
  • I need to know by midday tomorrow otherwise I will make other plans

This simple but effective strategy allows us to control our plans by setting a deadline. Furthermore, it means we can also make other plans if she does not reply before the deadline.

Using deadlines in text

Setting deadlines is an ultra attractive trait in a man. It shows that he values his time and is not willing to wait on anyone. In my experience, if a girl replies after our deadline then we tell her that it is too late and that we are doing something else.

This effectively forms part of creating healthy boundaries with women. Moreover, it is a good parameter to follow with all people in our lives.

Take a look at my infographic below to learn other ways to ensure the creation of healthy boundaries in our dating interactions. You can also read my healthy boundaries with women article.

3 ways to embed healthy boundaries in your dating life and ensure she texts you back

If she doesn’t text back for days?

When a girl doesn’t text back for days, it is worth considering the type of relationship that we would like to create with her. To elaborate on this – when we first meet a girl and we reply to her messages immediately, then we are setting an unrealistic tone for the relationship.


  • This makes it harder to change further down the line if we wanted to reduce how much time we spend on our phone
  • We can become ‘too available’ to a certain girl because we are desperate to get together as soon as possible

Indeed, I will stress that desperation – whether it is at the start of a dating interaction or in the first stages of a relationship – will result in the fabrication of problems in everyone’s dating life.

Setting dating expectations

We all have a limit and an acceptable timeframe where we expect a reply from someone. If that goes over our threshold then it is time to move on as our compatibility with her is clearly limited.

Again I would emphasise here the importance of making an attractive and memorable first impression when you first meet a woman – as this is what will determine whether she wants to meet you again.

In my infographic guide below I outline some key principles to follow that will help you keep her engaged over text as well as organise that first date. To learn more read my what to text a girl you like article.

Six ways to text a girl that you like

If she doesn’t text back is she not interested?

If a girl doesn’t text back to our initial message, it may be that she is not interested. However, it could also be down to the timing in her life at this moment. In truth, we have no control over whether a girl will message us back. And again, I will stress here that it doesn’t matter what further texts we send to a girl who doesn’t reply to our initial text message. She is simply not invested enough.

Nevertheless, there is a distinct difference between a girl not texting us back and allowing ourselves to become mentally fragile at her lack of response. Importantly, this is where adopting Stoic principles can really help.

For example, mentally zooming out of our immediate desires and learning acceptance over what is outside of our control. These principles are indispensable in helping us reclaim our mental well-being.

How to think about dating?

The way in which I teach men to go about dating is to imagine your time spent together as the last time you will see each other in your early days of dating.

This way you:

  • Experience good times together
  • Allow the relationship to develop at the right time
  • Do not put unrealistic expectations on one another

Above all, the principle of living a more free and spontaneous life forges us into being more attractive men. This outlook forms a crucial part of living a Tantra lifestyle (developed by Buddha’s great-grandson). It is an instructive meditative philosophy that will enhance our general outlook on life.

To learn more about how meditative practices can help us to lead a more attractive lifestyle take a look at the below infographic. Feel free to also read my meditation article complete with tutorial videos.

7 meditative practices to help you retain a calm outlook when a girl doesn’t reply to your text messages

Why won’t she text me back?

The reason why a girl won’t text a reply back to us is because we are not considered valuable enough to her. And this is understandable as just because we are single, interested in her and want a relationship does not mean that she feels the same way – deal with it!

Many times in life we may meet someone, even just for a few moments, and find it a pleasant positive experience. However, this does not mean that we have to chase the feeling again. Instead, simply accepting it for what it is –  a nice time together – can be more constructive.

Having acceptance

This sentiment profoundly reminds me of a book I read years ago that had a great influence on me, called The Gulag Archipelago. Soviet prisoners would meet other individuals they liked during a train transit to another prisoner camp. They would enjoy sharing life lessons and stories knowing that they would never see each other again.

The author wrote that even during these difficult times this kinship, however temporary, offered them some freedom and enjoyment in their life.

How hard can it be for us to adopt a similar outlook in our dating lives? Sometimes all we need is a little perspective.

What to say to a girl that doesn’t text back?

If we see a girl in person and she has not replied to our message, in my experience she will mention it first. She is likely to say something along the lines of: “Oh my God, I am so sorry that I forgot to reply.”

What not to say

Without fail, we should not react in one of these ways:

  • By saying that it is fine
  • Telling her that we did not notice

These two responses are submissive and we should place more value on ourselves, particularly with someone who did not reply to our messages.

What to say

Instead, a better way to respond is by doing either of the following two:

  • Pause and go silent and say nothing
  • Or if we are feeling brave reply by stating, “No you are not”

The reason why I like these two strategies is that it shows honesty and transparency. We are demonstrating how we really feel as opposed to backing down and being passive. And in my experience, the type of man who responds to situations like this is never short of a date.

My infographic below offers further tips on how to be more assertive and confident in your dating interactions. To learn more you can read my how to stop being the nice guy article.

5 ways that help arm you in knowing how to respond when a girl doesn’t reply to your text messages

Should I text her again?

With absolute certainty, the answer to this question is ‘no,’ we should not text her again. There are three good reasons why we should not send another text if a girl doesn’t reply back to our initial text message:

It sets the wrong expectations

So she is free to not text back and you will chase her up? That is a terrible way to enter into a relationship as it assigns all of the power of the relationship to her. This will be at the expense of your mental wellbeing over the course of the coming days, weeks and maybe years. Instead, retain your self-worth and delete her number.

You are putting her on a pedestal

In my experience women are attracted to confident men, rather than men who worship the ground they walk on. Therefore, if you feel like you fall in love too quickly then I would suggest this may be through insecurity and not real love. Journal about why you think this could be and it will bring from the darkness some of your personal issues, instead of sending her an extra (and futile) message.

It is the wrong mentality

When you follow up by sending another message you are entering into a chasing mindset. Remember that we tend to chase that which we desire. Perhaps a better mode of thought is why are the women that you desire not chasing after you? In my professional opinion, it is likely because you have not moved from a chasing mindset into a creative one.

The chasing mentality

By not texting her again we are placing a value on ourselves. We are taking the initial steps to say, “NO I WILL NOT CHASE WOMEN ANYMORE.”

This is the critical time where we are able to draw an impactful line in the sand and elevate ourselves and our future.

I created the following infographic guide to illuminate how to progress from a chasing mentality into a creative mindset through five powerful spiritual practices. You can also read my five spiritual laws of success with women article where I talk about how each principle helped me to develop my own life.

Five different way to retain spirituality after a girl doesn't text you back


  • Delete a girl’s number after you text her for the first time. This allows you to stop chasing women by waiting for them to reply.
  • Turn off your message read reports to prevent yourself from falling into a negative mindset when texting girls.
  • Do not send a girl a follow-up message as this sets up your relationship the wrong way from the start.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is the bestselling author of An Education In (Online) Dating.

He has hosted over 1000 dating confidence courses in the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 courses conducted online.

Moreover, he is the head coach at Social Attraction and leads the team, training and courses.
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